Things the Church Got Wrong About Biblical Womanhood

Things the Church Got Wrong About Biblical Womanhood

It’s so beautiful to be a woman. When God made us in the beginning, he said that we were good. However, the idea of a woman being good is challenged when we do not see ourselves properly due to unhealthy views of womanhood that have come from the church.

Some unhealthy views about Biblical womanhood include the idea that being attractive is sinful or our duty as women is to fulfill the sexual needs of our husbands. Finally, men cannot live holy if women are too attractive or wear the wrong outfit. Or a man’s ability to practice self-control and holiness falls upon the woman’s appearance.

Shaming Women for their beauty is not Biblical Womanhood

Have you ever felt ashamed or dirty because of being accused of being a whore, temptress, or seductress all because someone did not like your outfit? Have you been told you are unworthy to be a wife because you look too attractive as a single woman?

Thus, you must be living a promiscuous life. These are common accusations that attractive women have to deal with not just in the church, but even on social media from religious accusers. Women who feel that other women should not appear too attractive will harass other women in the DMs as a means of control.

Women would do well to have a heart check before approaching other women about their appearance. We have to be careful as believers to realize what has been passed down as tradition and righteousness by man and what God calls righteous according to his Word. Dressing appropriately is subjective. Just because an outfit isn’t something we’d wear doesn’t mean it is sin. It also doesn’t mean the woman wearing it is a seductress, whore, or any other derogatory term. If we are genuinely concerned with the dress of another being inappropriate; that’s an opportunity to check in with a person to see how she is doing.

If a woman is dressing inappropriately, she may have low self-esteem or be feeling desperate for a man. It’s an opportunity to lift her up and not tear her down. A woman should not feel ashamed of being a woman, attractive, or having curves.

This is just a part of human nature. Finally, if a woman is already struggling with how she sees herself, calling her a derogatory term isn’t going to help her to get any better. Even worse, she may decide to run away from God altogether believing she is unworthy. You don’t want to be responsible for running someone away from Christ because you did not like her outfit. Women are more than how they appear.

Secondly, God gives all men who trust in him power over sin. Therefore men’s ability to live holy is not contingent upon every woman he comes into contact with protecting him from all temptation. God made women beautiful. A man is going to notice that. It doesn’t mean he cannot practice self-control. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit being in our lives.

A man has the responsibility just like a woman to work out his soul’s salvation with fear and trembling as the scripture says. This means that our soul—mind, will, and emotions will need to be bought under subjection to the Word of God and the Spirit of God. This is a daily practice that both men and women have to walk in. The more men and women develop in this—the healthier we will become in how we view one another.

Placing the burden of man’s holiness solely on the woman is an impossible weight for all women to bear. It also encourages men in the lie that they cannot control themselves. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. This is available to men and women. If men aren’t taught what they have inherited in Christ; how can they walk in it? I’d encourage anyone struggling with lust whether male or female to read Romans 6 about yielding the members of your body to righteousness and true holiness. This is a choice each individual must make.

Another lie is that a woman must always make herself sexually available to her husband or else he has no choice but to cheat on her. There were guest pastors, who came to a church I attended and shared this. As a young woman in the church desiring to practice Biblical womanhood; I was under the impression that we were just supposed to submit to the teaching of the church without question. As I got older; of course, I realized that God gave us a sound mind to question and understand things. Again, I noticed the responsibility for how a man behaved was placed solely upon the woman. There was no talk of the scripture’s command for a husband to dwell with his wife according to knowledge.

The man was not challenged in understanding and getting to know his wife as a whole person. He was not challenged in learning what she needed to be sexually aroused toward him. It was simply taught that sex was a duty the wife had to perform with her husband or else she’d experience the betrayal of cheating. This is wrong. The purpose of Biblical womanhood is not to control a man’s actions by being a sexually available object at all times.

Ephesians 5 is clear that a marriage relationship should be reciprocal. Even the popular, “defraud not one another except with consent” scripture is reciprocal. The consent part implies communication and mutual respect for one another as well. This means the man gets what he needs and the woman gets what she needs. The two learn to serve one another’s needs.

This is a formula for not only amazing sex but an amazing marriage. When a woman has what she needs with her man—she doesn’t need to be told to be sexually available to her husband. She will make plans to be sexually available to her husband because she enjoys being intimate with him just as much.

I’m very thankful that more mature teachers are coming about in the body of Christ to correct some of the unhealthy views that have been taught in the church for many years.

Watch the video below about sex within marriage not being one-sided but for both the man and the woman: