Continuing from last week, we are reviewing a quiz inspired by my new book, Patterns of the Heart. The quiz helps those who participate in it to see if they are truly ready to date or if they need to still do some individual work as a single person. Last week, we looked at questions 1-2. This week we will look at question number three below. Remember, the book, Patterns of the Heart was written for those who are ready to date. It is packed with questions we can ask during the dating and talking stage to see if we should move forward with a suitor or not.
Question # 3
Do you operate out of fear and control or faith when communicating with the opposite sex?
- I operate out of faith, 40%
- I operate out of fear and control, 20%
- Other, 40%
The above is very important to know when we are communicating with the opposite sex to form a romantic relationship. If we’re operating out of fear and control; we may not be resolved yet in the belief that we are good enough for a romantic relationship. We may still have a broken perspective in that area where we are subconsciously trying to prove to ourselves that we are good enough. We may be motivated by fear of not having what we genuinely desire. Thus, control can come into play causing us to attempt to force a relationship to work that just isn’t it.
This can be seen when only one party is showing interest in the relationship, but the interested party doesn’t take the clue that the other person isn’t interested and continues to press, pursue, or give clues of interest. The other party may take advantage of the weakness of the one acting out of control or fear to get what he/she can. This is an unhealthy imbalance that should be resolved before attempting to get into a relationship.
The person operating out of fear will need to continue to be processed by God allowing the Holy Spirit to teach him/her through trials, tribulations, and circumstances in life that God has him/her no matter what. Thus, there is no need to fear. Once trust is fully grown in this area and a person has fully embraced him/herself; they will be ready to react in a healthy manner when communicating and attempting to build relationships with the opposite sex. The person who deals healthily with attempting to build a relationship with the opposite sex; will not seek to control or force a relationship because he/she is busy trusting in the Lord to lead and guide them to the right relationship.
He will have enough self-respect to know when a relationship isn’t it and when someone isn’t serious about him. He’ll walk away waiting for better knowing that he is worth it.
The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it. – Proverbs 10:22
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