This morning, as I jumped into my car to get ready for work, I heard a new song from Trey Songz called “What’s Best for You”. He talked about how he just wanted what was best for his girl that it was not about him but her and how she deserves her worth. It immediately reminded me of one of the greatest relationship killers, and that is selfishness. I wanted to watch the video before I began to write about this song and so I did. I was slightly confused by the video because the lyrics talk about wanting what’s best for a girl while Trey Songz character dates two girls.
I then read through the comments to see what the two girls in the video could have meant. Many of the viewers were as confused as I was; however, one commenter had a very interesting take. He said that clearly the video meant that Trey is an entertainer who is on the road without the time and mindset to settle down thus in the video the two girls he agrees to let go of out of his life because they aren’t the type of girls that just want to play around. They are the type of girls who want a committed relationship with one man and he doesn’t want to compromise their worth.
I thought that was interesting. In it’s own way that interpretation can be a selfless way in dealing with a woman’s heart. Instead of breaking her heart and leading her to believe there is room for something more stable she is told the truth in the beginning and given a choice to choose to deal with it or walk away. Just think how much damage can be prevented by such an unselfish act.
The scenario could have gone a completely different way. Just like in real life where you see one broken relationship after another all because two parties are seeking to please themselves without considering the other party involved. People come into relationships with selfish motives at the expense of the other person. Instead of seeking for the other person’s well being, we often seek for our own momentary pleasure. Relationships were never designed to work in that way.
Relationships were designed by God to point people back to God. They were to be used as examples of God’s love for men and women being expressed between man’s love for woman and woman’s love and respect for man which is a picture of Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-33[i]).
Just like selfishness is one of the greatest relationship killers, selflessness and servant-hood can be one of the greatest foundations to a healthy relationship. To learn about selflessness what better person should we look at than Jesus Christ.
He committed the ultimate selfless act. He humbled himself being the King of Kings. He came down as a servant to mankind taking on the lowest form of servant-hood when he washed his disciples feet [ii]. The person back in Bible days who washed the feet of house guests was the lowest form of a servant. Not only did he wash his disciples feet, but he taught his disciples that they should wash one another’s feet. [iii]In other words, we as believers are to look out for one another and for the best interests of one another even to the point of humbling ourselves.
If we took on this approach when pursuing or considering relationships i.e. being selfless and looking out for the best interest of our brothers and sisters, there would be less confusion, pain and heartache yes even in the church.
Not only did Jesus humble himself in serving his disciples by washing their feet, but he taught them that the greatest among them would be the servant.[iv] Therefore, basically, in the end what the disciples were seeking all along they would get by doing things God’s way in the manner of servant-hood and selfishness.
We also see this to be true with Jesus Christ who has garnered a name above every name that at the name of Jesus every knee would bow and every tongue would confess that Jesus is Lord. Therefore, Jesus in addition to serving us by coming to the earth putting off his kingship privileges to be able to dwell among us and save us from our sins has become the greatest man among us[v].
Our reasonable response to Jesus Christ is to respect him and honor him all that we know how. What if we had the same affect in our relationships that we loved and served one another so much that the only response that would come natural would be to honor, love and respect one another.
If you did a selflessness check where would you come out? Would you be the selfish self-seeker only or would you be the one who humbles yourself to put the needs of others before your own serving and loving your brother or sister?
[i] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33
[ii] Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? John 13:3-6
[iii] If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. John 13:14-15
[iv] But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. Matthew 23:11
[v] And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; Philippians 2:8-10
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