Avoid Being Interested in Someone Uninterested in You
When considering non-negotiables, this one seems like a given, but it can be such a temptation to keep in practice when we really like someone. If you’re crushing on someone who simply isn’t responding to you 9 times out of 10 they just aren’t into you. That’s completely okay. Everyone will not be interested. Everyone isn’t for us. We have to value ourselves enough to only entertain those who share a mutual interest in desiring to get to know us. The woman who consistently positions herself for a man to notice her who doesn’t care is setting herself up to question her worth later on down the line.
It’s a slippery slope when we like someone too much who doesn’t like us back. It can only go downhill. To avoid further disappointment; it’s best to leave it alone. If you have to unfollow your interest on social media or block do what you gotta do. We all are worthy of someone who genuinely cares for us and makes that choice to be with us. Avoiding making this one of your non-negotiables can make you crazy.
Avoid Being with Someone Who Lacks Respect for You
Respect is important to any healthy relationship whether dating, co-workers, siblings, or parents. Respect is like an open doorway that lends itself to the place of safety that both men and women desire. This is a place where you can be heard. I don’t mean your thoughts falling on deaf ears but really heard. Your concerns will be taken into consideration and acted on. When a person respects you; it means they can see the value that you add to their life and they become willing to do what’s necessary to strengthen that connection. The respect begins to develop further into trust. Respect and trust are two of the major building blocks to a healthy relationship; thus, this is one of the non-negotiables that cannot be ignored.
Avoid Being with Someone who Lacks a Willingness to Grow
If you are someone who enjoys personal development, learning new things, and avoiding stagnation; you will be miserable with someone who is the total opposite. If someone is lazy, prideful, and stuck in their old ways of doing things whether right or wrong; that someone may not be for you. You don’t want to always feel like you’re butting heads with your partner because your partner simply refuses to grow.
We all have our bad habits, but there has to be enough humility to be willing to pivot when necessary. When we’re wrong, we should ask for forgiveness, and apply effort to do better. Stubbornness, selfishness, and pride are often at the root of someone unwilling to grow.
On the other hand, some people just simply have not been exposed to different. Thus, they do not know that there is more for them out there. If this person is willing to put forth effort into learning and growing—you may have a winner. But if a person is just stagnant and stubborn—this may be someone you want to avoid.
Avoid Committing to Someone with a Lack of Vision for his/her life
Purpose has become more popular recently. Everyone is talking about it. It’s attractive. It’s necessary to have a vision for our lives that leads to a greater purpose. Even if that vision is considered less valuable than others a healthy vision still needs to exist. Not only does a healthy vision need to exist, but there must be fruit in action that shows some sort of acceleration within our purposes.
A person living life without a purpose is more prone to allow anything to take place within his/her life. The Bible says without a vision the people perish. It’s very dangerous not to have a purpose because it leads to the perishing of dreams, opportunities, and impact God’s place within each of us to make within our realm of influence. An example of a vision could simply be to help people.
Many people help people by using their gifts in jobs, volunteer opportunities, art, or literature they’ve been called to. Others have purposes that seem less glamourous such as raising their children in the fear of the Lord. All of these things represent a vision and a purpose. This must be intact when choosing a life partner. Someone who has given up on purpose and vision will only allow perishing in their lives and they will take you with them as their life partner if you so choose.
With no vision, It will be difficult to execute a vision of where you want the relationship to go. You will simply just be existing in the other person’s life. This can foster many things like resentment from the self-actualized spouse and perhaps jealously from the one who refuses to take action that would foster growth and forward movement.
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
– Proverbs 9:23
Avoid Being with Someone who Lacks Self-Control
This is important. Self-control is important not only sexually, but in keeping control of our emotions as well. It’s okay to be passionate and to have strong opinions, but we must also have self-control. Is the person you’re considering dating a hot-head? Do they not respect authority due to a lack of self-control? Are they constantly ending up in trouble due to bad choices because of their lack of self-control? The Bible shares to avoid making friends with an angry man (Proverbs 22:24). Why? Because anger is an emotion that points to a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered
– Proverbs 22:24
The person who is often easily angered has some issues that need to be addressed before considering getting into a relationship. If the often-angered person is not willing to address those issues causing the anger; what will they not be willing to address in your relationship with them. Are they really ready to show up and do the work required for a healthy marriage? The best thing to do is to leave this person to himself. Allow him to work through his issues with a therapist, God, and family.
Hopefully, the person in this position will realize people keep leaving and seek to get help as to why that is. Everyone’s issues aren’t yours to take on. You are not Mr. or Mrs. fix it. Some people we have to simply pray for from a distance. If you have done your work in humbling yourself and resolving your issues; don’t let someone else bring you back into bondage by trying to be a savior for them. Let the person who lacks self-control go through their own process until he/she begins to truly value themselves enough to get the help needed.
Also, sexual self-control is necessary. If you’re someone who practices sexual discipline; you’ll need someone else with enough self-control to practice sexual discipline as well. If someone doesn’t have the track record for self-discipline but is willing to humble himself and grow in this area—set boundaries with him and evaluate the respect in keeping the boundaries. If the person is not willing to respect the boundaries set again and again perhaps this person isn’t quite ready yet.
The Bible warns us to cut off the things that cause us to sin (Matthew 18:9.) If this relationship is moving you backward in your progress causing you to sin—you may need to simply cut this relationship off. Everyone isn’t willing to do what’s necessary to honor God as it relates to sexual purity, but you should have a made-up mind.
One of the Non-Negotiables Every Christian Has Heard: Avoid Being Unequally Yoked with a Non-Believer
We know what the Bible says about being unequally yoked with a non-believer. We should not do it. Where can this relationship go if you know it should not lead to marriage? It can go toward compromising our walk with the Lord and sin. Thus, we need to use wisdom in not forming a committed relationship with someone outside of the faith. We can be friends with boundaries, associates, and neighbors, but not in a committed marriage. This is one of the easiest ways to allow our hearts to be turned from following the Lord. It’s also a way to create confusion on how the children will be raised. What faith will the couple decide to teach the children? Will the children grow up confused? It’s very important to submit to God in this. Someone may say they want to convert the other party. We have to remember that salvation happens through the Holy Spirit drawing someone and changing their heart. Yes, God uses people, but only to sow a seed.
I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth anything, neither he that watereth, but God that giveth the increase. Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labor.
– 1 Corinthians 3:6-8 (KJV)
Sometimes we can be in pride and stubbornness because we want something and we’ll use helping someone get saved as the excuse to disobey God. While someone can become converted and then a serious relationship can ensue; this should be crystal clear that it’s the case before proceeding forward with a serious relationship. One person will rarely convince someone to change their belief over a dating relationship. We should guard our hearts against involving ourselves romantically with someone of a different faith.
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