I wonder if anybody else out there gets afraid like I do when an appropriate man of God approaches. It is so weird because I am almost relieved when I hear that certain single men are engaged or getting married because it provides a clear boundary for me not to have to deal with a guy on a certain level. There are so many men who are saved and feel that all they have to do is approach a girl and she is supposed to be down. Well, I don’t do that. That’s just not what I am used to.

It seems like an oxymoron to have a desire for a husband and get afraid when an appropriate brother approaches, but I have discovered that I get afraid of this when I haven’t heard from God regarding a brother. I consider my brothers in the Lord who are genuine to be rare and precious, and I do not want to hurt them. I am afraid that if I allow my heart to get involved immediately and God later says he isn’t the one then I will hurt him or he will hurt me. I just want to avoid all of that drama.

Therefore, when I first meet a guy. I don’t give off immediate signs of being interested in him for more than friendship. I hold on to my heart guarding it carefully as I hope to get to know him, but this has also driven guys away who were afraid of rejection from me not being clear on what I wanted right away, but how could I intend to want more when I did not really know the guy nor hear God on the matter.

There are two many rules and pressures of what to do and what not to do. So much so, that it is easy to feel like I am not doing the right thing or going about things the right way and therefore I am loosing out. I had the question about this in my heart as I prayed tonight, and the scripture came to my mind that says God knows what we need even before we ask (Matthew 6:10).

God knows where I am at, and what I need. It doesn’t throw God for a loop with our insecurities, issues, or concerns of any kind. His promises will come to pass regardless, and we need not disqualify ourselves for not feeling as though we are doing everything perfect.

God knows that I am guarded when it comes to meeting men, and he is able to give me someone who can deal with me being guarded and actually be thankful that I am so guarded and unwilling to let just anyone in.

All my life, I have had to tell men no over and over again. I’ve prayed to God for an appropriate gentlemen that I can tell yes, but how will I know that the guy is safe to tell yes unless the Lord reveals it to me. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It’s just me wanting to hear God on the matter of who I choose to give my heart to. God has always dealt with me about various men, so if he could tell me no for many men surely he can tell me yes.

Recently, I sought the Lord about a seemingly appropriate brother, and the Lord let me know that he would let me know at the appropriate time regarding him and he’d also give me peace. This is what I am in expectation of is peace from God concerning my husband who I will lay on the alter of prayer before God my heavenly father, who covers me and protects my heart as I look to him. So, no I cannot just immediately off the bat give a man my heart or hand unless I have heard from God. I can give him my prayerful consideration and friendship however, and I think that is fair.

I’d like to hear your thoughts. Please, feel free to comment below:

Sometimes, I think how I go back and forth questioning myself and my worth because I don’t have a guy to go out with and hang out with all the time like others around me. It can make you feel left out and sort of doubt yourself when everyone is dating except you. When I start to feel weird in that sense, I just talk to God about how I feel, and ask him to cover me in his love.

Recently, I was sitting in church on Sunday after having felt that way the night before. I was thinking about how cool my pastor is who was preaching on the movie Furious 7, but tied it to the Word of God as usual.

I thought about how years ago before I began to go to my current church. My prayer partner and I were praying on the phone and she was prophesying about me being at a church where I thought the pastor was real cool! Well, the Lord brought that to pass. God used that small thing to remind me that he has always led me concerning my life and the things that I’ve needed and desired.

When I left my old church, I had prayed to God about where to go next, and the Lord let me know that the church that I would go to would be having a prayer event. I continued to visit friends and family’s churches looking for a church where the Word of God was taught in an uncompromising manner and they were serious about God, and when I visited my current church they had everything that I was looking for plus the confirmation of the prayer event.

The church was preparing for their Labor Day prayer event at that time. I knew then that was the church for me. Just how God led me to the right church and in countless other areas of my life, he was reminding me that he was strong enough to lead me to the spouse that I desired.

It was as if God was saying haven’t I always led you? Have I steered you wrong yet? Haven’t you followed me all this time? What makes you think that I cannot lead you when it comes to your husband? You have to get your faith up in that area and trust me.

Unfortunately, as human beings sometimes our human nature can cause our faith to go up and down based on what is going on around us, but if we continue to keep our eyes on Jesus and our trust in him, we will see all that we are believing him for come to pass.

I’m reading now in Nehemiah Chapter 8. It is showing how the children of Israel are returning to the Lord out of exile. They had lost their identity in what was going on around them taking on the culture of the other nations that were around them instead of being who God called them to be.

If we are not careful, we will do like the children of Israel and allow ourselves to become something other than what God intended for watching others around us; instead of keeping our eyes on Christ.

