As previously stated in the first blog of this series, it is extremely rare that I date. I have been on what I would consider one real date within the last four years, and that was an associate who took me out for my birthday and nothing more. Dating is not always necessary to figure out if someone is worth courting. Figuring out if someone is worth courting is just as simple as having a conversation with someone. Below are some practical tips of what to do when a guy is interested in you.
Talk to him:
Have a natural conversation with the brother. Pay close attention to what comes out of his mouth because what comes out of his mouth will most likely show what’s in his heart. His intentions will normally eventually show up in conversation. Because you have not taken the relationship to such a serious level as you are only talking to a brother; it will be easier and less painful to break it off if you notice something that is a strait no go for you. We ain’t gotta boo up with someone just because they are interested in us. Take it easy sis! We are not desperate, but smart women who practice discernment and who follow the leading of the Lord. This will also make you more attractive to the right man. Trust me, men don’t know how to let you go when they see that you are a challenge and aren’t easy to get.
Luke 6:45 – A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Proverbs 14:7 – Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceives not in him the lips of knowledge.
Pray regarding him:
This is probably the most important one. God has always exposed men’s intentions to me after prayer and acknowledging God about how he feels about the gentleman. Men can talk a good game, and get pass women’s discernment, but they cannot get pass God. God has made men expose their intentions to me, so that I would not proceed further to heartbreak and time wasted. And for that I am very thankful.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths strait. In other words, God will show you the way to go.
Have boundaries in place:
This is something that I learned from others that God placed in my life for accountability and to sharpen me. I had been away from talking to guys for so long, that I had forgotten that boundaries needed to be set. Boundaries are parameters that we set up for ourselves that prevent us from going over a certain point. Really, only you and God can set the boundary that is appropriate to you. One person’s boundary may not be effective with another person’s because we all have unique temptations that draw our attention in certain areas. For example: I have boundaries of not allowing men to know where I live if I barely know them, not to allow a male into my house if it’s just him and I alone, not to have sexual conversation with a male not my husband in a talking or dating setting. Some people have not kissing as a boundary, and others have not going on late dates. More on boundaries will be discussed in next week’s blog post.
1 Corinthians 10:12 – So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
Know what you want and what you don’t want:
Some things God doesn’t have to show us. Some things are just a no go altogether. We know we don’t want to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. There may be other things that are just as important to you such as for myself, I don’t want to be with an immature man as I am mature. Neither do I want a man who’s way of life is that of manipulation and control. Those are no goes for me. You should have your own no goes and note them as you talk to the gentleman and are prayerful about him. What you want and don’t want ought to be such strong convictions for you that you adhere to them yourself. This is not about writing a frivolous list. The main thing that I want in a man is to have a man with a heart after God. That is also my heart as well.
Agreement:
There should be agreement on key values that are important to the both of you. Your purposes should be in agreement with one another as not to hold one or the other back if you were to get together.
Amos 3:3 – Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
Follow God’s peace: Be honest about where God is leading you, and what God is showing you. If you constantly have a check in your spirit like something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Follow God’s peace for your life.
Colossians 3:5 – And letthepeaceofGod rule in your hearts…
Don’t build off of an emotional connection or a physical attraction alone: Emotions can simply be deceitful. Just because we feel a certain way, doesn’t mean things are right. We have to have some sobriety in checking out a possible boo. Being led by our emotions is what leads us to skip over important red-flags and next thing you know we wake up one day in a mess asking ourselves how did we get here.
1 Peter 5:8 – Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour
Have Accountability:
Don’t just trust your own discernment, but allow yourself to check out the men who are interested in you among others. If you are in a place where you aren’t hearing from God or aren’t thinking clearly your accountability can help to make up that space. Your accountability partner needs to be someone who tells you the truth no matter what. I have an accountability partner who is as sharp as a tack. She gave me a very wise tip saying to write down the red-flags that I noted in men and decide whether it was something I could deal with or no. I have another friend who I’d share stuff with when talking to a guy and she was pretty much non-chalet saying things like just be thankful you have someone to talk to. I didn’t notice until now, the reason she would give such poor advice was due to low self-esteem and disbelief in God to send someone appropriate to her. Now, I pray for that sister, and am leery about taking advice from her. She needs to be healed. Be aware of these things as you choose accountability in your life.
Proverbs 15:22 – Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.
All of the above steps should be taken in the talking stage. If after following all of the above steps, the connection turns into something that can grow and become a stable relationship that pleases God, then praise God! The next step would be to begin a courtship. If not, then at least, you were protected from a possible mess.
Having a set of reasonable and practical guidelines in place like the above are of the utmost importance to meeting and entertaining the right gentleman. Patience also must be practiced in not allowing someone who is unqualified to just fill a slot to pass time. As God has called us to a higher standard, then we should raise the standard being thankful that God loves us enough to protect us and preserve us for his best.
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