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Category: Women

5 Reasons Why Kevin Samuels Teachings are Dangerous for Women

While we live in this world we are not to live as those of the world’s system. As believers, we operate according to a different system and that system is the kingdom of God. This means as believers we have to be discerning about the wisdom and knowledge that we take in as it will either lead us to continue on the straight and narrow path or to veer off the path. The things that Kevin Samuels teaches on his YouTube channel can very easily lead many away especially women.

Sadly, many women are seeking advice from a father type figure, yet everyone who attempts to fill that role doesn’t have the heart of a father to protect, provide, and act as a priest—one who leads people to Christ and the full life God has for his people. Below are 5 reasons I believe Kevin Samuel’s teachings are dangerous for single women.

He encourages women to devalue themselves

At a woman’s core, she desires security. Many men interpret this to mean financial security, but this will differ depending on the woman. In most cases, when dealing with a whole mature woman, she is secure when she is with a man who genuinely values her, is willing to love her, protect her, and cherish her. God has given women the right to practice discernment in communicating with a brother and vetting him for marriage if she so chooses; however, that right is gravely diminished for women who follow Kevin Samuel’s teachings. This process should be rushed according to Kevin because a woman should be elated that a “high-value man” took interest in her. Thus, by the 3rd date, she needs to gap her legs open for sex to repay the man. At that point, the man will decide if the woman is someone he can choose for a spouse.

God’s word shares that when we commit these sexual acts outside of marriage, we sin against ourselves. We are opening ourselves up to become one with someone who may or may not want to proceed further with us. This type of behavior requires a woman to become cold and bitter if she continues to endure this type of treatment from men. It requires her to put off her natural needs to be loved to be used. Men are excused of responsibility in this scenario because they are high-value. They make so much money that women should just be cool with this behavior according to Kevin.

However, women have a responsibility to protect themselves. This means ladies that if a man isn’t valuing you enough to protect you; you have to protect yourself. You are not obligated to sacrifice your peace of mind on the altar of a “high-value man.” Women who follow Kevin’s teachings are taught to idolize the high-value man at their own expense. Something the Bible clearly warns against.

See 1st Corinthians 6:18

He fails to give grace and mercy to single mothers

Out of all of the women, the high-value man should be able to become sexually involved with it should be the single mother according to Kevin’s videos. There is a greater demand and expectation for the single mother to be easy when it comes to a high-value man because she is looked at as having already been sexually active; thus, she should not have a problem continuing her previous behavior with the high-value man. After all, no high-value man wants a single mom when other younger women are available with no kids. This is simply manipulation. It’s a mind-trick to make the single mother believe that she is somehow less worthy of waiting until marriage to have sex because she’s done it in her past. Does this sound familiar to any of my readers? This sounds like condemnation—a trick that Satan pulls on God’s children to convince them to continue in sin because they’ve already sinned in the past. There is no redemption for the single mom according to Kevin. If the high-value man cannot count on any woman for sex, for sure, he should be able to count on the single mom. She should be so desperate and thankful that a high-value man chose her that she should be ready. Why does such a high-value man need to manipulate a woman to get her to want him? Why can’t he just present himself as an awesome guy and court the woman according to her standards and the woman of her own accord decides to give her hand to him in marriage and surrender herself to him including her body? This is because the high-value man excuses himself of working on himself. He hides behind the fact that he has money hoping that will draw a woman to him who agrees with his behavior. This is similar to a pimp, who breaks a woman down, sends her out on the street to do the dirty work, and collects the money from her. It’s irresponsible and not characteristic behavior of a suitable husband. In other words, the high-value man, like a pimp, puts the woman at greater risk by pimping her to men who do not value her and he receives the benefit. Do you see the correlation?

Even God himself humbled himself and he is the highest value man there ever was to win the favor of his bride—the church. He displayed his desire for the church by having mercy on her not holding her sin against her, but forgiving her, protecting her, and covering her with his covenant. God’s bride in turn willingly submits to him and God doesn’t have to beg for what he wants. We are willing in light of God’s goodness toward us. This is the type of relationship we ought to seek to have. This is the type of relationship we are worthy of—someone who values us as God does—someone who loves us like Christ.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship. – Romans 12:1

He encourages men to draw their value and worth from the amount of money they make

A high-value man is a man who makes six figures. Supposedly, this is the man that all of us women are supposed to want. This man dresses nice and can have his pick of the best of the bunch. I shared earlier how if the main thing a man has to bring to the table is just his money and not integrity, well-developed character, a fear for God, direction, love, care, humility then the high-value man isn’t worth much to many women when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. Money can buy a body, but it cannot buy love. Money cannot keep a relationship together for 40 years. There are women out there who would be open to a relationship based on money and not love. Perhaps that is the audience he is targeting. It should not be the church and those of us in the church should not value a man off of his money alone.

