Sometimes, when we lose someone due to death, we begin to internalize and blame ourselves. The regret that we feel can easily turn into thoughts of condemnation, but condemnation is not of God. It is of the devil.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:17 (NIV)
Condemnation brings with it a feeling of unworthiness, not feeling good enough, and condemnation to a particular lifestyle that seeks to assign us to one status in life. Usually, that status is one of constantly seeking retribution for our regret. Instead, of living a life of grace toward ourselves; we go down a path of self-destruction punishing ourselves.
This is a trap for those who are grieving that Satan often tries to get us caught up in. I’m so thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord, who promises to lead and guide us into all truth. Condemnation is not truth. It’s a lie.
God wants everyone who is wrestling with this lie of condemnation to know they have a future, even if there was wrong done regarding the loved one who passed, God’s grace is already there to forgive. Further, some things we cannot prepare for as there is no manual on how to deal with the trauma of someone dying.
I remember struggling with regret and feeling as though I was being sucked into a hole of depression, lifelessness, or resolve to not go on living the full abundant life God gave to me through Jesus Christ. I had to constantly renew my mind by what God shared with me.
I regretted not being at the hospital every day due to moving, repairing my car to pass the state emissions’ test to avoid my driver’s license being suspended, and other things that placed a demand on my time. I regretted not being as vulnerable with my emotions, but trying to stay strong for my dad while he was in the hospital believing he would make it in case God saw fit for him to do so.
I regretted that my being strong was actually denial to avoid the trauma of what was really going on—the fact that my dad was being taken away from me and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to take responsibility though. I wanted to somehow save him.
I learned that trauma is an emotional response to a distressing situation. Trauma can sometimes paralyze us and trap us in anxiety. Somehow, things worked out where I was strong enough to be strong for others in my family who were breaking down. Perhaps, had I over-extended myself, even more, I may not have been in a place to restore others. This has been a thought that’s helped me to renew my mind from condemnation and regret to hope for my future along with the below truths God recently gave me.
Condemnation works with regret to get us to quit:
Did you know that regret in a lot of ways acts like condemnation? Condemnation is a tool the enemy uses to make us give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let regret make you decide to stop moving forward.
We have to remember who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. Because we are God’s sons and daughters, we should always expect a future. That is part of our inheritance as sons and daughters of God. This should be a part of our foundation. A foundation holds the house up. For us to be held up; we have to go back, at various times in our lives, to our foundation―the understanding of who we are. Read Romans 8:1-17
Caption the below scripture in your mind:
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:5
Regret and condemnation are a pull from the enemy to get us to forget who we are and to get us in a place where we are working for acceptance, approval, and being good enough; instead of believing we are through Christ Jesus. We set ourselves in a cycle that we cannot get out of when we give in to regret acting as condemnation. We cannot do enough work to be acceptable, but we can believe we are.
Some ways to deal with regret can be to ask the Lord to help us to deal with the regret. We can ask the Lord to teach us how to view our regret and to help us to learn from it.
We need to commit ourselves to receive the grace and mercy God gives us:
There is a scripture in Romans that says where sin increased; graced increased the more. That means God has already calculated our missteps before we would make them. Thus, he’s made provision for those missteps, so we’d be able to continue in confidence regarding our covenant with God through Jesus Christ. The missteps we make do not disqualify us from God’s grace. If God does not disqualify us; why should we disqualify ourselves? Read Romans 5:20. Also, read the whole chapter of Romans 5.
There is no manual for dealing with the trauma of grief:
There is a very freeing scripture in the Bible that says sin is not imputed where there is no law. This means that sin is not counted against us as sin where there is no law. There is literally, no law in how to deal with the trauma of grief. Trauma, again, is our emotional response to a distressing circumstance. Everyone is different. Some people may be able to handle being in a traumatic situation, such as watching someone they are close to dying for a long period. Whereas, someone else may have to take breaks from watching their loved one die due to the pain of the trauma.
In those moments, we have to give ourselves grace knowing God isn’t holding it against us for being human. It’s human to hurt or possibly break down when we see someone we love hurt and we cannot do anything about it to stop it. There is no law against how we deal with it. Often, we don’t even know how we’ll deal with it until we’re placed in that situation. From the situation, we learn and grow how to do things the next time. Give yourself a break and don’t hold it against yourself because God doesn’t.
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