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How many of us have seen someone who is a devote woman of God wearing something and asked ourselves if it was too much? What about when we wear that new dress which we weren’t aware had so much cleavage, but we decided to wear it anyway thinking it isn’t that bad? These are both scenarios where we may ask ourselves how much is too much when dressing modestly and are we really honoring God with what we wear? 

Sidenote: Our dressing should be done as unto the Lord when considering the idea of dressing modestly; we can look for the nudge of the Lord when something is off. When we do not have that nudge―we are fine.

This is a personal question that cannot simply be answered by judging someone by how sexy or not she looks. It’s really a matter of the heart. Because we cannot see the heart of man, we have to be careful in how we approach people in how they dress ensuring we are walking in love and respect.

I’ll share some examples of some nice dresses by Chicme that I’ve worn later in the article.

When we attempt to force our personal convictions about dressing modestly on another; it is a form of disrespect. It disregards another adult’s right to decide for herself and it sets us up as the authority over the person rather than God.

It’s a very prideful act rooted in religious piety rather than humility rooted in genuine love and concern for our fellow man. This is where we have to be careful to check our hearts.

God’s word is clear in emphasizing women in dressing modestly (1 Peter 2:9.) However, we need to consider the cultural context of scriptures.

For example, women in Corinth are encouraged to wear a head covering. This was asked of the Christian women of Corinth in response to the culture of Corinth wear women who did not wear head coverings were seen as available to commit immoral acts. It was the cultural norm.

To not confuse the Christian women with the immoral women of that culture this precaution was taken among Christians. This is not a requirement however for every Christian woman who’d walk the earth. What many Christians do is take remedies provided in scripture to address cultural norms of Biblical times and make them a requirement for all believers.

Paul’s request for women to dress modestly in the below scripture was in contrast to the women of the day who with braided hair, costly clothing, and expensive jewelry prided themselves based on their outward appearance.

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;”

– 1 Timothy 2:9 (KJV)

I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

– 1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV)

Priding one’s self based on the outward appearance alone is dangerous because the outward appearance fades and its perceived beauty is subject to the opinions of others. Paul warned the women to consider their nobility based on something more—things like humility, sobriety, and the appropriate good works that follow a woman of humility and sobriety. He was not opposed to women adorning themselves, however.

To adorn in this scripture comes from the Greek word: Kosmeo. This word means the below:

1. To put in order, arrange, make ready, prepare.
2. To ornament, adore.
3. Metaphorically to embellish with honor, gain honor (Thayer Greek Dictionary.)

To adorn simply means to decorate one’s-self, properly arrange one’s-self—in a sense celebrating our God-given beauty. Because of the extremes taught in church culture over the years, some women feel as though arranging one’s self in a way considered too attractive is sinful.

The Bible does not call attractively dressed women sinful; it shares it is sinful to pride ourselves on our physical appearance, wealth, and ability to arrange ourselves in a particular appearance rather than what’s really important.

What does it mean to dress modestly? Modest in 1 Timothy 2:9 means to dress well arranged, seemly, modest. It also means to dress orderly and of good behavior. This simply means we should not be unseemly in our dress. We need to respect the rules and laws of where we are at all times.

When I go to court, I dress like I am presenting myself to a judge. When I go to a job interview, I dress like I would like to be hired for the position. I do my research. I find out what the culture is there and carry myself accordingly. This is the same thing the above scripture is saying.

One of my favorite authors taught this principle so well when she shared with women that dressing modestly has to do with wearing the appropriate thing to the appropriate occasion. When a woman gets ready to marry, she dresses like a bride. When a family visits the beach; the family wears swimwear including bathing suits and swimming trunks. This is considered modest or appropriate for the beach.

Somehow, we’ve confused the word modest with dressing overly conservative or dressing conservatively at all times. There are times that it is inappropriate to dress overly conservative and we must dress for the proper occasion. There is a story in the Bible wear Jesus kicked guests out of a party for not dressing appropriately to the occasion. See Matthew 22:11.

Does this mean that women are free to wear whatever they want to whether appropriate or not? No. We already addressed that dressing modestly is dressing appropriately. However, what’s appropriate to one person may be inappropriate to another depending on the conscious of each person. The Bible says all things are lawful, but not all things are expedient.

Sometimes, people are off on their judgment as to what’s appropriate for a believer, but even in that case, it’s not up to us to put them down or to discount their faith in Christ. In this case, a trusted friend or mentor should approach the woman in love and respect. 

These cases should be clear that something is off. It should not be an assumption from someone based on their own personal convictions. Again, our personal convictions in dressing modestly may not be that of others.

There is not a law across the board that it’s okay for a woman to wear this and not that. This is subjective. There is a scripture that says that the law is for the lawless—meaning those who have no boundaries. It isn’t for someone who is mature and consistently practices appropriate boundaries.

We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers.

-1 Tim 1:9

There are those out there who do not live according to what would be considered an appropriate law across the board in dress as it relates to women, but they are a law unto themselves because of their conscious sharing with them what is appropriate and not. This is something that takes place between the believing woman and God.

