Flewed Out. When to allow or Reject?

Flewed Out. What does this term mean? It’s a trending term in dating. People who are seeking to date who live in different states fly out to meet one another. Getting flewed out normally means the gentleman flies the girl out covering her expenses. The reality is we better know who is asking us to be flown out. We don’t want to get into a scenario with a guy feeling as though he’s spent all of this money on us and; now, we owe him our bodies. There isn’t enough money in the world to buy self-respect.

Being a girl who is serious about honoring God; I’d never experienced being approached to be flown out. I think sometimes, as women of God, who have not had certain experiences—we assume those experiences are only for other girls. Not us. However, in the right scenario, being flown out may be appropriate. Other times it may not.

As women, it is our responsibility to make the healthiest decisions for ourselves protecting ourselves from those who may have ill will or not share our values. This is where discernment will come in. Dating healthily first deals with a healthy view of ourselves. This healthy view of ourselves comes from our relationship with God, Also, seeing ourselves the way God sees us. We learn to love ourselves.

Loving Ourselves Will Help When Considering Taking a Gentleman Up on Being Flewed Out or Not

When we love ourselves. We consider how we will be affected by being flown out. Will we be protected? Do we feel the person is trustworthy enough? What are the parameters that will be set in place to protect the purity of the relationship to honor God? We aren’t objects auctioning ourselves off to be bought. We are sober women full of wisdom, honor, integrity, and grace. We can upgrade a man’s whole world just by being ourselves. When we love ourselves we are relaxed in our worth and clearly communicate our boundaries. On the contrary, a girl who is looking to have her worth validated by being approached to be flewed out is setting herself up to be used. We never want to look to a man or his riches to validate us. We can look to our safe community of support and God for those things.

Moving to Fast Without Allowing Trust to be Built Through Communication

I’m going to just share the scenario of what happened during my recent invitation to be flewed out. I met a gentleman on the new Holy app. He seemed quite anxious about wanting to meet me after not even having an initial conversation yet. I recommend when meeting someone online to have video chats to see one another and get a feel for the person’s mindset. It’s a red flag when someone moves so fast that they don’t even care about a potential’s mindset.

We texted briefly saying things like how is your day? The next line from him was a suggestion that I move to where he was in Pennsylvania if we get along well. Okay, so the guy likes the way I look is all I could think. He hasn’t even gotten to get to know me yet and he’s talking moving potentially.

We exchanged Google numbers and I discussed how I felt uncomfortable at the pace he was moving. He was shooting off questions about me dating him for marriage in the first conversation. I shared how dating is an exploration process for me to see if I even want to consider marrying someone. I cannot assume that upfront meeting a man cold.

The Importance of Boundaries in Being Flewed Out

We agreed to the idea of not dating exclusively until we got to know one another and both agreed to the decision of which we’d communicate at that time. We continued to have a great conversation sharing what each other’s idea of family life would look like, where we’re from, and our upbringing among other things.

Of course, we want to meet in person to make sure we look like our pictures and there is no cat-fishing going on. Something, we may not have to worry about on the Holy app as they require 3 real-time selfies to prove identity.

Still anxious at meeting, the gentleman said let’s do this. He invited me to come out to meet him. I shared I’d just gotten back from Jamaica and needed to rebuild my travel budget. He said not to worry about that. He’d take care of everything. He works as an electrical engineer and makes plenty of money.

Of course, I had to ask about the boundaries. He said he’d pick me up from the airport and cook a Nigerian meal for me. How romantic, but he is still a stranger. Because I value myself, I am not comfortable getting into a stranger’s car.

If the leader in our relationship doesn’t know how to set boundaries as a single man; How will he set boundaries after marriage with those who wish to come in between our relationship?

I simply asked him what boundaries he has in place to protect the purity of our relationship and honor God. His response was I don’t know what you mean. I asked the same question again making it clearer. He said, “This is not about sex. I don’t even think about sex.” When a man tells you he doesn’t think about sex, he’s lying. Everyone thinks about sex. It’s natural and normal. As believers, we simply practice boundaries in our relationships because we fear God. When we fear God, he gives us wisdom and knowledge in various situations.

I felt like talking with the gentleman was like a commercial to sell me the idea of flying out to meet with him for a rendezvous. I shared that I think he is looking for a different type of girl. He said he thinks I’m looking for a different type of man. I said yes. I need a man already practicing healthy boundaries so when we get together; we’re like a team walking it out. That was the end of our conversation.

In short, when someone makes you feel uncomfortable by moving too fast, doesn’t practice healthy boundaries in their own life already, and lacks the same values that you have; being flewed out by them should be rejected.

There will be other opportunities to meet someone long-distance or local. If you meet someone else long-distance who shares your values; there are ways to be flewed out and have boundaries in place that are agreed upon by both parties to honor God. See the video below by a couple who met online in different states. They traveled to see one another and maintained the purity of the relationship while doing so.

Start video at 26:54 and again at 52:21:

 Women of God, you are worthy of being flewed out and more. Just not at the expense of your self-respect and healthy boundaries. We have the responsibility in making that choice. Have conversations with gentlemen to get to know where their head is. Eventually, the truth will come to light. It always does.

“For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. – Luke 8:17”

You can set up video calls on apps such as Zoom, Microsoft Teams, FB Messenger, or Instagram Messenger. Use safer ways to get to know someone and build trust and then agree to meet with proper boundaries in place.

Remember there is no straight line of an appropriate boundary across the board except things shared in God’s word like abstinence until marriage. The boundary that worked for Mary, in the video, and her spouse may not work for you. You have to get to know yourself and your unique triggers. When you recognize a trigger, place a boundary there. It helps to have the person you are dating on the same page as they can help you with setting boundaries together for the greater good of the relationship. 

Join our Single’s Community, ‘Single’s Living for Christ.” Click link.