As believers in Christ, we should never take lightly obedience to God and his Word. It’s so important. We live within a culture that has invaded the church with ideas of unbelief and cynicism. These things make it difficult for one to remain obedient, especially in the dating world.
Because of the increased norm of unmarried millennials, prolonged waiting, and lack of support for many singles many have lost their faith in doing this single thing God’s way. They’ve adopted a lifestyle of disobedience.
Disobedience can be painful in the dating world as doing things outside of God’s way can easily result in painful cycles. Those cycles can produce even more hardships that one would have been able to avoid by doing things God’s way such as unnecessary heartbreak, single-parenthood, STDs, and more.
It’s better to remain obedient even when difficult. Obeying God continuously without yet seeing the desired result is difficult. This is true especially when others who aren’t being obedient seem to have what we desire—genuine love. Even though those who choose not to obey may seem to have genuine love—this isn’t always the case.
Many couples are facing hardships they aren’t sharing such as abuse by a partner, consistent infidelity, feeling as though the relationship is one-sided although married, and more. Believe me. It’s better to obey God and wait on what’s appropriate than to get into a marriage right away that is destined to fail.
I was encouraged by a couple of examples in scripture of obedience during a hard long wait. The result of the wait in both examples led to God’s promise and increased blessing. The long hard wait was the correction and preparation of the heart to handle the promise.
The first example is Abraham in Genesis 22. Abraham exampled peculiar obedience. Meaning, he was able to trust God in a unique way that others may not have been able to. God had promised Abraham a son. He gave him that son—Isaac. However, God asked Abraham in Genesis 22 to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice to the Lord. Abraham went right along with God’s request standing in strong belief.
Remember, it takes strong belief or faith to continue to obey God through a long, hard, and difficult wait. When the child—Isaac asked, why don’t we have a lamb to sacrifice—Abraham responded by saying, “God will provide.” It was so. God warned him not to harm the child and provided a lamb to sacrifice. Of course, this signified Christ—the lamb of God that was to be slain for our sins.
It also was a test for Abraham to humble him and to show him what was in his heart. It showed Abraham that he was indeed ready to steward the child the Lord had promised him. He not only got the blessing, but he got the blessing with God’s backing. This is how we want to be blessed as single believers.
We want the relationship that our heavenly father is willing to bless. The second example of obedience was found in Deuteronomy 8. Deuteronomy is all about possessing the land or possessing God’s promises. For singles, this could be walking into the new normal of a healthy relationship that leads to marriage. There is a path to getting there. That path is obedience. Deuteronomy starts out stressing the importance of obedience and how it will result in said promised land. However, first, there must be a test.
During the test period, God places us in a position where we experience hunger that only he can fulfill. He exampled this in scripture by providing manna from heaven vs. 3. This is special revelation that comes from God and strengthens us to go on continuing in obedience. The revelation from God addresses whatever it is that we are needing at the time. Manna in vs. 3 means what is it? This means God can address whatever we need and we can trust him.
Finally, vs. 16 of Deuteronomy 8 reinforces God’s purpose in allowing the difficult process of the wait. It is to humble us and prove us to do good toward us in the end. When we are in a difficult part of our journey in waiting on the Lord for a spouse; we can be confident that God is only proving to us whether we are ready or not. Our obedience through the process is a heavy indicator that like Abraham we are ready. We are ready for our next stage in life—marriage and a healthy God-honoring relationship. Let this article encourage you to remain obedient as you will reap if you faint not.
I don’t know if you all have noticed, but many of God’s singles who have been waiting and believing God for a long time are becoming engaged and married. When the time is right—you will too. Stay in faith! Stay in obedience.
The thing about being down and out is it’s normal. It’s something that each human being has to experience. We may not share these details on social media, so when it happens people feel like it’s just them. But it’s not just you. Life happens to us all. It’s not the end. You may feel like you are just here. Just out there. The truth is you are not.
Scripture tells us to count our blessings when our faith is tried (James 1:2-3.) When we’re in it, counting our blessings can feel impossible to do, but it helps because this is where God begins to answer those questions of our hearts in real time. This is when God shows us he’s still with us and he is supporting us while sending others to do the same until we ride our storms out to our rainbows. Below are five blessings that we can hope to experience when we are down and out.
When Down & Out You find out who is really on your side
When we are experiencing depression and thoughts of giving up, this isn’t the time to try to impress others with an image of perfection. You are human and it’s okay. This is the time to be vulnerable letting those who are trustworthy in. This is a time to lean into those who may be stronger than you as you go through your process of trusting in God to take you through safely and to bring you out better. Those who have been through their own experiences and made it out will stand firm with you.
