Women want to feel safe with a man, to trust a man, to unleash her love on a man knowing that man cherishes and appreciates her to the point of respecting her and committing himself only to her. Men want similar things. They want a woman to make them feel like a man. To make them feel desired, respected, and needed among other things.
What women and men want from relationships, they often do not get. Instead, men and women too often are left with frustration and anger toward one another.
Due to the lack of maturity and seriousness when it comes to covering our brother or sister’s heart, many have been left wounded, bitter, and angry with their opinion of a gender defined by the many negative experiences that have occurred.
Hence, the sayings: All men are dogs, and other unflattering references to women. King Solomon, in the Bible had a similar generalization:
His words regarding women:
“I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare (Ecclesiastics 7:26).”
King Solomon appears to be bitter and imbalanced in his statement above like many women and men who have been hurt by failed relationships. You remember how you felt when that man or woman dogged you out and then you got on the phone with a sister/brother who went through the same thing. You had your amen corner while you became eaten up with anger, bitterness, and distrust.
You allowed that situation or those situations to shape your outlook of men/women and instead of you healing, the anger began to grow. The good news is a person in that situation does not have to stay there. King Solomon did not stay there. He began to examine himself and realize that women are not all bad. It is just the choice of women that he had chosen to entertain.
King Solomon had 1,000 wives. Of course, he is going to have some grievances with women. Solomon went against the commandment of God and took wives who worshiped other gods. Therefore, what was important to Solomon was not important to them because they had their own gods to please. He had set himself up.
The prevalent selfishness, instant gratification, and unwillingness to work at a healthy relationship nowadays has caused many to set themselves up in relationships that are destined to fell in the beginning and causes a cycle of constant hurt over and over again just with different people. People allow this cycle to take place in their lives over and again simply for the sake of being in a relationship. A period of healing is not an opportunity to get caught up again. It’s an opportunity to reflect and make a better choice next time.
We have to learn to get past the hurt, the bitterness, and negative. God has healing for us and when we are healed we are in a place to receive God’s best. Solomon had gotten to the point where he said out of a thousand women he could not find one upright woman, but out of a thousand men he could at least find one upright man (Ecclesiastics 7:27-28). Again, the imbalance is eluded to because of his situation. He believes there aren’t any upright women, but then one day he comes to the conclusion of what God says and he states that God has made both man and woman upright, but they have sought out their own inventions (Ecclesiastics 7:29).
In other words, God has made both men and women with the capacity to make the right decisions, but they have chosen to search out their own way, and that is why we see the chaos between men and women that we see today.
God wants to heal that anger, bitterness and pain. He wants to give us the hope that is found only in him. What we see today is a direct result of the neglect of God’s way of doing things. It is all too prevalent throughout the scriptures that when God’s people did things God’s way, the results were surpassing in greatness, but when they rebelled and went their own way, chaos and all types of bondage ensued.
The whole conclusion of the matter is this to Fear God and to keep his commandments (Ecclesiastics 12:1). When we put God first in our dealings with the opposite sex and every other area of our life, we cannot help but to prosper. We have to work on getting our minds renewed according to God’s word.
God’s word says that we would prosper and be in health as our soul prospers1. Our soul is our mind, will, emotions, and intellect. As we align those areas of our lives with God’s word, our world will begin to change, and our perception like King Solomon will begin to change as healing and preparation for God’s best ensues.
1Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2
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