Lack of wholeness produces instability
Remember wholeness deals with our souls, meaning our—mind, will, and emotions. There is a scripture that shares that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways (James 1:8.) The opposite of wholeness is to be broken, divided, fractured, or unstable. A double-minded person wavers in their mind. One moment she may accept herself, the next moment she does not. One moment, she may believe she is worthy of the best, the next moment she is ready to settle for less.
She is unsettled on who she is. Her instability in how she sees herself attracts instability. Because she has not resolved how she sees herself; she opens the door for others in dating to tell her who she is, and what she should put up with. This is how a lot of women and men get caught up in toxic relationships. They were broken, unstable, and unresolved in what they felt they were worth. It would do a person well to get to the root of what is causing such instability and deal with that prior to entering into a relationship. If it is childhood issues, address those issues. If it’s a need for forgiveness, do the necessary work to forgive.
People who have not resolved to become whole settle for what’s available right now instead of what is appropriate
Wholeness lays the foundation for who we are without another person. We learn our identity, likes, dislikes, tolerances, skills, purpose, gifts, and talents. This sets a foundation in who will complement who we are and who will not. It’s best to choose a mate based on whether a person is heading in a similar direction as ourselves. Many instead choose a mate based on how they feel, and what they want. If the person makes them feel good, it’s a go when what’s really important may not be considered. A whole person learns to implement self-control over his emotions and how he feels for what’s more important and will make the most difference for the long-term.
It’s important to be whole to prevent entering a relationship based on a deficiency alone
It used to be that many women would jump at the idea of marriage out of a perceived need of getting out of their parent’s house. They just wanted something different. They felt like they could not do it on their own, and so having a man to assist with that was a primary option. However, marriage is something deeper to consider than a personal gain or want. It’s a covenant that will require much responsibility. It isn’t fair to ones-self or someone else to get with someone only for the purpose of getting something from them.
What happens when we are tired of what they have to give us or there is a job loss and things become uncomfortable. A whole person avoids this scenario. She does not get with a gentleman to pay her bills, or because she is lonely, and he’s the only guy available. A whole person considers a match that matches who he or she is as a person. He looks for complementary purposes, mutual respect, a mutual attraction and so forth and so on. A whole person also considers what she can bring to the table instead of what she can get. A relationship built on a deficiency alone will find it difficult to stand the test of time.
It’s important to be whole to avoid codependent relationships
Don’t get me wrong we all need someone, but a co-dependent relationship is when we are with someone not because they are good for us, but simply because they meet a need that we have. In essence, the other person becomes our vice for coping with life instead of learning how to cope with life as a healthy individual. A healthy individual coping with life realizes that she needs help, and encouragement sometimes, but she also is diligent at getting wisdom and applying principles that will help her to not only be a taker from others but an asset to others as well as to herself. She has learned the value of investing in herself as well as in others. This places her in a position of not being prime game for someone who may seek to abuse her knowing that she will come back because she feels she cannot make it on her own. Co-dependent relationships can become very draining and sometimes destructive.
Mental Health America shared the below quote on their website regarding co-dependent relationships:
“It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”
For more on wholeness, visit my website for information on, “The Wholeness Action Plan Book“
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