He is our leader and the one who is capable of getting us to our promised land whatever that promised land may be that we are believing God for. Our responsibility is not to worry nor try to figure things out on our own, but to trust in the Lord.

When we trust in the Lord, God’s peace becomes the trade-in for giving God our worries and anxieties[i]. When we are trusting in the Lord, we no longer move out of our anxiety or fear but we give those worries to the Lord trusting that he will exalt us in due season[ii].

When we trust in the Lord, we as women do not take on the male role as far as trying to force a relationship, but we give it to God and trust that he will put us together with our spouse at the appropriate time, and we will not have to force it nor manipulate it. All we will have to do is be ourselves in Christ as we watch God work.

The Children of Israel in Nehemiah chapters 8 & 9 are returning to the Lord, and as they are doing so they are remembering their history with God and their identity which is tied to who God is.

They are recounting how God was with their fathers in the wilderness leading them with a cloud by day and fire by night. They recalled how God called Abraham to move from the land of Ur into a land that he did not know based on a promise that a nation would come from him and have their own land. That nation was the children of Israel in Nehemiah who were reminiscing on their history in God.

That history basically shows that God is trustworthy. Therefore, with God being trustworthy we are to continue to put our trust in him. I have a history with the Lord. All of us who are in Christ have a history with the Lord. Allow, the Lord in your season of singleness, to remind you of your history with him and the things that he has done, and shown you and bought to pass. Allow him to remind you how he has led you and your family in various ways being faithful. These things will encourage you as you wait on the Lord with your trust in him.

Like the children of Israel we don’t have to get off track, and find ourselves making our way back to the Lord to find our identity in Christ again after making a choice that God did not ordain to try and fit in with everyone else. We can continue to trust in the Lord and allow him to work things together on our behalf.

He will begin to cover you in his love and affirmation filling every void. Lastly, the Lord confirmed what he had spoken to me at church. Later, two songs on my Pandora came on that really ministered to me because they reminded me of things that God had recently said. More specifically, Smokey Norful, “In The Middle.” That song talks about how through various things we have gone through, God has always been in the middle of them, and the other one is Kari Jobe, “Beloved.” Beloved is a song that reminds me that I am loved by God and worth him taking the time to speak to me to re-affirm me and continue to cover me allowing me to rest in him as I trust in him. Enjoy the two songs below:

[i] Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

[ii] Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Real men are attracted to strong women because those women are secure enough to be who God made them to be without disrespecting nor putting down men. Strong women hold men to a reasonable standard and thus make real men feel like men. They feel appreciated and blessed to be within the company of a strong woman. A strong woman presents a challenge. It’s clear that she is not just entertaining anybody with her precious time because she knows her worth. Therefore, when the right guy gets in the door; he feels that he has really worked for her.

I have a friend who shared a story of meeting her husband and the thing that drew him to her was the fact that she wasn’t thirsty all over him like other women trying to impress him, but she was secure in herself, and she was real when it came to God. Another friend told me of her brother who got really serious about a girl who was a strong woman. She wasn’t putting up with just anything and if he wasn’t going to act right she was throwing up the deuces. He had never met anyone like that before and wanted to straiten up and fly right with her right away.

Many of us women have lots of guys who come to us all day trying to get in to our personal space without respecting the type of women that we are. Sometimes, you just want to say, “Do you know who I am bro?”, but it’s no use. We just kindly throw up the deuces.

That is always a great sign of a strong, and confident woman who isn’t depending on interactions from a man to build her worth especially from a negative experience with a man where she is reduced to a simple sex object.

Strong women are whole and complete. They don’t bring unnecessary drama and baggage to the table. She has already dealt with her hurts, pains, and unforgiveness toward men. She has entrusted herself to the only one who is able to heal her completely and that is God. She doesn’t see every guy as an opportunity for a mate, but loves everyone who crosses her path.

Her trust is in the Lord. She is strong she is beautiful. She is a builder who builds others up around her. She becomes noticed by the best of the best. The man who considers her considers the legacy of his household and how she will not only love, respect and build him up, but his whole household that he will establish with her.

This woman is highly sought after. There are so many women out there who have lost their strength their power and virtue. They have given it to men out of desperation, discontentment, lust, loneliness, and the like.

The strong woman has dealt with all of the above and overcome those things. She has let go of despair because her trust is in the Lord. She has walked her course. She has let go of discontentment knowing how to embrace God’s joy in every season of her life. She knows that the joy of the Lord is her strength not the joy of a man. It isn’t that the strong woman doesn’t want a man; she just wants the right man.