The Responsibility for Marriages to work seems to be placed on the women and not both the men and women

This point I’ve noted from my male friends who listen to Kevin Samuels as though he is speaking for them and defending them from all of the rejection they’ve ever faced from a woman in their lives. An emphasis is placed on the low marriage rate in the Black community and the high incidence of single motherhood. Feminism and the advances that came because of feminism are the culprits behind this they say. Thus, Black women need to get with the available brothers to bridge this gap. Women of old before the advances of the feminist movement were able to get married young and marriages stayed together for a long time they say.

My thoughts: First, it cannot be assumed that women are single because they are feminists. I do not know any feminist women single or married. These are assertions that are assumed of women without having a conversation with them which is disrespectful. What many women are aware of are the positive aspects of living in 2021 as a woman. We can go to work as women and make enough money to take care of ourselves which eliminates one of the main reasons women of the old school got married which was to leave their parent’s home.

The requirements to gain a wife have gotten higher since the 1950s. Men have to bring more than money to the table. Women have to be genuinely interested in the man. This is good for both sides because both the man and the woman have an opportunity to have the peace of mind that someone is choosing them for them and not their money. This is true if we vet people well. This isn’t a bad thing. It simply requires more effort on both sides, not just one side.

The responsibility for marriages to work should not simply be placed on the woman. This is a huge turn-off to feminine women when a man wants her to take responsibility for herself and him instead of him taking responsibility for his role in a potential relationship as well.

Another important note is as women became freer to work and to vote and have a respectable place in society; domestic violence has decreased. This is in part because women aren’t staying in those scenarios as much as they used to because the man was the provider and the woman could not take care of the children financially on her own. Again, another positive aspect of the women’s suffrage movement. Finally, it’s not a woman’s job to take on a savior complex for the Black community to lend herself out to a man she isn’t interested in to save the marriage rate in the Black community. A woman’s standards should be respected enough to make herself available to the gentleman of her choice. Period!!!!

He takes away or doesn’t respect a woman’s right to choose for herself

Kevin was in a video I viewed on Instagram telling a woman that she should not be attracted to her potential husband or suitor. It’s not about her but him. She is the attractive one. This is in line with the woman being treated like a trophy wife. A trophy wife is there for appearances. She simply makes the man look good so he has bragging rights to other men on how he was able to bag her―this reeks of emptiness. This type of relationship is only one-sided. Only the man gets the benefit he desires and the woman gets to feel like she is on parade. Does she get love? Perhaps not. Does she get exclusivity? Perhaps not. A woman’s desires, needs, and vision for her life are important too. No woman will get what she needs by caving into chauvinistic selfish men. We have to hold up standards for ourselves. Our standards protect us. If a man doesn’t meet your most valued standards; move on. You have a right as a woman to do so.

Any man who treats you like you are his property because he is a man and you are a woman and thus you need to fall in line isn’t worthy of you. He simply doesn’t respect you. There seems to be an entitlement spirit with Kevin and his audience of men because they have money. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, not one party controlling the other. Control is normally a trait of the insecure. A person is so insecure and full of fear that they make extra concessions to ensure things will work out as they wish. If the high-value man is so valuable, why does he have to control what a woman does? Why does he have to trick her―manipulating her out of her values? This is witchcraft and mind control. The Bible is clear that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. Don’t rebel against your God-given values and standards for yourself due to witchcraft and mind control from others. Remember our boundaries and values we set up to protect us. They also show us who genuinely cares about us and who only wants to use us. Without proper values, we are like desperate men groping and grappling for stability. People who abandon their values live in a broken place.

Add a woman has a right to choose without providing an explanation why she did not choose a particular gentleman. A woman doesn’t have to say yes or welcome a guy’s attention she isn’t interested in and that should be respected just like a man’s choice should be respected. If a woman isn’t attracted to a brother, she doesn’t have to pretend she is.

I could go on. Many of Kevin’s teachings for men are rooted in narcissism, which is such a self-indulged way of thinking that satisfies one’s self-indulgence does so at the expense of others—particularly women. We cannot raise strong families on narcissistic, chauvinistic thinking. Both men and women need to be treated like two equal parties in Christ who value one another and the unique aspects of manhood and femineity that complement one another. Men and women were made together in the image of God to complement one another while honoring God—not to fight against each other. None of Kevin’s ungodly doctrine should be championed in the church or among church circles. Simply put it’s dangerous and reckless.

Nevertheless, neither is the man without the woman, neither is the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so, is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. – 1 Corinthians 11:11-12

Simply put, both men and women need each other. We should be working on humbling ourselves to one another to become one instead of fighting against one another and pointing the finger. It only breeds further division.

Disclaimer: This is a Christian blog. Therefore, I cannot allow comments that demean a person based on their ethnicity, race, gender, familial status, single status or has provocative language such as using four letter words. Thank you for being respectful with your comments!

