Reason number one
To be too picky would mean that I have had ample choices of potential mates that are reputable to what I want and what God has promised me. This has not been the case, and when that has not been the case, the only reasonable thing to do would be to wait until God brings that person along.
Reason number two
I know what it is that I want and what it is that I need. Why? Because as a single individual, God has allowed me to go through specific seasons, things, and circumstances that has shaped me and developed me into a more sure woman knowing just what I want, and still yet submitting the ideal of what I want to God’s perfect will.
Many wise people share that in a relationship, we don’t necessarily get what we want, but we get who we are. I believe this is true. As a person who has sown personal development, discipline, and many other things in my season of singleness, I can expect to have someone who has done the same to some extent. The man that I choose will have consistent fruit of the same in his life. I am not trying to downgrade in a marriage partner, but find someone similarly minded who is willing to build together.
Reason number three
As a woman who knows who I am. I am fully aware that as a woman, I am the weaker vessel meaning I am in a weaker position to initiate and sustain a relationship. This because God has designed the structure of the male and female relationship that the woman would be in submission to the man. Thus, I need to choose wisely as a woman of God who knows my identity.
I cannot choose a man who does not know his identity in Christ, or even a man who knows his identity in Christ and refuses to walk in it. I’d be putting myself at risk to not be myself, to have to change or lower who I am. When God bought Adam to Eve, it was not so that she could lower who she was, but that she could help him, and walk with him in submission to his authority as the final say in Christ. Note, I said in Christ only. Ephesians – Submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. A brother has got to be fearing Christ for real and walking out submission to Christ in every area of his life especially the ones that will affect me and his family to come. Anything else being offered this chick right here ain’t going.
Reason number four
Oh, you are scared for me that my standards are too high, and that I will be single until forty. Well, that is too bad because I ain’t scared. I believe that if God had the wherewithal to give me boundaries to protect, preserve me, and teach me what to expect as a woman of God, and daughter of the king, then he can fully provide for me a man that has been made by him. I ain’t scared. You are on your own with your fear.
Reason number five
There has to be some type of a physical attraction. If I see a man as my brother, and that has been the case for several years, then that is not going to change. Normally, when an attraction is grown between a man and a woman that did not exist before, it naturally develops over a period of time. If physical attraction does not naturally develop; I will not force it. I deserve more. One night I could not sleep, and I was up reading blogs on my cell phone. I came across a thread of a married woman asking the question if she should divorce her husband because she was not physically attracted to him. She said she married him because he was nice, and her family liked him, but she never felt an attraction. She was now a few years in, and dreading having sex with her husband. She did it out of duty only.
A problem with many people who say that others are too picky is that they are willing to settle, and they love to cast a negative vibe to those who refuse to settle. All this settling for what we don’t need or want, and lack of clarity on what we do want is what produces a lot of relationships based solely on availability, and not on purpose and intentionality. Hence, many divorces inside and outside of the church. It’s okay to be willing to wait for God’s best. Anyone, who knows God to some respect knows that faith gets God’s attention. Who will stand up in faith and be willing to wait for God’s promise instead of settling for what is before us on today.
Be bold in waiting on the Lord. He who has promised is faithful. He will bring his promise to pass. Amen.
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