We all deal with things in life that leave us wounded whether it is grief due to the loss of a loved one, dealing with the ups and downs of addiction in our families, or any experience that simply hurts. The great thing is just like God allows hardship; he also allows common practices that lead to healing. Some common practices that lead to healing and wholeness are choice, trigger awareness, forgiveness, support from others, and consistency in seeking the Lord.
The Power of Choice in Healing
Healing starts with a choice that we want to experience something different after sitting in the grief of whatever has wounded us. We have to make a conscious choice to do the things necessary for healing.
There must also be a choice to move forward in life expecting for better. As hard as it may feel to let go of the past and move forward expecting something more—it is a must that will be worth it. What is it that is seeking to have you trapped in the same place of believing you cannot move on any further?
Remember as sons and daughters of God we can cast our cares on God because he cares for us. Even though it’s hard, we do not have to carry the hard stuff on our own. We can decide to place our hands in God’s hands trusting him to empower us to move forward in life.
Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you. – 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)
Being Aware of Triggers During Healing
We cannot avoid the pain of life. We can avoid dwelling too much on the triggers that delve us into that pain. Some pain is like drowning in an ocean. There is nothing that can be done about it such as the pain of losing a loved one.
Is there a picture that you have on display that takes you back to the pain of the loss of your loved one? I recently read how some people experiencing grief feel guilty for not displaying a large picture of their deceased loved one.
Others recognize that displaying a large picture of their deceased loved one is a trigger for deep pain. Pain that they can do nothing about. This launches some into a place of hopelessness and guilt for attempting to move on in living life.
The truth is it’s important to do whatever works for you. If a conversation, a location, a picture, or other reminder launches you into a deep place of pain that you aren’t yet ready to deal with—do what you have to do to avoid that pain until you get tools to help you through it.
Some people cannot clean out a loved one’s room right away or give away their old clothes. It’s too much of a trigger for them. It’s okay to realize your trigger points and to distract yourself from being buried in a place of pain.
I have a small place in my home with family photos. Some in those photos are deceased. I have to intentionally walk to that corner of my home to see the photos. Therefore, I can choose when to view the photos. On the days when I feel stronger—I can walk over. On the days I feel weaker I can avoid it if I have to. There is no pressure and no particular way to deal with grief that is correct or incorrect in placing photos. We just need to be aware of our triggers and how our placement is affecting us so we can adjust in a way that helps us heal.
In a grief counseling session and course I attended—we were taught to distract ourselves from our grief trigger to get through a moment of grief being triggered in such a way as to make us run down a rabbit hole.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. – Philippians 4:8
Forgiving ourselves and others Removes Us From the Shame of Loss
I’d recently read about shame in Chip Dodd’s book, “The Voice of the Heart.” He explained shame to be an emotion that our heart communicates to us to allow us to realize our limits. We have limits when it comes to death, addictions, and the choices of others. We cannot control these outcomes. Even though, the outcomes hurt.
What we can do is allow others who will walk with us through the hurt and grief. We can allow them to show us mercy and love while we show the same in return. Realizing that we all have limits creates a place of humility toward others to be willing to show up for them in grace and mercy as well.
Realizing our shame is either unfounded because we did all we could or realizing our shame is founded because we made a mistake is necessary to move forward. We will either accept that the result was out of our hands or accept that we weren’t at our best and humble ourselves asking for forgiveness. Both giving forgiveness to others and receiving forgiveness for our faults provide the grace necessary to move forward.
When dealing with losing a loved one due to addiction guilt is a common result. We can feel like we should have done something different to change things. A part of grief is accepting what has transpired. What if we blaming ourselves is a way that we are trying to still hold on and maintain control of the situation? What if we are denying reality in some sense and preventing ourselves from letting go so that we do not heal?
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. – Romans 8:1
Maintaining Support from Others While Healing
Being around family and friends and those who genuinely care reminds us that our lives mean something when we are healing. We also find those who are safe to talk with and listen to us vent our feelings. There is a natural healing that occurs in the exchange of sharing with others and listening to others. This process allows us to begin to see we aren’t alone in our pain, grief, or difficulty in life. Hearing stories of how others have overcome and are overcoming continues to progress us in the healing journey. We realize that healing is a journey that is better walked out with others.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. – James 5:16
Consistency in Coming to the Lord
We spoke about shame earlier in this article for feeling as though something more could have been done and the outcome would have been different. Holding this against ourselves as a form of condemnation, shame or guilt may prevent us from coming to the Lord. The Lord is the only one who can heal us. He tells us to come to him in his Word. He even tells us to come to him boldly to obtain mercy in the time of need. Why? Because there will be some form of opposition in attempting to prevent us from coming to the Lord. I want to encourage myself and others to keep coming to God. He wants to heal us. We have to talk to ourselves to remind ourselves of the Word of God God’s already said.
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. – Matthew 11:28-29
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:16
Journaling is an Outlet for Healing
Journaling is one of many outlets for healing. I was told by one of my therapists that taking on a new hobby is one way to help with the process of painful grief. Journaling for me is something I enjoy anyway as a writer. Finding something to focus on that we enjoy can take our focus off of the pain we feel and turn it on something enjoyable that reminds us that life can be joy-filled.
Also, journaling helps me to work out my thoughts and questions I may have had about the grief and what could have been done. I then have my answers documented in a journal for the next time a question arises. I can simply say what was the result of this thought process? Oh yeah—I was able to resolve that. Resolving questions around grief and thought processes aids in the process of moving forward in life. Remember moving forward and finding enjoyment in life is not leaving behind our loved one. It’s purposing to live life again until we are reunited with them.
RESOURCES:
www.griefshare.org – Free Grief Group Counseling/Support Group
www.grasphelp.org – Free Support Group & resources for losing a loved one due to addiction
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