For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves, their thoughts accusing or else excusing them.

– Romans 2:14-15

Many who take issue with others on not dressing to their particular acceptance have come out of churches of controlling backgrounds. Adults should not be controlled. They should be mature enough to make appropriate decisions. Children should be controlled in a sense to be guided and directed into a place of reference with boundaries showing the difference between good vs. bad. This way, when they become adults, they will have the foundation to make the right decisions for themselves. 

Below are some examples of outfits that some make take issue with that I’ve worn. These outfits were purchased through Chicme—a fashion website with great quality clothing at affordable prices. I found out about them from ads on social media and decided to give it a chance.

I’m always cautious when ordering clothing online as there are some scams out there, but believe me, Chicme is not a scam. What you see on their website is what you get. They take precautions to make sure the customer is happy.

I will say it takes a few weeks for the orders to arrive and sometimes the items come wrinkled, but the quality, look, and pricing is all worth the wait and ironing you may have to do. There are options to pay for expedited shipping. They even have a return policy where they will provide a full refund once the order is re-shipped back to them.

One way to avoid having to return an item is by double-checking your size with the website’s size chart. If you know the measurements for your bust, hips, waist, and the length you are looking for, you can choose the items you order according to these specific measurements.

I’ve ordered several dresses from the website and each one fits perfectly simply by utilizing Chicme’s size chart.

Chicme accepts 22 international currencies in the world including the U.S., Canada, and more. For questions about if they ship to your country check out their FAQ on their website. The shipping costs are also affordable. In most cases, buyers aren’t charged any additional shipping fees outside of the standard shipping cost.

I have a friend who shared that she’d been curious about purchasing with Chicme as she’d read some bad reviews. I let her know I did not have a bad experience with them. If you place an order with Chicme from this link you can get a total of 20% off. Chicme is a great place for us girls to start adorning ourselves with beautiful clothing to accentuate the beauty God has already placed inside of us.

Taking care of both our inner selves and outer selves will result in higher self-esteem, greater self-care, and better choices in men. Get Chic with me.

Tabitha Brown & Her Response to Wendy Williams Shows Us 3 Things

Tabitha Brown, a social media influencer and trained actress was the center of one of Wendy William’s recent hot topics. Tabitha recently shared how her husband and herself had an agreement that Tabitha’s husband would work as a police officer to support Tabitha’s dreams of being an actress and entrepreneur. Now that Tabitha is successful, she is retiring her husband from the police force so he can pursue his dreams. He desires to put more into his non-for-profit in coaching young people.

This is a beautiful story that was turned negative based on the experience of Wendy Williams. She’d made more than her husband and shared how they did not work out in their scenario. She assumed that Wendy will now have a rocky marriage as well. Tabitha Brown corrected Wendy setting the story straight in such a graceful way while encouraging us all that real genuine and supportive love when someone sees you and values you for you is possible. See the video below:

We should not Provide Advice Out of Our Bitterness Nor Negative Experience

It’s just that simple. When we are in a negative space about our own experience, we have to honestly work through that without putting that outcome on others. We cannot share advice out of our negative experiences as if it should be the rule for others.

God warns us of this very thing in the below scriptures:

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness, no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. – Hebrews 12:14-15

Often, when we are bitter we do not realize it until someone shows us something different. Then we are awakened from our stupor of bitterness that has blinded us to only believe that one particular outcome is possible. This is why it’s so important to have a balanced community of others in our lives who can wake us up when we fall into stupors of bitterness. Tabitha did this in such a graceful manner not only preventing Wendy from continuing in her stupor of bitterness from her own experience but the millions of others watching and listening.

When God is in a Thing, He can Defy the Statistics

Yes, there is research that shows the below regarding households where women make more money than men:

• Men in those households are more likely to cheat.
• Men feel more confused about their role and contribution to the household.
• Men are often insecure and intimidated by their women making more.

Read more about married households and incomes here. While this research is true in some cases; it does not have to be true in every case. In marriages, where God is at the center; God’s grace can be the power that causes those marriages to defy the odds. God’s grace is not only his goodness toward us but also his power to accomplish the seemingly impossible. What is impossible with man is possible with God. As believers, we are to live by faith applying the principles of God’s word to our lives and marriages for those who are married. Biblical marriage is not grounded by who makes the most money, but by things like submission to one another, real genuine love that requires sacrifice—something that Tabitha shared. We have to watch our thinking as believers making sure we aren’t conforming to the standards of the world and we’ll be able to avoid some of the pitfalls of the world when we think higher and bigger according to God’s word.

via GIPHY

We Should Pray for Those Who Do Not Get it Entreating Them With Grace

Finally, the Bible warns us to pray for our enemies and those that spitefully use us. This doesn’t mean that Wendy is an enemy of Tabitha’s. Wendy’s motivation had absolutely nothing to do with Tabitha but was more so motivated by her own experience. Often, when people cut up at us out of the blue; it has nothing to do with us, but with something personal that still needs to be resolved within them. This is why it is so important for us to love our neighbors even when they are being mean, rude, or difficult for no reasonable reason. There is a reason that oftentimes has nothing to do with us. It has to do with that person’s trauma experienced in their unique situation.

