Last week, I published an interview with an author, writer, and speaker Derek Q. Sanders. During the course of our interview, we stumbled into another discussion of why do women of God go for the ungodly men.
I presented some of the ideas that I am familiar with and have been tempted with to go for ungodly men, not to justify the reasoning, but to give greater insight as to what is going on out here.
My Answers to this Question
I shared that many women go for the ungodly men because those are the men who pursue women of God. Many women do not experience men of God pursuing them. To the point of a woman’s self-worth causing her to go for ungodly men, I agreed that this is true, but that women of God are often broken down.
It is a fight to do things God’s way, and sometimes women get tired of fighting. Women have to fight the ideas from their families that something is wrong with them for being single for long periods of time. We have to fight the idea from the church that there is something wrong with us for being single for long periods of time, and we have to fight ourselves and our biological clocks. Many women would rather give in to a good guy who comes along even though he isn’t where he should be, and so some women do.
I also brought up an additional question to this point. Could a woman’s weakness in this area be equated with the idea that the Bible speaks about as far as women being the weaker vessel? Could it be that we are the weaker vessel because of the desire that we have to be covered by a man which in short that means to be loved, sought after, and protected?
The Bible did pronounce the below judgment on women after the fall in the garden of Eden:
To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow, you shall bring forth children, and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you. – Genesis 3:16
It seems that we can have a great desire as a woman to have a husband because of what a husband is expected to provide as mentioned above. Derek’s response was that ungodly men do not cover women, but they do to an extent. They do not cover women Biblically speaking, but according to the flesh many good men cover women by checking up on her, telling her she is beautiful, and providing for her.
Many women do not pass the test of passing up on a good guy for a godly guy because they consider the good guy better than nothing at all. Many women of God view the barely saved good guy or the ungodly good guy as the best that they have seen according to what we have been taught Biblically to expect from a man.
Even further, in many cases, women of God are put down for carrying the standard that God has set for them to expect from a man. Women of God deal with a lot of pressure that says our standard is too high for a man of God and thus we should settle for someone instead of being picky.
Of course, Derek felt that the main reason women accepted and got with ungodly men is that their esteem was just simply low. However, there are times in all of our lives where our esteem may get low because life will break us down. However, we still have a choice, and despite the many pressures we do not have to give in to settling for less than God has for us. I shared that had it not been for the grace of God strengthening me and providing godly community in the form of males in my life who told me, “that’s not it. You’re worth more. You need someone more mature.” I would have settled with a good guy who was not where he should be in Christ as well.
What should a woman do in this position?
She can do what I did when I was broken down and felt I had no strength to hold on to God’s way any further. I was first willing to die meaning if this is the life God has for me to consistently fight until I give out and die, then I would rather die than to do things outside of God’s way.
Two, I prayed and asked God to bring godly male accountability into my life. God delivered my little brother and set him on fire for God during that time. God told me specifically that he would help me out. God also sent another friend into my life who tells me when he feels I am settling.
This particular brotha and I talk about some of everything because he is very mature. I have many mature men and women around me whereas before I did not. Previously, I felt as though I was fighting on my own. Waiting on God for a godly spouse to compliment us is not something that we can do on our own. It has to be done in community where we are protected because we are valuable to God.
Listen to the brief discussion between Derek & I below on women of God compromising. Also, what did you get from the discussion? Please, share in the comments below?
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