Don’t hide how you are feeling from those who genuinely care. Join the life group, meet the girls for dinner/lunch, or hit the gym even if you don’t feel like it. Get involved in community. You’ll find out that you aren’t the only one going through something difficult.
Seeing others stand through their hardships will help you to stand. Others may even check on you which reminds you that you aren’t alone in this. You have help. God has given you this help through the safety of a healthy community. Your community has its own way of helping you to forget about the struggle for a while providing strength when you are fighting through your challenges on your own.
Your community also reminds you that you are worthy to live the best life when it feels like you aren’t. You get to see who genuinely cares for you when down and out and that should make you feel good.
You learn to depend on God.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
Apostle Paul, in scripture, describes going through a type of trouble that felt like death itself. It had gotten to the point where living became what felt like a disparaging and hopeless thing. However, Paul did not stop there in his description. He realized that the pain he’d been through was allowed to cause him to not depend on himself, or the good times of life, but on Christ.
Now and then, life will send us one troubling experience after another. It feels like heavy pressure. Sometimes, in these moments, we don’t know how to move forward. However, these times have a purpose to cause us to rely on God. We can very easily depend on other things during this journey of life without even realizing it.
It’s often when we are reduced to nothing but God that we realize he is genuinely all we need above all of the other things we cling to. Because God can be silent during these periods, we may find it difficult to believe God is with us, but he is. Faith is not a feeling, but proof of what we cannot, feel, touch, or see just yet. If we hold on long enough standing firm on God’s word, we will be able to see God working in the middle of our circumstances.
I remember, during my most recent season of being down and out, I could not go to sleep for hours. I was so anxious about my future and things remaining the same as they had been. I did not know if I could survive without a change. I thought of the scripture be anxious for nothing but in all things with prayer and supplication let your request be made known unto the Lord.
I said, “Lord you said not to be anxious, but to pray. Can you help me with this?” I immediately began to hear a song playing in my spirit. It was “Do It Again” by Elevation worship. I pulled up the song on YouTube and listened to it. I cried as it felt as if God was speaking directly to me through the lyrics of the song. I immediately went to sleep after the song went off. That is a permanent reminder in my history now that God is with me. He sees and he acts. He is dependable.
You realize how resilient you can be
After a while, you’ll begin to get stronger. The things you did not have the energy to do before you’ll have the energy to do as you continue to move forward in faith. You’ll begin to reestablish hope for the future as your strength increases not only realizing by faith that this isn’t the end but experiencing it with your senses. You will have taken the blow and overcome it. We are overcomers in Christ. This is what differentiates us from the world. In Christ, we always have hope because God causes us to triumph in all things (2 Corinthians 2:14.) To triumph in all things, we have to go through some things to triumph over and through.
An ability to correct as you heal.
This is an opportunity for you to press pause on over commitments and things that may be distracting you from hearing Christ. As you re-shift your focus on seeking the Lord, you will notice his healing from the pain and hurt of the season. God often does surgery on our hearts during hardship and it hurts. However, needful corrections are made within us and the healing process begins. We are then better prepared for everything God intends to use the harmful season to bring about in our lives.
God doesn’t waste anything. He doesn’t cause the harmful season, but he promises to use it for our good as he uses all things to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. Many harmful seasons are just the natural patterns of life that will happen to us all. God uses these things to make us strong. If we have begun to see things incorrectly in any area, God will correct us.
You eventually find clarity and greater direction
Now, here’s the really good part. Your vision gets clearer. It’s not so hard to get through each day. It’s clear and easy to see the work that’s been done inside. The healing has taken place, our passions begin to return with the strength to pursue them. Hopefully, in this clarity, we experience God’s direction that leads us to a new place in him. We can go on to strengthen others as the scripture says we are to do when we overcome. No matter what part of this process you are in when experiencing the hardness of life—know that you will eventually get to this part where things are much better and you make it out of the fog of depression and the hardness of life.
Be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering. – 1 Peter 5:8-9
Have you ever been in such a painful place that you felt almost desperate to be out of that place? Sometimes pain, in and of itself, can make us think un-sobering thoughts. Thoughts, that we’d never think of if in a better place. That’s when we have to remember that our pain is momentary. It will not last forever. However, if we aren’t careful, we can make a decision that has lasting consequences.
This is why in the above scripture; God warns us to be sober and alert. Satan, our adversary is looking for an opportunity to devour us which means to destroy us. We should not aid Satan in his quest to destroy us. Instead, we should resist him.
