What dating down looks like is a topic from my third book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” Dating down is when you know someone isn’t an appropriate fit for you—yet you continue to date them anyway.

This signals an issue yet to be resolved within you. Self-awareness, which leads to personal responsibility, is key in this scenario.

“A person who is full refuses honey, but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry.” – Proverbs 27:7 (NLT)

The full person sees that he has a choice in whether or not to accept what comes along; the hungry person will accept anything, whether it’s savory or not. Even though he knows his choice may not be good for him, he sees it as a way to satisfy his hunger in the moment.

Take Personal Responsibility in Accessing Your Needs to Avoid Dating Down

What needs have we allowed to go unmet in healthy ways where we use dating down—an unhealthy coping mechanism to fill? Could there be lies within our minds that we are seeking to overcome? I loved Nona Jones’ book, “The Gift of Rejection.” It shared how there can be a talk track playing over and over in our head that we are trying to disprove or unconsciously live up to.

For Nona, it was her mother’s harsh words and actions of rejection. Her mom blamed her for getting sexually assaulted by her live-in boyfriend. She’d put Nona down making her feel unworthy. Due to this talk track playing in Nona’s mind—she’d found herself in a toxic relationship in college. The young man she dated disrespected her, would not allow her to speak much, and showed little to no concern for her well-being, and still Nona sought to please him to prove her worthiness unconsciously.

Dating Down as a Coping Mechanism

What is something that you may need to resolve within yourself—that you may be either consciously or unconsciously using a toxic relationship to prove? Have you believed the lie that you are unworthy of love due to consistent rejection and disappointment? Are you now ready to accept the scraps of what comes your way instead of standing on the business of who you truly are at the core and attracting someone based on that?

Don’t feel bad. We’ve all been there, dating down and ready to place ourselves on clearance for the one willing to buy. However, we cannot stay there. I remember being in a place of fear that I would lose all my guy friends.

The last guy friend I had began to put me down for my skin color before he left from being my friend. I tried to salvage the friendship and only correct him, but God would not allow him to continue to remain in my life. This former friend ended up blocking me because I disagreed with what he shared my outcome in life would be due to my skin color.

Allow God to Resolve Those Needs for You to Avoid Dating Down

When I look back at it—I can see that God was protecting me by allowing him to block me. God wanted me to depend on him—even without any close guy friends. God wanted me to know I should not be moved by fear but faith in him.

After this, God brought one of my guy cousins around more. He also brought my brothers and I closer together as a family. We’d been processing grief due to the loss in our family in unique ways that sometimes isolated us.

In this experience, I was able to see God providing for my inner need for safety, security, and belonging. Dr. Henry Cloud had confirmed in one of his books I was listening to at the time that when we are struggling with loneliness—it isn’t the time for dating. It’s a time when we need to reinforce the healthy relationships we already have with friends and family.

To be honest, I had dated down while going through this experience—but as God began to move in my life—I saw I no longer had to date down. I was worthy of more despite what I’d experienced. The lie in my mind that told me I’d always be fighting to be loved was just that—a lie.

Standing on Who You Are Helps to Avoid Dating Down

I learned to embrace myself once again. This includes my call by God to remain single into my 40s and however long God decides. I’m submitting to whatever plan he has for me. In this, I’ve found the protection and security that I desire. Embracing myself also enables me to hold up healthy boundaries of self-respect.

These are the things that allow us to be ourselves attracting healthy people into our lives. Being ourselves results in the prevention of us dating down. Instead, we date only those who compliment who we truly are. When was the last time you examined yourself to see if you were authentically being yourself or hiding who you truly are out of fear of never being loved?

Please, don’t do that to yourself. As God’s son or daughter, you deserve more. Read, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse,” to learn more and further prepare for whatever God will have for you. It will not be found in dating down.

I think I’ve established the importance of contentment and living a full life when considering a life partner enough in previous articles. This removes any desperation that would cause us to make a life-altering decision out of desperation rather than discernment.

Discernment allows us to make good choices that will be more beneficial to us in not only the short term but the long term. Both men and women need to practice discernment. Below are 5 green flags to look for when considering a spouse. These green flags are inspired by my 3rd book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.”

Someone Who is Committed to Growth and Perseverance

We all know that marriage is work. Also, we know that life happens. This means that there will be difficulties that occur outside of the control of the married couple. All of these things and more create pressure on an already strenuous process of marriage—where two people are becoming one.

This is growth accelerated. Growth is often uncomfortable and the older we get growth isn’t always celebrated. Will your chosen spouse have enough perseverance not to give up on the marriage, God, or any other goals that require them to persevere? We cannot foretell our futures, but we can at least seek for the quality of perseverance in our potential spouse.

Asking the potential partner about their experiences with disappointment can be a way to get a peek into perseverance. We can also ask people who are close to them, like siblings or parents, to share examples of perseverance or when they’ve seen examples of growth in our love interest.

Finally, it’s more important to observe the character of a person than to only ask them. In your experience of simply being a friend to a love interest—what are some examples of perseverance you’ve seen yourself in his/her life? If you see examples without having to ask that’s even better.