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5 Ways to Refresh Your Intimate Relationship w/God

Choose a different prayer time than normal
Seeking the Lord at a different prayer hour than the norm is a way to break the monotony of your daily routine of seeking the Lord where you may have become accustomed to the same thing. If your prayer has become somewhat dry and routine praying at a different hour can help to freshen things up. If you normally pray at 6 a.m., but the Lord wakes you up at 3 a.m. instead, go ahead and get out of bed and visit a different room in your house outside of your bedroom and begin to seek the Lord.

Put some piano prayer music on
There is an artist named Dappy Keys who plays instrumental prayer and worship music on YouTube. It’s a great way to set the mood to worship and the quietness that is needed in seeking the Lord. If you’re already up at a very early hour like 3 a.m., the house will already be quiet and dark. Quietness and praying in the dark together I’ve found are good recipes to seek the Lord undistracted.

Limit the Media You Take in
Much of the media that we take in is based on sensationalism. Sensationalism has a way of changing the appetite of the consumer. After taking in so much sensationalism, we begin to want it more and more. We desire what we feed ourselves. Be careful what videos you click on that pop up in your YouTube feed. We want to have a hunger and a thirst for God that we can expect to be filled as this is a promise from God. Begin to be intentional about looking up pastors and leaders that prick your heart toward God and seeking him.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. – Matthew 5:6

Play worship music in the home
Music is a great way to shift the heartstrings moving them to where we want our hearts to go. If we want our hearts to go toward the Lord; we can play our favorite worship playlist. After a while, everything that we are doing will begin to work together—the early prayers, limiting media that doesn’t draw us toward God, playing the worship music. Before we know it, we will be worshiping the Lord more easily. What we are doing is setting our affections on the Lord. God’s word reminds us to set our affections and desires on him.

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:2

Evaluated your circle
Are those in your circle those who would lead you more toward carnality and less toward the Lord? Pray about limiting time with these types of people. Pray about when it’s okay to be around them if it’s okay to be around them. Some people we need to cut off and others may only be in our lives as associates and not confidants and friends. Pray that God gives you Johnathan and David relationships where you all can honor God together.

Repent and Turn away from any sin (Bonus)
Sin separates us from God as we struggle with loving the sin versus loving God. Repent means to change direction. Turn away from your sin and seek God for his power to overcome sin. You may also have to fast and pray. Do not allow a mindset of condemnation to have dominion over you, but stand firm in the Lord with the armor of God on until you experience deliverance.

But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you so that he will not hear. – Isaiah 59:2

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4 Traits of a Confident Single Woman:

She’s unapologetically herself
She is unafraid of what others think of her. Thus, she isn’t willing to dim who she is to appease others. This honesty in embracing herself keeps her from living a lie with a guy just to be with a guy. Instead, she honors the covenant that she has with God and herself. This covenant is to honor Christ and to honor who Christ has shaped her to be.

She is patient when it comes to love because she’s resolved that she is worth it
She realizes that she isn’t your average Jane. So, she’ll need to be patient to wait for a brother who isn’t your average Joe. She finds great things to do while waiting that further prepare her for that special time of marriage she desires for her future. She carries herself as a woman of wisdom avoiding situations that will cause her to veer off the beaten path God has given her to walk. She carefully avoids situationships, hook-ups, and anything that would leave her stuck in something less than what God has for her.

She isn’t ashamed to stand on her standards
Her standards make her who she is. She’d be crazy without them. Her standards also protect her. She has embraced the fact that she is valuable to herself, God, and others. Thus, she embraces her standards no matter who doesn’t understand. She knows if she devalues herself by lowering her standards; she’ll be the one to pay the cost, not others who do not savor her value. She embraces herself realizing that it is her responsibility to value herself even when others don’t.

She isn’t discouraged when interested in a guy who doesn’t pursue her
If a man doesn’t value her enough to pursue her; he may not be the one or it may not be the appropriate time. She isn’t going to trip on her worth due to this. Instead, she is thankful for God’s protection as she trusts God regarding everything concerning her. She will guard her heart by not focusing on the gentleman she’s interested in so much. She will make sure her heart doesn’t begin to trust the idea of her crush more than Christ and God’s ability to give her the desires of her heart.

She is a confident woman because her heart is fixed. It’s fixed on Christ and the future that he has for her. Even when this woman becomes broken, she is whole because she looks to God.

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10 Principles of Powerful Women by R.C. Blakes:

It’s a new day for women who know who they are. Recently, I attended a conference that featured Pastor R.C. Blakes. He encourages women nationally and internationally with his teachings of Queenology. Queenology is an intentional way that women carry themselves. These women as he teaches are self-aware, self-mastered, self-sufficient, self-projected, and self-actualized. Women who carry themselves by the standard of being queens find themselves doing so through the foundation of their relationship with God.