Pain is necessary because it is a form of weakness. God already promises us that weakness is where we are guaranteed to see God’s power show up (2 Corinthians 12:9.) This means God’s got our back in pain. We will be tempted to return to vices during painful moments because of the immediate relief. We sometimes judge God not to be there with us because God often gives us the strength to endure rather than taking us out of our pain immediately. Enduring through the pain with God allows us to see his power at work sustaining us.
When tempted to return to vices for relief; we do not have to give in because God will help us through the pain. Instead of turning to a vice; turn to God and ask him to give you grace and strength to overcome regardless of the pain. God’s grace is his supernatural strength to overcome. It’s an empowerment of God’s Holy Spirit much like salvation. Salvation isn’t accomplished by our strength but by the power of God—so is overcoming sin.
So, he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty. – Zechariah 4:6
God allows us to be stretched by our pain. It isn’t a bad thing. Our endurance increases allowing us to persevere. It also allows us to see our humanity and need to rest refreshing ourselves with stillness. We become even more humble in the process. Our humility precedes God’s favor (1 Peter 5:5-6.) This process of painful discomfort often occurs before God’s shift so we cannot give up. We will need to go through submitting to God’s process to experience the shift God has for us.
When we disobey God in the process of seeking out sin to numb our pain; we can delay the destination God has for us. King David was resting from war when he fell into a vice of his with a woman named Bathsheba.
King David was a man of war. So much so, that the temple he wanted to build for God in his heart was delayed for his son to build instead. He’d had too much blood on his hands from constant war. When we read of David’s indiscretion with Bathsheba—this took place during a time of rest.
He’d decided to rest from warring, which was his right. You may have heard people say that David fell into sin because he should have been at war. I beg to defer. David fell into sin because he chose to sin.
Sometimes, God calls us to rest. Especially when we’ve been overwhelmed with life. However, our flesh will cause us to say to ourselves—we deserve sin or something as a reward because we’ve done so much work. Instead of waiting for God to bring us out and promote us, we attempt to promote ourselves with whatever opportunity appears to present itself.
David sinned by sleeping with a married woman―Bathsheba. He went on to murder her husband and have a child with her. This sin set David up for future consequences that he had to endure. If we aren’t willing to endure the discomfort of waiting on the Lord’s deliverance in pain or discomfort now—we will later have to endure waiting on the Lord’s deliverance from pain and discomfort later while enduring the consequences of our actions.
Judgment was pronounced on King David as he was corrected by the prophet Nathan. Later in life, David is in the thick of things again as he lived out the consequences of his actions (2 Samuel 12:11.) This is where he learned to submit to the process of trusting God during discomfort and pain.
We see his willingness to endure the discomfort of a man cursing him while he has been forced from his kingdom by his son Absalom to run and hide for safety. He learned that it is important to rely on the Lord and endure seeing what the end will be. He also learned not to be selfish considering his son above himself—even though his son was against him.
Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.”
But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’”
David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.”
So, David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt. – 2 Samuel 16:9-13
Of course, in the end, God delivered him, and his kingdom was restored in peace. God will do the same for us if we remain sober while in pain and discomfort. Remember we do not have to choose sin or vices as an immediate escape from the pain. We can simply depend on the Lord asking him for his grace and supernatural strength to overcome the urge to sin as an escape.
There is a time and season to every purpose under the son including a time of discomfort and pain to produce God’s greater purpose within us. We should, like David, learn to submit to it waiting for the Lord to deliver. During, the wait, God’s given us tools we can use. Tools like prayer, godly community, his Word, rest, and counselors or therapists.
Sometimes we just need to walk alongside someone else to receive strength. If it requires rest and lightening up our plate—we should do those things instead of yielding to sin. We should follow the wisdom of the wise and God’s word to lighten our weight. See Ephesians 6 for a reminder of what to do when under pressure or a spiritual, mental, or emotional attack. We are called to be strong in the Lord—depending on the Lord and the power of his might.
We are commanded to use the tools in Ephesians 6:10-18 to stand when we cannot do anything else. With God’s tools, we can stand. God will lighten our load and provide clarity to us on how to proceed forward within his timing. We simply have to hold his promises close to our hearts remaining sober. God has a way out of the pain we face.
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. – Matthew 11:28-29
There has been a lot of chatter about the whole Will Smith slapping Chris Rock all week at the Oscar. One consistent theme is viewing Will Smith’s response to that of protecting Black women. I disagree with this interpretation and here is why.
