I have to share this lesson that I’ve noticed when it comes to waiting to have sex. God’s honest truth is that we need to stay true to ourselves. There is so much judgment and shame when it comes to singles, women, and the right time to have sex or not.
We all have been watching Season 12 of Married at First Sight which has been heart-droppingly sad to watch. Mainly, because of the pain that Paige is allowing herself to be dragged through. There is a judgment that says one is darned if she does and darned if she doesn’t when it comes to sex. What do I mean by this? I mean there will always be those who talk, gossip, disagree or have something down-right ugly to say whether we wait or not, so we may as well stay true to ourselves and wait to reap the benefits of those that wait. The most important thing is if your conviction is to wait for sex; honey! You need to simply do that.
We watched Iris get dragged during Season 9 of Married at First Sight for not having sex with Keith and now on Season 12 Paige is being dragged and called stupid for having sex with her husband every night while he makes it clear to the world he doesn’t want her. In the eyes of others, there will always be this, “darned if you do and darned if you don’t response.” However, each of us has to live with the consequences and benefits of our own actions.
Thus, we should never allow the opinions and critiques of others to persuade us to turn aside from our heart-felt and God-given convictions. This season of Married at First Sight is so educational on so many levels, but I simply want to point out that Paige is living with the consequences of being with a man sexually she did not know and did not have a genuine commitment from outside of the process of Married at First Sight. Well, Married at First Sight is for a set time period then the decision is made. The time on the show should be a period to learn if the other party is trust-worthy so the parties can decide if they can build together or not.
Iris on Season 9 took the time to attempt to get to know her partner and to see if they could mesh well. Thankfully, she did not sleep with him because, in the end, they found that they were going in two separate directions. Iris saved herself from being bonded to Keith emotionally through the hormone released during sex called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. It causes couples to feel bonded together whether they have a strong foundation for their relationship or not.
Iris did not have to worry about getting pregnant by a guy who did not want her or having to co-parent a child with a guy who doesn’t care for her like that. She did not have to worry about getting an STD either. She can move on and heal more easily with no strings attached. These are the benefits of staying true to yourself.
On the other hand, Paige is very much so attached to Chris. She constantly shares how confused she is which is natural when sex is bought into the picture too soon. It clouds one from sound judgment. This is why we see her continuing to try to win Chris’s affection by constantly giving herself to him with no protection. She leaves herself vulnerable to have a child potentially with someone who doesn’t care for her. She left herself open to possibly getting an STD which is likely with Chris’ record with women. Finally, all of the energy Paige has invested into Chris and the already failed relationship should be re-invested into herself. She needs to level-up and get some higher self-esteem about herself.
Giving ourselves to those who value us just as much as we value ourselves when we are at our best provides a level of security and safety that we innately desire as women. This is what we can expect to experience when not only waiting until marriage to have sex but being healthy and whole enough to choose a partner willing to give this to us in marriage.
The point of comparing Iris & Paige is that they were two women in similar predicaments, who made two different choices. They both got dragged for their choices and they both had to live with the consequences or benefits of their choices just like us.
There is a scripture that says all people will have to suffer something. That is the nature of being in this fallen world, but the scripture goes on to share that it is better to suffer for righteousness’s sake than not. Suffering for righteousness will reap rewards reserved for the righteous. So, yes it will be hard at times. People will talk no matter the decision we make. But it’s better to make the right decision and suffer the scoffs of those who lack understanding and yet remain safe in the practice of God’s commandments.
For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.- 1 Peter 3:17
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. – Psalms 19:8
If we genuinely stay true to ourselves, our God, our value, and worth, we will one day attract and experience the genuine love and care that we all desire.
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