Singleness presents 3 tests that we must overcome to walk in wholeness as single believers. Facing these challenges like Jesus did in Luke 4 will give us the tools needed to see our current situation properly and walk in confidence that God is faithful to keep his promises to us as singles.
Singleness provides the test of Proving Ourselves
Singleness provides the temptation to prove our worthiness for love. We’re tempted to prove that there’s nothing wrong with us. We aren’t single because we’re not easy to get along with or unbeautiful, but for other things like purpose, the gift of singleness, and God’s providence.
Some singles take this to an extreme changing themselves to what they feel will make them more acceptable or suitable for love. However, there is a fine line between being humble enough to make any necessary growth adjustments, as we all need to grow, and not being firm in our identity while in the state of singleness.
Someone who isn’t secure in their identity will always give in to the temptation to prove themselves. Proving ourselves to others is really a sign that we are still trying to convince ourselves of who we are. God doesn’t want us to question who we are, our worth, value, and worthiness to be loved.
God wants us to simply rest in him. He wants us to rest in the fact that we belong to him. He wants us to rest in the fact that we were made enough. He wants us to rest in the fact that we aren’t missing anything because we’re single. We’re not somehow part of the “not good enough to marry crew.”
Some things are intentional by God to get his glory in our lives. God has some that he has called to remain single for himself until he decides to provide someone for us. In the meantime, we grow. We grow into beautifully mature believers who provide a fragrance of glory toward the Lord as we show God’s power to keep us, develop us, and grow us for his purpose.
A lack of rest in this breeds instability and double-mindedness which we will discuss further in our next section. Jesus was also tempted to prove himself, but proving ourselves seems silly when we know who we are. We simply rest and abide in the identity God has called us to walk in. Some will accept it and others will not. Don’t let those who will not be your problem. Resolve how you see yourself for yourself. Like Jesus, you’ll continue walking out God’s purpose for your life.
The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but every word from God.’
Luke 4:3-4
Jesus, in the above scripture, was tempted to prove himself to his adversary—Satan, but he resisted the temptation by resisting the devil and continuing to submit to his Father—God. This is how we ought to handle those ungodly thoughts and accusations that come at us for being single. We are to resist them and continue submitting to God and his Word over us.
Finally, the temptation to prove ourselves places the full earnest on us to bring to pass what God has promised—if God has promised us a spouse. Thus, rejecting the help that comes from the plan of God. This is dangerous especially with something so serious as marriage. We want God’s help and leading when it comes to uniting with a spouse. We should do what is within our power to do and simply trust God with the rest. Doing what is within our power includes healing, learning, growing, and being open to meeting new people while practicing discernment.
Avoiding Making an Idol of Marriage & Compromising for a Relationship
There is so much pressure to get married. We hear about marriage often in church. Some men are discouraged from being pastors if they aren’t married. Some singles believe they cannot be disciplined sexually without a marriage partner. Marriage is looked at by some as the cure-all to all of our problems—loneliness, money problems, childhood issues, lack of sexual control, and more. The truth is marriage exposes those problems more and requires a mature partner willing to commit to sticking it out until the end despite their partner. However, today this is less common as divorce has become more common.
It’s important to have a realistic idea of marriage knowing that it will not solve all of our problems. In fact, there may be more problems that one has to deal with in a marriage because there will be another imperfect person that one will have to become one with. If that person has not dealt with their issues before marriage; you will become the recipient and co-laborer with him/her and his/her issues.
When we have a more realistic idea of marriage, we are more patient in our desire for marriage. We invest into ourselves more during the single season to bring the least baggage to the table during marriage and hopefully the partner we choose is doing the same.
When we make an idol out of marriage; however, we avoid the process of growth and maturity during singleness. We often make decisions on our own compromising our standards due to impatience and disbelief that God can provide a marriage partner suitable for us.
Jesus Christ was to be the recipient of all of the kingdoms of the world. He was to be highly exalted that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow and every tongue confesses that Jesus is Lord. Satan sought to expedite this process by taking Jesus to the highest pinnacle in the wilderness and showing him all of the kingdoms of the world. He agreed to provide these to Jesus, “now.” If only Jesus would bow down and worship him.
The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor: it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want. If you worship me, it will all be yours.”
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’
Luke 4:5-8
Jesus passed the second test to worship Satan to get what had already been promised to him. We see later that Jesus was highly exalted and his name continues to be exalted today, but Jesus had to walk out his process of fulfilling each prophesy and dying on the cross for our sins. The middle part before his exaltation was important. Instead of Jesus focusing on the end goal; he focused on humility. Thus, accomplishing the end goal at the right time and with the most powerful impact for not only himself but all men.
What will be your response when Satan tempts you to make an idol out of something God has already promised you? Will you endure your time in the wilderness? The wilderness is a dry lonely place where dependence on God and trust in God’s word is required to survive it. Development before promotion happens in the wilderness. The wilderness is where everything is tested that you ever believed and you have to stand on what you believe often without tangible proof. You stand on God’s word in this place and recall God’s character as true and faithful despite your circumstance.
Will you allow the process of the wilderness to make you humble like Christ? Or will you make an idea out of what you desire compromising God’s word to attain it? Don’t take the bait to compromise who you are or what God has commanded you?
Many women compromise their bodies during this test to get or keep a man. It’s okay to endure the embarrassment and humility of having a man leave you because you are not giving it up. It’s okay to have a man speak ill of you because you are not giving it up. It’s okay to be ghosted by a man or men by women because you are holding true to God’s word. This is all a part of the process. Allow it to make you humble and keep trusting in God. The humility is preparing you for the process that like Jesus will not only impact you but others.
Don’t Take the Season of Singleness for Granted
Please, don’t let this time of singleness pass you by only wasting it? Those who are single are in a privileged position. We have the awesome gift of single focus or lack of distraction. This means we get to seek the Lord without distraction and God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. Thus, we get to discover jewels from diligently seeking the Lord that if we were distracted, we otherwise would not be privy to.
We also have single focus to direct our energy into purposes and plans by God that build up not only ourselves but others. God may show us to start a business, volunteer somewhere, or Lord knows what. The possibilities are endless. What are you doing with your single time? Don’t take it for granted. Don’t waste it in toxic unfulfilling relationships. Take the time to appreciate God’s love and the love of others God has placed around you. Build relationships with people that are not just romantic. Seek out God-honoring community.
Satan tried to get Jesus to take his position for granted as the Son of God in Luke 4. He asked Jesus to commit suicide by asking him to throw himself down from a high point of the temple. Why? Why would he do that? Really think about it. Why would we take this season for granted? It makes no sense.
The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written:
‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’
Jesus answered, “It is said: Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”
Luke 4:9-12
Instead of Jesus giving in and taking for granted he was the Son of God; he simply shared that we are not to put God to the test. This is true. We are not to test God’s goodness by placing ourselves in destructive situations to see if God will deliver us or not. No need to become entangled as a single in soul-ties, addictions and the like that robs us of our full potential during this time. Let’s be careful to walk out every process of deliverance and healing to place ourselves in the most optimal position to give our best to God in this season—and receive the fruit of this season later at the right time.
After Jesus’ test in the wilderness, he was promoted and more men began to know who he was. Remember these tests are all a part of the process. In the end, it will lead to promotion if we endure the test well holding fast to what God’s word has said.
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