In real life, a man resulting to violence to protect a woman over something that was only said in jest isn’t enough reason to result in violence. Further, violence always escalates a situation. Many times, that escalation ends in death. Homicide is the fourth leading cause of death in Black men according to the CDC.
Many instances of homicide between Black men due to altercations leading to death can be avoided by practicing self-control, good judgment, and humility. These are the characteristics we saw displayed in Chris Rock, who did not further escalate the ordeal. Instead, he continued doing his job and decided not to press charges against Will Smith. Between the two men, if this had been on the street, Chris’ actions would have been more reflective of protecting Black women as he would have ended up staying alive.
Protecting Black women is staying alive enough to love and support us. It’s also staying out of jail enough to love and support us. It’s being present and valuing the family God’s given you. I remember years ago. I’d come home to see a new person in my neighbor’s yard. I mentioned it to my dad, who went outside to greet the gentleman saying hello and introducing himself.
The neighbor wasn’t very friendly, and my dad felt his response was disrespectful to him.
He stormed into the house going upstairs and I heard him unlocking a box. I believe he may have had his gun in that box. He rushed toward the door saying the gentleman had been disrespectful toward him. I ran out in front of him putting all locks on the door and blocking the door with my body. I would not let my dad outside. My dad said, “Get out the way.” I said no, it’s not worth it. He ran to the other door. I blocked that door doing the same thing. At the same time, I yelled to my mom and brother to call the police.
They called the police. They said what do we tell them? I said to tell them we need their help to resolve a neighborly dispute. The police came. I knew this would de-escalate the situation as no one is foolish enough to do something crazy in front of the police. They talked to the gentleman and my dad and it was resolved. Later, my dad said I was right. It was not worth it.
Our men, like my dad and Will Smith, are strong, smart, courageous, caring, loving, and protective. However, through one decision, all of that can be thrown away. Once, someone is dead, there is no coming back from that. That’s why God created women to be present with men as our very essence helps them.
We cover them by de-escalating situations through the wisdom of God. My favorite author Lisa Bevere shares in the video below how women have been given the charge of protecting the heart:
This is also reflective of the fact that women were taken from Adam’s rib and made. The ribcage’s job is to protect vital organs that are essential to life such as the heart.
This is why the Bible says a prudent wife comes from the Lord. Further, when men are married being connected to a wise rib stats share that they live longer. Our role as women isn’t to sacrifice our men to bravado or to parade their ego for us on behalf of our honor. It’s to help them to think sober and come to themselves when moments of bravado come over them.
In those moments, we remind them of their value and worth as men to us. Their value and their worth as men are worth more than the moment of bravado. Many men get the wrong image from society that acting immediately out of emotions fighting or shooting is manhood. It is not.
Manhood is not proven in fighting or shooting another person. It’s shown in maturity and taking on responsibilities that not only protect himself, but his wife, sisters, brothers, fathers, and sons.
If you ask me who protected Black women on that Oscar stage, I’d have to say, Chris Rock. It takes a unique strength, humility, and grace to take a hit and not punch back. It also speaks volumes of love and value toward his brother in humanity Will Smith.
It says, hey, I see you and I value you. I’m going to give you the space to heal and do what you have to do. This is how God calls us to respond to our brothers and sisters who offend us. Not only would Chris return to his family in real life after such an altercation, but Will would too due to his brother’s grace. This is what we need more of—grace for one another when we slip up in our humanity.
We aren’t throwing Will Smith away because of his response either. He’s still precious and still valuable as a man. We still love him and pray for him. I believe we should pray for him even more as there will be consequences. His decision has him in a position of humility while Chris is being promoted.
His ticket sales are increasing after this incident. This is how things work in the kingdom of God. Humility precedes promotion. Chris had a low moment of being slapped on a national stage and not responding violently. He is now being promoted. Will is in a moment of humility now as the world discusses his decision and the academy is reviewing ideas of corrective action.
Let’s pray that God will get everything he desires out of this experience to produce his will in the future for Will and his entire family. Let’s pray that the more positive and balanced voices of the chatter would be louder than the foolish ones so that others will learn and more lives of our precious men and women would be preserved. Let’s also pray for Chris’ strength as he processes the entire situation.
Jezebels are women who depend on their looks to get a man of stature and manipulate him according to what she wants. In my years, I’ve learned some things about women. I’ve learned how they think on various matters, how they act and interact with men. It’s truly been a learning experience. I don’t claim to be a professor. Nor do I claim to be someone who knows it all as it relates to relationships or the opposite sex.
In transparency, it had been a week from the age of 23 that I lost my virginity. In a world that’s so sexualized, I’d given in willingly being led astray by my own lusts and enticements. I did not know how it would later scar me. The world teaches if it feels good do it.
