Generalizations, Unrealistic Expectations & Cheesecake Factory Date
Generalizations and stereotypes come from experiences like that of the recently famed Cheesecake Factory date. We see these stereotypes and generalizations begin to shape the reality of our culture as African-American single women and men. It furthers the notions of self-hate that have been permeating themselves throughout our culture.
Yes, there are women with unrealistic and superficial expectations. They come in all colors. However, the African-American women who publicize this type of behavior in mainstream culture hurt themselves and other Black women who do not share the same sentiment. According to a 2020 Pew research study Blacks are far more likely to be single than non-Blacks. Further, African-American men are more likely to marry outside of their race.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with marrying outside of our race. However, Black women aren’t given a fair chance when our image is consistently in a negative light. If we are going to come together as a culture that desires to love and respect one another and form nuclear families—both single Black women and men will need to take responsibility.
We will have to take responsibility for Overcoming Generalizations and stereotypes Imposed on Us
An example of a generalization can be that women tend to identify with financial security more. In many cases, this is a true generalization. It can be backed up by data and common sense that shows that women can be more vulnerable to financial instability if they desire to have children which is a natural result of marriage on many occasions.
However, to assume that all women who are Black only care about money is a stereotype. Stereotypes are forced on individuals and can have a greater negative effect on the community as a whole. Simply because a woman identifies with a cultural group, such as being Black she may be passed over without being given a conversation or consideration. See the Intercultural Development Institute’s definition of a generalization turning into a stereotype below:
“A cultural generalization is a statement about a group of people. For instance, saying that US Americans tend to be more individualistic compared to many other cultural groups is an accurate generalization about that group. A cultural generalization may become a stereotype if it is definitively applied to individual members of the group. For instance, it would be stereotyping a particular person to assume that he or she must be individualistic by virtue of being a US American.”
These stereotypes have to be changed by the women who have given into a mindset that their value and worth are determined by how much a guy is willing to spend on them. It also has to be changed by the men who love Black women. A Black man has to not allow himself to write off all Black women because of a stereotype. We are not a monolith. We all have our own set of values that go far beyond money. Truthfully speaking, when you meet a woman of honor and integrity—we often bring wealth, wisdom, and favor.
Responsibility must be Taken to Discern between Unrealistic & Superficial Expectations for Important Values
I love how the woman in the Cheesecake Factory video later took responsibility for her actions. She admitted that she was being superficial and had unrealistic expectations. Her behavior of disrespecting the man’s time by being late to the date was inconsiderate.
On top of that, not getting out of the car when they arrived at the destination of the Cheesecake Factory was a further act of entitlement and ungratefulness.
Instead, she rolled her eyes in disrespect while putting her date on camera as if to show the world that she was being mistreated. She was the one doing the mistreatment.
How many times have we heard that we attract who we are? The gentleman quickly realized she was not on the same page as him and he took her back home. Even the Bible teaches us if we desire friends; we must show ourselves friendly. It’s unrealistic to think someone will be willing to give you the world while you blatantly disrespect them.
Let’s not lose the timeless values of kindness, genuine love, courtesy, and respect for our neighbors whether we like them or not. Based on how she treated him—it was clear she did not like him. He was a meal ticket to her. If this is not what she meant to communicate—she needs to become more self-aware.
It doesn’t hurt to be aware of how others view you. We need to develop a healthy value system of love and respect if love and respect are what we want. If our friends do not encourage us to find genuine love—they aren’t our friends. The woman shared that she would not have been able to live down telling her friends she’d gone on a date at the Cheesecake factory. So, she did not want to settle. This was her initial mindset. The real settling is giving up on a chance at real love.
It’s having to catch a man to get your next attention and money-grab fix. Some settle for transactional relationships of money for time or sex instead of building lasting love because they don’t believe lasting love exists.
Deal with any Limiting Beliefs that Keep You in a Less Than Worthy Mindset
Instead of continuing down the wrong path—commit to dealing with your limiting beliefs. Renew your mind with the word of God. Learn what it means to become a virtuous woman. Characteristics of a virtuous woman include kindness in her speech and demeanor. She is gracious and settled in her worth.
The point of being settled in her worth is so important. Why? Because it will not be easy walking the path of virtue. You’ll be protected from so much but others will tell you that you are too much. They will try to convince you that you are too old to hold certain traditional values like waiting until marriage for sex. That is okay, however. Because the trials and tests we face show us the character we’ve developed inside.
Our character to remain firm in our values makes us a diamond. A diamond is something only the diligent can find as it is buried deep in the earth. Diamond-like women are buried deep in God. He will direct the right types of gentlemen to our path when the appropriate time comes.
Finally, We will have to Think for Ourselves Not Allowing Negative Media or Generalizations to Shape Our View of the World
Living our lives believing generalizations and stereotypes about others instead of meeting each individual for ourselves—will shut us out from some potentially great experiences. This is why we have to think for ourselves. Something the gentleman in the video did well. He knew his values. He stood on his values and did not settle. Neither did he allow his experience with her to shape his view of all African-American women. We are more than generalizations.
Superficial women use the term settling for getting with a man who isn’t willing to spend as much money, but money doesn’t make the man. Money shows you what type of man you are dealing with. If he is disciplined in not being flashy or overspending—perhaps he may be good at budgeting. This is an important value that will make a difference later should a woman decide to marry and have children with the man. At least, she can have the peace of mind to know he can prioritize the family over impressing others.
People who have not developed themselves use money to impress others. Those who have developed themselves use being their genuine selves. They show off things like love, care, kindness, protection, stability, and mutual respect. Which person would you rather have?
See the full interview of the two who went on the viral date below and share your thoughts:
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