He begins the talk sharing how many women have a broken consciousness where they aren’t aware of who they are. Women were made to have dominion also in the beginning, but most do not know it. He shared how the world hates a woman who knows who she is―getting out of the bed in the morning with confidence. It was refreshing to hear a man build women up to embrace the full abundant life that Christ died for us to have; instead of simply waiting for a man to come into our lives.

Some of the 10 principles are below along with the full recording at the bottom of the article:
Powerful Women Conquer their Emotions
Powerful women do not walk around with their thermostat open for anyone to turn them up or down. He who has no rule over his spirit is like a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28.) He also shared the quote, “The brilliant emotional person will be the servant to the idiot who has control of his life.” There are men out there who draw women in emotionally to use them for their advantage. Women who will conquer their emotions will have to set a limit for themselves and when she feels herself getting close to her limit she will have to self-correct. Also, women who conquer their emotions will have to study women who thrive in high-pressure environments. There should be at least one woman within our circle that we can study. If there isn’t, we will need a new circle. Finally, he shared on emotions, “When your emotions are undisclosed, you own your power and dictate what happens around you.”
Powerful Women are Students of the way Men Think
He began this with scripture from 1 John 4:1 that says not to believe every spirit, but to test the spirits to see whether they are from God. We should not just believe a man off top, but we need to gather data on a date instead of allowing ourselves to be intoxicated with the romance of being out with a man. Men, according to Pastor Blakes operate in 3 ways to hook a woman:

  1. Calculated Conversation
  2. Intentionally becomes a woman’s emotional addiction
  3. Avoids commitment

He made it a point to share that not all men operate in this way, but in general the above is the game.

A Powerful Woman Values Financial Independence
He shared a shocking study that poverty is a woman’s issue. You’ll have to listen to the audio below to find out more details on why that is. Instead of waiting for a night and shining armor; he encouraged women to maximize their abilities sharing a story about a woman who had been married and financially kept by her husband. This woman had experienced several nice things that her husband paid for. One day her husband left her deciding he wanted a younger woman. That married woman had to deal with herself and learn how to become self-sufficient. She became a millionaire starting her own business. This can happen for any woman who shares the required determination and applies it by studying and doing what is necessary to become successful.

Visit Pastor R.C. Blakes website for more content and materials:https://www.rcblakes.com/ 

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Why Do Women of God Compromise With Ungodly Guys?

Last week, I published an interview with an author, writer, and speaker Derek Q. Sanders. During the course of our interview, we stumbled into another discussion of why do women of God go for the ungodly men.

I presented some of the ideas that I am familiar with and have been tempted with to go for ungodly men, not to justify the reasoning, but to give greater insight as to what is going on out here.

My Answers to this Question

I shared that many women go for the ungodly men because those are the men who pursue women of God. Many women do not experience men of God pursuing them. To the point of a woman’s self-worth causing her to go for ungodly men, I agreed that this is true, but that women of God are often broken down.

It is a fight to do things God’s way, and sometimes women get tired of fighting. Women have to fight the ideas from their families that something is wrong with them for being single for long periods of time. We have to fight the idea from the church that there is something wrong with us for being single for long periods of time, and we have to fight ourselves and our biological clocks. Many women would rather give in to a good guy who comes along even though he isn’t where he should be, and so some women do.

I also brought up an additional question to this point. Could a woman’s weakness in this area be equated with the idea that the Bible speaks about as far as women being the weaker vessel? Could it be that we are the weaker vessel because of the desire that we have to be covered by a man which in short that means to be loved, sought after, and protected?

​The Bible did pronounce the below judgment on women after the fall in the garden of Eden:

To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow, you shall bring forth children, and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you. – Genesis 3:16

It seems that we can have a great desire as a woman to have a husband because of what a husband is expected to provide as mentioned above. Derek’s response was that ungodly men do not cover women, but they do to an extent. They do not cover women Biblically speaking, but according to the flesh many good men cover women by checking up on her, telling her she is beautiful, and providing for her.

Many women do not pass the test of passing up on a good guy for a godly guy because they consider the good guy better than nothing at all. Many women of God view the barely saved good guy or the ungodly good guy as the best that they have seen according to what we have been taught Biblically to expect from a man. 

Even further, in many cases, women of God are put down for carrying the standard that God has set for them to expect from a man. Women of God deal with a lot of pressure that says our standard is too high for a man of God and thus we should settle for someone instead of being picky.

Of course, Derek felt that the main reason women accepted and got with ungodly men is that their esteem was just simply low. However, there are times in all of our lives where our esteem may get low because life will break us down. However, we still have a choice, and despite the many pressures we do not have to give in to settling for less than God has for us. I shared that had it not been for the grace of God strengthening me and providing godly community in the form of males in my life who told me, “that’s not it. You’re worth more. You need someone more mature.” I would have settled with a good guy who was not where he should be in Christ as well.
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What should a woman do in this position?