On the other hand, someone who isn’t committed to growth and is only seeking to be comfortable may not be a good pick for a spouse. These are the people who may leave when things get difficult. I’ve heard stories of spouses leaving when their partner has become sick and other stories of partners staying and taking extra care of the ill spouse.

You get to choose now what’s important in considering that potential spouse and perseverance with a commitment to growth is near the top of the list.

Someone Who Takes Accountability

OMG! I cannot explain enough how important this one is. We all know the scripture: Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. Also, those who forgive will be forgiven. However, someone who refuses to take accountability focuses on the errors of others without taking responsibility for their own.

In doing so, they create a culture of hardness and bitterness. The non-accountability-taking partner sits on their high-horse of perfection either consciously or unconsciously belittling the other partner. To not take accountability but to require it is belittling. If someone does this because they aren’t healed—it’s imperative that they seek healing so they can be in a healthy relationship. No one wants to be belittled within a relationship. It’s selfish.

To have a relationship with someone like this is nearly impossible. This relationship can become like walking on eggshells for the partner committed to accountability while the other isn’t. There is an imbalance there that prevents the relationship from being reciprocal.

Healthy relationships are reciprocal. Marriage is an opportunity for husbands and wives to take turns showing Christ’s grace and forgiveness toward one another. After all, marriage is a great mystery metaphorically representing Christ and the church per Ephesians 5.

In this relationship, the man gets his inner-most need met, respect and the woman gets her inner-most need met, love. That is an example of reciprocity.

Accountability should be reciprocal. Both the husband and the wife need to humble themselves and take accountability for their actions. This sews the relationship together. Safely, from any potential breaches made from former hurts, contention, strife, or misunderstandings. When you see this consistently in operation in your potential partner, you are on your way.

Someone Who Respects Your Boundaries and has Healthy Boundaries of Their Own

Two healthy people can more easily complement one another instead of bleeding on one another due to being unhealthy. Having healthy boundaries is a pattern of being a healthy individual. Dr. Henry Cloud explains boundaries as defining where you begin and where you end. In other words, you show how far you are willing to go or to allow others to go with you.

This may include your time, commitments, spending, the decision not to spend, or anything that belongs to you. Boundaries are ways for us to show respect to ourselves. Not only do we protect ourselves physically with boundaries but emotionally and spiritually as well.

In essence, it shows others how to respect us as well. Finally, it’s a form of protection, value, and care. When you master this for yourself and others take cues from your boundaries and begin respecting you too—they may be a keeper.

People who attempt to manipulate you out of your boundaries making you feel guilty for having them are not a good catch. That should show you they have selfish motives. Remember that love seeks not its own according to 1 Corinthians 13. Instead, it is willing to protect.

As a matter of fact—the scripture says love always protects. Look for this in a partner that you’d like to consider. Remember these tips go for both men and women. If a woman is attempting to make a gentleman spend all of his money on her instead of using wisdom by investing, saving, and building a legacy—she may not be the one, brothers. Also, a woman who doesn’t protect her suitor emotionally but embarrasses him with no regard for his feelings may not be a catch.

Someone Who Values Family and Other Values You May Have Shows Green Flags

We need to be with someone with similar interests to us. Even more important, are similar values. If we value family—we don’t want to be with someone who does not. The priorities are too different. This will cause immediate friction. Evaluate your values realistically before dating. If you’re already friends with the one you’re interested in—you should have a good idea what their values are. Hint: Friendships first make for solid foundations for romantic relationships.

Perhaps, that’s why you decided to be such close friends with them because your values complement one another. Your values normally determine your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are necessary to create a template or vision of what you want and do not want prior to dating.

This way, before the emotions kick in, you’re clear on what would cause you to walk away from someone. Popular values among Christians are abstinence until marriage. For example, both parties dating should be committed to abstinence individually. Someone should not try to ride your abstinence coat-tail to become abstinent themselves.

Obedience to God is a personal walk. Other examples of values could be how you value money, spending, discipline, how you’d like to raise kids, if you want to have kids. If these things align, you may have some green flags.

Someone Who Fears and Loves God

This is first and foremost. Hashtag Matthew 6:33 in this. You know what it says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things will be added unto you.” This was specifically in reference to some things that God’s children were concerned about. For example, what they will eat, drink, and wear as clothing. Scripture tells us not to worry about these things. They will simply be provided as we seek God first and his kingdom values and kingdom plan first.

This is why we have to be careful with various strategies provided to find someone for us. If it isn’t in alignment with God’s kingdom assignment for us individually, it’s pointless.

Therefore, we should seek the Lord first and allow him to give us peace for where he’s assigned us. Some of us God has assigned to be single longer for his kingdom purpose and we have to be okay with that. The flip side of that is if God’s kingdom agenda for us does eventually include a spouse—the spouse will be provided. Somehow and someway, God will lead us to him or her.

Just as we acknowledge God and fear God in all of our ways, we should seek for our spouse to do the same. Hashtag green flags.

Many of these green flags and questions asked are from my book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.”

