I have to share this lesson that I’ve noticed when it comes to waiting to have sex. God’s honest truth is that we need to stay true to ourselves. There is so much judgment and shame when it comes to singles, women, and the right time to have sex or not.

We all have been watching Season 12 of Married at First Sight which has been heart-droppingly sad to watch. Mainly, because of the pain that Paige is allowing herself to be dragged through. There is a judgment that says one is darned if she does and darned if she doesn’t when it comes to sex. What do I mean by this? I mean there will always be those who talk, gossip, disagree or have something down-right ugly to say whether we wait or not, so we may as well stay true to ourselves and wait to reap the benefits of those that wait. The most important thing is if your conviction is to wait for sex; honey! You need to simply do that.

We watched Iris get dragged during Season 9 of Married at First Sight for not having sex with Keith and now on Season 12 Paige is being dragged and called stupid for having sex with her husband every night while he makes it clear to the world he doesn’t want her. In the eyes of others, there will always be this, “darned if you do and darned if you don’t response.” However, each of us has to live with the consequences and benefits of our own actions.

Thus, we should never allow the opinions and critiques of others to persuade us to turn aside from our heart-felt and God-given convictions. This season of Married at First Sight is so educational on so many levels, but I simply want to point out that Paige is living with the consequences of being with a man sexually she did not know and did not have a genuine commitment from outside of the process of Married at First Sight. Well, Married at First Sight is for a set time period then the decision is made. The time on the show should be a period to learn if the other party is trust-worthy so the parties can decide if they can build together or not.

Iris on Season 9 took the time to attempt to get to know her partner and to see if they could mesh well. Thankfully, she did not sleep with him because, in the end, they found that they were going in two separate directions. Iris saved herself from being bonded to Keith emotionally through the hormone released during sex called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. It causes couples to feel bonded together whether they have a strong foundation for their relationship or not.

Iris did not have to worry about getting pregnant by a guy who did not want her or having to co-parent a child with a guy who doesn’t care for her like that. She did not have to worry about getting an STD either. She can move on and heal more easily with no strings attached. These are the benefits of staying true to yourself.
On the other hand, Paige is very much so attached to Chris. She constantly shares how confused she is which is natural when sex is bought into the picture too soon. It clouds one from sound judgment. This is why we see her continuing to try to win Chris’s affection by constantly giving herself to him with no protection. She leaves herself vulnerable to have a child potentially with someone who doesn’t care for her. She left herself open to possibly getting an STD which is likely with Chris’ record with women. Finally, all of the energy Paige has invested into Chris and the already failed relationship should be re-invested into herself. She needs to level-up and get some higher self-esteem about herself.

Giving ourselves to those who value us just as much as we value ourselves when we are at our best provides a level of security and safety that we innately desire as women. This is what we can expect to experience when not only waiting until marriage to have sex but being healthy and whole enough to choose a partner willing to give this to us in marriage.

The point of comparing Iris & Paige is that they were two women in similar predicaments, who made two different choices. They both got dragged for their choices and they both had to live with the consequences or benefits of their choices just like us.

There is a scripture that says all people will have to suffer something. That is the nature of being in this fallen world, but the scripture goes on to share that it is better to suffer for righteousness’s sake than not. Suffering for righteousness will reap rewards reserved for the righteous. So, yes it will be hard at times. People will talk no matter the decision we make. But it’s better to make the right decision and suffer the scoffs of those who lack understanding and yet remain safe in the practice of God’s commandments. 

For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.- 1 Peter 3:17
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. – Psalms 19:8

If we genuinely stay true to ourselves, our God, our value, and worth, we will one day attract and experience the genuine love and care that we all desire.

It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy before going all-in:
It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy not going all in, but instead practicing discernment. I know Paige was put into a unique situation by being married at first sight to a stranger, but the reality is still true that Chris is a stranger. With strangers, we hope for the best and judge behavior by looking out for our best interests. This is called practicing discernment. Discernment must be practiced when getting to know someone for a relationship instead of going all in. When we go all-in in the beginning without getting to know someone; we experience more hardship than we may have had to. We are harshly awakened to the reality of our lack of judgment with the sudden pain that is a result of us missing the clear red flags that were so clearly before us had we taken the time to look letting time reveal the mystery of who our potential love interest is.

