Last night, I could not believe my eyes. I met a young man who came out of the barber shop, and stopped me from cleaning the snow off of my car as he offered to do it. He opened my door for me, and texted me later to see if I had made it home safely. He did not speak to me in any inappropriate or demeaning way, but he was happy to grace my presence and share in playing a game of chess earlier that evening.
While the gentleman and I aren’t in a relationship, nor pursuing a relationship seeing as how we just met last night; I think that is a wonderful example of how a woman should be treated and is worthy of being treated.
Recently, God has been showing me examples of men of God, who truly love and respect women. That is something that often women in my generation do not see. When a woman doesn’t see that or know that first-hand for herself, it can easily cause her faith to falter, but faith that is based on what we see is really not faith at all. (Hebrews 11:1[1], Romans 8:24[2])
When a woman’s faith falters in such a way that she does not believe that there are any good godly men out there, it can cause her to question her own worth and lower her standards to adapt to what she feels is out there. It has been a lie propagated by Satan that there aren’t any good godly men in this world, but the real problem is we have to get our eyes off of what we see, and get our eyes on trusting God, who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we can ever ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)
It is my prayer that those who are love starved would be covered with the love of Jesus Christ, and not only that. It is also my prayer that God would open your eyes and send examples of men to you who will not make prey of you for abuse, or any selfish or ungodly tendency. It is my prayer, that all love-starved girls would grow so close to God that they become discerning, and careful with who they allow into their lives.
Every man who sets their eyes on a woman and begins to pursue her doesn’t always have her best intentions at heart. Men who do not have a woman’s best interest at heart will notice the void of a love-starved woman, and attempt to fill that void, and it can be a temptation simply because a real and legitimate need is being met, but the ending of this type of relationship can cause a woman more harm than good.
I have been blessed to have a relationship with God at a young age. Every man that I have ever been seriously interested in, God has given me a dream about that man, and how he feels about the whole situation. God has been my covering to the point of helping me to guard my heart. The bible says to guard our hearts with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
The things and people that you allow to get close to your heart will affect your whole life and your outlook on life whether good or bad. That is why it is so important as a love-starved girl, to be diligent and careful with who you allow to attempt to fill the void of feeling love-starved.
If you have a relationship with God you have an advantage. You can seek God with all of your heart, and he will answer you. (Hebrews 11:6[3], Psalms 69:6[4]) When you seek God, the men who the devil would send to you to get you in a situation of dishonor where you are lowering your worth to have a man so you don’t feel lonely, unloved, and unworthy of love, God will expose for what’s really going on and you will continue to have peace.
Just because you aren’t in a relationship at this time doesn’t mean that you are unlovable or undesirable. That is also a lie from the enemy to make you feel so out of place as if there is something wrong with you, so that you will not make a wise decision with your love life, but an unwise decision based on how you feel, instead of on God’s very best that he has for you.
Satan’s job is to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) He wants to still your inheritance of God’s best for your life. He wants to rob you of joy and peace in exchange for bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness towards these men who don’t know who they are.
A man who doesn’t know his own worth isn’t going to treat a woman like the queen that she deserves to be treated. That’s why God provides us with discernment to know when to keep our distance from certain men, guard our hearts, and pray for them from a good distance because as an old youth pastor of mine told me when I was talking to a guy who wasn’t right for me, “You don’t want to get caught up in no mess.”
We cannot allow the voids that we feel in our lives to make us easy prey for mess. We have to seek God in prayer, fasting, and study of his word on how to deal with those voids in the most healthy ways.
Sometimes, as women we ignore the examples that God places in our lives to cover us and build our faith in knowing that there are good, reputable, and godly men around because we are stuck on someone who isn’t worth our time. So, also pray that your eyes would be open to upright, godly, and healthy relationships with men whether it is a family member, male-friend, teacher or leader of some sort.
The point is we don’t want our faith to be damaged by the ungodly men that we see to the point where we lower our standards with no hope of God’s best for us. This can cause us to settle for what’s only available right now. I pray that you would realize that you are worthy of God’s best for you no matter what you have been told, or how you have been treated.
God is faithful in every way to protect our hearts because he values and loves us very dearly beyond measure. I’m a witness. He is jealous over us, and whatever he can do to protect us he will. We need to only come to him. God is able to cover and fill a love-starved heart.
Update on the gentleman from the barbershop. It’s 2023 now. The gentleman and I attempted to become friends who just enjoyed one another’s company. However, there was a serious character issue that consistently separated us as friends and prohibited us from becoming more than friends. Because the serious character issue went unaddressed for years, I’ve not been in communication with this brother. We are Facebook and Instagram friends, but no longer talk on the phone or meetup for dates.
I am clear that I need a man of character who shares my values. This firm foundation of who I am in my thirties and now at 40 has protected me. I’ve gone through the feelings of feeling love starved. It is just that–a feeling. It isn’t the truth. I find love in my healthy community of friends, family, and associates.
Always worthy of love is how I see myself at 40. I consistently tell myself the truth of my worth and acknowledge any feelings I have. Living in a place of confidence and self-worth allows me to continue to only make myself available to quality gentlemen. There is more support now for singles with more access to podcasts, dating apps, and other places of community like Facebook Groups, Join Singles Living for Christ for monthly Zoom events and other freebies to assist you in this walk.
Don’t ever see yourself as love starved. You are God’s daughter. You are an answer to quality men, who still value women like you. You have a responsibility to yourself, God, and others to see yourself properly. This will result in you making the healthiest decisions in life and love for yourself. When you make a mistake, you are still valuable and worthy of love. Just be responsible enough to own your mistake and make corrections.
Let’s no longer be shocked when a guy treats us with respect. Let’s practice discernment in knowing ourselves and choosing those who compliment who we are.
Download the anti-anxiety prayer guide for singles to help with feelings of anxiety because of extended singleness.
[1] Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)
[2] For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? Romans 8:24 (KJV)
[3] But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (KJV)
[4] Let not those who wait and hope and look for You, O Lord of hosts, be put to shame through me; let not those who seek and inquire for and require You [as their vital necessity] be brought to confusion and dishonor through me, O God of Israel. Psalms 69:6 (Amplified Version)
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