Can mutually attractive people of the opposite sex be just friends?
As women, there are some guys that there is just a natural chemistry or kinship with. Those types of guys are easy to talk to and super friendly. They just make you feel mad comfortable. They are also attractive and they may find us attractive as well. However, due to underdevelopment in key areas such as purity and consecration, we quickly confine a brother to the friend zone.
Could this be a trap waiting to happen by being friends with someone of the opposite sex who is all of that, and yet still struggling to maintain consistency in the area of consecration or even worse, content with the lack of consecration to the Lord?
If it is okay to be friends with this type of a situation, how can boundaries be maintained to ensure the relationship remains as just friends? I am still learning, growing, and being tested in this area myself, but what I do believe is that we can either consciously or unconsciously use a person under the title as a friend to fill voids as singles that only God should be filling at the time.
When we open ourselves up to these sort of experiences; we, in turn, open ourselves up to be distracted. We distract ourselves from things like wholeness, undivided attention toward the Lord, and who we are in Christ, what we are called to do, and those we are called to walk with, in this season of our lives.
We can easily establish an emotional soul-tie with a friend by allowing the friend to fill the void that God would have filled until our husband is sent. Even though, there was never the title of a boyfriend; if a friend acts like, or crosses boundaries like they are a boyfriend, the same sort of a break up required in an actual dating relationship will be required with a friend of the opposite sex.
This is why I believe it is wisdom to keep this sort of a situation-ship posing as a friendship at bay. I believe that the would-be friend needs to be kept at arm’s length. That means there are levels of intimacy that the friend is not allowed to enter into. If the thought of setting boundaries like a dating relationship comes up; then it is probably a distraction.
On the other hand, if the person is just attractive and he or she isn’t lacking in consecration but has the character and consecration to match one’s own; this person can be a friend, and the friend should already have a decent foundation with appropriate boundaries in that case which would prevent any type of confusion. God is not the author of confusion. Satan is the author of confusion. Our own lusts also author confusion in our lives.
Finally, us not being honest with ourselves about our own lusts and desires produces confusion. This confusion leads to us justifying why we allow our desires to be awakened before the appropriate time with the wrong person(s) and thus sin is produced in our lives again.
Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. – James – 1:15
Next week, I will share part II of this discussion where I was tempted with an old friend who came back into my life.
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