Last year I had a conversation with my therapist about the difference in being assertive and aggressive. We as Black women often get the bill for the latter. We’re often looked at as aggressive due to the color of our skin rather than how we present ourselves. We’re often looked at as rough, rugged, loud, or abrasive instead of soft women, who desire vulnerability and are worthy of love.
When fighting against stereotypes placed on us; it can become difficult to simply be yourself.
You may be afraid to speak up when appropriate due to how you may appear. If perceived incorrectly by the wrong person; you may fear being alone or being misunderstood further, but we have to get past that. We have to grow past the point of how we are perceived by others to be our genuine selves.
Knowing the difference in being aggressive and being assertive can help with that. Otherwise, if we simply ignore developing in who we are and how we express ourselves to appease others; we may become passive. A person, who is not developed in her personality operates out of passivity hiding the beauty of the gift of all God has made her to be. I want to encourage all of my readers no matter the color that your voice is important and it must be shared.
Below are some tips my therapist pointed out about being assertive versus aggressive. An assertion is simply the ability to communicate a position or statement respectfully. An assertion comes from a place of genuine confidence. Whereas, aggression comes from a place of insecurity and fear. It leads to forcefully seeking to control an argument, person, or circumstance. Aggressive people are self-seeking, loud, and manipulative. This is unnecessary to get a point across.
An assertion is the opposite. A person who asserts themselves will not do so at the expense of others but will consider others in the process. An assertive person is one who operates according to the scripture of first loving themselves and out of that others. They consider others as they would themselves, while not drawing back in fear. They say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.
I think a lot of us learned in the church and maybe even our homes that the appropriate place for a woman and her voice is passivity. However, a passive lifestyle is not a fulfilling lifestyle nor is it God-honoring. A passive person will not stand up for one’s self nor step out in faith. Instead of developing into herself; she makes her decisions around appeasing others at her own expense. It’s not God’s will for us as women to be passive or aggressive. It’s God’s will for us to assert the full beauty of the women He’s made us into. We have the gift of being soft and yet bold, ambitious, and yet powerful enough to assert the right tone. We have God-given wisdom to share. We are feminine. We are women and our voices as well as our feelings matter.
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