Despite the fact that many young adults are getting married at older ages, and the benefits that come with that such as a higher level of maturity which would result in a stronger foundation for a healthy relationship. Not to mention, the fact that older adults may be more established financially, emotionally, and socially, and lastly have had some time to experience life and find themselves outside of a family which would bring more value and worth to a family when one is established. Many singles constantly feel the need to defend themselves against the labels placed on them or the categories they are forced into as if their has to be something wrong with them for choosing to be single while waiting on the person God has for them.
Some of the labels forced on singles include:
Desperate/Thirsty:
He or she has been single for a long time; therefore, by this time she must be desperate. The single who wears this label is expected to look at every new man who walks through the door of her church, place of business, family get together, or single’s group as a potential spouse. She is also labeled so desperate at times that married women and women in relationships feel the need to hide their men around her because she may be so thirsty, she’ll do anything including take your man.
An Idolized Image of Marriage and/or Relationships:
Many ask themselves what is the reason for someone else being single, and the conclusion is often drawn that she must be a person who idolizes marriage and relationships, and God is somehow punishing her by keeping her single until she stops idolizing marriage and relationships and starts to idolize God. Often, the spiritual make this assumption as if they can see into the heart of another man or woman.
Ugly
In the analysis of trying to pinpoint why one is single, whether a person is ugly or not tends to be the first one to be checked off of the list. Once, it’s established that the person is not physically ugly, the analysis goes on to the question of whether the individual is ugly in other ways. Does the single individual know how to treat people? Does the individual have an ugly attitude? An assumption could be made that the individual is just plain ugly and that is why he or she is single.
Unable to Cook:
This one is almost exclusively placed on the ladies. She must not be able to cook. If she was able to cook she would be able to get a man.
He/She doesn’t like sex:
She is one of those who practices abstinence, so she must not want to have sex when she gets married. Surely, she has an imbalanced view of sex and God’s purpose for sex.
An independent woman who doesn’t need a man:
She must be one of those independent women who feels she doesn’t need a man.
Not the Marrying Type:
She is probably loose or he must be a player. She doesn’t know how to submit to a man, and he doesn’t know how to be a husband. She must not want to be married. He just isn’t the marrying type.
She is just too deep:
It’s assumed that Ms’. Too Deep has something against dating because she rarely goes out. It isn’t considered that she hasn’t met anyone worthy of her to go out with or that God could be hiding her for his own purpose at this time, it’s just that she is too deep, and picky. She is waiting patiently for Mr. Perfect. She will be waiting forever. She needs to just settle for what she can get, and stop waiting on Mr. Perfect because Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist.
Singles have all of the time in the world:
If anyone can, a single person can. Because they aren’t bogged down with a spouse and kids surely they are available to serve on every auxiliary. It often isn’t considered that singles often do serve in several ministries, but while doing that singles need to also remember to strengthen the relationships God has already placed in their lives such as parents, friends, family, mentors, mentees, grand-parents, themselves, and their relationship with God. Also, married people can share the responsibilities of a household, but a single person carries all of those responsibilities on her own. She has to pay the bills, take the garbage out, clean the house, cook, and have time for other things.
My thoughts on the above labels:
While I would agree that there are singles out there who would fit into each and every label described. The labels above-mentioned do not necessarily fit every single individual. After a while, singles are almost forced to fit into a stereotype of someone else’s experience with a single whether than being respected for who they are individually. Singles should at least be given the respect to get to be known by someone before they are judged by someone to fit into one of the above categories.
Some of those labels are very harsh, inconsiderate, and should never be repeated.
If a single person is down or discouraged at the moment, and seeks out another brother or sister in the Lord for prayer or encouragement, that single individual doesn’t need a list of what’s wrong with them. Maybe, a list of what’s right with them would be better.
Unfortunately, labels placed on singles cause them to feel worse about themselves whether than to feel better resulting in confusion and in-contentment. In-contentment is one of Satan’s biggest weapons to get believers seeking for things that are outside of God’s will. In-contentment breeds distractions that keep believers walking around the wilderness for 40 years looking to get to a promise that they already have coming to them if they would just trust God.
This is why it’s so important as a single to know your own worth, and value. It’s important for you to write your own label, and wear it well because the label that you write should be authentically you with or without approval from others.
I encourage you as a single to write your own label. This is one of the greatest times in your life because as a single person, you’ve got the opportunity to get to know who you are for yourself. So many people find their identity in relationships with others and sometimes that can be good if the other person is trust-worthy and genuinely cares about you, but if the person isn’t you’ll be able to recognize what they are saying about you isn’t correct, which should make you act in an according manner.
The labels that we write should be based on what God says about us. Everyone doesn’t understand the sacrifice that’s related to those who are called to be single for a season. People tend to judge inaccurately what they do not understand. Don’t allow other people’s judgments of you as a single to shift your focus off of what God is calling you to right now.
The world views being single as a negative, but God views singleness as a positive. 1 Corinthians 7 says that being single is a gift that has a purpose. That purpose is to spend our time as singles focusing on the business of God without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:35). That is an honorable calling to focus on God’s business and plan for our lives without distraction. That is also a threat to Satan, and that is why he fights singles so hard.
It’s time to take off the labels placed on us by others, and believe, think, and speak what God says about us.
Below you will find the label that I have written for myself and am still currently writing:
I’m a bad chick in a good way. Any man who is blessed to have me as his wife is truly blessed. I embody the virtuous woman and then some. I am beautiful, appropriate, humble, compassionate, diligent, creative, loving, frugal, wise, respectful, funny, very focused and considerate.
I’m not desperate because I’m the daughter of the King, which means I’m royalty, not just anyone can have me. God’s invested too much in me since a young age for me to cast my pearls before swine. Therefore, I’m patient not anxious for a ring or a man. Instead, I find what’s good to do with my hands, and I do it well. I love to cook, read, dance, and enjoy this gift of life that God’s given me. So, don’t feel sorry for me being single because I’m rocking this label and I’m rocking it well until God decides to change it by blessing me with a man who compliments me.
If you we’re to write your own label what would it say? What are some of the labels you feel have been placed on you as a single?
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