Just because a guy says Jesus, he’s a Christian, or something churchy doesn’t mean he is a good match:
We’ve gotten to a place with some single women where the standard is just extremely low. Paige got so excited saying, yes and exclaiming how this relationship is God putting her together with Chris all because Chris said something religious. That is a low standard. Just because someone mentions religion doesn’t mean they are a good match or a good witness of that religion. Chris has a religious background and is deep in the church, but that doesn’t mean God’s character is deep in him. Simply put, Chris is immature. He needs to go through several trials and tribulations before coming to the maturity to take on a wife. He’d been going back and forth between his ex that he was engaged to 3 months before the show and the idea of being with Paige. Recently, we found out that not long before Married at First Sight he slept with his ex again and now she is pregnant. Paige has been bought into the middle of all of this unfairly knowing what she was getting herself into. Chris is what the Bible calls double-minded. A double-minded person is a dishonest person who is constantly between two opinions or choices not making up their mind for a particular path. The Bible goes on to say, “let not that man receive anything from God.” The Bible also says that every good and perfect gift comes from God. This lets us know it isn’t God putting this couple together, but man. If it were God, he would have waited until Chris was ready.

The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways. This perfectly describes Chris. His life right now is unstable and he bought a stranger into his instability. Ladies, when a man is unstable, double-minded, and cannot decide if he really wants you or other women; leave him alone. He is not ready. Further, sometimes guys will stay with the girl they really don’t want because they think it’s the right thing to do. This creates more hurt for the girl, in this case, Paige later on down the line as she may have invested more into the relationship holding out for the hope of the man’s misleading signals. Chris is clearly sharing with us the audience on his video confessions that he feels trapped with Paige. He also shared how he did not feel that she was attractive to him. Why is he being dishonest with himself and staying? Paige would do well to look at this man’s actions and not just listen to his words that do not add up.

Your only purpose in life is not marriage:
Paige has said again and again her only purpose in life is to get married and have kids. Marriage is honorable and so is raising children, but that cannot be our only purpose in life because we aren’t married from the womb to the tomb. There is in-between time and sometimes lots of in-between time. Will we avoid walking in purpose before marriage or if our marriage partner dies leaving us widowed? No.

We have to get rid of this imbalanced idea that we aren’t walking in purpose or really living our lives until we are married. This backward thinking causes many women to look past red-flags that should be caught at the gate just to be married. We don’t want to be miserably married; we want to be wisely married to someone who compliments who we are. This takes growth and maturity. It takes self-awareness and self-discovery of ourselves and our purposes before marriage not just after marriage.

Thankfully, many Millennials are wising up and deciding to marry later after they’ve done some work on themselves and grown, so they will not bring unnecessary baggage into their marriage relationship. This is frowned on by some who pressure Christians and especially Christian women to simply marry without teaching them to practice proper discernment to choose a worthy partner. Many women and men put off their purpose or never discover their purpose because they allow the wrong relationships to distract them. I believe Paige is in a learning process like many other women and she will have to pay attention to what is going on to avoid dealing with a similar situation in the future. We don’t just want to be married. We want marriages that last.

How does a good girl go bad? The main way a good girl goes bad is to allow unbelief to take root in her heart. This normally happens through focusing on the wrong thing. Every single Christian woman who has attempted to honor God during her season of waiting for a godly spouse has asked herself the question is it really worth it to continue doing the right thing while being left in waiting while others veer off the path and are soon after in what appears to be a successful marriage.

I always remind others as well as myself that yes, it is worth it. It’s also worth it to protect how we value giving our lives as an offering to God even in waiting for a spouse; we have to be careful what we focus on. Focusing on the wrong thing can cause us to fret.

