I was leaving the house of one of my mentors when she shared that I had a fear of men. She explained how the fear of men is a trap because it holds a person back from their full potential. She used the example of a class of students and a child in the class avoids raising his hand to answer a question because he doesn’t want to be looked at as the smarty pants in the group. I had complained to her briefly about some of the harsh judgments in the body of Christ relating to single Christian women. I wanted to know if she’d been through it because her testimony is very similar to mine except that she is now married.
Her response was that I need to get to the point where I did not care. She suggested going deeper into God and seeking him on what I needed to do to be free from that. I had not realized that before her insight. In my mind, I had previously interpreted my response to what other believers said about me being a Christian single as trying to do things humility. I thought it was wise to consider the point of view of other believers just in case I was in need of correction.
However, it was clear to my mentor that I needed not to consider the point of view of the Christians who made me second guess myself, my intentions, or my worthiness as a single believer. It was obvious to her that I have a unique calling and way of expressing myself that pleases God; therefore, I needed not to worry about pleasing man.
Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. – Proverbs 29:25
I had this conversation with my mentor on last year in 2018. Since that conversation, I’ve challenged myself as well as prayed about not allowing myself to succumb to the expectation of what some expect me to be as a single Christian woman.
Instead, I’ve challenged myself to be authentically myself no matter what it costs. Where it costs rejection of some; there will be acceptance among others. God promises to supply my needs, so I don’t have to bargain any part of my identity to be accepted among men not even Christian/churchmen and women.
I’m currently listening to Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming” where she shares about overcoming other people’s expectation of her. She shared how she met with an advisor who was to help her get into her desired school–Princeton. The advisor shared that she did not think that Michelle was Princeton material. This stuck with Michelle so much so that she decided to no longer meet with that advisor. She decided to ask someone else who knew her better to write a letter of recommendation to help her to get to her desired goal.
She was successful simply by shifting who she allowed into her personal dream. She invited someone in who would value her and what she had to offer instead of pre-judging her to only be capable of a faulty expectation that would prove not good enough. Michelle provides a valuable key to overcoming the fear of man. That is to continue to pursue anyway what you know you are worthy of. Block out the voices of those that are negative and clueless. People will always judge others based on how they appear instead of what the truth of a person’s heart and actions prove. Move forward with the encouragement of those who are genuinely for you.
I’ve left the fear of men in 2018. I plan to continue to only entertain perspectives that are in line with what God is speaking over me. I plan to receive from others who genuinely care about me closing the door to those who speak and judge by appearance and presumption.
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