Singles, What is Your Attitude in the Holding Pattern of Singleness?
Singles that have been single for long periods can begin to wane tired and anxious from being in the holding pattern of singleness. When we become tired and anxious, we don’t always make the best decisions. We can even become more vulnerable to unhealthy things we’d never consider.
I’m currently reading the Bible within a year and am in the book of 1 Samuel. Things are being highlighted to me that I did not realize before and it’s helping me to maintain a good perspective in my holding pattern of singleness.
1 Samuel shares the story of Saul and David. Saul and David were both in holding patterns. Both had received promises from God. Saul’s promise was that the kingdom would be snatched from him. David’s promise was that he would be king.
David had his own battles to fight. Like many singles, David lived as a nomad. He did not really have a place to call home. Instead, he ran from place to place hiding in caves, deserts, and even among the enemies of Israel—the Philistines.
Have you ever felt like you were a bit of a nomad as a single believer? You join one community to have a place of belonging—and that place is up. You have to find another. This is how David lived for years. During this time, he kept the promise of God before him.
When he would forget about God’s promise, God would send others to remind him. It helps when we are in a holding pattern to remain in a place of thankfulness as David, be strengthened by those who are believing with us, and continue to humble ourselves remaining in the faith.
Remaining Thankful in the Holding Pattern of Singleness
Let’s start with Saul, who even though God’s anointing as king had left him; he had so many reasons to be thankful. First, the kingdom was not immediately taken away from him. He was gifted by God to continue to be king for an entire 42 years. This means he did not have to give up being king until his death at age 72. That’s almost an entire lifetime of enjoying the privilege of serving God’s people Israel as king.
During that span, he got to meet his successor, David. David honored Saul as a father. Even though God’s anointing as the king had left Saul—his covenant of mercy was still with him. His son, Johnathan, and two of his other sons were also faithful to their father, Saul, unto death.
Yet, through all of these good things that happened to Saul—he allowed his heart to become hardened and his judgment to be cloudy down to the similitude of a madman in his attempt to kill David.
David’s response was that of thankfulness. He was grateful to become the son-in-law to the king—at first, seeing himself as too small in his eyes for such a position. He continued in thankfulness and humility asking for help whenever needed.
Singles Can be Strengthened by those believing with us in the holding pattern of Singleness
In his asking for help and even faintness of heart, at times. He would always be strengthened by others who believed God with him. The priest Abiathar assisted him with bread for him and his men. David quickly became a leader and others who were outcasted began to follow him. He could not afford to lose it completed because God gave him an assignment in his waiting to lead other men like himself.
Johnathan came to him several times strengthening him and reminding him that God promised him he’d be king. It certainly did not look like it at so many points in David’s life—but it was still to come to pass.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” – 1 Samuel 23:17
Abigail, David’s 3rd wife, while still married to Nabal, reminded David that God would make him king:
“Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.” – 1 Samuel 25:28-31
Singles Must Remain in Faith
The above things strengthened David along with his personal seek for the Lord. Everywhere David turned —he’d always inquire of the Lord before going. Much of our faith is stirred by seeking God in prayer. It’s also built by hearing the Word of God from others. David got to the point where he had to build himself up. He’d say things like let this or that happen until I learn what God will do for me. He consistently looked to the Lord.
Just after David had decided to stay in a stronghold while waiting on the Lord—a prophet named Gad spoke to him telling him not to remain in the stronghold but to get to Judah. Judah means praise.
We will be tempted during our holding pattern as singles—to remain in unhealthy places that can become strongholds for us. Things like becoming ungrateful and unappreciative for all of the years God’s sustained us. The lie may even come to our mind as a woman to relax our standards to that of a looser woman because there is always a man available for that type of woman.
Whatever we face during our holding patterns—we can, like David, rely on the Lord, and remain humble and thankful while continuing to walk by faith. It’s during our continually walking out this path God has called us to that we will get to the end, like David.
The wrong attitude and the belief in lies over God’s truths are simply ways of taking God’s promise into our own hands. Sure, David could have taken the promise into his own hands and killed Saul on multiple occasions, but instead, he chose to trust God, and God’s promise occurred correctly in God’s timing. Who knows if David would have survived had he taken things into his own hands?
I know it’s hard because I am in it. I am waiting into my 40s while following the wisdom of God for years and am yet in a holding pattern. One thing that helps me is learning to enjoy the wait in all of the ways that I can. This includes continuing in my purpose as God gives me strength. It’s important not to overdo it in ministry to the point where we do not have a life outside of ministry.
Exploring the things I enjoy̅̅̅—helps such as travel, new restaurants, friends and family relationships, and most importantly the joy of the Lord. This is our strength. If I feel my attitude is shifting in a way not kosher—I’ll seek the Lord about it for his help. He will usually remind me of his word, and show me areas where I am trusting things or people for my needs instead of him.
This trust in the Lord is one thing that helps singles to continue to put ourselves out there meeting others, which is another important piece of being in a holding pattern as a single. The cool people we meet make the holding pattern easier even if it doesn’t lead to marriage with everyone we meet.
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