From personal experience, dating God’s way often means long periods of not dating at all. When was the last time you’ve been on a date? Be honest. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you have not dated in a while. I used to be ashamed of not having gone on a date in a long time. I used to even question myself if I was worthy of being courted, pursued, or finely dined. As an older person, who’s been there and done that; I realize I don’t want it unless it’s with someone that I can potentially see a future with.
I’m 37 years old. I date with purpose when I date. I desire real genuine love and commitment, and I strongly believe that is out there for me in God’s timing. I had to learn to wait for what’s right over right now. It can be discouraging as a woman with standards not being asked out by men who share the same values. As a Christian, I don’t want to be unequally yoked. I only want to marry another Christian, so I only date other Christians, but there’s the thing of Christian men not approaching Christian women. As a Christian woman, who’s primarily approached by none Christian men; it can be a temptation to try to fix a man or missionary date a man, but when you’re mature and you’ve been there and done that; it’s no longer an option.
Probably the greatest issue that our generation faces is bringing men and women together of like minds and values to build together. The first and foundational part of building a healthy relationship is to have similar values. The core values are the things that are less typical of changing. They hold everything else up built upon them. Core values are your strong personal convictions such as your faith, your morals, and attitudes around family, money, social norms, and the treatment of others.
Once the values are in place, other less important aspects of a potential partner can be considered like how much money a person makes, how big or small their belly is, or their height. These things can be compromised on, but core values must be agreed upon. The Bible says, “How can two walk together except they are agreed? (Amos 3:3)”
Don’t feel like you’re doing yourself a disservice by not having gone on a date, but rather be open to communicate with various men you meet whether in the church, at an event, in the grocery store, or whatever venue. Just be open to communicate with him to find out what their values look like. When you are whole, content, and self-loving enough to pass up on what doesn’t align with your core values; you’re ready to truly date with a purpose. You’re equipped with patience to wait as long as it takes because you embody being a woman or man of God who knows s/he’s worth it.
For the ladies, I have a game-plan that you can use when going throughout your day and a man approaches you. You can ask him a question that will begin to show you pieces of his heart. This question also leads to more questions where you can either connect with him further or back up and gracefully let him know you aren’t the one for him. I believe we all have a match if the Lord wills. Everyone simply just isn’t for us, and it’s okay to recognize that and gracefully keep it moving.
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