Communication is such a huge issue. Without it; there is no way for humans to have relationships. This is why it is so important to continue communication through times of conflict. Conflict in relationships either draws us closer through careful and intentional communication or it drives a wedge between a couple creating a coldness. It all depends on how we handle conflict.
There are some who use the silent treatment in situations of disagreement; instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to talk it out. When we talk out our differences in relationships; it shows that we really care about the other person because we are willing to listen to him and consider his point of view. We then come to a resolution and are made stronger for it.
The silent treatment can be offensive during conflict because it infers manipulation. The silent treatment in this type of a situation also infers punishment toward the other person involved. It infers that the other person is only important when they are in line with what the angry party wants, and that their thoughts and points of view are not important.
This is not how Christ treats his bride nor how the church should respond to her head. Christ values our input by giving us free will; although he wants to persuade us to his will. He does so by love. The scripture says through love and kindness he has drawn us.
Just like our relationship with Christ carries a mutual respect, so must the relationship between a man and a woman. It cannot be one sided. Not only is mutual respect important in maintaining healthy communication, but humility also.
The silent treatment in conflict is a sure sign of pride. Operating out of pride and manipulation is a very selfish way to deal with conflict. However, the attitude of seeking to communicate and work things out is a team attitude that keeps the couple together as a unit. The other tears at the unit until it is completely torn apart.
The manipulative silent treatment is such a destructive pattern. It is a form of witchcraft that seeks to control another. We should not have to control our spouses into our way. Control is rooted in fear and insecurity. We should do things out of a root of love instead. Don’t get me wrong. It is okay to cool down and take a breath for a moment, but the silent treatment should not continue as a punishment.
If we choose to continue in the silent treatment, the coldness created in the relationship can cause the couple to begin to wonder what the other is thinking and even make assumptions that aren’t true due to the lack of communication. The awkwardness in the relationship gets stronger to the point where both the man and woman may give up on the relationship altogether without even knowing why.
Others, at this point focus more on the physical intimacy to attempt to draw the relationship closer ignoring the real issue which is the lack of communication. This is backwards. The physical intimacy experienced is only a reduced level of intimacy because intimacy does not start with the physical, but with connecting through communication.
It is through the commonalities found in communication that a greater passion between a couple is produced. This passion produces an emotional intimacy that will lead to the best and highest form of intimacy at the appropriate time after marriage. As believers, God promises us the best.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
I don’t know about everyone else, but I don’t want any cheap intimacy. I want the best form of intimacy there is. In desiring, the best form of intimacy there is, I’ve made it my business to use the premarital stage of my life to practice building in every area expedient especially communication. Also, I am very disciplined in not depending on arousing the physical to create a false sense of intimacy to make up for a lack of communication.
Great communication between a couple proves that the two can get along and actually enjoy it and on top of great communication everything else is built in a relationship. Let’s begin to practice our communication skills now on our family and friends, and if we notice any unhealthy patterns, such as manipulation, let’s nip it in the bud now as singles in preparation of experiencing our best relationships.
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