Recently, I learned that to fret means the below:

1. To eat or gnaw into or corrode. To corrode means to destroy or damage slowly. Destroy or weaken gradually.
2.  Fret comes from the Old English word freton which means to devour like an animal. When you fret over something, it consumes your thoughts.
3.  For example: If you tell your mother not to fret about you while you go off to war, you’re telling her not to worry about you too much. (Vocabulary.com)

What is being corroded when a good girl goes bad? And what is being corroded when we fret? Our faith and trust in God, his goodness, and the worthiness of the process of suffering involved with obeying God and his way. When people allow their faith and trust in God and his way to be corroded; they resign to disbelief, bitterness, coldness of heart, pride and they begin to emulate the wicked. This is how so many good girls and guys turn bad not realizing that this is simply a part of the process of walking with God―to view the wicked seemingly prospering while obeying God in spite of allowing this process to develop Godly character w/I us.

Single Christian women and men aren’t the first to experience discouragement at seeing the wicked prosper. Asaph, the writer of the 73rd Psalm addresses these very same feelings when he says the below:

Surely in vain, I have kept my heart pure
     and have washed my hands in innocence.
 All day long I have been afflicted,
     and every morning brings new punishments. – Psalms 73:13-14

This is nothing new as there is nothing new under the sun. This is a challenge that many believers have faced for many years. You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt this way. Asaph was going through a challenge where he had been watching the prosperity of the wicked. However, he concluded that the prosperity of the wicked was not their end. God instead caused the wicked to go through things to humble them bringing them to the reality of God’s truth.

King David also addresses this saying in Psalms 37 that we should not fret ourselves because of evildoers nor be envious of them because they will soon be cut off and will wither like a dying plant. Instead, David encourages us to trust in the Lord and continue to do good. This is where he adds the famous scripture and promise from God to the righteous below:

Take delight in the Lord,
     and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4

That word delight in the Strong’s dictionary means: To be soft, be delicate, be dainty. To be happy about, take exquisite delight. To make merry over, make sport. Delight also has a verb meaning: to be soft, pliable, effeminate, or luxurious delight.

I find it interesting that us guarding our hearts and allowing ourselves to remain soft and pliable to the Lord is what it truly means to take delight in the Lord and of course that leads to joy in the Lord which is our strength. Even more interesting is the association with delight as a verb to mean effeminate which is a metaphor, I believe to show the softness, safety, and security that a woman values and desires from her husband. I believe the Lord is sharing with us that with God as our Lord we should be so secure, safe, soft, and open to God’s faithfulness in fulfilling His promises to us and taking care of all necessary business.

Further, the opposite of delighting in the Lord and allowing ourselves to fret is to have a hardened and bitter heart against the Lord which leads to evil and emulation of the wicked. Look at the below scripture from Asaph as he was tested in this very same way:

When my heart was grieved
     and my spirit embittered,
 I was senseless and ignorant;
     I was a brute beast before you. – Psalms 73:22-23

David likewise warns sharing that fretting only leads to sin:

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
     do not fret—it leads only to evil.
 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
     but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. – Psalms 37:8-9

Instead of fretting, we should focus on the faithfulness of our God. We should read the entire Psalms 37 and 73 to see the whole conclusion of the matter. We should meditate on scriptures like the below and prioritize the testimonies of others who have walked similar paths and overcome through God’s grace:

The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
     and their inheritance will endure forever.
 In times of disaster they will not wither;
     in days of famine, they will enjoy plenty. – Psalms 37:18-19

In meditating on scriptures like the above and keeping our hearts clear of bitterness and unbelief, we will avoid being good girls who turn bad and we will experience and see the goodness of God in our lives for ourselves.

The Bible reminds us that we ought to guard our hearts diligently because it is the well-spring of our lives (Proverbs 4:23.) From our hearts, we produce joy, gratefulness, perspective for life, bitterness, anger and more. Our actions and reactions to things will be dependent on what we allow to get into our hearts. This is why it is so vital for us to guard our hearts.

Naturally speaking of our hearts, it’s the center of life for our bodies. Our heart has the responsibility to work with our lungs to provide life-giving oxygen to our blood. The oxygenated blood travels back to the heart from the lungs and is pushed to the rest of the organs in our body providing vital nutrients.