These are lies from the pit of hell and characteristics of Jezebel. We are taught as men to see women as a quick cheap thrill or piece of meat. This thinking treats women like they have no value outside of lust and sex. If Satan can convince us to believe a lie, then he’s got us. It’s one thing for a lie to be presented, but another for us to believe the lie. When we believe a lie; that’s when we give it power.
Jezebels cannot operate as jezebels alone. They have to have men who are in agreement with their line of thinking. These types of men are referred to as Ahab–from the Biblical story of Jezebel and Ahab. When men take a stand in their rightful place Jezebels have no place to operate from.
Having a past of operating in lies and in the flesh; I feel I can share things for us men to look out for to avoid succumbing to Jezebels:
First, women are aware of how to get a man’s attention. 9 times out of 10 if she’s too loud and too provocative in how she dresses like Future said, “she is for the streets.” It may not be true for every woman, but most of the time it should be an obvious sign to a man that woman is in a broken place on the inside. It’s wisdom to leave her presence fast.
Second, some women who have learned to use their sexuality to manipulate men will be fine with manipulating you. It’s a way of life they’ve established. I can be compassionate toward a woman who has lost her way due to a lack of a father in her life modeling how a man is to treat a woman, but I cannot compromise my integrity as a man with a woman who only sees her worth in her sexuality alone. Boys may be okay with that behavior, but as a man, I’ve learned to value a woman for more.
Third, Bitter women who appear to want to help broken women may exhibit Jezebel-like behaviors. This is the case if they are broken themselves. They provide critical relationship advice and always find themselves in someone else’s drama. Look out for this type of woman. A woman must heal first just as a man needs to heal first to avoid bringing unnecessary drama into a new relationship.
Four, A woman drawing her strength from other things more than God such as nature or secular humanism is a woman who isn’t grounded in the Lord. Women have been known to be more emotional and thus more in touch with the soul. If not careful, a woman being led by only her emotions and past hurt can choose to control a man operating out of witchcraft. These women seek to boot men out of their rightful place of leadership. If you discern these things remove yourself from this type of woman.
Five, many women are easily drawn to the anointing on a man’s life. I’ve fallen for this type of woman several times. God’s word discusses wolves in sheep’s clothing. It warns not to go down the path of a whorish woman. Finally, it shares that Satan can appear as an angel of light. If we aren’t discerning enough as men, we may think just because a woman’s social media appears godly and she looks good we should pursue. This could very well be an appearance only. The woman could inwardly be of the character of Jezebel. Just because a woman appears holy doesn’t mean it’s so. Also, just because a woman is in church doesn’t mean she is a good fit. Use discernment when seeking a spouse.
I could go on, but those are my 5 tips to share as it relates to dealing with women who exhibit characteristics of Jezebel. It’s more beneficial for us men to walk in the Spirit so we can avoid the pitfalls of the flesh. The relationships God has for us will set us up to prosper. They will bring glory to his name. However, when we go about things our own way, we remove ourselves from God’s hedge of protection. This causes everything that could go wrong in the natural to go wrong. Always remember it like this: First Spiritual, then natural. When we reserve sex for the confines of marriage we automatically open ourselves up to blessings and more favor in the natural. We as men, cannot afford to give our goods to Jezebels. It will only turn into spoils.
Solomon a.k.a. Mr. G. Reality is a national recording artist. Mr G Reality is no stranger to the Hip Hop rap community a seasoned veteran in the Game Since 1999 & now embarking upon his 7th studio Album entitled “THE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS” coming soon.
What’s up IFG Tribe (Intercession for a Generation.) If you’ve been rocking with me since I started the blog, you probably know the tagline: To teach a generation the heart of God and the way of the Lord. This is still foundational to the blog even though I write on a host of issues that affect the lives of believers. I want to share some key points in how to hold on to Jesus when others are letting him go.
We are in the world and not of the world. Thus, we have to have both spiritual and practical wisdom to live in a way that honors God in this life. With that said, I have to buckle down and share some of what I’ve been seeing and praying about. We had a brother from one of the most Iconic groups in Christian Hip-hop remove himself from the faith last month.
There is another woman who considers herself a Christian who has written a book that creates her own rules for wrong and right aside from what the Bible teaches. On an almost regular basis, we are hearing of people becoming popular in the Christian hip-hop world or church arenas that are turning aside to homosexuality, lesbianism, and secular humanism to worship themselves instead of Christ.