Recently, I’ve been studying one of Christ’s prominent titles, Lion and Lamb. It’s interesting to think about what a lion represents as well as a lamb. Further, the characteristics of a lion and lamb can be found in Christ’s actions and personality in scripture as well as within the personalities of believers who follow Christ. They are also important characteristics in relation to leaders.

God’s word discusses believers by saying that we are being transformed or changed into the image of Christ. This means that we will mirror him in various ways as we grow into maturity in Christ and surrender to him.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. – 2 Corinthians 3:18

Jesus as the Lion and the Lamb

Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.” – Revelations 5:5

Jesus is shown as the Lion of the Tribe of Judah in the above scripture. Further, it is said that because he has triumphed, he has the authority to open the seven seals. A lion represents authority. They are territorial and mark their rite to the space they hold authority over in the wild.

Similarly, Jesus possesses the authority to open the seals because of his enduring to the point of triumph. Likewise, we as believers, triumph through Jesus Christ, who has overcome the world. Therefore, we overcome when we look to him in surrender. Also, we should mirror authority within our lives. Authority is a form of confidence that allows us to do what needs to be done. Something vital to leaders.

Those who operate in their authority understand who made them, how they’ve been made, and who they are submitted to. Being submitted to the Lord gives us authority.

Authority: If you have the authority to do something, you have the right or power to do it. For example, parents give the babysitter authority to put the children to bed at 7 p.m. (Vocabulary.com.)

Lions Represent Boldness

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions. – Proverbs 28:1

We stand our ground as godly followers of Christ. We do not run away from things that are hard. Instead, we face them head-on. This is a characteristic of leadership. Often, the leaders are the first to get hit or to foresee danger. Leaders have a responsibility to protect those that have been entrusted to them.

This characteristic of boldness is often modeled in scripture through the stories of the good shepherd, another title of Christ. The good shepherd cares for the sheep. He doesn’t run away and abandon the sheep. Instead, he stands his ground like a lion knowing he has been equipped with the authority to protect the sheep.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So, when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. – John 10:11-12

Men are naturally called to leadership as they are the head of the home in marriage. However, they must grow in maturity to become a leader like Christ. Women of wisdom co-lead in boldness like Queen Esther. She was willing to lay down her life for the people she led as queen. She led them into a consecration to seek the Lord for deliverance saying if she perishes, she perishes.

Likewise, King David was willing to lay down his life for his sheep killing a lion and a bear. This takes us to our next characteristic of the Lion and the Lamb.

Leaders realize, it takes boldness to become a Lamb in Laying Down One’s Life for the Sheep

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. – John 10:14-15

Jesus is mentioned in scripture so many times as the lamb of God. He was called the Passover lamb and the lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world. This was acted out by God with boldness and love. We all know the scripture: For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that we would not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16.)

We are the sheep. Our good shepherd, Jesus, became our lamb—our sacrifice. Our sins are covered because of him.

Likewise, as believers who are growing in maturity in Christ, we will often be required to take some hits. We’ll be required to take some losses to cover others. This looks like humility. It looks like not appearing to always have it together. Sometimes, it will look like not responding when others seek to discount our words or creditability.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I care about others. I’d sometimes respond thinking others wanted clarity from me. However, responding to detractors can unnecessarily drain the mature person.

Often, it’s better to pray for the person allowing the Holy Spirit to change their heart over time. Unless the Holy-Spirit specifically requires you to share something additional. This knowledge especially comes in handy on social media.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep, before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. – Isaiah 53:7

The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! – John 1:29

Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ, our Passover is sacrificed for us. – 1 Corinthians 5:7

It also takes boldness to set boundaries with others

Lion prides have specific territories that they cover. These territories are strictly defended from predators or intruders. The Lion may use its roar, strength, speed, or mane to intimidate others in defending it’s territory. This is how the lion was built by God to maintain its status in the wildlife ecosystem as King of the Beasts. Similarly, believers must know who they are. We have to have some understanding of how we’re built and God’s purpose for us. So, we can, like the lion, guard against those who would intrude upon our purpose and personal peace in life.

In a sense, we appear like easy targets because of our willingness to let things go and lay down our lives in serving others. That is not to be confused with us being set aside for abuse. Sometimes, we need to exercise our lion-like personality and set some clearly defined boundaries.

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. – Matthew 10:16

Allow God to give you peace through practicing the wisdom of setting appropriate boundaries. If you aren’t sure when to set boundaries, pray and ask God for help. Also, be self-aware about the circumstances that disturb your peace.

The Road to Leadership

It is very uncomfortable learning to exercise our lion and lamb side to our personalities as our chief, Jesus Christ. There are some things we have to go through. Hence, the need to triumph. Lions reside in the wild in what is called prides. These are groups of mainly one male lion, a few girl lions, called lionesses, and cubs. The baby lions are cubs.

At about 3 years of age, male lion cubs are kicked out of the pride to learn to grow on their own and create their own prides. This is a process of maturity that we are allowed to witness from nature. God often uses nature to communicate lessons to us. This lesson displays not harshness from the pride leaders but love and care to allow their cubs to develop into what is necessary for them to survive the wild.