This process allows all of our organs to function resulting in a healthy functioning body. When this flow of blood from our hearts to our organs is interrupted by things such as clogged arteries or high cholesterol the life flow that naturally takes place in our bodies becomes interrupted and sickness in our bodies is produced.

Heart failure due to such things can cause death. It’s the same thing with our lives. Our emotional, mental, and spiritual health can be threatened if we allow the natural flow of our hearts to be interrupted. If we fill up on the wrong things: negative thinking, talking, false doctrine, ungodliness, it will eventually affect our hearts.

Further, this is why it’s so vital that we guard our hearts because our very life depends upon it. The Bible discusses the armor of God in Ephesians 6 sharing about specific tools God has given us to assist us in guarding our hearts and continuing to stand. The breastplate of righteousness is worn over our chest which protects the vital organ of the heart. We must be careful to keep this on along with the other tools provided. Righteousness in our actions is to continue to remain in alignment with the righteousness God has given to us through his son Jesus Christ.

If we allow ourselves to meditate on the wrong things; the wrong actions become one easy step away and cycles of sin and unrighteousness are produced. This is how many end up in unrighteousness because they failed to guard their hearts. Be aware of what you listen to, the conversations you absorb, and what you gravitate to in your heart. Check contrary thoughts immediately with the Word of God. Set boundaries and learn to speak up regarding boundaries when inappropriate conversations are bought to you of gossip and doubt. You are too valuable. What God has invested in you is too valuable. Remember it’s God’s will that you have life and life overflowing. Shut down anything that seeks to produce death in your life.

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Begin Saving Early
Traveling on a budget is the key to meeting your travel goals. You can do whatever you want as it relates to traveling and goals as long as you plan for it. If you want to go on a trip, you’ll need to begin planning early to make sure you can afford all of the costs of the trip. Setting up automatic savings that come out of your paycheck before taxes can be an easy way to do that. The money can be set up to go into a separate savings account. By the time, you get ready to book your trip, you would already have the money in the bank to pay for it.

This is something I began doing when I received my last raise in August of 2019. I allocated that raise amount of 3% of my paycheck each month to go into a separate bank account just for vacations. When I got ready to travel, I already had the funds on hand that would cover the trip. The trip was not covered because I am rich, but because I simply planned for it. I make a modest income working for a non-profit, but because I am specific with my income; I can do more with it.

Book Your Flights Early on Using Google’s Flight Search Tool
If you visit Google’s search engine and type in flights; it should pull up a search cue where you can add the dates you’d like to travel. It will compare all airlines that provide their information showing the prices for those dates. You can also track those dates by getting an email alert when the prices go down or up. Based on this information, you can book the most affordable rate. This also works for comparing hotels also.

Stick With One Particular Hotel Brand for Points and Discounts While Traveling on a Budget
Many businesses, including hotels, have reward programs where if you book with them regularly, you’ll earn points and even free nights at a hotel. This year for my birthday, I was able to spend a night at a nice elegant hotel for $50 bucks. The points paid for the majority of the stay. Take advantage of these programs when planning your travel. I normally stick with Marriott Bonvoy. I utilized their points program to pay for the $50 stay.

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Book Parking for Travel to the Airport in Advance

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When it’s time to return home, you will be picked up at the airport and taken directly back to your vehicle. In my experience, Park ‘N Fly takes the stress off of traveling and trying to figure out where to park. They currently have a 50% off sale in select cities. Click the link to see if your city is included. There’s nothing like saving on parking while traveling on a budget.

Create an Itinerary Before You Go
An itinerary is a one-sheet document that you can add what you’ve scheduled for your trip. You’d include your plane information with confirmation and time of flights, restaurants you’ve researched and planned to visit museums and other activities. You’d also need to include addresses for your hotel, restaurants, and activities. Include telephone numbers for those you may need to call; such as the number to the hotel and rental car company. I’d hate to be in the middle of nowhere looking for pertinent information. I normally have everything listed on the itinerary.

Take a Good Book With You
While going to bed early, if that’s your thing, you may want to dive into a book. You may also want to read while you’re on the plane. A book can be a break away from the norm and it seems to pair perfectly with a solo trip. I have certain books I only read while traveling. I get to have fun and get a little mental stimulation.

