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Hard Conversations: Let’s Talk Divorce Part II

​Last week we talked about Christon Gray’s situation and how we should view those who have become divorced not in a sense of condemnation, but in a sense of empowering them to overcome divorce considering ourselves. This week we will look at Datin’s situation which is the exact opposite. In Datin’s situation, he was cheated on and had a Biblical ground through no fault of his own except as he said, “Not following the leading of the Holy Spirit” when he was courting his former wife. He shared how he felt that he had to save his former wife during their courtship process even though he was warned of this idea.

First, let’s look at what the Bible says about divorce:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. – Matthew 19:4-11 

“Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man”

Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man because of the hardness of man’s heart. What God was saying is that he never instituted divorce, but man did i.e. Moses. Because marriage is a picture of Christ and the church; it is a commitment no matter what. Many times this often includes staying committed even after sexual immorality. The Bible doesn’t say we have to divorce through sexual immorality. It says it’s okay to divorce because of sexual immorality.

That is how committed God is to us. Sexual immorality in marriage is a picture of idolatry or having another God aside from God. God has experienced that plenty of times with us and stayed. We have a choice. Even in adultery, a marriage can be restored, but both parties have to be willing. What happens with many is the hearts become hardened, and it seems impossible to continue unless both parties depend on the grace of God together to make it work.

Because we are human and become hard through various experiences; we do not have the capability to endure through anything without God’s grace. We have to allow God’s grace to empower us to grow and mature through the covenant that we’ve committed ourselves to. Some will be willing to do this, and others will not. This is why Moses allowed divorce in the old testament.
What does all of this mean? It means that marriage is very serious and for those who are mature enough and whole enough to commit themselves to one partner. It also means that there will be some hard times during marriage of which we will have to remain committed. However, because everyone isn’t willing to deal with the hard things that can come with marriage; many will divorce.

Some pointers to take from Datin’s testimony and interview below:

  • There is life after divorce.
  • It’s important to acknowledge our part in the relationship’s failure so as not to repeat the same mistake, but to learn from it.
  • Don’t get stuck in trying to hold onto a relationship that both parties no longer want.
  • God will give you the grace to move on, heal, and forgive.
  • Don’t move ahead of God and his peace when choosing a spouse.

See Datin’s interview below. Note, he discusses his divorce at 20:00.

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