The strong woman has learned how to kill her flesh. She realizes that sexual flings will never satisfy her soul. Therefore, it isn’t worth it to her to entertain. She isn’t ruled by loneliness because God is very well able to meet every need of hers including companionship . She taps in to God’s presence who is always there with her. She also utilizes godly friends, family, and loved ones placed into her life. She is a giver, and when she gives of her time and love, more love and time with others of value is given to her.

She is a strong woman. A wise woman, who will soon become the wife of a wise man who will appreciate her. This is what happens when we wait on the Lord. We are tested and tried in so many things, but we overcome and when we overcome we come out on the other side with strength. Strength not according to the world but according to God. The world tells a woman that she is strong because she lives her life independent of a man. The Lord tells a woman she is strong because she lives her life dependent on him.

Let’s define what a strong woman is because there is clear confusion what a strong woman looks like according to the world and to what God’s word teaches. A strong woman according to the world is a turn-off to real men, but one according to God’s standard is the opposite.

In today’s world we could use all of the encouragement that we can get. When it comes to waiting on the Lord for the right counter-part as well as to have sex until marriage, there are many things that can discourage a person. I am so thankful for a role model to our generation named Lakita Garth-Wright.

Mrs. Lakita Garth-Wright is a nationally known public speaker, abstinence educator, former radio and television personality, former Mrs. California, and so much more. I really cannot put it all up on this blog. She waited until the age of 36 years old to have sex after marriage. She reminds me of myself also in that she is the only girl with four brothers. How interesting! I never thought when I first heard of her as a teenager that I would also be waiting into my thirties to have sex after marriage and also doing abstinence education. It helps to know that there are others who have traveled your same path and been successful at it.

Without further ado below is the interview that I did of her on my radio show last year regarding the other side of waiting. She talks about 5 steps of relationships that allowed her to see that her hubby is the one for her, the grieving process that she went through before she found her mate, and other helpful tips for singles waiting on the Lord. So hear goes Mrs. Lakita Garth-Wright on the other side of waiting.

Mrs. Wright also has a great book called, “The Naked Truth.” There are many insightful truths that will help anyone on the path of life with the choice to wait until marriage to have sex among other things such as discipline. Stay tuned for part two of the other side of waiting with one of my brothers in the Lord who waited 31 years to have sex until marriage.

To read more about Lakita Garth-Wright Click the following link: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/lakita-garth-wright-virgin-until-age-36/

Being a woman is so much fun! From defining our own styles, to finding our voices, being heard and respected to helping other women and young girls who are coming along on their journey to womanhood. Being a woman can be so rewarding, but on the other hand there can be many distractions from what a woman’s identity should encompass. Below are just some examples of womanhood that I have noticed in popular culture and media where often images and stereotypes are presented to females to choose their identity as such. Are we as women defining who we are by who God says we are or are we just becoming another stereotype?

The Disrespectful Woman:
I’ve noticed that the clothes that are coming out for young girls and young women are getting more inappropriate. There are disrespectful messages on the t-shirts that refer to other women as the b-word, and references to women wearing the shirts as boy-toys and other inappropriate prideful and vain messages. The dresses are getting tighter, shorter, and more revealing. The language of women promoted in popular reality television shows is that of women who disrespect others talking down and at people in inappropriate ways.

All of these things speak to how a woman wishes to be treated because the reality is the way that a woman treats herself and treats others is how other people will feel is an appropriate way to treat her. There is nothing worse for a woman than a woman who disrespects herself. If a woman doesn’t know what is appropriate behavior for herself, she will not be able to show others how to treat her in an appropriate manner.

Furthermore, because of many of the negative images in popular culture that reference Black women, some people of other nationalities believe negative behavior is a norm for us. Therefore, when some Asians open up their beauty supply stores, and clothing stores in our communities, the music that is played is disrespectful toward women. I have complained on several occasions regarding this and gotten the music to be changed at places where I shop. It’s time for Black women and women as a whole to defy the stereotypes. No, we do not all call one another the b-word. No, we do not all go to the club and drop it like it is hot. That ain’t nobodies’ business but our husbands.

The Woman Who Follows the Wind or The Woman of Faith:
Not very long ago, there was huge media attention centered around the idea that Black women weren’t getting married. I recently had a discussion with a woman who is very well-cultured and she feels that Black women are the lest desirable women to Black men in this country of the U.S.A. largely due to the many negative stereotypes that plague Black women such as the angry Black woman or the loud Black woman. She wanted me to write a blog on this, but I shared with her that I did not agree with that notion of Black women being the lest desirable because all Black women do not fit those stereotypes. I will say that yes, there are issues in our culture where many women do fit negative stereotypes, but all African-American women should not be defined by those women.