God sends us out as believers into this world. In some ways, we are vulnerable. Yet, we are to be bold. Why? Because our leader, the Lord is causing us to mature into his image. In our maturity, we learn when to lean into the boldness of the lion within our personality or the boldness of the lamb.

Lastly, the Lamb depends on its Good Shepherd for Survival

We learn to depend on Christ as believers. He is our good shepherd. Through the hardness of learning to grow in Christ—we remain content. We are content because we have what we need. We lack nothing. Even when it seems we lack—we do not. Because our good shepherd is making sure that we have all we need.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:11-13

If You Do Not Humble Yourself & Work on Your Sin; You’ll Be Forced to Do So

My understanding is that Diddy had been under investigation for some time. This may have led to a belief that he was getting away with his breaking the law. Sometimes, having money and wealth can make people feel they are above the law. However, we now see that isn’t the case.

Likewise, God judges sin. His goodness toward us is not so we can continue in sin. It’s so we can repent from sin. To repent means to turn away or to have a change of direction. Meaning, we should not continue in sin. God’s grace toward us is not a license for sin. It’s space to get things right.

As believers, we have to go through a process of sanctification which leads to holiness. Holiness means to be set apart to the Lord. Within the space of being set apart to the Lord, our perception of God in our lives and in the lives of others is more pronounced.

Sin Separates Us From God

Whereas, the opposite is that sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2.) Sin also keeps us outside of the kingdom of God.

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were [sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. – 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

To inherit means something provided to us by birthright. The things provided to us by birthright will not be inherited here on earth if we choose to continue outside of the way of the Lord. Instead, we become prone to the deception that since we aren’t destroyed yet from our sins, as the wages of sin is death—God must be okay with it. He is not.

Therefore, we will be operating at a lower level in life outside of the authority God has given us. This opens us up to all types of dangerous things. Finally, heaven can be missed by those who continue in sin intentionally choosing not to submit to the Lord.

The Harder Way is to Transgress the Things We Know About God’s Way.

A transgressor’s way will eventually become harder. This is what we see currently going on with Diddy. He got away from the Christian influences within his upbringing. There have been little bits and pieces of Sean P Diddy Combs’ affiliation with faith over the years. For example, he mentioned a gospel album, a Catholic school attendance as a child, and saying God is his best friend in an interview. However, these religious affiliations did not lead to obedience and dying to his flesh.

Let’s not forget a very important part of being considered a believer or follower of Christ requires us to go through a process of dying to our flesh. We should be becoming new creations in Christ as the old ungodly ways we’d walked in are passing away. When we refuse to walk out this process—we only practice religion and not a real genuine relationship with God. This is also a form of deception.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. – Matthew 16:24

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. – James 1:23-24

A Form of Godliness is not Walking Out the Gospel.

It appears that Diddy only had a form of godliness but denied the power of God unto salvation. You see the power of God to save us is not just to forgive us for our sins. Although, this is part of it. It’s to empower us to overcome our sins through the processes that I mentioned above. Anyone who decides to go another way is considered to have a semblance of godliness but not true godliness. Instead, they deny God’s power to sanctify them into a lifestyle of righteousness. This doesn’t necessarily happen overnight for everyone, but there should be some evidence that the process is at work within our lives.

Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. – 2 Timothy 3:5

Diddy could have decided to work on himself at any given moment, but he chose to continue what he was doing. Little did he know, his behavior was being observed by law enforcement and now he is forced to give an account to the law. This is the very same thing that will happen to those who choose to ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit to convict them of sin.

I believe this is what it means to grieve the Holy Spirit and to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit. It’s to ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit and his conviction. This will only lead to more darkness and destruction. It’s better to choose the fear of the Lord and to submit to him. God has given us everything we need to live a holy life but we have to be willing to yield to him and his process of sanctification. The Lord will help us to overcome sin.

When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:  about sin, because people do not believe in me; about righteousness because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned. – John 16:8-11

Quick Summary of the Gospel

Jesus, God’s son, was set aside to pay the penalty for man’s sin before the world was formed. He is referred to as the lamb who was slain before the foundation of the world. It has always been God’s plan to save mankind. He knew we would sin.

With Jesus being God in the flesh, he is the lamb without spot or blemish that provides an acceptable sacrifice for man’s sin. This is why, in the Old Testament, the Israelites had to offer a lamb for their sins. Read up on the Passover lamb in Exodus 12.

This was a symbol of Jesus Christ who was to be revealed as the Passover lamb for mankind many years later. Thus, causing us to avoid the result of sin which is the 2nd death. The second death is separation from God for an eternity in hell.

Those who are saved are those who believe Jesus is the son of God who died for their sins and rose again. We confess this with our mouths and believe in our hearts per Romans Chapter 10. At which point, we begin to learn to walk with the Lord through reading his Word—the Bible and praying daily. Finally, we get into a healthy church community where we can continue to learn and grow in Christ.

Toward the end of my last trial, I had a dream. In the dream, people were waiting in line to get a word of prophecy. I was sitting down in the dream and a woman sat next to me and began to prophesy reminding me of who I am and that I am blessed. She said the below:

“You are amazingly blessed. And yes, God did expose the plan of the enemy. God is bringing you into a deeper level of peace and you will see it.”