God knowing this warned us to love. In doing so, we avoid causing more damage. We create a pathway to healing for them and ourselves. We heal and feel relieved and better as we pray for them. They also heal and feel relieved and better as we remind them that through all of their trauma, hardship, and negative experience they are still worthy of love and God’s best. God is so good in how he works in the dealings of man to reveal his great love. I discuss dealing with rude people further in an article called, “Does God Want Us to Put Up With Abuse?.“

Let’s take all of these wonderful lessons from Tabitha and Wendy William’s experience and apply them to our lives personally.

Since I’ve begun blogging 8 years ago, I’ve always been asked the question: how do I start a blog? Instead of running down the information one by one to each person who inquires, I found it easy to place all of the information in this brief blog article. Starting a blog is easy. All it takes is passion and dedication to your passion and your new blog can be a beautiful masterpiece. Here are 5 easy steps to start and monetize a blog. By the way, this information works for any type of blog including lifestyle blogs.

Choose a Niche

A Niche is an area of expertise that you are most passionate about writing about. If you write about everyday life things; you’ll your niche will be what’s called a lifestyle blog. If there is an area of emphasis within the lifestyle blog niche that you wish to focus on the most such as relationships; make sure to use a descriptive adjective in either your blog name or tag line of your blog so when people visit they know exactly what your blog is about. If they are searching for information in that particular niche. Your blog title will keep them coming back.

Find an Affordable Hosting Site:

I use Fatcow for my hosting needs. I’ve been using them since May 2013. They have 24-hour technical support to make sure your site stays up at all times. Only through my special link can you receive a very low introductory discount. I am an affiliate with Fatcow and do receive compensation based on new sign-ups. Click here to take advantage of Fatcow’s very low introductory offer. Fatcow doesn’t only offer hosting, but they work directly with WordPress, Weebly, and other blogging software. I prefer WordPress however. We will discuss that later. Take a look at the specials that Fatcow has to offer to get started.

Choose an Eye-Catching Template Using a WordPress Website Builder

There are several builders out there that you can choose from such as Squarespace, Weebly, and others, but I currently use WordPress as they have easy-to-integrate plugins that assist with SEO. SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization. SEO determines what websites including blogs will pop up first in search engines when people enter keyword searches. If you have a high SEO ranking at the top of Google’s search pages you can get more traffic to your website. If your content is great these visitors may keep coming back and you’ll be able to make more money with your blog. You can access the WordPress builder through your Fatcow hosting account.

If you have a blog on another platform and would like to move it over to WordPress; you can hire an expert to provide this service for you at an affordable price by using Fiverr. I moved my website from the Weebly platform to WordPress by hiring someone at Fiverr to do it for me. The expert also converted my website into a professional looking blog format at an affordable price. You can view various WordPress themes here to get an idea of how you want your new website to look. Once you find the theme you like, you can either install it on your WordPress site or hire someone from Fiverr to customize the theme for you to your liking. Fiverr offers affordable freelancers to assist today’s entrepreneurs who may be on a budget. I am an affiliate with Fiverr and receive compensation based on referrals. Use this link to find a professional: Click here.

Learn About SEO

I briefly talked about what SEO is in the previous section. You can also take advantage of a free tool called Google Trends to see what is currently trending and suggestions on keywords being used around a topic you may wish to write about. Jumping on an upward trend can cause more traffic to your website and result in more income for you. There are experts on Fiverr as well who can assist you with optimizing your new WordPress website for SEO. Click here to look into SEO experts. I am an affiliate with Fiverr and receive compensation. A plug-in that WordPress provides called Yoast provides helpful SEO hints and tips for each article to ensure the ultimate traffic. I am not currently an affiliate with Yoast. I simply use their free basic plug-in.

Finally, an affordable SEO tool that allows you to research keywords and determine keyword difficulty is Mangools. It has many helpful tools that help you to see what keywords your competitors are ranking for. This gives you the opportunity to rank for the same keywords. Their yearly basic plan provides the best value. In November, they have sales up to 60% off. Grow your blog traffic now.

Find Great Royalty Free Pictures

Several free websites allow you to use royalty-free pictures. Royalty-free means you do not have to pay to use the pictures. These are the only pictures that should be used on your website unless you purchase pictures. Using royalty-free pictures will help you to avoid being sued by photographers. Pexels.com, Unsplash.com, and Pixabay.com are all great websites that offer royalty-free pictures. You’ll want to use your picture as the main picture for the article to draw people in and also add pictures and/or gifeys throughout the article with headers and subheaders to break up the text making it easier to read. Use gifey.com to find free gifeys to embed into your blog post.

Once you have your Niche, great content, hosting, website, and dope pictures you’ll need to begin posting consistently to begin building your audience. You can make money from blogging using Google Adsense, affiliate links from some of your favorite companies, and influencer marketing.

