Have you ever been involved in an altercation that seemed so unnecessary as if someone was striving with you without cause? Of course, you have, and if you have not, you eventually will. This is just an inevitable part of life. Some misunderstandings naturally occur, and sometimes others simply take out what is going on with them on you because you’re the nearest target. Or perhaps, they’ve taken out things on you in the past and you have not spoken up about it, but you simply went to your prayer closet and prayed for the individual.
Thus, in the person’s mind, who abused you; you are a likely candidate to take frustrations out on because you will not stand up for yourself and thus you appear to be a superhuman who can weather any normally unwelcome attacks. This is abuse and a misuse of treating someone in a way we’d like ourselves to be treated.
So, what should we do? Should we embrace the abuse in hopes that the person will change? Should we offer ourselves to endure more abuse or should we back away, regather and recoup our sense of pride and respect as a human being?
When we read scriptures like the below; I think we can misinterpret it to mean that God wants us to simply put up with abuse. As an older person, I cannot be sure that is what that scripture means:
But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. – Matthew 5:39-40
Also
You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. That you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. – Matthew 5:44-45
First, I don’t believe the Word of God is saying that we should simply put up with abusive behavior. I do believe God is requiring us to have a level of endurance and patience with people who have become hard to deal with as He has done as our heavenly father. He has not cut us off due to our bad behavior, yet allows us mercy in allowing his sun to shine on us daily despite whether we have earned it or not.
Being able to endure, show mercy, and have patience with a person who is hard to deal with will require our expectation to be realistic realizing that it is going to take some signing up for—some endurance, and some commitment not to simply leave our neighbor due to where they are at.
Have you dealt with such a rude person, but you knew it wasn’t that they were just rude, but it was because they were simply immature? Misunderstandings are inevitable with those who are immature. Some things the immature just will not be able to perceive because they’re too immature. We have to be willing to some degree to endure the process with them to foster healthy relationships that bring God glory.
Putting up with abuse isn’t the point. Enduring through the process of healing is. This process is for situations where this is possible. If you are in fear of your life due to an abuser who threatens your life or well-being; Then yes, please leave that situation. This blog post is for people who endure what feels like unnecessary attacks by others for seeming no reason, and the attacks come from people that are placed in our lives by God for relationships such as in-laws, family, and genuine friends, yet these people feel like enemies. It could be anyone that God has placed in our lives to show his love to despite the ugly part of them. We all have an ugly part to us that God chose to love into something beautiful.
However, to do this, we have to build ourselves up in our inner man. See 1 Peter 3:1-5.
The scriptures discuss a relationship between two people in a marriage. The woman is a believer and the man is not. However, they are in a life-long covenant before God. Thus, they are tied together but because of their differing beliefs, there will be inevitable conflict. This will be a drain on the woman testing her patience. She has two options:
- Berate her husband due to her disappointment with where he is at.
- Remain gentle in spirit and love allowing her patience and consistent respect for him despite his weakness to convict him of her God―drawing him to the truth.
We have all probably done both because we are human. We try to be patient, endure, cover, and respect that person who seems impossible to deal with, and other times, we simply aren’t in the mood to put up with what we see as unnecessary abuse.
God provides a secret in this scripture on how to deal with such a situation. He tells the woman to attend to herself by saying when he shares that she should adorn herself. To adorn means to put on or to dress. God wants us to dress our spirit-man in the things that make us healthy. The scripture is clear that it isn’t referencing outward adornment as in makeup or dazzling hairstyles. It means her spirit. God wants us to know that our spirit is important too. He isn’t only trying to use us to win someone else to him, but he wants us healthy as well. It’s of more value to God for us to be healthy than to be shriveled up due to the abuse of someone else (See vs. 4).
Adorning: An apt and harmonious arrangement or constitution, order, government. Ornament, decoration, adornment i.e. the arrangement of the stars, “the heavenly hosts, as the ornament of the heavens (Thayer Definition.)
That’s pretty deep that the word for adorning in the Greek Thayer dictionary means a peaceful arrangement in essence. God wants our spirits to be in a peaceful order—undisturbed by others. It’s only when we’re in that state that we can genuinely endure the process of a relationship that is in its rough edges. We can only do this while we’re built up. If we aren’t built up in a moment, we may need to step away to avoid unnecessary escalation.
For example:
“This is not a good time to talk, can we reschedule this?”
“I have not eaten today; can we discuss this after dinner?
The above examples are someone giving themselves the time and space to recuperate or build up their strength to have the endurance to face the other person without stepping into a realm of cursing them out or being evil and spiteful toward them.
Further, God warns the husband in the scenario to practice patience and wisdom when dealing with his wife. The idea of praying for our enemies and blessing them is not a one-sided thing. God is at work on both sides (vs.7.)
The bible says something about how blessing our enemies, praying for them, and being kind to them will allow us to reap coals of hot burning fire over their heads. This is said to be a practice in Egypt of repentance, which is to have a change of heart and mind or to turn away. Eventually, the one that we are enduring with by not cutting him/her off or canceling him/her due to their rude behavior will become convicted of our consistency in love and commitment toward them and they will change. I will say this is a hard one to walk out, but with the help of the Holy Spirit; all things are possible. I’m walking this out personally in my life and I pray that others will do the same.
Leave a Reply