I woke up pondering on the dream. I wrote it down in my journal. I believe after we come out of difficult trials—God begins to build us up reminding us of who we are because we sometimes forget. Especially, when we find ourselves in a place like Job where it’s been one thing after the other. Our flesh just wants to give up, but our spirit is sustained in the hope that comes from the word of God.

Remember we live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4.) Also, God’s reminder of who we are through his word reduces anxiety and heaviness.

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. – Proverbs 12:25 (NIV)

Blessed Means Happy?

During the time of the dream, I had been in a season of facing much anxiety. To my surprise, I’d been studying the Bible one day and the word blessed was in the scripture. Upon looking up the meaning of blessed in the original language—it’s definition meant happy. I was shocked! How many of you have heard a sermon that said, “Jesus did not die on the cross to make us happy.” I have and I can understand it.

There are lots of circumstances that come with this life where we do not feel happy at all. Another defining word in the definition is to be fortunate or blessed. The below definition of blessed comes from the Beatitudes in Matthew 5 which is all about being blessed.

Blessed: Makarios (In Hebrew) Blessed, happy. – Thayer Definition.  Fortunate, well off: blessed, happy – Strong’s definition.

God still Blesses Us Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above What We Ask or Think

Not only did the woman in my dream call me blessed, but she said amazingly blessed. This is beyond the norm. How ironic that Jesus would use the term blessed for the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, who are often overlooked, the merciful, the pure, the peacemakers, and those who experience persecution and people talking about them negatively.

Most of these reasons Jesus is listing for us being blessed are uncomfortable situations. It’s the things that make us feel like giving up. Jesus is saying, even in these things, if we look up to see what God is saying—we are blessed.

He’s reminding us who we are after a form of some sort of suffering so that we will remember and not lose hope. This article is just that. A reminder for us all not to give up or lose hope but to continue to trust in the Lord and celebrate the fact that we are blessed.

God summarizes the basic necessities for Israel when they obey him in Deuteronomy 28:1-14

Obedience to God Always Leads to a Blessing Even When It Doesn’t Appear That Way

If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God:

 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.

The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven. The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.

The Lord will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath if you keep the commands of the Lord your God and walk in obedience to him. Then all the people on earth will see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they will fear you.  The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock, and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you.

The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.  The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.  Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or the left, following other gods and serving them. – Deuteronomy 28:1-14

Israel was a Metaphor for What was to God–Salvation Through Christ. We are a metaphor for What was–God’s covenant Commitment to Israel.

We are spiritual Israel. Meaning, we are a modern-day metaphor for Israel as believers in Christ. Remember Israel was an example of God’s covenant with man in the Old Testament. Now, God’s covenant with man is seen in the New Testament through covenant with Christ.

Just like God promised Israel all of these blessings for obedience. We also have all of these blessings as a result of our obedience. It feels like an oxymoron suffering and being obedient. However, this is a reality. The suffering can cause us to lose sight of the fact that we are blessed. Other believers may look at those who are suffering with snickering as if they had to commit some sort of sin for suffering. It can make one feel like he’s cursed. However, even in that, God says we are blessed.

The blessings mentioned in Deuteronomy 28 are blessings of basic provision. God mentions our families will be blessed, our wealth or economic security, our food pantries, and everything we do. Our enemies who set themselves against us will be humbled and defeated. Have you noticed any of this within your life? If yes, you are blessed. Even when things don’t look blessed per Matthew 5, you are blessed.

There are so many blessings we have as believers—I cannot name them all. I’ll just share one of my favorite blessings before I close this article out.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. – Matthew 5:3

The above blessings are for those who walk in humility. They are guaranteed help from heaven. Sometimes, we may be humbled by life. People may misunderstand us. We may not have opportunities that others have or we may feel lacking in a particular way. However, these things can make us humble opening us up for the greatest boost to push us forward and that is the hand of God. We are blessed!

So, go ahead and play Fred Hammond’s blessed song below as a reminder of who you are:

God is the covering for single women

This post is not about bashing men. We know that God covers both men and women as he gave his life through Jesus Christ for both men and women. However, there is a natural desire for safety, security, and cover that a woman has where while single—she may find it difficult to rest regarding this.

The Single Woman on Her Own

The single woman can feel up in the air, on edge, or even anxious about life circumstances when she isn’t aware that God is her covering. As single Christian women, we are often required to deal with things on our own. To have someone available at all times to listen to us, consider us, and extend covering to us—is a dream yet to be fulfilled for many of us. It can leave us feeling forgotten while suffering through various longings in hopes of genuine love and care.

I’d experienced this recently after being price-gouged on a trip I took. I guess the gentleman felt I was a woman traveling alone—I would just pay up. He may have also thought she’s American—they are rich. That just isn’t the case. The service should match the cost. God used this little incident to show me I was not alone and he had me covered even though I was a single woman.

I spoke with others about it on the way to the airport on the airport shuttle. They agreed it was price gouging sharing that the normal price for the service I received was $50 while I was charged $145. I was encouraged to call my credit card company which is through Chase Bank. I explained what happened upon calling. Chase understood and said they’d open up a dispute on my behalf and only charge me what I thought was fair.

