Positioning Yourself Vs. Pursuing: What’s the Difference?
Lessons learned in extended singleness help us to become more settled in resting in ourselves, our worth, and our overall value as women. One of the nicest lessons to learn is that when a mature man sees your value; he will do whatever is necessary to win you over.
This is a lesson often shared but too rarely experienced among single women of God desiring marriage. We trust God, pop in and out of networks, travel, join small groups, visit various churches, try online dating—so many different things to be found by a man who values us. After years of this and coming up short, we scratch our heads asking why have we not yet experienced this for ourselves.
If we aren’t careful, we’ll start to believe we aren’t worthy. I want to encourage readers to see that we are worthy and this wisdom is true whether we’ve experienced it for ourselves or not. At the right time, we will experience this. However, we have to maintain our confidence, worth, and value despite, keeping on walking in a way where we are willing to position ourselves. Positioning ourselves deals with an inner heart posture of readiness and openness. It also means being in the mix where the people are. Whether it’s social media, single’s events, or travel groups.
Positioning Ourselves with an Inner Heart Posture of Readiness
This means maintaining a heart of hope, faith, joy, expectation, and openness. Our hearts aren’t distracted by wrong thinking that has become a stronghold within our perceptions. Things like bitterness, unforgiveness, unbelief, stereotypes, and more can be distractions that keep us from being in a position of being found.
We will need to work through these feelings, perceptions, and disappointed expectations with the Lord and possibly a trusted confidant whether a therapist or friend to have our hearts clear and open again. I discuss these in much more detail in my coaching program for Single Christian women desiring marriage. Subscribe to our email list for a free anti-anxiety prayer guide and a link to a free dating course that helps with practicing discernment.
Once all is clear, we’ll need to get outside while maintaining clarity of heart and mind
Walking with a healthy view of ourselves and what we are worthy of is an everyday process. We don’t stop renewing our minds after we feel better once, but we continue to renew our minds daily. Positioning ourselves around men who can see our value will start with openness.
Why not start being open to getting to know a guy who shows interest in you and you have a hunch that his character may be good but there is no initial attraction? Do you know how attraction works for you? Are you the type to only entertain conversations with your type and you write off the ones who aren’t? I’m not talking about guys who are repulsive to you. I’m talking about guys who don’t look bad to you but don’t look good either. You never know. An attraction may naturally grow.
If you are too shy to go out with him immediately; connect with him on social media. You may find that the two of you have more in common than you thought. You could have missed all of that because there was no attraction initially. Join our Facebook group for details on a discussion on how attraction works for women.
Getting Outside
Go to the places that you enjoy. Do you like live music? Hit up a Jazz club or a music venue that serves food. These are nice environments to meet people. City Winery is a nice live music venue that serves food. One time, I booked a seat at a table across from another person because I did not want to sit alone. You don’t know who will be there until you get there. When I arrived, a single brother sat across from me and two other gentlemen at the table. The guy just across from me bought me a drink.
He was very friendly although not seeking to enter a relationship—he had been divorced from a 20-year marriage. He wanted to simply enjoy being single again. Although, the friendly outing did not lead to any romantic relationship—it was nice to enjoy being treated like a lady.
These experiences are small reminders that we are worth it. We speak a lot about Boaz, who did what was necessary to win Ruth. But first, Boaz had to become aware that Ruth existed. Don’t become discouraged in putting yourself out there because you may have given a guy a hint that he did not run with. He just wasn’t for you. Continue to do the things that remind you you’re worthy and keep positioning yourself until you have that experience like Ruth.
Pursuing looks like
Pursuing is continuing to position yourself in proximity to a man who has made it clear he isn’t interested. Men have their ways of showing disinterest. Sometimes, they pretend as if they are interested because they like the attention. However, they do not take any concrete steps to further a relationship. They may give no verbal response at all. There’s the saying, no response is a response.
As women, our energy changes when we pursue a man. We get into a mindset of having to prove ourselves to them. Instead of us just being women and realizing that is enough. Our worth goes down in our eyes and the eyes of the one we are pursuing. This is very dangerous for women. If we notice this within ourselves; we should cut off all contact with the gentleman we are tempted to pursue.
We will need to get back into our feminine energy of realizing that we are enough. We are an answer to the right man. And the right man will value us. We deserve to be pursued and not the other way around.
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