She can do what I did when I was broken down and felt I had no strength to hold on to God’s way any further. I was first willing to die meaning if this is the life God has for me to consistently fight until I give out and die, then I would rather die than to do things outside of God’s way.

Two, I prayed and asked God to bring godly male accountability into my life. God delivered my little brother and set him on fire for God during that time. God told me specifically that he would help me out. God also sent another friend into my life who tells me when he feels I am settling. 

This particular brotha and I talk about some of everything because he is very mature. I have many mature men and women around me whereas before I did not. Previously, I felt as though I was fighting on my own. Waiting on God for a godly spouse to compliment us is not something that we can do on our own. It has to be done in community where we are protected because we are valuable to God.

Listen to the brief discussion between Derek & I below on women of God compromising. Also, what did you get from the discussion? Please, share in the comments below?

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She Was A Virgin & He Was Not:

When a Man Loves A Woman, He is Willing to Do Whatever is Necessary to Win Her:

Sometimes, men are presented with a challenge when they are used to doing dating and relationships in a familiar way that has seemed to work in the past, but suddenly it does not work anymore.

The man who has met a match in the form of a woman that he is really interested in, yet feels unready to lead that woman properly in a way that she would respect, but most of all God would respect, will do what is necessary to meet that standard if he really wants to be with that woman. He will allow himself to go through the process necessary to ready himself to go get that girl. That’s exactly what the below gentleman did.

I’m speaking of a couple who appeared on the new Own series, “Black Love.” Edwina Findley Dickerson, and Kelvin Dickerson. They share a very awesome and interesting story in episode 3 of the beginning of their courtship they broke off and mended prior to marriage.

Edwina was in prayer, and God spoke to her sharing that Kelvin is praying about pursuing her. Not long after her encounter, Kelvin came to her sharing that he prayed about dating her, but God said no.

They continued as friends until Kelvin shared that he felt she deserved more. He was at a point in his life where he was not sure if he could wait to have sex until marriage. Edwina held strong beliefs of celibacy and would not budge. After the communication waned for some time, Edwina prepared to move to Los Angeles from New York.

During this time, her friends threw her a surprise going away party and invited Kelvin. They reconnected and became a couple again. A few years after their re-acquaintance, they got married.

Kelvin shared some pointers stating that as a man who has grown and matured, he has learned that he can control his desires, and if he can control his sexual desires as a single man; he can also control them as a married man.

He overcame the fear of not being enough for her by allowing himself the time and space to grow with God. God showed him that he had more power than he thought he had within him. He is walking in his identity as a king with a beautiful queen.

This story encouraged me to continue to trust God. Even if things don’t appear to be working out initially, God knows how to work situations in our favor. He knows how to prepare us to bring us to what he has for us.

Finally, Edwina shared an awesome thought stating that when you are whole and complete enjoying your life as a single; you will do the same thing as a married person. Despite the waiting and seeming disappointment; she held her head and continued on to live her life, and she was blessed during the process as well as in the end.

We do not have to become discouraged as single women of God, and if we do, we do not have to stay there. We can continue to hide in Christ and enjoy our lives. To the men of God who do not feel ready, who may not have been serious about obeying God in saving sex for marriage.

It is not impossible. You do not have to be afraid to pursue a woman who has a godly standard. Just allow yourself to be perfected in that area like Kelvin so you will be readied to handle that responsibility and much more.

Singleness is largely a preparation ground for marriage for those who choose to be married. How are you currently spending your singleness? Are you a serial dater going from person to person or are you someone who is spending ample enough time with God alone to allow him to make and mold you for the desire of marriage he has placed in your heart?

Watch a clip from the series below and check out the full episodes on the Own Network:

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THE SINGLE WOMAN & SUBMISSION:

The question sort of lingers in the back of a single woman’s mind, “Should I as a single woman submit myself to a man?”

A wise woman that I follow on social media named Emily McKnight shared that a single woman should not submit herself to a man in dating because the man is not her husband, and I can understand why.

Many people look at submission through different lenses. You have the men that feel that submission is a woman who does whatever he says to do or who allows herself to be controlled by a man, and there are women who believe the same.

A woman who gets into agreement with the above, and allows a man to control her every move without thinking, discerning, or following the wisdom of God shows a lack of identity.

A woman who lacks identity should not be dating at all. She should be establishing her relationship with God, and identity in God’s word.

For those of us who are ready for a spouse we can ask ourselves the below question.

“Is this man worthy of my submission?”

As single women who may be courting, dating, or waiting for someone appropriate to date, our mindsets should be geared toward the future. We should be asking ourselves if a brother is the type of a brother who we could have a peaceful future with in Christ.

