People always try to encourage me about being single, but I don’t have a problem with being single. I have a problem with the quality of men that have been in my path to choose from. Men who aren’t willing to take on the responsibility of how a real man is to deal with a woman. When a woman is in a position where she is only around men who aren’t willing to take on their responsibility as a man; she is almost always tempted to step outside of her bounds as a lady into something that she is not such as a whore.
Men set the tone for a relationship. Rather it will take place or not, if so, how will the relationship go because men are the head, the leaders.
There are women out there who ask themselves the question should I be a whore or continue to be alone? That is an unspoken pressure that many women do not talk about, but often face. Sadly, it’s easy to find a man who is willing to use and take from a woman, than a man who is willing to cover and go the distance with a woman.
I think about the story of Tamar and Judah. Tamar was a woman in the Bible under the law that had become a widow at a young age, and her dead husband had not given her any children to be raised up in his name.
Under that law, the brother of the dead husband was to take on that wife to raise up seed in her dead husband’s name. Instead of raising up seed in his dead brother’s name, he had sex with Tamar simply for the pleasure of it only using her. Instead of him taking on his responsibility to raise up seed in his dead brother’s name according to the law back then, he spilled the seed after the sex. God saw it and judged him by killing him (Genesis 38).
Tamar continued on her quest to get what was promised to her as a wife under the law who had loss her husband and asked her father-in-law Judah if he had any additional sons. Judah said yes he had another son, who was too young for a woman, but as soon as he comes to full age, he would give him to her to raise up seed in the name of her dead husband. Tamar waited patiently, and when that son was of full age, he still was not given to her. Judah did not keep his word according to the law.
When Tamar realized that no one would take on the responsibility of a man according to the law, she took it upon herself to disguise herself as a whore. She lowered her worth and became something that she wasn’t in order to get what was rightfully promised her because the men in position were not living up to the then expectation of a man in that culture.
At the end of the story, Judah confessed that Tamar was more righteous than he, and that he should have lived up to what was expected of him.
In that situation, Tamar was up against a wall to get what was rightfully hers. She had waited and waited patiently respecting herself, and did not get what was rightfully hers. She gave into the temptation to become something that she was not. Even though she got what she wanted, which were son’s to continue the name and heritage of her dead husband. She had to face unnecessary scrutiny which almost led to her death. If you read the full story under the old testament she was taken to be burned to death, but her life was spared due to having proof that the one who was about to stone her was the one who had gotten her pregnant.
Thankfully, Tamar’s story turned out in a positive way, but when we play with sin and compromise our worth as women, there is no telling how our end will turn out. There are many women who face the question should I become a whore, or should I continue to wait and remain alone for a long period of time? The truth is it’s better to wait and allow God to reward us than to take things into our own hands becoming something that we are not because we still will not be happy in the end.
If you remember even with Tamar, God looked out for her and defended her by killing the brother who had only taken advantage of the occasion of his brother passing for sex, and not to raise up seed to that brother as he should have done.
Just like God was there for Tamar and defended Tamar, he will be there for us. He may not kill a dude LOL, but he will definitely take men through certain situations to grow them up and to show them how to treat a woman before he gives him to us.
So, don’t be discouraged and feel like you have to lower your standard from a woman of God to a whore just because you are single, waiting patiently, getting older and only see men who are not willing to take their position of responsibility as the spiritual leader, protector, and covering of us as his wife.
In the show being Maryjane, Maryjane has made a similar decision to lower her standards because the men who have pursued her haven’t been together, but she still isn’t happy. If we lower our God-given standards as women we will not be happy either.
God did not die for us to live a compromised life below his standard for us, but to live a life of more abundance (John 10:10 [i]). Therefore, we should not take on any position that is below the royal women that God has made us to be. No matter how hard it gets being a whore, side-chick, Jezebel, or anything similar should not ever be an option.
Despite the temptations that women face, God is able to make a way of escape out of them all,[ii] and he is faithful to blow our minds if we let him.[iii] We are not alone in the struggle to maintain our purity and self-respect while waiting on what we rightfully deserve.
I’ve included some tips below for the single women waiting on the Lord and facing the challenges of being alone or being a whore in order to have someone rather than no one at all:
- Keep your relationship with God tight. This is number one because it is impossible to live a victorious life without being connected to God. His word says that we live not by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. I’ve been in the crazy places where I honestly felt like I could not go on to live another day, but God spoke a word to me that gave me life, rejuvenation, hope, and courage. If I had not been connected to him. I don’t know how I would have make it this far. So guard your prayer-life. Keep consistency in praying to God, and reading his word. Ask God in prayer what you are to read in his word because his word is deep and it’s life to us. We need it, but we don’t always know how to handle it at least I don’t.
- Love, Respect, and value yourself. Use your single time to discover and celebrate your gifts, your personality. The things you like, and maybe the things you’ve despised. You have to learn how to love respect, and accept yourself completely. All of you.
- Treat yourself. Don’t wait around for a man to take you out. Take yourself out. Buy your own box of chocolate or several like I do LOL.
- Hang out with like-minded girls who have also made a decision to follow Christ. When a guy calls off a date because he has found out that you believe in abstinence until marriage, then your girls should be there to still go out with you and have a good time. You all will strengthen one another, and plus you all identify with and understand one another because you face the same issues. Learn from one another, sharpen and encourage one another.
- Keep a godly example of a real-man in your view. This man could be married or single, a relative, friend, or associate. It doesn’t matter. Single women just need to be reminded that godly men do exist in the world. Satan loves to throw out the lie that if a woman is waiting on a godly man she will be waiting forever because godly men do not exist, but that is a lie from the pit of hell. Pray that God would open up your eyes to see the godly men around you to give you hope and boost your confidence in what God has for you.
- Remain in a circle of godly counsel. The bible says in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14[iv]). I was in a situation where I liked this guy, who did not seem to like me back, and I was a little down about it. I then called up one of my sisters in Christ and began to tell her how I thought about just getting with the mail-man who I knew was interested in me even though I wasn’t interested in him. She began to encourage me and give me sound wisdom, and toward the end of the conversation she said she wished she had been so open before she made certain choices, and that would have prevented her from going through certain things. The point is through wisdom and godly counsel, we are able to make sound, well thought out, and better decisions. Rather just acting and re-acting off of how we feel in the moment. So, don’t ever be afraid to ask counsel of someone who has been successful or has some level of maturity. By being made aware of their wisdom along with what we know we have a better chance at being successful ourselves.
- Guard your spirit from any distractions: anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, unnecessary noise, burdens, worries, and trust in the Lord.
[i] The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (KJV)
[ii] There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (KJV)
[iii] Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20 (KJV)
[iv] Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)
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