These things are not okay. How does one hold on to Jesus when influencers and former musicians are turning away from the faith or preaching a compromised gospel? Below are some tips to help us to avoid falling away like the many that we see.
Remain Humble
Humility will protect us from so much. Humility says: I am aware of who I am and what I possess, but I cannot judge God. My wisdom and knowledge is limited. I can always be corrected and be open to the right perspective. Phanatik, our dear former brother in the Lord recently lost his faith. As a Bible college professor, He stumbled over not being able to understand some things he’d discovered when studying apologetics to teach his students.
His response could have been Lord, I don’t understand, but I still believe. However, he expressed how he went on a search with some of the leading theologians and Christian mentors who were not able to provide satisfactory answers. Due to this, he has stepped back in considering himself a believer in Christ. He chose not to hold on to Jesus.
I do not know Phanatik personally; although, I’ve met him a few times. I don’t know if he is prideful or not, but humility will protect us when we don’t understand something about God. God will give us the grace to continue to believe even though we don’t understand something.
Humility is being aware of our limitations by trusting in a God who we have come to know as limitless. We watch and see God’s strength made perfect in our weakness of not being able to understand everything. Honestly, some things relating to God are too wonderful for our current understanding. We will have to wait for God to reveal certain things within his time.
Have you ever had a question about something relating to God or scripture and the Lord revealed it in a later season? I have. There are some things that will not be revealed until Jesus returns. We have to be okay with that. The most important thing that we are to understand as men and women is Jesus Christ and him crucified and risen again.
For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. – 1 Corinthians 2:2
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Listen to The Ambassador and The Tonic encourage the body of Christ after news about The Phanatik in the below videos:
Realize You Do Not Have to Know or Understand Everything to Hold on to Jesus
I don’t know about you, but I’ve read things in the Bible or relating to God that I did not understand. I do understand that I am not required to understand everything. I’m not God. My lack of understanding of certain arguments about the faith doesn’t take away from what I do understand. That is that Jesus died on the cross for my sins so that if I trust and believe in him, I’d be saved.
Some things God has been specifically silent on in the Bible because it’s none of our business. I genuinely trust that what we need to know; God will reveal to us through his word. There is a danger in journeying into certain literature outside of the Word of God that seeks to refute Christ and the gospel. The same doubts that rest on the person writing the literature against the gospel now become the battle of the reader to fight. This type of literature makes it that much more difficult to hold on to Jesus. The Bible warns against participating in certain arguments as they only produce strife, doubts, and questions that cannot be answered.
Have you ever felt like you hurt your brain by asking yourself questions that you had no answer for like: Where did God come from? So, God just exists? How does the trinity work and yet be monotheistic? Of course, you have. But what advantage does understanding things God has not revealed have on our salvation? If God wrote the Bible from Genesis through Revelation to reveal Christ and God’s character to us with his plan of salvation; shouldn’t we focus on that and be thankful? I believe we should.
We don’t want to simply get to know God after knowledge, but an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. This means when we do have doubts and questions which we all will; we have to be humble enough to bring them to God. God says to cast our care on him because he cares for us. God has given me peace and settled my spirit about various things I’ve not understood. He’s reassured me on what’s most important which is getting to know him.
Don’t have anything to do with foolish arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. – 2 Timothy 2:23
Be Aware of a Root of Bitterness
Hebrews 12 warns us to be aware lest a root of bitterness springs up and defiles many. Candyce Benbow, a Millennial Christian theologian, author, and blogger recently released her book, “Red Lipstick.” It discusses the challenges she’s faced growing up in a single-parent household. She goes on to discuss the loss of her mom, challenges she’s faced with church folk, and finally the perspectives her experience has created going forward.
There is a quote in the video below that discusses her book where Candyce shared something about the Biblical quote that says all things work together for our good. She feels her mom was dealt a bad hand and things did not work together for her good. Here we can easily see the doubt and the bitterness based on one negative heart-wrenching experience after the other. The bitterness is what caused Candyce to write the book. Her conclusions that pre-marital sex is okay and homosexuality is okay are a result of the root of bitterness she did not properly deal with.
As a theologian and someone who identifies as a Christian, she has a responsibility to speak the truth not to muddy the truth. It seems that she’s gone to the other end of the spectrum by okaying sin and self-pleasure or self-worship as an antidote to the trauma she’s faced in the past.
Newsflash, practicing sin is not a solvent for trauma. Healing, forgiveness, and truth are. Practicing sin to cover trauma is a temporary Band-Aid. I call this a vice in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.” A vice is an illegitimate way to meet a legitimate need.
