What Does it Mean for a Man to be the Head?
This article is a quick snapshot of an interview with Author, Speaker, Blogger, and Certified Relationship Coach Derek Q. Sanders. The interview in its entirety is in a link below. Also, more information can be found on his books, “Outdated Rethinking how Men Date Women and Ladies’ Little Black Book” on his website at www.derekqsanders.com.
Derek noted a problem that women have with submission is that the woman’s part is normally taught, but the man’s responsibility is not covered. He brings out the point that a man does not have a right to expect a woman to submit to him who isn’t married to him.
Headship means a man is responsible. A man is responsible for making sure things are as they should be. For example, in the garden of Eden when both the man and woman fell, God did not ask Eve where she was. He asked Adam where he was because the man is primarily responsible for the direction of his household. He has to make sure that everything is as it should be whether things are going good or bad. It does not mean that the woman is a slave or has no say-so, but simply the man holds the primary responsibility.
When Asked how Can a Man Prepare Himself for Such A Great Responsibility
Men should be accountable to other great men. It is not a woman’s responsibility to train a man into being a man. The only woman that may teach a man that is his mother. Men should seek out other men who can provide them with godly counsel. Women make excuses for men who aren’t yet fit to lead, but that does not change the fact that he is unfit.
A woman should leave that brotha alone until he grows into a responsible man. Women say that they are nurturers and because of that, they nurture adult men. Men do not need to be nurtured; they need to be supported.
The time that a man decides he wants to be in a relationship with a woman; he becomes responsible to learn how to be a man whether he received this from his father or not. He will have to be intentional about seeking this out.
What would you say to the brothas who have the idea that preparing for marriage is all about getting money, a house, and a car and being prepared to order a woman around?
First, only a certain amount of men have that mindset. Furthermore, only a certain type of a man deserves the title of a man. These are men who have reached a certain standard. Other men are males. Men who have this mindset of thinking are simply males and not men yet.
What does it actually look like for a man to cover a woman?
That would simply come under headship. It falls under just being a man. As a man, it should be innate within men to protect a woman. Men have to treat women delicately because women are the weaker vessel. Within this culture, we’ve gotten so far away from the distinction of what defines a man. There are crazy ideas of what a man is on television and social media and such.
To Misconceptions of Manhood
Many men when asked the question, “when did you become a man” respond by saying things like when they received their first job, or when they had sex. They see manhood as a rite of passage earned by sex with a woman or driving a car. Because many men have not been taught; they equate their manhood with using a woman for sex or conquering her for sex.
Because of this, many men feel as though if they can get stuff from a woman, sex, food, cleaning then they are a man. Many women agree with this idea of manhood and will judge a good guy harshly.
He gave an example of a brotha who was operating out of a similar mindset until he began attending a Bible study that focused on Biblical manhood. Afterward, the brotha did a total 180. He shared with Derek that he was operating out of the mindset of misconceptions because that was the only knowledge he had at the time.
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