Change the Narrative On How You View Singleness Over 40

Change the Narrative on How You View Singleness over 40

What do you do when you get tired of fighting the same lies over and over again during your singleness journey? You change the narrative. Shift your thinking from what you are experiencing to the things God has been showing you in prayer. You discipline yourself to meditate on the Word of God instead of your experience.

Speak God’s word again and again until you believe it. You build your faith. Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God. What narratives do you come up against periodically or even regularly that you are changing the narrative on? Here are a few that those in extended singleness may encounter.

I’ve gotten too Old and Missed My Chance as One Experiencing Singleness Over 40

It’s hard to get away from the narrative of age. Our generation has been getting married at older ages, yet the median age for a first marriage is still younger than 40. So, for the 40-plus singles, what does the research say? One good thing it says is there are 61% of men looking to date or for a committed relationship between the ages of 30-49 years of age. This means that women in their 40s are still highly sought after. Other research shows getting married later poses a lower divorce risk.

While many of us discount ourselves on the dating market as having missed our time; our time is still fresh and ripe for the correct suitor. We can feel just as beautiful, hopeful, and sought after as when we were younger—just with greater maturity.

That’s right! Older women have bonuses that we bring to the table. I’d like to say humility is one of those benefits and it’s a requirement for a healthy marriage. Marriage is full of learning and compromise. When you get something that you feel at times that you aren’t worthy of for whatever reason—experience, age, or the like—you are more willing to do the work to maintain what you have.

You also develop a greater appreciation for what you have. Often, the too-old thinking is a narrative we’ve made up in our mind to disqualify ourselves as unworthy—when God still says we’re worthy. Heck! The research still says we’re worthy. Why don’t we? We need to be intentional about changing the narrative to God’s truth in this area.

What is God saying about us despite our age? Have we set with God in prayer to find out? Something God has shared with me is he’s opening doors. My best days are ahead of me. I’ve even gotten little nuggets in prayer on how I will recognize my future husband.

In Singleness Over 40 We Must Hope Against Hope

One of the most recent nuggets God gave me is that my husband and I will have an “iron sharpening iron relationship.” This will be one of the ways I will recognize that my husband has arrived. This also personally means a lot to me due to some personal work God has been doing within me in recent years relating to communication and assertiveness. This gives me hope against a circumstance that sometimes appears unhopeful.

Abraham, the father of our faith hoped against all hope—to have a child. He got so into unbelief that he and Sarah attempted to create the miracle on their own. We react like Abraham and Sarah when we allow the wrong narrative to frazzle us. We attempt to do it on our own and fail to rest in God’s promise.

Resting in the Lord Helps in Singleness Over 40

Instead of focusing on the lie that we’re too old; let’s focus on resting in the Lord. Let’s rest in what God has said. Let’s rest in the truth that we are still enough at 40 plus. Girls, put on our pumps and enjoy the ride of life even if our faith may be small due to the tiredness of the wait. All it takes is just a little faith to see God’s promises. Remember the mustard seed and move your mountain.

I’m too Mature to Find a Man Willing to Cover Me

This may sound awkward to some, but when you watch men value women who aren’t that smart you begin to think, well maybe I should hide my brain to some degree. Women are sometimes pushed as objects to make men feel good about themselves. Perhaps, for some men, having a brain is too much. But the right man will appreciate our brain because he will know that he isn’t on his own. He’s truly got some help. Not just in the bedroom, but in life.

We should not view being mature as a disqualifier for us being a wife. If anything, it should be a qualifier. A mature woman naturally requires more. She requires a guy who can have mature conversations with her. He should be able to dig deep and perceive things beyond the surface. This produces a next-level intimacy experience that’s more fulfilling.

Again, it’s a plus. We are tempted to hide who we are and dumb ourselves down to make others feel comfortable with us. The truth is we should be our authentic selves all the more at 40 plus. Those that are too uncomfortable with our maturity simply aren’t for us. It would be a disservice for us to stop growing in an attempt to find a man.

It also speaks to our level of faith. Do we not believe there are mature men out there as well who desire mature women? Everyone has an appropriate counterpart. The immature with the immature. The mature with the mature. Another mature person will respect and honor a person at their core because their understanding of things is greater than one who is immature. The immature devalues things, experiences, and people more because they simply do not understand.

How can someone who is mature change the narrative of seeing maturity as a plus instead of a negative to get a spouse? Hang around more mature men and women. Join a Facebook group with mature singles such as, “Singles Living for Christ.”