Recently, Erica Campbell shared on her Instagram and also explained more in detail on a radio show her statement below. See the quote of what she said at her Instagram link here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CHjNju1lUzS/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
I understand where Erica Campbell is coming from as she encourages singles to shift their thinking from loose sexual character to that of purity in preparation for marriage. There has to be a mature mindset to take on marriage especially if we will do so successfully, but it could easily be derived from her statement that those who practice the opposite of waiting until marriage for sex will not get married and that’s simply not true. Deciding to wait until marriage to have sex can and often does leave singles single longer.
It is true, that if we want God’s best for our future marriages that we will have to like Erica said, begin practicing obedience to God in the area of sexual purity among other areas. This also applies to virgins who have sex in their mind and have not had sex with their bodies. However, there has to be a greater expectation of remaining abstinent than to simply get married because getting married can come easier through compromise.
Simply put more people are willing to compromise sexually than to hold up a standard so there are more opportunities for people to choose from as a spouse when doing it the world’s way. I’m sharing this from experience as someone who is a 37-year-old virgin, who believes in honoring God with my body and actions. I’ve had more serious pursuits from men who do not believe the same as me with remaining abstinent until marriage and setting boundaries to do so than those who do believe the same. I had to make a choice of whether I wanted marriage or to please God.
Does the Church create a false expectation that abstaining from sex before marriage guarantees a marriage? I am 110% for doing things God’s way which is what the Bible teaches for us to wait until marriage to have sex. Anyone who follows my platform knows that I rep waiting 110%. However, I feel like the church has to be careful in how we communicate expectations for doing things God’s way and doing them the world’s way.
Many of my single sisters waiting to have sex after marriage are alone. They aren’t alone because they are loose in their sexual character. They are alone because they decided to wait. We have to begin telling the truth to young women that in many cases deciding to wait until marriage may mean that we are single longer because many men do not want a woman who has decided to wait until marriage for sex.
Many women who make the choice to obey God in this manner face rejection over and over again from men. Because of this, many women struggle with accepting themselves. They’re faced with the question of should I compromise to get married or should I continue to trust and obey God even if that means being alone a little longer.
I’ve met so many good guys who were looking for a wife, but the only thing that held them back was the fact that I, as a single woman, have boundaries so that I can continue to honor God with my body. Some of the good men interpreted my commitment to my healthy boundaries as a lack of trust in them. This was the case because their goal was not to honor God but themselves.
If we teach women to only value and prioritize marriage as the reason to wait; then women may begin making choices that aren’t honorable to God just to get married. We see it all the time. I can count so many women on my fingers who are married because they decided to compromise sexually before marriage.
I can also count on my fingers without using them all―the number of women I’m familiar with who became married after not having sex at all. The reality is a woman or man can get married while previously being a whore or sowing h*e seeds. The marriage may be more challenging in some areas due to the lack of discipline and character practiced before marriage. Some of these challenges could be avoided by doing things God’s way hence the benefit of waiting. Those who do obey God in waiting will be able to avoid some challenges that those who did not wait will not be able to. We see this all the time.
The greater weight should not be placed on being a good girl/good guy to get married, but being obedient to honor God whether we get married or not. I believe if the goal is only to get married then the door becomes open for idolatry of marriage. Idolatry is when we place something of more importance than Christ in our life. We begin to sacrifice for it as a form of worship.
Many of God’s single Christian daughters who have idolized marriage, and obeyed God in waiting, have become bitter toward God and His way of doing things. They believed the false expectation that abstinence until marriage meant having a marriage. When that did not happen many of God’s single daughters decided to begin sowing seeds of whoredom and found themselves no longer alone.
This is why we have to be careful about how we communicate about God’s Biblical laws. Yes, we should wait until marriage to have sex. It honors God with our bodies. It provides clarity when we are dating so we can see the real person and not the smokescreen of the connection created when we’ve become sexually intimate with a partner. There are great benefits to saving sex for marriage, but there has to be a greater motivation behind it than just to get married because what happens when waiting becomes the reason why men no longer want to be with you?
Finally, if you are someone reading this who has been obedient and are still single; be encouraged to know you are worthy of marriage if that is something you desire; seek God to see if it’s something he has for you and continue to remain faithful to God. If it is the Lord’s will for you to be married, you will be blessed with an appropriate spouse.
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