In asking these questions for ourselves, we become fruit inspectors. The Bible says that we will know them by the fruit that they bear. This is the consistent behavior of the men pursuing us. Some of the main things we should be looking at are shared values, similar or complimentary purpose, demonstrated vision for life, and the understanding of a man’s role. With that said, we should be firm in each of the topics listed that we should be looking for in a potential mate.

Shared Values:
Shared values are standard beliefs that will not change because they are based off of the word of God, such as a relationship with God, the definition of love, and demonstrated obedience to God.

Having a relationship with God is a given, and obedience to God’s word should be a given, but unfortunately it doesn’t always come with the package for those who identify as believers.

When it comes to the value of real love, many don’t understand the difference of real love from what they view on television. Many think love is an ouh-awe feeling, and when that ouh-awe feeling isn’t felt; many relinquish the ideal that love can be love.

When it comes down to it love is a choice. Love is something that a person has to be intentional at. A person has to make an intentional choice to love truly, and then the ouh-awe feelings will be sparked out of that. What is loving truly? Loving truly is loving patiently, loving without keeping a record of wrong, loving consistently. See 1 Corinthians 13 for what real love is. A person needs to be mature enough to see the value of love as this so that she does not settle for anything less or pass up on this because love was not what she expected.

Be careful with a man who desires to create the ouh-awe feeling through being physical, instead of being sacrificial. Being physical produces a short-lived emotional connection, but loving truly produces a life-long mental, spiritual, and emotional connection. Make sure that the way that you value love and the way that he values love is the same thing.

The couple needs to agree on these very important values and more.

What are some of the values that you have for the man who comes into your life, and brothers what are some of the values that you have for the women that come into your life? Please, share in the comments below.

Stay tuned for next week as we continue to look at majors to be considered when determining if a guy is someone we can one day submit to as future wives in this two part series “The Single Woman & Submission.”

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I am Hidden Treasure: My take on Proverbs 18:22

I’m Hidden Treasure: My take on Proverbs 18:22

I remember going to one of the pastors at my church asking him to pray for me because I was not getting the response I wanted from a gentleman that I was interested in befriending. and also I had never had a boyfriend before and how weird I felt about being so old having not had a real relationship with a gentlemen. The pastor shared with me that God was probably just hiding me. He shared that sometimes God will hide his singles for his purpose and in order to preserve us for the right one. He said that I should count it a blessing to not have gone through some of the things that others have gone through in relationships.

I felt so much better after praying with the pastor. In our society today, it is awkward how one’s worth can be tied to being in a relationship where if you are in a relationship you are seen as valuable and able to get with someone, and when you are single for long periods of time you are seen as rejected and not able to get with someone.

That type of thinking should not be adopted in the church because God sets people aside for his purpose and God sees those people as hidden treasure. He sees them as a good thing. A thing to be cherished and protected. That is how God sees the women that he has taken the time to mold into godly wise women.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD (NIV). – Proverbs 18:22″

This particular scripture is addressed to men. Men are the ones who find wives not women, and they are the ones who will get favor if they decide to look at the woman who has developed into wife-material as a good thing the way that God sees her, and not someone to be used the way that the world sees her.

I agree that it is in a man’s nature to hunt or to pursue a woman and that they feel a sense of pride and self-assurance when they are able to successfully capture that woman, but the question is once that woman is captured what is that man’s intentions with the woman. Is he capturing her to treat her like a whore and go on to the next sexual pursuit or does he intend to treat her like the treasure or good thing that she is.

Treasure is hidden because it is very valuable. Everyone does not know how to treat treasure. Many people see the beauty, glitz and glam of treasure without understanding the work that was put into it. Therefore the treasure has to be hidden until the worth of the treasure is understood, because until then the treasure will be mistreated and squandered as if it is common when it is not. Hence, the scripture “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces (Matthew 7:6, NIV).

Take the lesson from the story of the prodigal son. The prodigal son was immature or under developed in the understanding of his inheritance. He begged his father for something that he was not yet ready for. He did not understand the hard work his father put into earning that money and putting it aside so that when his son was mature he could put the inheritance to good use. Instead of putting the inheritance to good use, the prodigal son squandered the money because he did not understand the value of it. Instead of favor he got to himself shame and poverty.

What God is saying to men in Proverbs 18:22 is not to treat his good things as common, but to treat them as the treasure that they are and favor will be obtained by God in the process. God has invested a lot of time training women up to be wise prudent women and he is protective of us and reassures us of our worth again and again in scripture.

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD (Proverbs 19:14, NIV).

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:1, NIV).

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1, N.L.T.)