What she did share was that every time she traveled outside of the country she was treated like a superstar because of the dark color of her skin. She shared that many men in other nations love and admire the Black woman. Those who were not familiar with the negative stereotypes of Black women in this country were able to see the positive attributes about that beautiful Black woman without judging her by negative stereotypes dismissing her before she even had a chance. The woman who follows the wind of what is popular or what the studies are showing will dismiss herself from God’s blessing before it even reaches her because she has gotten out of faith and into the wind. For every lie spoken there is a truth that dispels it. Do you represent that truth or the stereotype that the lie is based on? This is why Christian websites and blogs that promote positive images of Black marriages and successful relationships are so important because they build our faith beyond what we see and hear.

I Got a Big-Butt/Selfie Culture Woman:
This woman is all about the appearance. She bases her worth on how many likes she gets on her Instagram and Facebook pictures that she posts. There isn’t very much emphasis placed on herself outside of her physical beauty. She fits the notion of popular culture that has told young Black girls for years that your worth is derived from how you appear physically especially if you have a big exterior. Many of the most popular female role models in entertainment promote this idea from Nikki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and now Iggy Azalea. Looking at these examples of women, it can be easy to believe the lie that this type of a woman is powerful, when in reality a woman who promotes her physical attributes above what is on the inside limits herself and causes others to view her in a demeaning way. A woman may get a man with a big behind, but it will take more than that to keep a man.

If a woman or young girl is not connected to God or more positive examples she can easily confuse her worth with just her outward appearance and how guys respond to that while ignoring all of the other things that make her beautiful.

The Bible talks about how the Lord beautifies those that are his with salvation i. The more we submit ourselves to God, the more we will began to see the other beautiful things God has put into us as women besides just our physical exterior. If a woman’s physical exterior is all that she works on and feels that she is worth, than she will attract a guy who feels that is all she is good for. The Bible tells us women to adorn ourselves in modest apparel with humility and sobriety. In other words, God is not opposed to women being confident and feeling physically attractive, but he doesn’t want us to get stuck on that as if that’s all that matters. He wants us to adore ourselves with humility and work on our inner selves that will in turn point others back to him. Our beauty is not given to us as women just to be there, but God has a purpose in it, and that purpose is to point others to him. That’s why God addresses in scripture how holy women of old adorned themselves in a godly manner (1 Peter 3:5).

Desperate Church-Girl:
This is how unfortunately, many church girls are expected to be by some desperately waiting around for a man any man. Looking and watching the new guys who come into the church competing with other girls in the church for his attention. Divisive, Jealous, naive, and ready to do whatever just to have a man. Unfortunately, there are some girls like this who feel their greatest accomplishment in life will be to just get a man. There is nothing wrong with having a natural desire for a man as a woman, but I don’t see God in any of the behavior mentioned above for the desperate church-girl. She seems more like someone who is immature and unlearned in the Lord, who has made an idol out of the idea of having a man. That is a dangerous place to be in as a woman. That woman would seem to be unproductive as it relates to her purpose and goals in life. She needs to get before the Lord and get his vision for her life. She needs to get God’s heart at work in her so that he can mature her into what he has called her to be and use her as an instrument to love her sisters and brothers in Christ instead of competing with them and putting them down. I have seen God bless some of these women with mature godly men to cover them and to help them grow. Other women, have gone through unnecessary circumstances because of their immaturity in this area.

Godly Virtuous Woman:
This woman is a woman of vision. She understands that without a vision people perish ii, so she spends regular time in God’s presence praying, fasting, and reading the word to catch the vision that God has for her life. She is a woman of humility. She patiently listens and follows the instruction of those who are older and wiser when appropriate. She has a sense of worth that only comes from God which breeds faith on the inside of her that she cannot allow herself to put up with anything.

She isn’t sitting around desperate for a man, but she is busy with the work that God has placed in her hands right now in this time and season. She isn’t opposed to a man, but she has entrusted that desire to God, and will welcome it in the time that God has ordained. She is very attractive and it is obvious, but she places the greater emphasis on godliness and presenting herself in a manner that is acceptable to God. Like Proverbs she is clothed in strengthiii and in her tongue is the law of kindnessiv. She is a graceful woman, who builds others up instead of tearing them down. Her character causes her to stand out and have favor wherever she goes. Her reputation precedes her and it shows that she is not perfect but humble and willing enough to get things right.

As women, we have so many choices thrown at us on a regular basis telling us who we are, or who we should be, but there is one who made us from the rib of a man with purpose, beauty, honor, strength and all of his backing behind us to be all that he has called us to be and that is God himself. With all of the choices presented to us, I have found God’s way to be the best way.

i For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Psalms 149:4 (KJV)

ii Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 28:19

iii Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

iv She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26