Plan Plan Plan
Do your research before you go. You want to use your time to have fun and enjoy while on vacation not trying to figure out something you should have planned for beforehand.

Learn more savings and travel tips here.

Woo! Chile’. Our country along with the body of Christ has been through a rough election season. There has been much tension and discourse in the body of Christ.

There have been Republicans who have judged those who have voted for Democratic candidates and vice versa. Some Christians have been so passionate and devout about their political opinions and affiliations that it would be easy to assume they love one particular party or its ideas over Christ and the gospel itself.

As believers, our full and total allegiance should be given to Christ, his Word, and his ideas. Because neither party Democratic or Republican subscribes to Christ’s ideas fully neither party can ever or will ever have my full allegiance.

The Republican party is full of those who very sharply reminds me of the Pharisees and religious elite in the Bible who constantly looked for something wrong with others. Similar to how the Pharisees sought to find something wrong with Jesus to demote him from his position of authority as the Son of God and representative of the kingdom of heaven. 

Republicans use two main issues that are obviously wrong abortion and homosexuality. The fact that Democrats leave it open to a Woman’s choice is twisted to mean that Democrats support killing babies which may not be true. They just may support the woman’s choice. There is an obvious difference between the two ideas. The Bible and Christianity are touted as the basis for Republican support and ideas which in my opinion borders blasphemy and taking God’s name in vain.

The Bible nor Christ or Christianity was not provided to us to condemn people, but to bring us into fellowship with the living God who changes our hearts and produces the fruit of righteousness within us through abiding in him. It isn’t about appearing righteous, but being righteous from the inside out.

Republicans appear righteous for being adamant against the two sins of homosexuality and abortion but fail in the most important act of righteousness of which the entire gospel hang on and that is loving God with all of our heart and loving our neighbor as ourselves. To assert self-righteousness based on not supporting two sins while neglecting the basis of the gospel in loving others as ourselves is blasphemy and hypocrisy. It’s hard to take someone’s religion or “relationship with God” seriously when they fell in the very foundation of the gospel. Simply put, it puts a reproach on the gospel.

The below scripture shares the importance of seeing this from the perspective that is above that of a Pharisee:

Blind Pharisee! First, clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. – Matthew 23:26

Democrats seem to be more laid back on the harsh judgments of people. They seem to be more caring and reflective of loving people. You may not be able to perceive fully what a Democrat believes as they do not often speak about religious things. In some cases, it could be due to the fear and reverence they have for religion or perhaps not all Democrats are religious.

True religion Biblically is not perceived by those who are the loudest about their religion, but on those who know how to treat others in particular the fatherless and widows (James 1:27). The Bible is also clear that the whole law and gospel hinge on our love for God and others as we love ourselves. When this is genuinely done, there is no need to harp on others not to commit abortion or to practice same-sex relationships, perversion, or whatever the sin(s) may be. The process of salvation and sanctification will occur as the Holy Spirit changes the heart and cleanses man through the renewing of our mind with the Word of God.

We will not be able to perceive a person as a Christian just by appearance. It will be by the fruit produced in their lives. On the surface, the Pharisees could not prove Jesus was sent from God or not, but his fruit was obvious. 

Where the Democrats err is that some Democrats have used the Bible’s message of love to condone sin. There was an Illinois politician who read scripture about love as he made civil unions legal as to compare a homosexual relationship to love and if it’s love it must be okay. An overemphasis on the idea of love irresponsibly condones sin. Real love will correct sin.

Thus, the Republican party nor the Democratic party is completely balanced in the ideas of Christ, the Bible, or the kingdom of God. This is why my full allegiance will always be to Christ above American politics.

Christ is the fulfillment of the law. Rather it comes to not killing babies, practicing homosexuality, fornication, drunkenness, cursing, anger, unforgiveness, adultery, stealing, or any other sin, Christ is the way we experience freedom from all sins. The law by itself isn’t enough and a love for people who practice sin isn’t enough. We all must submit to God individually by faith working out our own salvation as the Bible teaches.

So, before you start to judge your brother or sister for voting differently than you, realize our votes no matter what aren’t enough to fix sin in the hearts of man. Are we truly trusting God?