Fiverr has experts that can set up your Google Adsense properly on your new blogging website at very affordable prices. You’ll also want to set up Google Analytics on your website to be able to track your traffic, visitors, and the content that is doing the best on your site.

This will let you know if you are getting enough traffic to add ads to your site and affiliate links. You’ll want to know you have some traffic first before adding ads and affiliate links. Fiverr experts again can help you install Google Analytics. Learn further by researching affiliate programs with your favorite companies.

How Do I Start a Blog: Bonus Ways to Monetize Your New Blog

Make Money Through Affiliate Marketing:

Affiliate marketing is a great way to make passive income. Passive income is income that you make in your sleep. You do this by simply adding affiliate links into your articles. Affiliate links are links to products or services that you’d personally recommend because you’ve tried it before and you love it. When the products or services that you recommend begin to sale through your affiliate link; you get paid a percentage. If your SEO is good; you can consistently make income from one blog post written several years ago.

My blogging mentor does this and makes over $50,000/monthly in affiliate marketing alone. I’m definitely not there yet as I am just starting out, but I believe this can be a great way to fund your blog and make some extra income while using your talent of writing. Check out my mentor’s free e-book. She also offers a course that teaches you everything you need to know about affiliate marketing including not overwhelming your audience with seeming sales pitches, but helping them find things that actually want to purchase.

Sale Online Classes

Create a class centered around your niche or area of expertise. Sell the class on an affordable platform like Teachable. I have a few courses on my website using Teachable. The great thing about Teachable is it allows you to schedule a free coaching session as an event where you can add the Zoom link information on the page.

I use this tool to offer a free webinar that introduces new leads to my brand. They get the initial free group coaching session for free and feel more comfortable buying my paid courses and books later because they realize the value I provide to them. Teachable is useful for paid courses, subscription courses, coaching, and much more.

Finally, Teachable is a community that offers various training from more advanced experts such as Lisa Nichols and others. I partner with Teachable as an affiliate and earn compensation for sharing about their services.

I am an affiliate with Teachable and receive compensation based on signups.

Create a Product

Create a book or multiple books around your expertise. Offer coaching services as a product or anything else you can think of related to your brand. It could be T-shirts promoting your brand’s core values. If you advertise these things well you can make money from them and still do what you love.

Create a Lead Magnet

Creating a lead magnet helps you to grow your email list. This is something that you will give away for free. It can be an E-book, playlist, list of something incredible. It just has to be something you know people who follow your niche will value. You can advertise other products and services to this group of people on your email list.

Add Google Adsense to Your Website Upon Traffic Increase

It will take some time for you to bring a substantial amount of traffic to your new blogging website. Don’t be discouraged by this. Keep up writing great content that you are passionate about while following the SEO guidelines you’ll learn and eventually you’ll have enough traffic to add Google Adsense. This is a tool that any online influencer can apply for as long as you meet Google’s terms of agreement.

Remember that blogging is a journey, so enjoy the journey and success will come along the way.

Some studies correlate the overuse of social media with increased levels of anxiety and depression. Social Media and depression have a correlation. Recently, I’d experienced increased sensitivity to my longing for a potential spouse after spending about two weeks on the new social media app Club-House. I’d been in some fun and interesting rooms that discussed relationships. A gentleman that I was interested in at one point had also been in a lot of those rooms and I think being in the same room made me feel a sense of connection that I desired with someone like him that I simply did not have. That in and of itself began to create an increased longing within me as well as anxiety.

At first, I did not understand why my desire for a spouse had increased. I prayed about it asking the Lord why I was feeling this way, how I should respond, and also for wisdom. I went on saying, “Lord, you said if I lacked wisdom, I could ask you and you would give me wisdom and not look down on me. Please, give me wisdom on how to navigate this properly. Lord, you said if I leaned not to my own understanding and acknowledged you in all my ways; you would direct my path. Lord, give me direction in this?”

A couple of days later after praying these prayers. I began to notice some anxiety stirring within me. Dr. John Delony shares in his book, “Redefining Anxiety” anxiety is simply a warning system built within us to let us know that danger is approaching. John suggests that we deal with what is causing our anxiety to still the anxiety away. He clears up several myths that limit anxiety to a medical condition or as something to fix with a pill to something that requires us to take responsibility in addressing our stressors.

My stressor was the fact that I have a legitimate desire for connection and intimate partnership with a man of God, but Clubhouse made me temporarily feel like that need was met virtually yet in reality that need was alarmingly unmet due to the building of anxiety. It’s not new to me that that desire has not been met yet, but having it come to the forefront as strong as it did leads to imbalance and potential desperation. This is the opposite of what God calls us to. God calls us to balance. Eventually, if anxiety turns into depression, it will disable us from doing the things that we should do and we may find ourselves trying to cover up how we feel with unhealthy things. This is why it’s so important to deal with what is causing our anxiety.

