Better to Marry Than to Burn?

Some married people share that temptation can be greater as a married person and understandably so. A married person who exercises their right to partake in the undefiled waters of sexual love will have greater sensitivity in their sexual passions than someone who has not practiced having sex for some time.

There can be a temptation to try something new with someone outside of the marriage covenant, to commit adultery when one marriage partner feels their needs aren’t being met and someone else is willing to meet them. There is still a need for self-control while married.

Just getting married was never the target of God nor apostle Paul for his people when he wrote that it’s better to marry than to burn. God’s character in the way that he does things for us is to give us his very best. A part of God’s very best is when providing a spouse, doing so with us exercising our right as singles to practice the discernment necessary to ensure we are marrying someone complimentary or suitable to us.

To marry someone complimentary to us; there has to be a level of self-control in getting to know our future spouse. This is something the Corinthian church struggled with. Corinth was a hub for sexual worship. There was the temple of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and sex, and other temples where the primary function was sexual acts that were practiced as a form of worship. It was expected for visitors to visit the temples for sexual play as a sort of tourist attraction.

With all of the freedom to express one’s-self freely outside of the covenant of marriage, there was great temptation―so much so that the Corinthian church began to write to Apostle Paul asking him questions about what they could do and what they could not do. This is why 1 Corinthians 7 starts by saying the below:

Now concerning the matters you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman; nevertheless, to avoid sexual immorality, let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband.

– 1 Corinthians 7 :1

Next, are a short series of instructions about not withholding sex from one another within marriage for too long even while fasting so Satan does not get a chance to tempt the couple due to their incontinency. Incontinency is another word for lack of self-control. This is something older people experience when they are unable to control when they go to the bathroom. The same meaning is used for someone unable to control their sexual desires.

Finally, verses 7-9 share that Paul recommends that we would all be single as he is, but if we cannot contain; it is better to marry than to burn. This was shared by Paul as a concession. It was not a command from God, but rather Paul giving in to the demands and proposals of those who had previously written him.

However, many in the church have taken this scripture to mean that believers are commanded to marry due to lack of self-control when God has more for us within a marriage partnership than sexual release. Don’t get me wrong sexual release is good within marriage, but sexual release within marriage isn’t enough to hold a marriage together.

The research shows that as Christian married couples age the likelihood of divorce increases. What if there was not enough time taken at the beginning of dating and courtship to focus on really getting to know the person to see if they were suitable? What if the greater emphasis was placed on the physical alone and getting to the marriage bed only?

We could have lots of couples married and having legal sex with nothing in common to sustain the relationship, but the children that are produced. Once the children are grown and moved out what will the couple have in common?

What if God’s preferred will for us is for us to remain single like Apostle Paul while learning how to maintain self-control in our bodies as single believers until we meet someone suitable for us? What if more problems will be caused in the flesh through our lack of self-discipline as singles that will show up later in our marriage?

What if Paul’s message of sharing that it is far better to be single produced in believers a greater self-discipline, patience, and virtues that allow us to better reflect the image of Christ? After all, single believers do not have the same distractions as married people. We can focus solely on pleasing the Lord.

As we grow in the Lord—Christ’s fruit is produced within us. We learn to operate out of temperance and following the Spirit rather than a lack of self-control. This allows the patience we need to choose more wisely when it comes to a spouse. This way when marrying we do not rush to the altar simply out of a lack of self-control, but out of maturity and finding a partner well suitable for us to walk out the rest of our years.

I really do believe God has his best for us, but in God’s goodness, he allows concessions due to the weakness of our flesh. Jesus did something similar with divorce. Divorce was allowed due to the hardness of men’s hearts, but it was never God’s will.

The reality is marriage is serious and should not be entered into lightly. If a lack of sexual control is the only reason we decide to marry; I do not believe it will have the greatest chance at lasting. Our sexual passions can blind us during the process of choosing a mate and we can choose someone very poor for us. Choosing wisely is one of the determining factors of married couples staying together.

I believe Apostle Paul knew this and sought to warn the Corinthian church of this, but nevertheless, God’s grace is sufficient for us.