There are those of us who have heavy callings on our lives from God but face challenges of sometimes feeling unworthy to complete those callings for the following reasons. We haven’t been ordained as ministers in the church. We have not been accepted by the in-crowd of the church elite. We are not popular. However, none of these are qualifications in the eyes of God to be used by God in ministry. These are the traditions and expectations of man.

All traditions and expectations of men aren’t bad; they are simply what they are. God is not confined to work within the structures of what man expects. God is the one who calls men. He is the one who promotes one and sets another down (Ps 75:7.) With this understanding, we ought not to avoid walking out our full calling for fear of not being accepted in the right circles by man. Our acceptance, worth, value, and confidence to be obedient to God should come from God, not man.

Please, understand that I am not promoting rebellion or heresy. There are various structures of authority God has ordained and will work within, but God is unconventional. He doesn’t need man’s permission. Perhaps God may have provided some with a gift of teaching to work outside of the church as life-coaches, who honor God and draw others to God. While others may be called to act and use their acting platforms to share the gospel. Do not despise your spiritual call of God because you do not traditionally communicate your call.

In the Bible, God used several ministers of His who weren’t clergy, but it was clear they loved God. Esther was called to be a queen of a non-Jewish nation. She was groomed from childhood and placed into a position where she was used by God to minister to and intercede for others.
David was called to be a king. A true non-traditional call of God. This call carried great weight as King David points to the lineage of Christ. He was a godly man used to keep a nation’s heart turned toward the Lord.

Jesus Christ, himself. He is the Son of God, but he was despised by the religious structure. He was a simple carpenter, who traveled sharing the message of the kingdom of God. The Bible never shows Jesus ordained in a church. If anything, he fit in with practicing the Jewish customs but stood out by his unique interpretations of the law. However, Jesus not only spoke with the authority of his Father in heaven, but he being God in the flesh spoke upon the authority of himself. The key to walking out non-traditional callings by God is to remain humble under the one who gives us authority Jesus Christ.

Another key is to remain committed to God and to hear and follow his leading. God will give us men and women along the way who remind us of who we are and what we are called to do. The confidence that comes from God should allow us to block out any ideas that would make us feel unworthy to be used of God because we aren’t clergy. I honor all clergy and am thankful for their sacrifice. However, this isn’t the only way God calls us to minister. We are all ambassadors for Christ―Whether we are a carpenter, like Jesus, a political official, like Esther, or David.

We need to be faithful and give God 100 as He is the one we are living to honor. He deserves to get out of us what he has invested in us—similar to the parable of the man who hid his talents instead of investing it and getting a return. God expects a return on his investment of purpose and giftings in all of us—not just clergy.

During this season, I’d been seeking the Lord about my business and ministry more often than usual. I’d been asking God what He wanted me to do. Does He want me to continue or do something else? I believe God’s response to me was to keep going.
Intercession for A Generation was started on a word from the Lord. God told me to put up the website in 2013. I discussed it with my friend, who is also one of my prayer partners. She encouraged me to obey the Lord and provided me with some practical steps to get started. Not long afterward, the site was up.

7 years later, I’ve had some progress, but doing this type of work doesn’t always allow us to see the fruit produced in the lives of others because of my obedience. I know God can move in seasons with things including ministry, so I wanted to make sure I was still in line with his will. Perhaps, it was a season for me to do something else instead, but God is saying otherwise, so I will keep going.
I think it is only normal at some point to question if we should continue in an endeavor after having done it for so long and still, everything seems almost the same. Where is the progress? Is God still with me? Maybe I missed it? This can be normal when we’re building as entrepreneurs who use our businesses as ministries to others.

During my devotion time with the Lord last week; I just so happened to be in the book of Haggai, which gave me the answer I needed. Haggai was a prophet in the old testament, who’s name means festive. That is just how the Israelites were living at the time. The Israelites had recently gotten from under the Babylonian bondage and lived under King Darius. Every Israelite minded their own business in their own homes. They became selfish dealing with only their individual needs while leaving the temple of God in ruins.

