A few years back, I shared a story on how I met a brother at a unisex hair salon, who was pursuing me really hardcore. He was a really nice guy with some affiliation to church and he knew a few scriptures. As we talked, I sought godly counsel among my mentors, as well as the Lord. I asked God what he thought about the guy.
God responded in a dream as he often does, showing me that the brother was dangerous. More specifically, God showed me that he was dangerous because he walked hard after his flesh playing with lust which produced in him unbridled and un-submitted passions to walk after lust. Furthermore, the lust that was in this man begin to come out in conversation with him. Not only that, but the lust caused an inability to commit to pursuing one woman at a time. Thus, while he was in pursuit of me, he was also in pursuit of others.
One of my brothers in the Lord at the time shared how things would only get worse and not better if I were to allow a brother like that access into my life on a more intimate level such as marriage. He was right. Because I was not physical with the brother, I had enough clarity to pay attention to all of these signs and cut him off. Fast-forward a few years later, and he has had his first child. Children are a blessing from God, but there is a way that I would like to have children and that is with my husband. I do not want to volunteer to be a single mother.
Thankfully, I dodged that bullet. That could have been me as a single mom. I could have had a child with this guy who would have only been content to have sex with me and not to love, cover, and protect, or to encourage me in the Lord and life, and finally marry me. By God’s grace and wisdom, I did not have to bite that bullet. What can we learn from the above story?
Good choices in who we choose to associate with can save us lots of heartaches.
The scripture teaches us, “bad company corrupts good character.” In other words, we could have been on the right path, but one wrong choice in an association can turn us in a completely different direction. We often teach this to young people, but it applies just as much to adults. Just because we are adults does not mean that we can just do what it is that we want to do. We have to submit to the wisdom of God. Because of my choice to disassociate myself with the brother, I was able to maintain my godly standard.
Our intimacy with God is the most important thing that we have.
This is very important because it was my intimate connection with the Lord that revealed things about the brother that I could not yet see. It caused me to be more cautious and for good reason because God said so. I want to interject here that the byproduct of walking in purity is undistracted intimacy with God. That is knowing God on a close level. Thus, I do not practice purity to walk in religious pride and to lord myself above others as if I have it all together.
Nor do I seek to adhere to laws that God has not required to have an appearance of purity like some of my brothers and sisters in Christ do. I’ve experienced brothers and sisters in Christ trying to correct me for complimenting a brother among women on natural things such as attraction or manliness when this is natural affection. Holiness and purity do not require us as women to give up natural affection. It requires us to surrender our affections and passions unto the obedience of Christ. This is a heart posture toward the Lord.
“Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.“ – Psalms 24:3-4
Keeping our standard up as women of God will be a major battleground to be a successful single woman.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been attacked by not worldly people, but church folks on maintaining my God-given standard. However, I’ve gotten to the point where I no longer care about those who do not understand my stance. This standard has done what it was supposed to do and that is to keep me from getting involved with the wrong men who do not share my same values and to preserve me for the right man who does share my same values.
I attended a discussion on relationships last night at my church and my pastor shared that the standard that his wife had is what drew him to her. He had never seen that before and he wanted her because of it. In reality, I believe that many sold out Christian men and women want the same thing and that is a place to feel safe, secure, and at rest. When we meet someone who shares our same values it produces that place of security that we have longed for. However, we will not be able to see this within one another unless we maintain our standard.
Godly Counsel is our protection.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)
Thankfully, I have two older and wiser married women in my life who I can call when I need counsel. As I was developing into a more mature woman, I called one of them quite a bit. However, I appreciate the fact that God gifted me with them to correct me if I am wishy-washy, for example, if I am considering going back to a guy who clearly isn’t good for me because he simply wanted me.
There used to be a time in my life where I was so tired of the rejection that I had to go through as a single woman of God that I’d sometimes consider thoughts of going with whoever pursued me, but of course I could not do that because it was not who I am, and my godly counsel would remind me of that.
The truth is living a life of consecration to the Lord, and desiring to please him in every area of our lives including relationships, can be hard. It can get cold and lonely waiting for someone who shares the same values as us. However, it is all worth it. When we look back and see what God has preserved us from, it should also encourage us to know that he has also preserved us to something as well. That something will be a life-long covenant with someone who has also been set aside by God for His glory. That is what this is all about which is God getting the glory out of our lives. Sometimes, it requires us to go through the bad times, or disappointing times before we reach the good times, but good times are coming.
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