Cain was the firstborn, man-child, of Adam and Eve. His mother named him Cain. When born, she said, she’d received a male child of the Lord. She considered him a blessing. However, the lack of emotional maturity and submission to the Lord resulted in Cain’s life turning into a curse instead of a blessing.
Cain’s First Mistake Was His Failure to Take Personal Responsibility
Cain had submitted an offering to the Lord. So did his brother, Abel. However, Abel’s offering came from the first fruits of his flock. This was a commandment God would require later on. Further, by Abel walking in a commandment of the Lord before it had been communicated as such is significant of an intimate relationship with the Lord. Or, in short, someone who has a heart after God. This is what God requires for our hearts to be after him and for us to put him first above ourselves.
Because Abel’s gift was accepted by God and shown honor, and Cain’s was not. Cain saw Abel as the problem, comparing himself to him. This issue of projecting his personal issue onto Abel distracted him from what was really the issue—his failure to take personal responsibility.
It was not Abel’s fault that Cain failed to take his offering from the first-fruits or to cultivate for himself a heart after God. His experience was a direct result of his failure to take personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is one of the first steps to healing or resolve.
God provided an opportunity for Cain to use his dilemma as a tool to grow, which would have avoided the horrid escalation. Due to Cain’s pride, he rejected the opportunity.
The Lord, noticing the brewing of some unhealthy emotions that would not be stewarded properly, sought to derail the direction Cain was heading. Cain became very angry and his face gloomy, to which God responded, asking, “Why are you so angry? And why is your face gloomy? If you do well, will your face not be cheerful?”
There was something Cain had to do. However, his pride and self-centeredness prohibited him from seeing his part in all of this. In his mind, he was a victim. He was not being treated right, and he had nothing to do with it. Because he was not seeing himself properly, but as rejected, like many, he used pride as a cover to keep him from opening up to God more. He could have continued in dialogue with the Lord, asking what he should do to overcome this anger.
God Warned Cain
Sin is knocking at your door desiring you, but you must master it (NASB). The KJV says thou shalt rule over it. This speaks to having dominion over sin. Remember, God made mankind in His image, giving us dominion over all things. This includes dominion over sin and our emotions.
We don’t have to allow the emotion of anger to be used as a doorway to sin. Scripture is as plain as day, warning us to be angry yet not to sin. The word wroth was used in the KJV. When translated into the original Greek language, it means the following:
“to be hot, furious, burn, become angry, be kindled. To be angry with, be incensed. To burn, kindle, to heat oneself in vexation,” – Strong-Lite Dictionary.
This is why we must maintain a level of self-control while angry, because it can get to the point where we no longer think critically. In a sense, Cain became drunk with anger, no longer making a sober decision. The Bible warns that we are to be sober and vigilant because Satan is seeking an occasion to steal, kill, and destroy. Much like what occurred with Cain.
Productive Anger Vs. Non-Productive Anger
Anger isn’t a bad emotion in of itself. It’s like an alarm letting us know something is setting us off. We have to be self-aware and humble enough to be honest about what it is and to address it in a productive manner rather than an unproductive manner.
Productive anger results in resolving issues or conflicts, vs. non-productive anger that leads to escalating issues or conflicts. Productive anger is self-reflective, leading to responsibility or healthy mobilization. While unproductive anger blames others and deflects away from the real issue, similar to Cain.
We Have to Make a Choice to Walk in Self-Control, a Fruit of the Holy Spirit
One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self-control. Self-control is something that everyone will need to grow into when it comes to managing their emotions in a healthy way. These uncomfortable situations, like what Cain experienced, are opportunities for us, not life happening against us. However, it takes humility to realize that.
God let him know it was possible to have dominion over his emotions and even how his gift is perceived by God, but it is a choice. It was a choice of his to view himself as a victim; thus, absolving himself of any responsibility to do better. Or, seeing himself as a man, made in God’s image and capable of taking the same responsibility that Abel had chosen to take. Thus, getting the same result.
Some people, like Cain, will see others taking responsibility and doing what they are supposed to do as if others are getting a good result because they are privileged instead of realizing the other person simply did the work.
Abel’s response was not due to being favored by God over Cain. It was a result of his pleasing God and submitting to Christ along the way. Our obedience to God will produce different results than those who are disobedient and unwilling to submit. I’ve found that when a person’s mind is so skewed like Cain’s was to absolve himself of all personal responsibility and to blame Abel for taking responsibility, a person, like Cain, becomes dangerous to remain around.
There is nothing an Abel-type of person can do to convince him differently. Abel’s best bet to have remained alive would have been to completely separate himself from Cain.
Our Responsibility to Protect Ourselves from Unstable People
There was no getting through to the hot, angry, overly excited Cain. He’d created his own problem and set out to punish his own blood for it. His ultimate judgment was to be separated from his family unit by God. However, he was to remain alive as a reminder of the guilt from what he’d done to his brother.
I would argue that the end judgment that God gave him to isolate him completely from his family should have taken place before the murder. We have a responsibility when people who are connected to us exhibit all of the above signs of Cain. When family, friends, or associates fail to take responsibility for their own actions and, in anger and lack of self-control, set out to blame others, we should separate from them. Why? Because, at that point, things can only escalate. I don’t believe God wanted Adam, Eve, and Cain to experience the loss of life. However, this was the first family on Earth. They had no other examples like we do.
We can learn from their story not to allow such behavior to go on. It’s really similar to domestic violence cases where a woman experiences these things from her partner or vice versa. Eventually, she realizes she needs a plan to completely separate herself to survive. The choice of others failing to take personal responsibility should not result in our not taking responsibility to protect ourselves. We are still valuAbel and worthy of living our full lives despite any abuse from someone like Cain.
Cain probably showed some sort of signs to Abel and his family that he was jealous of his brother Abel. However, he still had intimate access to Abel. We have a responsibility to act accordingly when people show their instability to protect ourselves and our relationship with God.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
Guarding Our Hearts from Irresponsible People
If nothing else, but to guard our hearts from becoming bitter due to the insults of those like Cain. We have to continue to guard our hearts to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit continually in our lives. That fruit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, self-control, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law, meaning we need to continue in these without boundaries.
We can never have enough self-control, goodness, faithfulness, love, joy, peace, gentleness, and long-suffering. We can always use more. Don’t allow others and their irresponsibility to prevent you from growing in these. Take responsibility, set boundaries, and cut off anyone who is seeking to destroy this part of you at your core. Pray for them while separated that perhaps, God may change their heart.