Where can devout Christian single women find Single Christian men of God to date? This is the question on every dating and relationship platform. The idea of readily available Christian women who cannot find readily available Christian men. The answer is always the same when we hear from the brothers. They share that men of God are everywhere. Just like women of God go out and kick it with their girls, or have dope hobbies they participate in; Men do the same things.
I believe as Christians we can sometimes get caught up in limiting mindsets that keep us stuck in unbelief. Case and point, the lack of belief that there are quality single Christian men available. Or, the mindset that we have to meet a quality man at a Christian event, or else it isn’t God. Finally, the limiting mindset that dating or putting ourselves out there to meet people is somehow sinful.
The truth is we may not meet a single Christian man at a church, a Christian conference, a Christian concert, or a Christian poetry set. Many of the Christian labeled events have primarily women there. A good number of the balanced single Christian men there are already married, and some of the single Christian men just aren’t checking for us at those events for whatever reason.
Just because the man who is for us isn’t at the places we expect doesn’t mean he isn’t out there. He’s out there. I have strong faith and believe that the processing that I’ve had to endure in my personal development to become a confident woman of God who is ready for marriage was not in vain. I’m encouraged when I meet men on their journey who are likewise developing and sincerely seeking the Lord as well.
Focus on Getting to Know People Instead of the Pressure of Dating:
Most recently, I met a gentleman on his journey at a cocktail bar. There was an event planned for African American people to network with one another. I just so happened to sit next to him on the barstool and start talking. Turns out, he is a passionate man of God who loves mentoring younger men and boys through the sport of basketball.
He talked about how he is at a place in his life where he is seeking God for what is next for him. He was very respectful and listened well. He even covered my tab before he left. It was like an impromptu date all from me getting out of the house and attending an event around a subject of interest.
It’s small connections like that that can very easily lead to life-long connections. So, get rid of the mindset that you have to meet a man in a Christian space. Christians are everywhere. Cast your net of connection wide by putting yourself out there and communicating with strangers of the opposite sex.
It doesn’t have to lead to dating or a relationship. It could just be to connect with another human being. In the meantime, you are growing in your social skills and communication skills while being encouraged by the like-minded brothers out there.
Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back:
I understand that there is a fear that if we meet someone outside of a Christian space that they may not be a Christian or someone we’d be equally yoked with. However, a conversation is just a conversation. Take the pressure off of yourself and just have conversations with people that you meet. Here is what the Bible says about fear:
Cast your bread upon the waters,
For you will find it after many days.
Give a serving to seven, and also to eight,
For you do not know what evil will be on the earth.
If the clouds are full of rain,
They empty themselves upon the earth;
And if a tree falls to the south or the north,
In the place where the tree falls, there it shall lie.
He who observes the wind will not sow,
And he who regards the clouds will not reap. Ecclesiastes 11:1-4
The above scripture is a parable of an opportunity for someone to take a risk by sowing in different areas, but due to fear and observing what could go wrong the person may choose not to sow. See verse. 4 where it states, “He that observes the wind will not sow and he that regards the clouds will not reap.” What does this mean?
If we allow ourselves only to meditate on what could go wrong and thus, we limit ourselves to not stepping out in faith and or limiting our faith to only one area; we may not get what we are believing God for after all. God wants us to move in faith. He wants us to trust and believe what he has for us is out there even though we aren’t sure how it will come to pass.
How about instead of moving in fear of placing ourselves out there; we decide to trust God regarding people we meet wherever we meet them at? After all, just because we meet someone in a Christian space doesn’t mean they’re Christian. It just makes us feel more comfortable because Christian spaces are normally where we find Christians.
What if God’s promise of your godly spouse is outside of your comfort zone? Here’s my suggestion: Make a list of all of the things you love to do. If you love live music, add that and so on. Next, make a list of places to go that have your favorite type of live music. If you like playing games, perhaps you can look for hip spots with game nights. If you love business, look for hip spots with business networking events. If Karaoke or singing is your jam, look for places to do that.
These are spaces where both guys and girls will normally be. Go out by yourself or maybe with one girlfriend and mingle and meet people. Like with my experience, you’ll be encouraged to meet men of God. Continue to rely on the Holy Spirit seeking him regarding everything. Continue meditating on God’s word to stay strong in the Lord. You’ll have more opportunities for temptation as you talk with more people of the opposite sex. You want to continue making wise choices led by God and this is why a healthy and whole well-grounded person should be dating not someone looking for the dating pool to heal them.
Don’t limit yourself to in-person events. You can use dating apps, visit new restaurants, parks, events. The idea is to diversify. The more you get out there the more people you’ll meet and the more chances you’ll have at meeting someone special who thinks you are special too. Remember God has given you the ability to navigate even though you may feel fear (2 Timothy 1:7.) Trust him.
Disclaimer: Some may be uncomfortable going to a bar. I suggest you follow your convictions and the Holy Spirit. You do not have to drink alcohol at a bar and you do not have to get drunk if you do drink alcohol. If drinking has been a source of instability for you in the past; feel free to avoid the bar.
Also, be careful of the type of bar you attend as some bars may not be safe. You’ll want to be aware of the neighborhood. Look at reviews online and try to visit bars with specific purposes going on such as Karaoke, Comedy, Live Music, etc. I like the classier bars when visiting a bar as they tend to be safer. Finally, get referrals from friends of nice places to visit with people around your age. Normally, those within your network can share if a place is typically safe or not.
Great article!