I used to struggle with the idea of whether it was okay or Biblical to trust a man. I would think of scriptures in the Bible on not putting trust in men (Jeremiah 17:5). I observed the fickleness of the men around me, and still came to a conclusion of confusion that it was not okay nor safe to trust men. However I wondered if there isn’t a place at all to trust men then how do marriages have anything solid that is worth building on. Then one day it clicked in my mind what I believe the appropriate and balanced perception is of the idea of trusting men.
That balance is to trust God in a man. Trusting God in a man means trusting the fact that the man is submitted to and following Christ. It’s almost just the same as trusting God, but we are trusting in God as He operates in our man. Like Paul when he says follow me as I follow Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1) . The moment the man stops following Christ, and we continue to trust in him, that is when we fall.
Unfortunately, that is what many of us women do. We fail at properly guarding our hearts and allowing our trust to be in God in the name of being “open” to love by trusting in a man who doesn’t deserve our trust because we cannot locate Christ in him to trust in. We in turn give credit to a man to whom no credit is due, and we act shocked when that man doesn’t do us right.
Trust in a unfaithful man is like a broken tooth and foot out of joint (Proverbs 25:19). Being open to anyone without properly guarding our hearts isn’t being open to love. It’s being open to get hurt and possibly so hurt that when appropriate love shows up we are so bitter that we cannot receive it. The adverse side to that is holding our trust for someone who deserves it, but becoming discouraged when we have to hold on to that trust for so long without having anyone to present themselves deserving of our trust. We begin to question whether any man is worth trusting and this can also cause us to become bitter.
Just because a man is saved doesn’t mean that he is trustworthy. It doesn’t mean that he is a bad person, but may not be ready yet to lead a woman. Maybe he hasn’t taken the time to cultivate that side of him that would cause him to earn a woman’s trust. I know we want to give the brothers a pass because he may be saved, and we are tired of waiting or feeling lonely, but sometimes it’s best to continue to wait to allow that man to develop.
We should be looking for Christ in him to trust. In other words, his consistent submission to Christ’s leading which in turn means that he can lead us. In doing this, Christ is displayed appropriately in the marriage relationship. The husband is the physical representation of Christ’s love for the wife, and the wife is the physical representation of the respect we have for Christ
In an imperfect world, how can we be sure that we see Christ in a man to trust him?
A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight. – Proverbs 11:1
The above scripture speaks of something being weighed or determined. God already knows the truth, so in the process of determining, it would be simply disrespectful to lie to God or to present a false presentation. A false balance is a false presentation or an appearance. It simply does not add up. A just weight represents something that is truthful. It balances out or it checks out as being authentic. We judge a person’s trustworthiness in this way through a balanced display of consistent fruit, as well as the guidance of the Lord through his word and such.
Now is the time as single women to learn real trust by being open to and placing our trust in the one who can never let us down, and that person is Jesus Christ himself. As we meet men whom we can see consistent submission to Jesus in, we can continue to put our trust in Jesus through trusting that man only as he leads by trusting in Christ himself. Isn’t it wonderful how everything important in the life of a believer is interconnected to Christ? As long as our trust is rooted in Christ, we can never fail.
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