Candyce’s qualms with her father leaving, her mom suffering and dying, church folk being mean and talking about her instead of supporting her are all legitimate. It’s almost as if Candyce has been fighting on her own to keep her head above water through all of her trials. Others, instead of helping, hurt her even more. However, she doesn’t have to fight alone. God was still with her in every experience to provide for her a beautiful ending. God is with the broken-hearted. We all go through having church folks judge us and talk about us. We all lose loved ones such as our parents. Some two-parent households experienced abuse growing up from the father or mother and greater tension is created. But through all things we endure, we overcome through Christ. We should not allow our hearts to become cold toward the Lord because others do us wrong in God’s name.
God promises to give us a heart of flesh for a stony heart. We all walk through back-to-back valleys, but we trust God through them. We have a choice. I discuss this in more detail in my book, “The Wholeness Action Plan.”
Forgive Immediately
Forgiveness is necessary when an offense comes. Forgiveness is a choice. God gives us the power to forgive when we ask him after choosing to forgive. It will be a process, but we have to be humble enough to walk through the process. No one is above suffering. It doesn’t matter how good you are. You are not above experiencing suffering. The Bible says all those that will live a godly life in Christ will suffer some form of persecution.
The key is to deal with the offense immediately, so it doesn’t fester in our mind producing lies, jealousy, or evil thoughts. Recently, I’d been offended by a sister in Christ, and I spoke with her about it. As we talked, peace came over me. I was resolving the offense leaving it in the past to move forward in full strength toward my future. This is how God wants us to live in freedom from offense with full strength toward our future.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” – Matthew 5:23-24
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that
Be Intentional About Seeking the Lord & Placing Yourself Within the Community of Those Who Seek the Lord
Bitterness is one of the tools Satan uses to isolate believers. It fosters distrust with the rest of the brethren in the Lord. This is why it’s so important to put our offenses on the table to resolve them so that we can move forward together as one. We draw strength from one another as we seek the Lord together. When one is weak the other can hold up the weak one. Be intentional about seeking out meaningful groups where you can share your heart with others and be poured into. If you are only pouring out as a believer—you will end up empty and lacking in strength. Don’t think that you cannot be deceived because you’ve been strong at some point. We are all human, get weak, and need support.
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls, one can help the other up. – Ecc 4:9-10
Be Willing to Die to Yourself, Opinions, Perspectives, and Entitlement
We all have opinions and deal with thoughts while journeying through hard circumstances. We have to always be willing to exalt the Word of God above our own opinions. This can be uncomfortable but be willing to be uncomfortable for your own freedom.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5
I’m a firm believer that God leaves memorials throughout history in the form of people to point to him and his goodness. God did this within African American history. Although, God did not ordain the sinful acts against African Americans; he worked within the framework of things that happened to help African Americans experience freedom creating a memorial for generations to come reminding us that he loves us and is with us.
God spoke to Joshua sharing that he needed to take 12 men from the tribes of Israel. Each man would need to carry a stone to create a memorial forever (Joshua 12:2-7.) This memorial was to be reflective of a similar miracle God had done previously through Moses when he split the Red Sea. Well, at this point, Moses was dead.
God was revealing himself to Joshua in similar ways he’d revealed himself to Moses. God had caused the Jordan river to be dried up for the children of Israel to pass over it (Joshua 3:12-17.) This was to be a memorial to the next generations to come. This memorial was to remind each generation that God would be with them and for them as he’d been with Moses, Joshua, and so on.
Likewise, we have similar memorials of God being with us within African American history. Africans who tell stories to preserve our history and culture are called Griots in parts of Africa. This is reflective of what the Israelites had as they passed down the stories of deliverance out of Egypt to their children. These memorials reflect the gospel of Jesus Christ and they remind us that God isn’t a partial God that excludes us, but he is also for us.
I recall this when I read books from our ancestors who trusted in Christ to challenge racially biased systems that were set up to oppress us. It is through many who followed Christ that many of the biased laws in this country have been changed into a position of justice for all, not just some.
Ida B. Wells shared in the prayer below comparing her journey to that of the children of Israel. She’d experienced a ruling in her favor regarding a racial incident on a train that had been overturned by the Supreme Court of Tennessee:
“O God, is there no redress, no peace, no justice in this land for us? Thou has always fought the battles of the weak and oppressed. Come to my aid at this moment and teach me what to do, for I am sorely, bitterly disappointed. Show us the way, even as thou led the children of Israel out of bondage into the promised land.”
