Many of you have been rocking with me for many years. It’s something to believe that this blog will be turning 8 years old later this year. I recently did a poll of my email subscribers to find out how they are currently viewing their singleness and the figures were really good. Below, I’ll share each question and the results at the start of this series. Then, I’ll share why each question shows the importance of holding the proper perspective. The proper perspectives on each question will allow one to know if s/he is ready to date yet or if s/he is currently still in process.
This poll is for those who would like to date with a whole mindset meaning having their perspectives lined up with what God says. Thus, dating would not be motivated by fear, control, rejection, or any of the issues we can sometimes use dating to cover up. This isn’t to say that a person cannot get married and have a successful marriage if they don’t have the correct answer to each of these because God’s grace is sufficient for our weaknesses and he’s committed to our process.
I believe there are those God has called apart to be an example of doing dating and marriage from a whole mindset. Most people don’t do it because it is hard and requires sacrifice and humility. Most people prefer the easy way of doing things. While the easy way works out okay in the beginning; it often gets harder with time. The bottom line is we all will have to go through something, but through following the wisdom of God, some hardships can be avoided.
Let’s go through the singleness perception poll to gain a personal view of whether we are ready to date or not. If yes, is the answer. Purchase my latest book: Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. This book will help you to practice discernment during your dating/pre-dating process. The book is currently available at all major online retailers.
Question #1
What are you most likely to do when a guy approaches you in public?
- Stop and converse if attracted, 80%
- Freeze up with fear, 20%
- Ignore him and keep going, 0%
As women, we can limit ourselves to our expectations, which often are to meet a guy in a safe and secure communal environment such as a church. The reality is our potential spouse may be anywhere and with the wrong mindset, we could be blocking ourselves out. The question then becomes if I may meet my potential spouse anywhere; how can I protect myself in discerning if a guy is good for me? These types of questions are answered in the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” As a free bonus for purchasing the book and providing a screen-shot of the receipt to me via email; I’ll provide a question we can ask guys that we meet in public to help us weed out guys who would only waste our time. We are too valuable to give just anyone our romantic attention.
Question # 2
Do you feel confident in communication with a person of the opposite sex?
- Yes, 80%
- No, 20 %
Single believers are blessed with time that married people often do not have. We should use this time to enjoy our lives, relationship with God, and to develop ourselves in every aspect of our lives. So, you’ve learned that you aren’t the best communicator. Join a professional development group that helps you to communicate. Join unisex ministries at church or visit unisex ministries at other churches. Many women may be afraid to communicate with a man they are interested in due to religion. The Black church has taught Proverbs 18:21 so wrongly that many women are afraid to be themselves.
Do you know that being yourself naturally makes you more comfortable with talking with the opposite sex because being yourself makes you more comfortable with expressing yourself with confidence? Thus, if you are a friendly person, be friendly to everyone including men—even if you’re interested in a man. As long as you aren’t overdoing it seeking to control, manipulate, or force something that isn’t there. You should be trusting God in all of your interactions. We’ll discuss this further in the next question. Smile, laugh, cry, be authentically you. Side-note: Sometimes, when we aren’t supposed to form a relationship with a person, it will be more difficult to connect with them. That could be God keeping a door closed that we aren’t supposed to open.
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