Black Women: You are Worthy of Real Love

Even though this article is specific to Black women, if you’re not Black, but still a woman, I hope you see yourself as worthy of real love too. My audience isn’t limited to Black women. However, I wanted to address this due to some challenges within the Black community that I see.

Some Black women secretly ask themselves if they’re worthy of love. Many of us have gone back and forth with our ability to believe that genuine love can happen for us. With the varying statistics that show a rise in single Black women that have never been married and false interpretations of these stats that say that the Black woman is unwanted; it’s no wonder some Black women are struggling to feel worthy of real love.

I’ve had to use discernment in the rooms I enter on Clubhouse as there have been bad advice given to women by some Black men to lower their standards to receive love. We all know lowering our standards, removing our boundaries, and throwing off our value system will not produce real love. It will produce more of the statistics that we are trying to avoid like the 72% of Black moms being single moms.

When Black women listen to the poor advice from those on Clubhouse and make poor choices that produce poor consequences; it’s thrown back in those women’s faces that they are unworthy of love due to the poor choices of the past. Not to mention, there are many stereotypes forced on Black women without any conversation to either confirm or deny our personal beliefs.

With these types of circumstances, it’s vitally important that we as women be very careful what rooms we go into, what tables we sit at, and what conversations we allow ourselves to listen to. All of the information out here about Black women isn’t building up Black women. Some of it, if not careful, will lead us to a dark place of unbelief or bitterness where we ask ourselves the following questions.

Am I too much? Am I not enough? Is there something off about my beauty? Am I not wanted?

The truth is we are worthy! We are enough! We are beautiful! We are wanted!

We have to believe this for ourselves and then guard it not with pride, not with exiting our femininity to argue our points and prove ourselves to those who don’t care. We guard it by walking it out in rest, peace, calm, and surety.

Let me share something with you. God placed a similar God-given desire inside of every woman no matter the color and background. This desire protects us, women, from a lot of stuff and preserves us for what will be fulfilling and healing to us. This desire is the desire for safety and security.

We live in a culture where some of our men simply cry submission. As if the woman is automatically supposed to submit to a man just because he is a man. However, the Bible gives us an illustration showing that we as women have a choice.

We are to submit to the man who willfully demonstrates to us his seriousness to love us. Before I explain further let’s briefly discuss submit. When I say submit, I don’t me just doing what a man says. I mean a willingness on our parts as women—specifically Black women—to surrender ourselves by joining with a man on a physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and emotional level. This is something that cannot be frivolously given. It must be earned. It must be demonstrated and Black women—you are worthy of that.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

– Romans 12:1 (NIV)

You may say what does the above scripture have to do with submission or male and female relationships. When you understand that the Bible uses the relationship between Christ and the church—all believers in Christ, to illustrate how relationships are to work between men and women—you realize there is a higher standard that includes you.

Christ Jesus first humbled himself in demonstrating his love for his bride—the church. He gave his life for her first before any requirement of submission was discussed. He earned the right to enter into her life being her savior and Lord by demonstrating real love for her consistently. It was then that she offered herself to him including her body as an act of worship within a safe covenant.

I hope I’m not getting too deep for some, but the scripture tells us what real love is.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

– 1 Cor 13:4-7

Love as scripturally taught must be demonstrated before we agree to join ourselves with a man surrendering our bodies and our commitment to him. We have to be able to hold out sexually long enough to practice discernment judging whether the man pursuing us is seeking our general well-being or only to please himself.

Once, it is rightfully determined through consistent demonstration, we can then, reciprocate allowing ourselves to make the natural sacrifices that women make in a relationship with a man. It becomes a willing experience and not a forced experience through coercion, manipulation, or male dominance.

God built within women this natural protection system to desire and seek security and safety before joining ourselves with someone. Not only are we worthy of this, but this is our God structured right as women. So yes, you are worthy of this. You were created enough to attract this, your beauty is enough to secure this, and you are not too much for requiring this.

A man’s job is to find out what that security looks like for each woman instead of assuming every woman sees security as money. Money is a necessity. If you don’t work you don’t eat. That should be a given, but money isn’t all that is required to make each woman feel safe.

For many wise women, it’s character. What is the consistent character at work in that man’s heart and is it what makes the woman feel safe? Women have a lot to lose when giving themselves to a man—our figure, if we have children, emotional stability, if it isn’t real love, financial challenges, if the man isn’t truly committed and a child is born. Because of the risk involved, we have to use wisdom ladies, and discernment. This is our right as women!

God used this understanding to encourage me to continue to believe that as a woman no matter my color or the stats on single Black women I am still worthy. He wants us all to remember that we are worthy of this type of love. He wanted me to remember that this type of love can and will genuinely happen for me. He wanted me to remember that I am on the right track for this type of love.

In the meantime, while waiting for this type of love—I remember to love myself. I embrace the idea fully that I am worthy of this. This love is for me.