Everyone that we meet of the opposite sex will not be a love interest. People come in and out of our lives in different seasons for different reasons. If we try to cast everyone into the role of future lover, we may be doing more harm than good.
What if God allows a person to come into our lives just to see an example of someone who is living holy for God and that is it. Let’s say for example a girl goes to a unisex salon where of course there are both guys and girls getting their hair done. If a girl goes there long enough she becomes an associate of the people who work there.
They see her face, know her name, have a few meaningful conversations and that is it. After a while of going there she may be presented with an advance from a barber who wants to be more than an associate.
She agrees to go out with the gentleman. They have good conversation, but it is clear that the gentleman is not who she needs for a spouse. If the woman is honest with herself she will keep him in the associate category and deal with him in that sense or even better yet she can understand what type of gentlemen that he is through his conversation in the shop and avoid going out with him altogether to avoid confusion. You can tell a lot about a person by what comes out of their mouths [i].
The young lady could still maintain a friendly associate relationship with the brother getting some of her needs met as far as fellowship, male companionship through friendship in an environment where pressure is minimized for both the man and the woman and the environment is safe and free of compromise at the shop. Because they are fellowship in a public place with other people there is no room for compromise of her purity.
The man would also enjoy her fellowship and possibly grow from being around her in that safe atmosphere. It’s okay to leave a relationship at where it presents itself as far as an associate type of relationship that clearly will not work in a further manner because of things such as being unequally yoked.
I believe that God has anointings of safety at certain places where both men and women can fellowship with one another and see what is in another’s heart through conversation and such without the worry of compromise or distraction.
Dating one on one is not the only way to get to know someone and when done too soon can place unnecessary pressure on a relationship to move to fast. For the unequally yoked relationship a wreck almost becomes certain as the next step.
Women especially have to be careful because we are the weaker vessel. I will admit, I am not an expert on exactly why in the Bible it says that women are the weaker vessel, but we were judged in the garden of Eden to be in submission to our husbands. With that charge from God, women have a right to be somewhat choosy when it comes to picking a mate, because who she picks she has to submit to. A woman should ask herself while she is romanticizing about a particular gentlemen caught up in the awes of being desired by someone for a mate if she is willing to submit to him for the rest of her life , if not she may be wasting her time and his and that is not going to have a good ending.
We have been so cultured by the world, society, media, and images of when a guy and girl click to date or place someone in a romantic category without actually applying discernment of how the long-run with a person may look, or prayerful consideration of why an individual is in our lives.
Again, just because a person is of the opposite sex doesn’t mean that he is the possible boo-thing. It’s okay to leave the relationship at what it presents itself as whether associate, friendship, or potential, until it naturally evolves into more, but a potential should not be assumed for every relationship.
There has to be some form of patience in acquiring what God has for us. The Bible says that through patience the promises of God our obtained [ii]. Give people time to show you who they are without the pressure of dating. Give time for God’ discernment as well.
Assuming a potential for every person of the opposite sex can limit the amount of people in one’s life of the opposite sex because if it turns out sour; it may be hard to go back to being friends or trying to be associates. God’s purpose for allowing that person into one’s life may become lost or looked over altogether for trying to make it into a romantic relationship.
Below are some brief definitions of various friendship relationships from a video by a teacher that I follow called Perry Stone, “Don’t Awaken Love Before Time.” His video can be purchased at the following link: http://www.voe.org/store/dv146-don-t-awaken-love-before-the-time
He broke down the four levels of friendship as such:
Four Levels of Friendship:
Casual – Seeing them in church or somewhere familiar. You don’t develop a deep friendship, but it is based on questions and answers between two people, “How you doing etc.”
Common – We have something in common together. Common interests. For example sports fans of the same team etc.
Close – Based on common goals and dreams.
Covenant – Based on intimacy (not physical intimacy). Someone you will trust enough to share things you normally would not share with other people.
Pastor Stone shared that a person who is dating should not go past levels 1-3 unless they know for sure that they are going to marry the other person. He also provided several additional insights as it relates to relationships that is worth checking out. See the video at the youtube link below for more insight. We watched this video at an encouragement group last year and discussed how relevant it was.
When we take people in our lives who were meant to be associates, or friends and try to force them to be future spouses we create confusion for ourselves as well as for other individuals. We also create frustration from valuable time spent that could have be used in a more productive manner.
We will meet people in our lives who fit each category. Some of those people will be attractive and of the opposite sex, but they may not be appropriate for the last category. Relationships with the opposite sex are all about discerning what God’s will is for each person bought into our lives and being willing to submit to that will when God reveals it to us.
My advice would be to enjoy your life as a single person. Enjoy the fellowship of both men and women in an uncompromising way. It is easy to do this in a group setting whenever possible and be prayerful and honest with God and yourself about everything and you will be fine.
i. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45
ii. That ye be not slothful, through faith and patience inherit the promises. Hebrews 6:12
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