Not Alone and Covered

I ended up deciding $60 was fair after some research—although I would have paid the gentleman up to $99 if he was open to negotiating the price. He was not. Chase shared they took the loss for me of the $85 that I felt was over the normal amount I would have been charged. I was floored. The customer service lady for Chase said they’d reach out to the gentleman and if he is willing to take less—he’ll pay the difference but if not—Chase will continue to carry the difference.

I immediately felt covered. I paused and asked her to repeat saying I didn’t know they’d be willing to take a loss for me. They said they wanted to make sure their customer was satisfied. Again, I felt covered and thanked them. This, of course, isn’t a feeling I’m used to experiencing as a single woman. It’s so nice and reassuring to feel covered.

God, I believe, was using this instance to reassure me I was not alone but covered. I began a consecration just after this experience and while in prayer was led to read Romans 8 which also reminds us we aren’t alone but we are covered as believers.

God Takes Responsibility for Us

I’d dealt with some fear. So, in Romans 8:15—I was reminded that God has not given us the spirit of bondage that keeps us in fear but he’s given us the spirit of adoption that calls us sons and daughters of God. This means God takes responsibility to cover us as his children. Therefore, we call him father.

Later, in Romans 8—it’s discussed how the Holy Spirit bears witness with our spirit that we are God’s sons and daughters and the entirety of creation is rooting and waiting for us to come into the knowledge of who we are. Lastly, Romans 8 talks about how God makes intercession for us covering us in prayer.

To reiterate the above isn’t just for women but men too. However, due to our need for safety and security, this article is addressed to women. Some women will go to great lengths to feel that covering from a physical man, even if he isn’t a healthy man. When all we have to do as women is to sit with the Lord.

The Bible says a prudent wife is found in the Lord. That’s because God is her covering. He’s shielding and protecting her. He covers her with wisdom as a defense while she is being made into a wife with God.

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. – Proverbs 19:14

The prudent wife cannot be gained because one is wealthy but she is put together by God with God. He takes full responsibility for her. He also entrusts her to a man worthy of protecting her heart. She is worthy of covering and God makes sure she receives that.

Later, I was led to Genesis 32 to further deal with my fears. God was showing me through that passage of scripture that I was not the only one dealing with fear surrounding something God had promised me. Jacob was also dealing with fear concerning a promise God provided to him through his father and grandfather. That promise was that God would make a great nation of him as multiple as the sands of the sea.

Jacob was afraid he’d be killed by his brother Esau. Esau had promised to kill him the last time they’d met because Jacob stole his birthright. Because Jacob was operating out of fear—he tried to figure out how to appease his brother. He came up with offering him several gifts of cattle from his wealth before his brother sees him. Perhaps, his brother would be convinced to have mercy on him from this act.

When We Do Not Feel Covered We Attempt to Find Ways to Cover Ourselves

That’s a lot like us. When we do not feel covered—we attempt to figure out ways to cover ourselves. I’ve tried everything I could to open myself up to find a natural covering in the form of a husband. Nothing has worked. I simply have to live with the void of romantic love while trusting God. At least, until God changes things for me.

Jacob came to a similar conclusion. He’d done all he could think to do in the natural. Then, he recounted God’s promise toward him—trusting in God.

Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’

I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps.  Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children.  But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’” – Genesis 32:9-12

Wrestling Through Our Fears & Challenges With God

Next, Jacob began to wrestle with the angel of the Lord. He told him he would not let him go until he blessed him. This is when God changed his name from Jacob to Israel meaning God prevails. I believe God was letting Jacob know—he did not have to be afraid anymore. He is covered. God had already taken care of it and changed his brother’s heart. Therefore—he would overcome the fear prevailing in the situation through God.

That is just what happened. When Esau met with Jacob—they embraced one another. I don’t even believe Esau accepted the gift. He was simply happy to see his brother.

God was covering me and the fears I was experiencing. He was letting me know I’d prevail through my worries too. My fears would not prevail over me. I pray for everyone reading this—men and women to know if you are a son or daughter of God—you are covered. You do not have to lend yourself to fleshly things lesser than who you are for a feeling of being covered. Always, remember God is your covering.

Recently, Mya interviewed with “Way Up with Angela Yee.” She shared how she’d been abstinent for 7 years. When asked what it did for her, she shared that it provided mental clarity. It allowed her to do without, which shifted her mindset away from the rush to be married and in a relationship. Because that’s what we’re taught to do as women. There’s a lot of pressure on women to be wifed-up by a certain age.

Mya on Feeling Valid Before Being Wifed-Up

It helped her to feel valid without having those things. It isn’t that she doesn’t want those things. She thinks love is beautiful and supports more love, but more important than the idea of love—she brings out the lesson of self-worth while waiting, hoping, and doing the work within ourselves to secure that love if we so desire.

Mya Shares Keys to Health and Wholeness

Mya gave many nuggets as she provided an example of some important keys to health and wholeness. One is personal responsibility. Mya shared the importance of starting with yourself. We have to choose to love ourselves—so we can select well.