A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is his delight. – Proverbs 11:1

Anxiety can lead to a false balance in our lives causing us to operate ineffectively in our lives. The quote below is from a government website that has noted the impact of excessive social media use:

“If you’re spending an excessive amount of time on social media and feelings of sadness, dissatisfaction, frustration, or loneliness are impacting your life, it may be time to re-examine your online habits and find a healthier balance” (Click here to read full article.)

The article also shares the below warning:

“While each social media outlet has its benefits, it’s important to remember that social media can never be a replacement for real-world human connection. It requires in-person contact with others to trigger the hormones that alleviate stress and make you feel happier, healthier, and more positive. Ironically for a technology that’s designed to bring people closer together, spending too much time engaging with social media can make you feel more lonely and isolated—and exacerbate mental health problems such as anxiety and depression (Click here to read full article.)”

This is what I begin noticing within myself. Thankfully, I was able to notice this. I believe God was giving me wisdom by allowing me to realize what was going on. Many people experience this and allow the anxiety to advance into something more uncontrollable and find it hard to get back to a place of centeredness and peace. However, as believers, peace is our inheritance (John 14:27.) We should always be aware of anything that may come to threaten our peace and make proper adjustments. Read John Deloney’s book in its entirety to gain a better understanding of anxiety and limit your social media interactions to what suites your peace.

Disappointment is inevitable when we have hope. Everyone will experience disappointment. The idea is not to avoid hope to avoid disappointment but to process disappointment well. The Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Proverbs 13:12.)

Even the Bible acknowledges the relationship between hope and disappointment and the inevitability of heart-sickness as a result of not experiencing the longing we’d hoped for, but it doesn’t stop there. The second part reminds us of the possibility of what we are longing for and when the possibility is fulfilled it will be a gift that keeps on giving.

The whole thought of the scripture provides the hope that we need to continue hoping and believing after experiencing disappointment. If you’ve ever asked yourself should you continue to have an expectation of hope after experiencing disappointment; the answer is yes you should.

How do you normally process disappointment? Self-awareness is an important tool that allows us to become aware of areas of weakness in our lives as well as strength. Becoming aware of how we process disappointment can help us to make tweaks where necessary to ensure processing disappointment in a healthy way that results in continued hope.

Recently, I’d experienced a disappointment and initially, I thought that it would help to talk out the disappointment with a friend until I realized that talking with my friend about the disappointment made me upset. I found that some of my friends aren’t comfortable with discussing my disappointments and instead of listening and allowing me to process my thoughts; one of my friends continued to change the subject, I guess, to take my mind off of the disappointment and that made me more upset.

Why? Because I need to process the disappointment to view it in a healthy way. Changing the subject was not helpful for me. This experience taught me that I need to process my thoughts first before bringing someone into it or perhaps to process it with a professional, who is trained to listen instead of a friend who is uncomfortable with seeing me disappointed.

Something else I realized is that processing the disappointment allows us to move on. It’s like when someone dies and we have a funeral. The funeral is to allow the living to process the transition of the one who died. Why? Because the living has a responsibility to continue on living. Without the processing of the transition of the loved one no longer being alive; it can be very difficult to move on with hope. However, when the death is processed and burial has taken place it provides somewhat of an ending that allows for closure and the future hope of the living.

Processing our disappointment allows us to move on to hopefully see the tree of life the scripture speaks about in the process of having our hope deferred and then finally coming to believe again. What are some ways you process disappointment?

I have to share this lesson that I’ve noticed when it comes to waiting to have sex. God’s honest truth is that we need to stay true to ourselves. There is so much judgment and shame when it comes to singles, women, and the right time to have sex or not.

We all have been watching Season 12 of Married at First Sight which has been heart-droppingly sad to watch. Mainly, because of the pain that Paige is allowing herself to be dragged through. There is a judgment that says one is darned if she does and darned if she doesn’t when it comes to sex. What do I mean by this? I mean there will always be those who talk, gossip, disagree or have something down-right ugly to say whether we wait or not, so we may as well stay true to ourselves and wait to reap the benefits of those that wait. The most important thing is if your conviction is to wait for sex; honey! You need to simply do that.

We watched Iris get dragged during Season 9 of Married at First Sight for not having sex with Keith and now on Season 12 Paige is being dragged and called stupid for having sex with her husband every night while he makes it clear to the world he doesn’t want her. In the eyes of others, there will always be this, “darned if you do and darned if you don’t response.” However, each of us has to live with the consequences and benefits of our own actions.

Thus, we should never allow the opinions and critiques of others to persuade us to turn aside from our heart-felt and God-given convictions. This season of Married at First Sight is so educational on so many levels, but I simply want to point out that Paige is living with the consequences of being with a man sexually she did not know and did not have a genuine commitment from outside of the process of Married at First Sight. Well, Married at First Sight is for a set time period then the decision is made. The time on the show should be a period to learn if the other party is trust-worthy so the parties can decide if they can build together or not.

