What does projecting onto someone mean?
It is interesting how being in bondage makes others feel comfortable while walking in freedom can trigger others making them feel the opposite. People see the result of your process to freedom, but they do not see your struggle as you humbly worked your way through your own personal process. Have you ever experienced someone making you the target of their personal pain and issues instead of dealing with the cause of their pain and issues? I have. This is how someone begins projecting onto someone—when someone projects their issues of how they feel onto you as if you are responsible for it when you are not. This is a trap to distract and discourage you from your progress and to pull you back down into a place of bondage.
Let’s look at King David in the Bible who dealt with this regarding King Saul. David went through his process as a shepherd of sheep. He worked diligently in an isolated place. He was despised and discarded to be nothing more than the shepherd of the sheep. His brothers made fun of him. He was not taken seriously by others due to his youth and he was not preferred when Samuel came to his home looking for a king. God had to speak to Samuel to convince him not to judge David by how he appeared, but by his heart.
You see David had been doing the inner work of the heart in secret with the Lord. This is how he became so strong and confident in the Lord. Saul saw him while he was a bold victor over Goliath. He did not see him while he was in the obscure place of being processed and developed. Saul’s insecurity was triggered when the women compared him to a boy and he felt he’d come out lacking. This is where David became the object of Saul’s focus. Instead of Saul dealing with his own insecurities doing his own personal work in private; he projected his insecurity onto David seeking to kill him. Harming another person on their journey will not help our healing journey. Taking personal responsibility for our healing journey will help our healing journey.
How Did David Respond to All of This?
David responded in humility. David humbled himself and continued to work for King Saul as a musician until he felt it too dangerous to stay. Then he began to run and hide. During this process, he never spoke ill of King Saul because he respected him as God’s anointed as well. He did not see him any lower than he saw himself. Instead, he loved and respected him like himself. This is another assumption of those who project is that they assume that you see them in a particular way that you do not. They are struggling with how they see themselves and need to take a step back and deal with building themselves up.
Our response should be:
Remain Humble
Like David, when someone projects their issues onto us we need to remain humble. Our understanding in realizing it isn’t about us aids in our ability to remain humble. We may be emphatic in sharing, “I can understand how you feel that way” before we remove ourselves. Humility also requires us not taking on personal insults or attacks aimed at us. This means not clapping back. Taking it to God in prayer to release it or talking it out with another friend or someone of understanding to release the negative energy the projector is slinging. God provided David a friend in Saul’s son—Jonathan. David was still able to find some peace and solace in dealing with this issue even though he did not cause it.
A man’s insight (understanding) gives him patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
– Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)
Remove Ourselves from Their Attacks
Because we realize it isn’t about us, we have to quickly remove ourselves from the line of fire so we do not act out of our flesh and go off on the person. After all, we are only human and can only take so much. A psychologist suggests removing ourselves by saying this is not about me. Thus, immediately placing the responsibility where it belongs on the projector in hopes he/she will realize he/she is projecting onto someone and take ownership. Many times, when someone is projecting onto someone, he/she doesn’t realize that is what he/she is doing.
Pray for Them to Take Responsibility
The Bible calls us to pray for our enemies and those who despitefully use us. The projector may not be an enemy, but they see you as an enemy in their mind. The problem isn’t you; however, but their lack of taking personal responsibility to deal with themselves and their own healing. Each of us has to own our own stuff. We have to own our experiences and choices that led to our experiences even when we did not do anything wrong to cause the experience. It is still our responsibility to heal. This means going to therapy, praying, journaling, fasting, intentionally placing ourselves within healthy and godly community.
These are the things that all who are healed had to do and the things that those who project need to do. After you pray for them don’t worry about them. It isn’t your responsibility. You keep learning and growing and living your life to your fullest potential. David’s potential was to become king. He at the right time walked into it as the projection, rejection, and all that he’d faced prepared him for God’s promise. Don’t allow someone else to get you into bitterness, fights, or quarrels due to their lack of responsibility. Keep your focus on God’s promises and honor God by continuing in humility.
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