Recently, I was watching an episode of the OWN television show, “Ready to Love.” There is a woman on there named Melinda who was crushing hard on a brotha named Aaron. The premise of the show is for the contestants on the show to get to know each other and hopefully walk away with love.
The ladies eliminated most of the men leaving behind 3 brothas, one of them being Aaron. Melinda liked Aaron from day one and they have talked, texted, face-timed, but Aaron was never shown on the show professing his affection solely for Melinda aside from all of the other girls.
Melinda prematurely mentioned to the other ladies while they were out painting that she has already had sex with Aaron in her mind. She laid claim to this man publicly without him laying claim to her. That’s a no-no. She was moving ahead of herself and not guarding her heart. When we call a relationship prematurely, not allowing the man to lead with clarity that he wants just us; we fail to guard our hearts, and we set ourselves up to be disappointed. A man should declare publicly that you are his girl. It should not be a secret thing only between the two of you.
Later, Melinda is shown snapping on Aaron, when Aaron shares that he isn’t interested in her. Yes, Aaron led her on to a degree, flirting, face-timing, and sending text messages that made Melinda think there was more there, but Melinda did not take her responsibility to protect her own heart seriously. Due to her lust and infatuation, she felled to see the signs everyone seen all along and that was that Aaron just wasn’t that into her.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
Ms. Melinda did not guard her own heart. Instead, she projected the fault toward Aaron. Yes, he had some fault, but we cannot throw ourselves at men as women and expect them to fix our lack of love. Melinda shared as she walked away hurt that she wanted someone to love her for her. In order for her to get someone who loves her for her; she has to love herself for her. That means that she has to protect herself for her own personal sanity.
It becomes unattractive when we lose control of our discernment and self-preservation to lust, infatuation, and fantasy. Fantasy isn’t real, and what we fantasize about may never come to pass. Thus, when the fantasy blows up in our face, we are left disappointed. It’s better to remain sober. There is a time and place for everything under the sun. The time to fantasize is not before we get the man, but afterward.
After we get the man (meaning husband), we can turn some of our would be fantasies into reality. Until then, we need to be sober. Guard our hearts, and ready ourselves for love by choosing wisely. It isn’t a wise choice to want a man who doesn’t want us. We are worth more. We have to woman up and move on. There will be a man out there who will value us as we value ourselves–maybe even more. It may take us being single and becoming more in tune with our value and our worth first before we meet this type of man. Whatever, you do, don’t neglect to guard your heart.
The same goes for the brothas. Single men, you need to guard your heart as well. Deal with potentials at the reality at hand and not at the wishful thinking of a fantasy. If a girl is showing you she isn’t feeling you move on. I will say that sometimes a woman will be feeling a brotha, but the brotha doesn’t know how to approach the woman. For example, if you meet a girl on social media, and you exchange numbers with her; then call her and have a conversation with her first. Let her know you get her and she gets you first before you start sending good morning beautiful text messages every day.
If no strong foundation is being built through mental connection and communication, all that’s left is an emotional connection or a lust built connection. Please, note that emotions and lust aren’t enough to build a sustainable relationship. Emotional connections and lust connections take a potential relationship up fast which normally results in going down fast. Learn to guard your heart, work on your communication skills so you can present yourself to a woman beyond an emotional fantasy of stroking her eagle about her looks and physical beauty. Be real, open, and transparent showcasing who you are mentally and spiritually, and the emotional and physical connection will grow organically at a more sober and steadied pace.
Women of God, Do you guard your heart when a guy pursues you? Men of God, do you guard your heart when you pursue a woman? Men of God, do you send good morning beautiful text messages without building a firm foundation with the woman via conversation?
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