Iris on Season 9 took the time to attempt to get to know her partner and to see if they could mesh well. Thankfully, she did not sleep with him because, in the end, they found that they were going in two separate directions. Iris saved herself from being bonded to Keith emotionally through the hormone released during sex called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. It causes couples to feel bonded together whether they have a strong foundation for their relationship or not.

Iris did not have to worry about getting pregnant by a guy who did not want her or having to co-parent a child with a guy who doesn’t care for her like that. She did not have to worry about getting an STD either. She can move on and heal more easily with no strings attached. These are the benefits of staying true to yourself.
On the other hand, Paige is very much so attached to Chris. She constantly shares how confused she is which is natural when sex is bought into the picture too soon. It clouds one from sound judgment. This is why we see her continuing to try to win Chris’s affection by constantly giving herself to him with no protection. She leaves herself vulnerable to have a child potentially with someone who doesn’t care for her. She left herself open to possibly getting an STD which is likely with Chris’ record with women. Finally, all of the energy Paige has invested into Chris and the already failed relationship should be re-invested into herself. She needs to level-up and get some higher self-esteem about herself.

Giving ourselves to those who value us just as much as we value ourselves when we are at our best provides a level of security and safety that we innately desire as women. This is what we can expect to experience when not only waiting until marriage to have sex but being healthy and whole enough to choose a partner willing to give this to us in marriage.

The point of comparing Iris & Paige is that they were two women in similar predicaments, who made two different choices. They both got dragged for their choices and they both had to live with the consequences or benefits of their choices just like us.

There is a scripture that says all people will have to suffer something. That is the nature of being in this fallen world, but the scripture goes on to share that it is better to suffer for righteousness’s sake than not. Suffering for righteousness will reap rewards reserved for the righteous. So, yes it will be hard at times. People will talk no matter the decision we make. But it’s better to make the right decision and suffer the scoffs of those who lack understanding and yet remain safe in the practice of God’s commandments. 

For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.- 1 Peter 3:17
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. – Psalms 19:8

If we genuinely stay true to ourselves, our God, our value, and worth, we will one day attract and experience the genuine love and care that we all desire.

It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy before going all-in:
It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy not going all in, but instead practicing discernment. I know Paige was put into a unique situation by being married at first sight to a stranger, but the reality is still true that Chris is a stranger. With strangers, we hope for the best and judge behavior by looking out for our best interests. This is called practicing discernment. Discernment must be practiced when getting to know someone for a relationship instead of going all in. When we go all-in in the beginning without getting to know someone; we experience more hardship than we may have had to. We are harshly awakened to the reality of our lack of judgment with the sudden pain that is a result of us missing the clear red flags that were so clearly before us had we taken the time to look letting time reveal the mystery of who our potential love interest is.

Just because a guy says Jesus, he’s a Christian, or something churchy doesn’t mean he is a good match:
We’ve gotten to a place with some single women where the standard is just extremely low. Paige got so excited saying, yes and exclaiming how this relationship is God putting her together with Chris all because Chris said something religious. That is a low standard. Just because someone mentions religion doesn’t mean they are a good match or a good witness of that religion. Chris has a religious background and is deep in the church, but that doesn’t mean God’s character is deep in him. Simply put, Chris is immature. He needs to go through several trials and tribulations before coming to the maturity to take on a wife. He’d been going back and forth between his ex that he was engaged to 3 months before the show and the idea of being with Paige. Recently, we found out that not long before Married at First Sight he slept with his ex again and now she is pregnant. Paige has been bought into the middle of all of this unfairly knowing what she was getting herself into. Chris is what the Bible calls double-minded. A double-minded person is a dishonest person who is constantly between two opinions or choices not making up their mind for a particular path. The Bible goes on to say, “let not that man receive anything from God.” The Bible also says that every good and perfect gift comes from God. This lets us know it isn’t God putting this couple together, but man. If it were God, he would have waited until Chris was ready.

The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways. This perfectly describes Chris. His life right now is unstable and he bought a stranger into his instability. Ladies, when a man is unstable, double-minded, and cannot decide if he really wants you or other women; leave him alone. He is not ready. Further, sometimes guys will stay with the girl they really don’t want because they think it’s the right thing to do. This creates more hurt for the girl, in this case, Paige later on down the line as she may have invested more into the relationship holding out for the hope of the man’s misleading signals. Chris is clearly sharing with us the audience on his video confessions that he feels trapped with Paige. He also shared how he did not feel that she was attractive to him. Why is he being dishonest with himself and staying? Paige would do well to look at this man’s actions and not just listen to his words that do not add up.

Your only purpose in life is not marriage:
Paige has said again and again her only purpose in life is to get married and have kids. Marriage is honorable and so is raising children, but that cannot be our only purpose in life because we aren’t married from the womb to the tomb. There is in-between time and sometimes lots of in-between time. Will we avoid walking in purpose before marriage or if our marriage partner dies leaving us widowed? No.

