We know that at some point dating will be necessary in the season of dating to gather necessary data on whether one is suitable for a spouse or not, but if this season has not arrived for us, it’s best to wait in faith not anxiously trying to put ourselves out there to date every Tom, Tim, and Harry in hopes of one of these gentleman being the one. Dating around will not bring us our boo any faster if it is not time for him to come.
Dating versus waiting is easier to grasp onto because of the tangible quality of a date. We can see, touch, and feel a person on a date. Whereas, with waiting there must be faith. With that faith, there is nothing tangible to assure us in our season of waiting of what awaits on the other side. We cannot see, feel, or touch the promise in waiting, but through resting in faith we know that it is there somewhere.
The problem with being led by what we can see, touch, and feel with our emotions is that those things can easily become a mirage deceiving us into thinking we have what God promised instead of something we built up and worked for on our own.
This brings us to the question of whether there is a soul mate. Many people bring this question up to disprove being led by the Spirit in waiting for who God has for us. They say there are a billion men; we just need to pick one because there is not just one person that God has for you.
The whole idea of the soul mate should really be summed up in two questions:
What do you want? Do you want God’s permissive will for your life, or do you want God’s perfect will for your life? Perfect meaning complete and lacking nothing.
God makes a difference between the two. The book of Romans talks about how there were two sons from Abraham. Abraham was promised by God to have a son in his old age. One son named Isaac, who represented the son of promise—God’s perfect will, and what God was responsible for producing. The other son Ishmael represented the son of the flesh or the work and will of man. Both sons received a blessing and provision from God one by permission, and the other by promise.
Therefore, when considering the question of a soul-mate, if God has promised you someone then there is only that one someone set aside for you by God. However, we have a choice in the matter. We can choose God’s permissive will and produce for ourselves an Ishmael or we can wait patiently for our Isaac to manifest.
An unfounded argument that is made concerning the idea of a soul mate is what if a spouse dies, and a person re-marries? How can there be a soul mate if that scenario plays out? The answer is clear if God desires for a person to be remarried after certain circumstances, then he will make provision for that. Let’s not forget who God is. God is the I Am God meaning whatever we need; God makes provision for, but we have a choice to choose what we really want.
The story of Isaac and Ishmael is not the only story that shows the dueling will’s of man and God. There is another example in 1 Samuel 8 where the children of Israel ask for a king. God is not in agreement with this. The scripture says that God saw this request as him being rejected by Israel. God instructed his servant Samuel to let the children of Israel know that they’d be taken as servants by the king, and their fields would be taken and given to the king’s servants among other things. The children of Israel’s response was they still wanted a king in order to be like all of the other nations around them.
In other words, God was letting the children of Israel know that if he gave them what they wanted, they would go through some additional things. The children of Israel agreed to it because they wanted to be like everyone else around them. How many of us have been called apart by God not to date and do relationships like everyone else, but we do it any way just to fit in as normal. In this, we settle for all of the disappointment that comes with our decision to do things in our own way instead of to obey God.
Despite God’s warning through his prophet Samuel, the children of Israel chose God’s permissive will over God’s perfect will meaning God’s pre-ordained plans for us. God in essence let them know that they’d go through more by choosing his permissive will and when they called on him for deliverance, he would not hear them because that was the choice that they had made.
God allows us to have a choice, and if that choice does not line up with God’s will; God does not have to take responsibility for making that choice work. We can choose to believe there is no one that God has specifically in mind for us and just date frivolously like the world trying marriage out with just anybody, but like God warned the children of Israel, this choice will yield results that will be harder to deal with.
In short, the person who chooses God’s permissive will above God’s perfect will, will end up going through more all for the sake of being like everyone else around them. Not only is this Biblical knowledge, but I have seen this first hand. I’ve seen a woman in particular suffer for over 30 years because of the choice to become unequally yoked with someone. The Lord has been merciful to the woman and given her much strength to overcome the hard years that she signed up for.
The church does not want to be peculiar anymore. We want to fit in at the expense of our own peace and fulfillment in God’s will, and God says okay remaining patient with us until we grow to the maturity of desiring God’s perfect will above his permissive will.
Therefore, the answer to the soul mate question really is a question of what type of a person are we characterized by? Are we the type of people who at our very core of a person, we desire to seek God’s will and what he wants for us, or what God may allow for us in our frustration and distrust during the process of waiting? The process of waiting is what will produce God’s perfect will for us. When that right person comes around; we eventually will know because we are already familiar with how God deals with us.
A person has to know himself and have his own identity rooted in Christ before he enters the season of courtship. I am of the characterization where at my core, I have a longing and desire to seek God’s will for me knowing his will is the very best. Therefore, my behavior as I wait for God’s promise has to be that of trust and humility following God’s leading instead of taking the promise into my own hands. I’d never have peace taking the promise of my spouse into my own hands with the character that I have come to develop over the years. I leave myself with no choice, but to trust in God.
This is why waiting is so necessary because in the wait we learn so much. We learn who we are, we learn how to walk with and follow God—that is what waiting is it is following God. It is learning how to be sensitive to his Spirit as he prepares us and walks us right into his best. It will be hard and challenging at times, but he has promised never to leave us. So, he’s always there for comfort or wisdom for whatever it is that we need.
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