God had previously dealt with them about rebuilding the temple, but because the Israelites faced opposition from those around them; they stopped the work. They became lackadaisical only seeking what made them comfortable.

God sent the prophet Haggai to his people to get them out of that slump and to put fire to flame causing them to go back into completing the work of building the temple. The below scripture was clear in its message that the Israelites in this scenario needed to simply work:

But now be strong, Zerubbabel,’ declares the Lord. ‘Be strong, Joshua son of Jozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty. – Haggai 2:4

Not only did God command the Israelites to work, but He planted a seed within them of what to expect upon completion. He shared that once complete the glory that was previously experienced in the former temple would be nothing in comparison to what will be experienced in the new temple. I think we can have a tendency to get complacent and think to ourselves, “well God used me back then or I’ve had some good times with the Lord.” However, God is setting an expectation that our good times we’ve had with the Lord aren’t all there is. God is saying this isn’t all there is. There is more that He has for us and that is why we have to keep building. DON’T BE DISCOURAGED! CONTINUE THE WORK GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE NOW. GOD IS WITH YOU. KEEP GOING!

Watch video snippet below re-interating the encouraging word:

This is the final blog in our series, “Are You Read to Date Quiz & Discussion.” Please, review the previous blogs in this series to take advantage of the information. This series was done to introduce my latest book, Patterns of the Heart Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. The book helps people who desire godly relationships to ask the right questions during the dating and pre-dating stage. Asking and observing patterns related to these questions will help determine who is suitable and who is not. The quiz was designed to help a person to see if they are ready to date now or if they should wait some time while allowing the Lord to work in them to bring about the maturity, resolve, and the whole approach to life needed to build a solid relationship. Below are the last three questions in the quiz broken down.

Question #7
Do you have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ?

1. Yes, 81%
2. No, 19%

I was a bit grieved to see that 19% of those who took the quiz do not have a relationship with God. My sincere prayers go out to all who do not know the Lord. Especially, during a season like we are in now with the Coveid-19 crisis. I’m so glad and thankful that my faith, trust, and hope for my future is founded upon the Lord. He is our solid foundation. Whatever is built on him will be stable, grow, and flourish.

As mentioned, in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” everything begins and ends with the Lord. Our identity, which is how we view ourselves comes from God–if we are to view ourselves from a healthy manner. Many rush to the idea of simply getting into a relationship hoping it will help them to feel accepted, valuable, or to give them purpose. This may work temporarily, but if we place our worth on people who are fickle and who often change their minds, what stability will we have about our worth when those things are taken away. Our stability, clarity, and purpose for our future cannot be based on a circumstance. It has to be founded on the Lord.

It’s almost like chasing a high. A high only lasts for so long, and then a person will have to get high again. However, those who allow the Lord to fill every void will be full. They will be satisfied. They will not make choices for a relationship out of desperation, but out of the wisdom that comes from God. I invite anyone who doesn’t know the Lord to try him today. God is more than a religion. He is the Sovereign God of the whole world and he desires to have a relationship with each of us. Try him for yourself and see. Pray to Him in sincerity and humility. If you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and died on the cross for your sins; and confess it with your mouth, you will be saved according to scripture.

That’s only step number one. Step number two is to live the rest of your life in pursuit of him praying, reading the Bible and growing in knowledge about who he is. Connect with a church that teaches the Word of God and operates in love. I promise when you seek God for yourself.
Out of the healthy view of ourselves comes our purpose and passion. Without those two things, we will not be able to properly operate in healthy relationships. Without them, we invite instability. Marriage is also to point back to Christ. Without Christ we have nothing. Without Christ, we cease to properly exist. It’s God, who breathed into us his breath in the beginning that enables us to live. We must learn to walk with him and submit to him daily.

Question #8
Are you secure in your identity in Christ?