We have to get rid of this imbalanced idea that we aren’t walking in purpose or really living our lives until we are married. This backward thinking causes many women to look past red-flags that should be caught at the gate just to be married. We don’t want to be miserably married; we want to be wisely married to someone who compliments who we are. This takes growth and maturity. It takes self-awareness and self-discovery of ourselves and our purposes before marriage not just after marriage.

Thankfully, many Millennials are wising up and deciding to marry later after they’ve done some work on themselves and grown, so they will not bring unnecessary baggage into their marriage relationship. This is frowned on by some who pressure Christians and especially Christian women to simply marry without teaching them to practice proper discernment to choose a worthy partner. Many women and men put off their purpose or never discover their purpose because they allow the wrong relationships to distract them. I believe Paige is in a learning process like many other women and she will have to pay attention to what is going on to avoid dealing with a similar situation in the future. We don’t just want to be married. We want marriages that last.

How does a good girl go bad? The main way a good girl goes bad is to allow unbelief to take root in her heart. This normally happens through focusing on the wrong thing. Every single Christian woman who has attempted to honor God during her season of waiting for a godly spouse has asked herself the question is it really worth it to continue doing the right thing while being left in waiting while others veer off the path and are soon after in what appears to be a successful marriage.

I always remind others as well as myself that yes, it is worth it. It’s also worth it to protect how we value giving our lives as an offering to God even in waiting for a spouse; we have to be careful what we focus on. Focusing on the wrong thing can cause us to fret.

Recently, I learned that to fret means the below:

1. To eat or gnaw into or corrode. To corrode means to destroy or damage slowly. Destroy or weaken gradually.
2.  Fret comes from the Old English word freton which means to devour like an animal. When you fret over something, it consumes your thoughts.
3.  For example: If you tell your mother not to fret about you while you go off to war, you’re telling her not to worry about you too much. (Vocabulary.com)

What is being corroded when a good girl goes bad? And what is being corroded when we fret? Our faith and trust in God, his goodness, and the worthiness of the process of suffering involved with obeying God and his way. When people allow their faith and trust in God and his way to be corroded; they resign to disbelief, bitterness, coldness of heart, pride and they begin to emulate the wicked. This is how so many good girls and guys turn bad not realizing that this is simply a part of the process of walking with God―to view the wicked seemingly prospering while obeying God in spite of allowing this process to develop Godly character w/I us.

Single Christian women and men aren’t the first to experience discouragement at seeing the wicked prosper. Asaph, the writer of the 73rd Psalm addresses these very same feelings when he says the below:

Surely in vain, I have kept my heart pure
     and have washed my hands in innocence.
 All day long I have been afflicted,
     and every morning brings new punishments. – Psalms 73:13-14

This is nothing new as there is nothing new under the sun. This is a challenge that many believers have faced for many years. You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt this way. Asaph was going through a challenge where he had been watching the prosperity of the wicked. However, he concluded that the prosperity of the wicked was not their end. God instead caused the wicked to go through things to humble them bringing them to the reality of God’s truth.

King David also addresses this saying in Psalms 37 that we should not fret ourselves because of evildoers nor be envious of them because they will soon be cut off and will wither like a dying plant. Instead, David encourages us to trust in the Lord and continue to do good. This is where he adds the famous scripture and promise from God to the righteous below:

Take delight in the Lord,
     and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4

That word delight in the Strong’s dictionary means: To be soft, be delicate, be dainty. To be happy about, take exquisite delight. To make merry over, make sport. Delight also has a verb meaning: to be soft, pliable, effeminate, or luxurious delight.

I find it interesting that us guarding our hearts and allowing ourselves to remain soft and pliable to the Lord is what it truly means to take delight in the Lord and of course that leads to joy in the Lord which is our strength. Even more interesting is the association with delight as a verb to mean effeminate which is a metaphor, I believe to show the softness, safety, and security that a woman values and desires from her husband. I believe the Lord is sharing with us that with God as our Lord we should be so secure, safe, soft, and open to God’s faithfulness in fulfilling His promises to us and taking care of all necessary business.

Further, the opposite of delighting in the Lord and allowing ourselves to fret is to have a hardened and bitter heart against the Lord which leads to evil and emulation of the wicked. Look at the below scripture from Asaph as he was tested in this very same way:

When my heart was grieved
     and my spirit embittered,
 I was senseless and ignorant;
     I was a brute beast before you. – Psalms 73:22-23

David likewise warns sharing that fretting only leads to sin:

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
     do not fret—it leads only to evil.
 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
     but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. – Psalms 37:8-9

Instead of fretting, we should focus on the faithfulness of our God. We should read the entire Psalms 37 and 73 to see the whole conclusion of the matter. We should meditate on scriptures like the below and prioritize the testimonies of others who have walked similar paths and overcome through God’s grace:

The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
     and their inheritance will endure forever.
 In times of disaster they will not wither;
     in days of famine, they will enjoy plenty. – Psalms 37:18-19

In meditating on scriptures like the above and keeping our hearts clear of bitterness and unbelief, we will avoid being good girls who turn bad and we will experience and see the goodness of God in our lives for ourselves.

