This is part four of a Six-part series about our current view of singleness at this stage in life. This is inspired by my latest book, Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. Consider taking the quiz at the link in the bottom and continue to follow this series to find out more insight on what the quiz means.
Question #5
How do you most see yourself at this stage in life as a single person?
- Resting in God with hope for the future, 67%
- Wishing for a situation to change to begin enjoying life, 17%
- Having to work to attain God’s promise in fear that you may not attain it, 8%
- Hoping to feel approved as a woman by becoming a wife, 8%
It’s a good thing to look at our progress. It actually shows us that we are going somewhere. When our perspectives shift to that which lines up with what God says about us; we know we’ve moved from one place to the next. It gives us hope and something to look forward to. If we’ve chosen a. we should be living every day in expectation of the goodness of God. We are in a position where we’ve learned to trust God beyond how things feel and appear. This will be very needful for our futures and still applicable to those of us who will be married later. We will not just be able to leave the marriage immediately if we think it doesn’t feel or look right. We will have to endure through more processes knowing that we are still going somewhere. This is all a part of our maturity as people. Those who chose b, c, and d are still in process, but at least you know there is an end to those harmful perspectives and the end is rest in God.
Reference my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” if you’re waiting for your situation of singleness to change. I discussed in that book what to do as a single person in waiting for a godly spouse and how we are to live our lives valuing the gift of singleness. Part of valuing our singleness will be taking advantage of our growing deeper in our intimate relationship with the Lord, and using our time to walk out our purpose, learn who we are and develop in our personal growth as well as our passions that were given to us by God for a greater purpose.
Reference my second book, “The Wholeness Action Plan,” if you’ve chosen letter c. This book helps us to maintain a healthy image of ourselves, and how God sees us even through hard circumstances. Sometimes, when a hard circumstance comes or disappointment is experienced, we assume we weren’t good enough and we begin to make unhealthy choices for ourselves. We may even take on perfectionism to work harder next time for what we are supposed to be trusting God for. Things that are outside of our control, we have to trust God for. That could include meeting a suitable spouse, healing, or other things that would otherwise be impossible. I share how we do not work for the things God’s promised us, but we rest into the things God’s promised us. God made clear in his Word that those who would not enter God’s rest, would not enter into his promises. The Wholeness Action Plan is a book that causes God’s people to rest. As singles, we have to get to a place where we are settled on the who and what God says we are.
Finally, If you’ve chosen the letter d, I want to encourage you to know that you have nothing to prove. When you know you are fully accepted and fully loved; you have nothing to prove. There is no amount of work, accomplishment or anything that can be done to make you worthy of love and acceptance. That is something that every human being is born with. The sooner we all have an understanding of our value in that way; the more empowered we’ll feel in making a healthy choice to choose wisely. A mindset that feels there is something to prove based on being in a relationship or not; may belong to a person willing to compromise to show an appearance of grasping real love. We should not want to live by the acceptance of others based on appearances. We should be so whole within that we simply will only settle for real love no matter how it looks.
The reality in this day and time is it will often look like being single for a longer period of time until someone genuinely suitable comes along, and that is okay. I’d like to encourage you to remain in God’s process as a single person and allow him to teach you how to accept yourself fully. Utilize the resources presented on this website and continue to grow.
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