How does it look for a man to treat a woman like the good thing that she is. If we take a look at Ruth we see the perfect example. First, Boaz was able to recognize her as a good thing. When he recognized her as a good thing, he immediately took steps to marry her. There was someone else before him, who had rights to marry her according to the tradition in that culture, and Boaz went to see if he would, when he said no then Boaz jumped right on it.  He realized that he may not see another woman like this in his life-time; therefore, he took the necessary steps to pursue the woman all the way to marriage. He  was careful not to place her in a compromising position, telling her to let it not be known that she spent the night with him on the threshing floor. The Bible makes it clear that they did not have sex that night on the threshing floor.

I feel that this Proverbs 18:22 has been unnecessarily taken out of context. Because of the interpretation taught in the church many women feel like their worth comes from a man pursuing them for marriage and if a man isn’t pursing her for marriage her worth is little to nothing at all. That is not true. A woman is a good thing before the man finds her because that woman is made good by God. Her worth is the same before and after marriage.

Many women fall into temptation and get caught up because the men who are pursuing them are only pursing them for sex, and they figure if they can’t get wifed the right way they will try something different, but that is not how it should be.

Women should not be taught to just wait around for a man to approach them to be wifed, but to grow in discernment, wisdom, grace, beauty, character and godliness looking to God to provide the right gentlemen for them who will honor them and treat them like the treasure that they are. That way when they do come into contact with men they will know how to choose wisely.

I am hidden treasure because I am wise. I know how to go in and out, when to speak and when to shut my mouth.

I am hidden treasure because I am a builder. I build others up around me instead of tear them down. I use my time wisely working well with what is in my possession to do. I am intuitive finding out new things that will benefit others around me as well as things that will benefit my future family such as healthy eating recipes, money-saving tips, and all sorts of things. I am an encourager meaning that no one around me will feel that they cannot make it because I will be there to build them up when it is in my power to do so. With God I can do anything; therefore, I will encourage others to believe the same about themselves.

I am hidden treasure because my husband will be able to have a place of peace and comfort where he can find pleasure, love, wisdom and respect without having to worry about me sleeping with other men or giving him an STD.

I am hidden treasure because I know who I am in Christ, and  I belong to God. Women should be learning how to be wise women, learning how to be builders, how to use their time wisely looking to God who protects us and not to men. Women should be encouraged to use discernment when talking to these men that approach them knowing their worth and that they are not to entertain every man who comes their way. The Bible says to “Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge” (Proverbs 14:7, KJV).

Lastly, Proverbs 18:22 is not meant to place women in bondage saying that we cannot show interest in a man, or converse with a man. It all depends on the wisdom for each specific situation. Some situations may require that you say nothing or do nothing, while others may require that you make your interest known. We have to know how to move in every situation. We see that Ruth showed interest in Boaz after getting wisdom from someone who knew better.

Many people will argue that Boaz showed interest in Ruth first, but according to the scriptures, I see a close relative of Ruth’s mother-in-law being nice to his relatives’ relative and also being a professional business man. Ruth was a new face gleaning in his field. He wanted to make sure she was protected from any men who may try to take advantage of her. He didn’t want a sexual harassment case. He invited her to lunch with other workers, it wasn’t just him and Ruth alone, and the Bible says that she set with the other reapers in the field when they went to lunch. This treatment is not clear that Boaz was interested in Ruth for marriage. It is clear that he is a nice gentlemen who fears God. Women have to be careful not to read too much into men becoming presumptuous about their actions. 

Ruth chose to show interest in Boaz for marriage in an unassuming way and that is the correct way to deal with a man if interest must be shown. What I mean by unassuming is that is that Boaz could not take away from her approach that she was a silly woman only looking for a get-down time, a Jezebel woman looking to coerce her way into a marriage with him, but a wise woman looking to be valued as a wife.

The way that Ruth showed interest in Boaz was common in that culture for a woman to show interest in a man by uncovering his feet and lying down (Archaeological study Bible, Pg. 387). When dealing with men, women just need to have wisdom. I have four brothers, my dad and two male cousins that I am close with. So, I know a thing or two about men. Men do not like to feel or appear to be belittled. It’s a part of their nature, and the Bible says for a woman not to usurp authority over a man (1 Timothy 2:12). That basically means that a woman should be able to deal with a man in such a way as not to strip him of the authority given to him by God as the head.

After a woman shows interest or as she interacts with a man, the man still needs to be able to take the lead as the head. If he isn’t able to, then either the woman is out of place taking on that role herself or the man doesn’t know who he is and should be left alone until he grows and matures. However, there is no hard evidence in the Bible that says a woman should not show interest in a man. That is my take on Proverbs 18:22 along with the fact that the take away for women should be that we are treasures or good things and men need to see us as such in order to be our husbands.

What are the character traits about you that make you hidden treasure? Are there things that you need to work on? What is your take on Proverbs 18:22?

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Single Ladies, Are You Ready for This Responsibility in Marriage? – Part 6 (Choose Wisely)

​The Importance of Marrying in Christ and the Additional Death If We Do Not Marry In Christ:

IT WAS NEVER GOD’S WILL FOR US TO MARRY INTO BONDAGE, BUT TO MARRY INTO THE ADVANCEMENT OF HIS KINGDOM.