The Bible reminds us that we ought to guard our hearts diligently because it is the well-spring of our lives (Proverbs 4:23.) From our hearts, we produce joy, gratefulness, perspective for life, bitterness, anger and more. Our actions and reactions to things will be dependent on what we allow to get into our hearts. This is why it is so vital for us to guard our hearts.

Naturally speaking of our hearts, it’s the center of life for our bodies. Our heart has the responsibility to work with our lungs to provide life-giving oxygen to our blood. The oxygenated blood travels back to the heart from the lungs and is pushed to the rest of the organs in our body providing vital nutrients.

This process allows all of our organs to function resulting in a healthy functioning body. When this flow of blood from our hearts to our organs is interrupted by things such as clogged arteries or high cholesterol the life flow that naturally takes place in our bodies becomes interrupted and sickness in our bodies is produced.

Heart failure due to such things can cause death. It’s the same thing with our lives. Our emotional, mental, and spiritual health can be threatened if we allow the natural flow of our hearts to be interrupted. If we fill up on the wrong things: negative thinking, talking, false doctrine, ungodliness, it will eventually affect our hearts.

Further, this is why it’s so vital that we guard our hearts because our very life depends upon it. The Bible discusses the armor of God in Ephesians 6 sharing about specific tools God has given us to assist us in guarding our hearts and continuing to stand. The breastplate of righteousness is worn over our chest which protects the vital organ of the heart. We must be careful to keep this on along with the other tools provided. Righteousness in our actions is to continue to remain in alignment with the righteousness God has given to us through his son Jesus Christ.

If we allow ourselves to meditate on the wrong things; the wrong actions become one easy step away and cycles of sin and unrighteousness are produced. This is how many end up in unrighteousness because they failed to guard their hearts. Be aware of what you listen to, the conversations you absorb, and what you gravitate to in your heart. Check contrary thoughts immediately with the Word of God. Set boundaries and learn to speak up regarding boundaries when inappropriate conversations are bought to you of gossip and doubt. You are too valuable. What God has invested in you is too valuable. Remember it’s God’s will that you have life and life overflowing. Shut down anything that seeks to produce death in your life.

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Begin Saving Early
Traveling on a budget is the key to meeting your travel goals. You can do whatever you want as it relates to traveling and goals as long as you plan for it. If you want to go on a trip, you’ll need to begin planning early to make sure you can afford all of the costs of the trip. Setting up automatic savings that come out of your paycheck before taxes can be an easy way to do that. The money can be set up to go into a separate savings account. By the time, you get ready to book your trip, you would already have the money in the bank to pay for it.

This is something I began doing when I received my last raise in August of 2019. I allocated that raise amount of 3% of my paycheck each month to go into a separate bank account just for vacations. When I got ready to travel, I already had the funds on hand that would cover the trip. The trip was not covered because I am rich, but because I simply planned for it. I make a modest income working for a non-profit, but because I am specific with my income; I can do more with it.

Book Your Flights Early on Using Google’s Flight Search Tool
If you visit Google’s search engine and type in flights; it should pull up a search cue where you can add the dates you’d like to travel. It will compare all airlines that provide their information showing the prices for those dates. You can also track those dates by getting an email alert when the prices go down or up. Based on this information, you can book the most affordable rate. This also works for comparing hotels also.

Stick With One Particular Hotel Brand for Points and Discounts While Traveling on a Budget
Many businesses, including hotels, have reward programs where if you book with them regularly, you’ll earn points and even free nights at a hotel. This year for my birthday, I was able to spend a night at a nice elegant hotel for $50 bucks. The points paid for the majority of the stay. Take advantage of these programs when planning your travel. I normally stick with Marriott Bonvoy. I utilized their points program to pay for the $50 stay.

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Book Parking for Travel to the Airport in Advance

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When it’s time to return home, you will be picked up at the airport and taken directly back to your vehicle. In my experience, Park ‘N Fly takes the stress off of traveling and trying to figure out where to park. They currently have a 50% off sale in select cities. Click the link to see if your city is included. There’s nothing like saving on parking while traveling on a budget.

Create an Itinerary Before You Go
An itinerary is a one-sheet document that you can add what you’ve scheduled for your trip. You’d include your plane information with confirmation and time of flights, restaurants you’ve researched and planned to visit museums and other activities. You’d also need to include addresses for your hotel, restaurants, and activities. Include telephone numbers for those you may need to call; such as the number to the hotel and rental car company. I’d hate to be in the middle of nowhere looking for pertinent information. I normally have everything listed on the itinerary.

Take a Good Book With You
While going to bed early, if that’s your thing, you may want to dive into a book. You may also want to read while you’re on the plane. A book can be a break away from the norm and it seems to pair perfectly with a solo trip. I have certain books I only read while traveling. I get to have fun and get a little mental stimulation.

Plan Plan Plan
Do your research before you go. You want to use your time to have fun and enjoy while on vacation not trying to figure out something you should have planned for beforehand.

Learn more savings and travel tips here.