Additionally, the Bible teaches us to love God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So, we know the proper order is to learn to love God. Upon learning to love God—we begin to receive his love for us.

Out of that love, we learn to love ourselves and it overflows toward others. Mya did mention spirituality but I’m not clear on her religion. It could be possible that she is Christian.

Pressures on Everyday Women and Boundaries to Block Out the Noise

This is the same Mya that, at 40 years old, had a ceremony to marry herself for a music video called, “The Truth.” The purpose of the video and song was to remind women that while society places pressure on us to be married by a certain age or we aren’t seen as honest, good, worthy, or desirable—we are still those things if we’re willing to do the work on ourselves to become that.

She repeats the same narratives within the above interview but adds boundaries and knows how to say no. Prioritizing your peace, rest, and personal health is key. Yes, ladies—this includes blocking out the noise that makes us feel unworthy because we have not attained yet what society and even religion and family pressure us to attain by a certain age.

It’s Okay to Be True to You

Some people cannot have children while others choose not to and that’s okay. The truth in her song is learning about yourself and being true to yourself. Ultimately, we are the ones who have to live with our choices—so we better be sure we’re making the right one for ourselves and not due to the noise of the pressure that women and sometimes men often face.Marriage is holy and honorable before God. Taking our time to get it right should be expected not ostracized.

Consider making a commitment to yourself and to God to take care of you by speaking what God says over you and not the world.

See the video of Mya below discussing her music video for the Truth:

Everybody is trying to figure out how to be successful. True sucess; however, is being committed to the will of God. Period! Often people see the result of favor without seeing the behind-the-scenes of how that favor from God has been produced.

Mary Mary had a song, back in the day, called, “It’s the God in Me.” The lyrics go like the below:

“You think I’m so fresh. You think I’m so clean. You think I’m so sweet. It’s the God in me. What is it you think you see? It’s the God in me.”

The lyrics were pointing to the idea that it really isn’t about the person. It’s not an “it” factor where some people have it while others do not. It’s a thing of surrendering to Christ. It’s surrendering to reflecting God’s image in the earth. This is one of the main purposes of mankind, as mentioned in Genesis 2 in the Bible.

Therefore, it’s the things people do not see that produce God’s favor in our lives. Things like fearing the Lord which result in God’s wisdom. Submission to God’s wisdom is a prerequisite for God’s favor.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” – Proverbs 9:10

For whoso findeth me (wisdom) findeth life, and shall obtain favor of the LORD. – Proverbs 8:35

The fear of the Lord produces the wisdom of God in our lives. That is knowing what knowledge to apply to a given situation. Yielding ourselves to the wisdom of God out of fear for the Lord, meaning reverence for the Lord—is what produces that favor in our lives. The next scripture in Proverbs 8 comes from the wisdom chapter where King Solomon describes wisdom as crying out in the streets for the simple to turn in and listen to her following her instruction.

Those who decide to follow her instruction find two things—life and favor. The wisdom of God being enacted in our lives isn’t always so obvious to others. It is practiced in the personal parts of our everyday lives. When we humble ourselves daily to seek the Lord in prayer and reading his word—its wisdom. God’s wisdom.

When we decide to practice integrity in secret despite others not knowing or seeing our choice—that is practicing the wisdom of God.  Those who walk in the wisdom of God have a sensitivity that God always sees them and they have to give an account to God for their deeds. Therefore, they make decisions that they believe God would approve of.

God sees this behavior and rewards it with his favor. Joseph was a good example of this. Although, no one would have known that his boss’ wife wanted to sleep with him—he did not oblige the wife’s advance. Instead, he ran knowing that God was watching his actions.

Of course, he ended up suffering because of making the right decision which sometimes happens. We ought to remember that God’s word encourages suffering for righteousness rather than unrighteousness.

But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” – 1 Peter 3:14

The suffering that Joseph experienced worked out for his good as it got him promoted with another Pharoah after he’d interpreted the dreams of a baker and the cup-bearer. The baker would later give him a recommendation for promotion with the new Pharoah. We have to remember that suffering; although, long will eventually lead to our promotion.

God brings about the fruit of the Holy Spirit within us while suffering. Things like patience, love joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, self-control, gentleness and more. The Bible talks about how even Jesus learned obedience through the things he suffered. I’m sharing this so you aren’t deceived into believing God has left you or his favor is no longer upon you because of a long season of suffering.

Our experiences with suffering do not determine our worth to God. As a matter of fact—in the scripture where Jesus’ suffering is discussed—It says although he was a son—he learned obedience through what he suffered. That means God still saw Jesus as his son. He still had inheritance rights. One of the main inheritance rights of a son is acceptance from his father. So, like Christ—God still accepts us as his children in our suffering. He is still responsible for us.

Never believe a lie that your worth is diminished in God’s eyes due to your suffering. It’s temporary. Allow the Lord to give you wisdom in your suffering that will result in his favor. Another way to get God’s wisdom is to simply ask him for it.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  – James 1:5

Asking God for wisdom demonstrates humility and trust in God to provide for us. All we have to do is yield to the wisdom God provides and the result will be God’s favor.

