The job that I work with does contract work at times for an outside agency which requires me to work downtown at times with others from different agencies. One morning, I had gotten to work and one of my sisters in Christ from one of the other agencies was just on the clouds. I wondered what the deal was, and little did I know she had the same issue that I had.
She met someone who met appropriate qualifications as well on a trip to Cuba. They’d been talking for some time now, and she had been pretty content like me. She shared some tidbits of wisdom that she had implored. The first was her accountability tactics. For one, most of her accountability partners are married as she shared that they give her a more realistic picture of how to get to her goal of marriage.
She is like me also in that she is not really giddy when it comes to men. She is more open and laid back as far as getting to know a gentleman as trustworthy and mature enough to maintain a relationship with her more so than the emotions of romance. Not that emotions and romance are bad, but without the appropriate foundation romance and emotions are fleeting.
Thus, she initiated a conversation about guarding one another’s heart. How can they guard one another’s heart and what boundaries can they set in place to do so. These were the questions she asked. In part, because she was not sure where she wanted to go. If they’d just be friends, potential marriage partners, or seasonal associates.
Sometimes we just don’t know what a person is to be in our lives, but we have God’s peace that he is to be there. In those cases, it is highly important to guard one another’s heart. I planned on having a similar conversation with my friend and to set some boundaries to make sure that our relationship is heading into the right direction.
When I first bought up the ideal of guarding one another’s hearts, my friend somewhat took it as a rejection, and I had to expound that it was not a rejection, but whether laying a foundation of simply getting to know each other over the emotional and physical aspects that a romantic relationship can bring to the table. Besides a guy who can be a girl’s friend first has a better chance with a girl, than a guy who just pops up and expects a girl to just immediately be all into a full blown relationship. It’s like, “I don’t even know you fam!”
My new friend was already doing a pretty good job of guarding my heart prior to the conversation; however, it’s a good ideal to still have these types of conversations so that we are not caught off guard by becoming too intimate too soon. When I say too intimate, I am not just talking about sex, but too intimate in conversation speaking to one another as if we are already in a full blown relationship or as if we are sure things are heading that way when we really have made a decision yet.
One of my accountability partners cautioned me regarding this. Her take was that saying things like I miss you too soon or I love you too soon could escalate the relationship before an appropriate foundation is layed in getting to know one another. While this can be wisdom, we want to naturally be ourselves as well. Part of my personality is to tell someone that I miss them when I have not spoken with them for a while, so I could only hold out so long on that one. The Holy Spirit is the best leader and director of what should or should not be said. The best advice that I received on what to do is to be led by the Spirit in this process.
While we did not leave the conversation with any specific rules of what can be said and what cannot be said, at least it is out there that we are taking our time right now to simply get to know one another to see if we’d be good fits for marriage. This provides a more realistic aspect of where we are and reduces pressure that can come from unexpressed expectations.
As I’ve shared with my students in times past the only way you will be able to tell if someone is for you is through the process of time. Time will tell. During that time, proper boundaries and the fear of the Lord protects us as we make our decisions on how to proceed forward.
So far, I’ve already learned some interesting things about him such as what his passions are and whether he is sure of his purpose or not. I think the most interesting discussion that we have had so far is about the Holy Spirit. How cool to have someone that I can talk with about both natural and spiritual things without being looked at like huh. Praise God! It’s nice to have someone in our lives where we don’t have to be afraid of being ourselves. Well, this is a new experience for me that I hope every single woman of God who is desiring and believing God for someone gets to experience.
Leave a Reply