We began this series speaking about the importance of trusting in our husbands while submitting to their lead even in times where they do not express surety in how they are leading. Well, that isn’t such a bad situation for the woman who marries a man who is already following Christ because a man who is already following Christ can be corrected by God when he is wrong.

Thus, the whole family is covered because both the wife and the husband are committed to the Lord. However, when only the wife is saved this will be a greater challenge. It becomes a gut wrenching difficulty to submit to a man who is not a man of God. We do not have to allow ourselves to go through that additional pain if we choose well. This is why it is so important as single women of God to develop our relationships with God allowing him to mature us and to lead us in our decisions by his word.
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​You see, the Bible does not say for a woman to submit to her husband only if her husband is saved and submitted to the Lord. It says that she should simply submit to her husband, and the couple that is married with one spouse being unsaved; the saved partner covers the unsaved partner.

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is , they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 1 Peter 3:1-2

The above scripture implies that the wife’s job will be to humble herself being an example of Christ to her husband when she is saved and the husband is not. Depending on how far her husband is away from the knowledge of God; this can be very difficult.
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Marriage already has a way of humbling two people, but being married to someone who is not in Christ or perhaps only walking by a religious spirit; will be all the more difficult. It’s almost like dying an additional death to yourself each day. Your ministry becomes being a light to your partner so that he can be convicted and drawn to Christ. Whereas, if this same woman in this scripture would have waited for a man who was already saved and submitted to God; her ministry would be based around advancing the kingdom of God along with her husband who is like-minded.

PURPOSES SHIFT WHEN WE MARRY OUTSIDE OF CHRIST.

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 1 Corinthians 7:13

Just because the situation is difficult doesn’t mean that the wife should divorce her husband. This is why single ladies must count up the cost. Are you willing to humble yourself and endure your husband not operating as one submitted to the Lord? Are you willing to submit to the way that he operates out of fear for God.

Are you willing to take the disappointment that may come from this and forgive again and again, and submit again and again. We have to count up the cost, and realize that if we are spiritually mature in Christ, it would be idea, easier, and more appropriate to marry a man who is spiritually mature in Christ. If we do so, we’d be able to move more as a unit fulfilling and advancing in the purpose that Christ has put us together for.

However, if two people are together that do not agree; they will have to do a lot of work to bring up the unlearned person before the plan of God can be considered. God’s plan in that situation is for them to get their house in order. Ladies, you make the choice. In either situation, it is a big responsibility to trust in our husbands and submit to their lead when we do not want to; but it is easier done when we marry a man who is already in Christ and submitted to godly authority. This man will not be perfect, but he will be submitted to the Lord and that makes all the difference.
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Perhaps, if you are a woman considering marrying an unsaved man or a man who isn’t submitted to authority; you should talk with another older woman who has done so. I have been blessed with a first class seat on what married life is like being married to a man not submitted to God and godly authority. It is a heavy emotional roller coaster. It is one that can be avoided through practicing patience, wisdom, and trust in God.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

SUBMISSION DONE GOD’S WAY IS A PLACE OF SAFETY. SUBMISSION DONE ACCORDING TO THE WORLD IS BONDAGE.

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Single Ladies, Are You Ready For This Responsibility in Marriage? – Part 5 (Practicum)

A Modern Day Example of a Test of Submission in a Marriage Relationship:
​Let’s take the below scenario as an example of how a woman can apply this principle in marriage. Remember we want a husband who is submitted to the Lord already and this will minimize disagreements. However, let’s say a woman’s husband picks up a gambling habit during the marriage.

He has been spending a few hundred at the boat, and has gotten somewhat addicted. Now, he plans to take the family’s next paycheck and gamble the whole check away to win the money back that he lost. What should the wife do according to the principle discussed in this series? What would you do?
a.) Budget the money, and suggest that he takes the extra $300 left over to gamble with.

b.) The husband refuses to use the extra left over money, and insists on using the whole check. Therefore, you submit to him in this, and go to your prayer closet and pray that God changes his heart.

c.) Worry, and pull your hair out. Try nagging, and belittling him because he is a man and should take care of his family.
Trusting in God to take care of the family while trusting the husband in this case would be extremely difficult.
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I believe to choose (a) is wisdom, and if the man resists the woman has no choice, but to choose (b). If her husband is truly a man of God who is submitted to God; he will be corrected through the conviction of the Holy Ghost or God will send someone else to correct him. If he is not a true man of God who is submitted to the Lord; The wife will have problems. She is basically on her own, and will be forced to cover the mortgage herself.
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This is the reason why the Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers because we will always be going in different directions.

What would you do in this situation? Which path would you choose?​ Answer in the poll below.

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