Trauma is a response to a traumatic event

Trauma is a response to a traumatic experience that has occurred in our lives. We see in the Bible that a traumatic experience occurred within Jacob’s family. He’d lost his son Joseph. Under the impression that his son was dead; he lived with the trauma of that loss.

Trauma shows up in many ways such as shock, sadness, anxiety or overwhelm in response to the traumatic event. It also can show up as fear and avoidance. We know that fear is paralyzing keeping us in the same place. However, it’s God’s will for us to experience a fully abundant life. This means that we have to work through the fear and challenges that come with trauma.

Don’t seek to Avoid Facing the Fear from Your Trauma

One of the many key factors in overcoming trauma is not to avoid facing the fears and emotions that come with the trauma, but to learn to healthily work through it. Jacob was so aware of his trauma as a result of losing his son that he could articulate it well to his community.

Their father Jacob said to them, “You have deprived me of my children. Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you want to take Benjamin. Everything is against me!” – Genesis 42:36

But Jacob said, “My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. If harm comes to him on the journey you are taking, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow.” – Genesis 42:38

How Jacob Got to a Place of Trauma

Let me give you the backstory for anyone who isn’t familiar with this story. Joseph’s brothers had sold him into slavery and led their father Jacob to believe he was dead. Years later, Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to buy food because they’d been in a famine. Joseph, Jacob’s son unbeknownst to his brothers and father, was the ruler of the land.

He accused the brothers of being spies to search out the land instead of buying food. Joseph shared with his brothers that the only way he would believe they weren’t spies would be for them to bring back their youngest brother, Benjamin. Benjamin was Joseph’s full brother. The above scripture is Jacob’s response to his son’s request to get Benjamin back to him.

Time Will Need to Be Allowed to Heal from Trauma

When we are in trauma, it takes time to heal. It takes time before we are truly ready to face and accept the traumatic experience that has occurred and the fact that we have to face how we feel along with our fears to move forward. This is why it’s important not to take drugs or alcohol while processing trauma because they can numb how we feel. This results in us delaying ourselves the benefit of working through our trauma. Working through our trauma is what eventually leads to healing.

Jacob was still working through the trauma of losing his son Joseph. Benjamin, having been requested to leave him was a trigger point for his trauma causing discomfort.

Sometimes, carrying trauma can push us into such a place of discomfort requiring us to face our fears. In Jacob’s case, the food had run low again. He had to face his fear of sending his youngest son, Benjamin, to Egypt or else he and his family would have died.

Now the famine was still severe in the land. So, when they had eaten all the grain they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, “Go back and buy us a little more food.” – Genesis 43:1

Take your brother also and go back to the man at once. And may God Almighty grant you mercy before the man so that he will let your other brother and Benjamin come back with you. As for me, if I am bereaved, I am bereaved.” – Genesis 43:13-14

Our Trust in God Grows as We Work Through Our Trauma Facing Our Fears

On top of Jacob, facing his fears, he had to also trust God with whatever the outcome would be. He had to make a choice saying to himself that he would still be okay, come what may. We have to do the same thing when our hearts become faint at traumatic experiences that we’ve encountered. Little did Jacob realize; that his entire remaining years would not be marked by trauma. He would experience joy again in a way that seemed unreal.

When we are dealing with trauma, it feels the same. It feels like we will not be able to live again to the full extent that maybe we have lived before. But when we face our fears working through our trauma trusting in God—He will exceed our expectations to the point of being stunned.

Jacob’s Restoration

Let me share what happened next. The brothers went back to Egypt with their younger brother Benjamin. After Joseph tested his brothers, to see if they would protect his younger brother Benjamin, he revealed himself to his brothers. His brothers went back to their father sharing that Joseph was yet alive and was the governor of Egypt. The Bible says Jacob was stunned at this news.

One translation of scripture says, Jacob’s heart fainted within him at the news because he did not believe them. The word faint in Greek means to grow numb or be feeble. This was a state Jacob had lived in. I believe the news initially acted as a trigger to take him back to the place of the pain of the loss of his son. Yet, he stayed engaged with his sons as they continued to show him proof.

He finally knew it was not a cruel joke. His son Joseph was indeed alive and longed to see him. Jacob went from being faint-hearted to his heart and spirit being revived.

But when they told him everything Joseph had said to them, and when he saw the carts, Joseph had sent to carry him back, the spirit of their father Jacob revived. And Israel said, “I’m convinced! My son Joseph is still alive. I will go and see him before I die.” – Genesis 45:27-28

I believe this story is a picture of how God wishes for us to walk in freedom after experiencing traumatic heartache. He doesn’t want us to stay in that place of pain. He wants us to keep on living—not just to get through the day, but to greatly enjoy our days. If you are on a journey to healing after experiencing any type of trauma or heartache; please remember it will not always be this way. God has more for you. Your life isn’t over. Continue to trust God to see what he uses to revive your spirit.

Know that God will also always use our traumatic experiences for our good and the good of others as he did with Joseph, his brothers, and Jacob. We can expect this as God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.