1. Yes, 80%
2. No, 20%

Becoming secure in our identity in Christ is the foundation of a healthy individual. Healthy individuals make healthy marriage partners. I recently spoke with a married woman who complained about her husband but could not see any contribution from herself to the problems they were having in their marriage. She consistently deflected about what he was not doing and his behavior. It’s easy to allow a partner to distract us from taking responsibility for our personal growth and development. Sometimes, it’s easier to get caught up in a relationship than to take responsibility because that means looking at ourselves saying, you know, I am a bit of a mess, but God still loves me. Or wow, I understand why Jesus had to die for me, I’m a bit much. Lord, have mercy on me. We begin to accept God’s grace and mercy for ourselves, thus we show that same mercy to ourselves and others. People who are harsh, mean, and judgmental have forgotten this. They are probably on some self-righteous trip looking at everyone else but themselves.

Self-rejected people easily reject others. A person who has not accepted who she is in Christ will be hard to live with and should study Ephesians, Psalms 139, and Philippians praying and asking God to cause them to accept their identity in Christ. I learned this by going through various trials and tribulations. Those trials can bring us to such a low place that we are ready to hear and receive all God has for us. When we are prideful and not willing to look at ourselves; it can be hard for God and others to get through to us. The Wholeness Action Plan book can help with this process because it will not be easy, but it is possible.

Question #9
Do you believe you are worth it?

1. Yes, 79%
2. Still working on it, 21%

If you are not settled on your value and worth; you should not be dating. Study the above and allow yourself the freedom of wholeness before pursuing a relationship. Feel free to read my book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse” to ask yourself the questions at the beginning of the book that addresses wholeness and allow the Holy Spirit to process you until you begin to see and value yourself as he sees you.

Continuing from last week, this is part 3 out of 5 for our are you ready to date quiz and discussion. This discussion is in relation to the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” Take a look at question # 4 below and it’s explanation. Leave your comments or take the quiz yourself at the end of this article.

Question # 4
Have you embraced yourself for who you are allowing yourself to feel like an asset to yourself and others?

1. Yes, 67%
2. Still Struggling with This, 22 %
3. No, 11%

Let’s be real. We all struggle with various perspectives concerning ourselves and sometimes it takes us a while to accept them. Something I’ve learned more and more as I’ve gotten older is to continue to accept myself over and over again. That means whenever a question arises about who I am whether it’s something I need to take personal responsibility on saying I was wrong or if it’s good but may annoy other people. I have a commitment to myself to accept myself based on God’s acceptance of me, and his intentional development of how he wants me to be for his purpose.

For example, I have somewhat of a deep view of things. I don’t look at a lot of things for face value. I enjoy going beneath the surface seeing things others may not see. I look for the good in every situation. I’m solution-oriented. I don’t like to hear negativity or complaining from others for the sake of being negative or complaining. I’m the type that looks to reshape the conversation. I ask questions like how can we get to the bottom of this to address the real issue. I’ve found that everyone doesn’t like that. Some people just want to complain and dump on others. Don’t get me wrong sometimes we have to vent, but sometimes venting just for venting’s sake can lead to feeling negative and gloomy.

If I’m going to deal with certain things I want to work through it to get to the positive aspects. Everyone isn’t always ready for that and I’ve gotten push back and snapped on. In those moments, I’ve had to still say to myself, it’s okay. You are the way you are for a purpose. You do not have to change who you are to fit in with everyone. Continue to be you.

And God saw everything that he had made and, behold, it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

The Greek word for good is tob. It means: Good, pleasant, agreeable, excellent, rich, valuable in estimation, appropriate, and becoming. (Strong-Lite Dictionary)

Without the basic estimation of who we are and our value; we place ourselves at risk for instability in dating relationships. We can become easily moved by the opposition of those who just weren’t meant for us. Everyone isn’t meant for us. This is why God told Adam that he needed a suitable partner. Someone, who would complement how God made him. Also, someone who would not set him off course from his God-given purpose. Our suitable partner will not be perfect. We see that Eve was not perfect, but immediately began making mistakes in her partnership with Adam, but she was suitable enough to remain committed to him and who God called Adam to be. This is why we need to be resolved in accepting ourselves before entering a relationship.

The above is simply an example of owning who I am. I realized the things God’s invested in me are good and purposeful. Thus, I carry myself like I am good and purposeful. Where I fall short, I address it. Similar to Adam and Even in the garden. God made men and women and called them good, not bad.