Ida’s prayer and her very life along with the lives of many within African American history serve as memorials to us. We are the future generations that are refreshed to see that as God stood with them, he will also stand with us. This is particularly important for many of us within the Black community. When a single woman like myself logs on to a dating app or meets Black men in person who shows interest in me. And he shares that he is spiritual, but not religious—meaning that he doesn’t acknowledge Christ as his savior—my heart is grieved.
Why? Because there is damage that is done when African-Americans do not know their history and culture for themselves. Or, when African-Americans misunderstand their history and culture to be limited by what they currently see. A lot of what we see today is the result of what happened years before we got here.
There have always been challenges, but things have gotten better and will continue to get better due to the work of those who have come before us. Ida B. Wells was very well known for her writings, campaigns, and speaking to bring mass attention to lynchings that took place against African-Americans mostly males.
She noted that there was no due process, but these things were carried out by angry mobs. Without her work, those in the southern states of America would still be afraid that they could be killed without the due process of law simply for being a successful Black business owner.
Ida noted that Lynching’s in the south were a form of domestic terrorism to discourage success among Black business owners. This ministry of fighting against lynching had begun after a friend of Ida’s, a Black store owner in the community of Tennessee, had been lynched for defending his store. There had been White agitators who were stealing out of his store and harassing him. The law would not protect the store saying it was out of the jurisdiction.
Thus, permission was given to the store owner to defend his store by local authorities. The store owner, Thomas Moss, was later killed by an angry mob and Ida shared this story and others among many crusading people of all backgrounds against the evil terror of lynching.
Her persistent spirit in the face of terror to champion the cause of loving her neighbor while fighting the evil of lynching is a testament to the strength she had from her faith in Christ. Because of her obedience to what God placed on her heart to do many were saved from the unfair death of lynching. We can walk the streets of Memphis today without the fear of an angry mob terrorizing our young men.
Booker T. Washington shared how many Afro-Americans just wanted to learn to read the Bible for themselves after slavery had ended. Ida’s parent’s focused on the same thing learning to read the Bible for themselves. There was a hunger to know what God said for one’s self instead of only taking the word of the former slave masters, who taught that slavery was Biblically appropriate.
This is one of the falsehoods that was proven wrong when our people became armed with the knowledge of how to read for themselves. We could rest in the fact that while slavery always existed in various societies; it was never something that God said should exist. Thus, the narrative that God ordained slavery or that Christianity is a White man’s religion is false. These things should not be passed down within African American history.
God never degraded a group of people above or below another. Those ideas came from greedy Americans, who wanted to build a business that would make them rich without having to pay for labor. That’s how slavery among Afro-Americans came into existence in America not because God ordained it.
This truth gave our ancestors a new sense of pride and acceptance by God and acceptance of themselves. One of my favorite ancestors to read about is Sojourner Truth who named herself changed her name to Sojourner Truth after becoming free from slavery. Like many, she sought to explore her new identity and to take advantage of her newfound freedom.
She clung tightly to her relationship with Christ passed down from her parents. Her mom would encourage her when her siblings were sold away from the family on the plantation by sharing, “your brothers and sisters may not be here with you, but they are under God’s same blue sky.”
Sojourner shares in her biography an interesting story of how God sent an angel to help her to get her 6-year-old son back after he was sold to another state that required Afro-Americans to be enslaved for life. Sojourner had been a slave in New York where slavery was eventually outlawed once a slave made a certain age.
Like our ancestors, we need to read the Bible for ourselves and seek to have a personal intimate relationship with God for ourselves. If we do not learn history or God’s word for ourselves we become left to the mercy of what others tell us rather right or wrong.
Our ancestors humbled themselves before the Lord in having their own intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If we do not get an understanding for ourselves, we may believe some of the negative innuendos taught in media and culture that brand Afro-Americans in many aspects as lazy, unemployed, and immoral people.
The gospel is salvation for all men who believe not just Black men, White men, Jewish men, or whatever our background. The gospel of Jesus Christ and salvation is for all men. Studying and sharing the stories of those within African American history who came before us, who trusted in Christ, has become a memorial to me that reminds me I am on the right path and God is with me as he has been with my ancestors.
Perfectionists can be stressed out people because perfectionists often keep up appearances to be approved by others. They embrace the pride from their works of perfection to be accepted. When they do well, they feel good about themselves. When they fail at their efforts; they feel as if they aren’t good enough. Perfectionists have inner issues that they need to overcome to be free from the rabbit hole of perfectionism. Embracing the fact that we are humans with weaknesses can be a great start to overcome perfectionism and embrace the grace God has already set aside for our weaknesses. One of our greatest Biblical teachers and Apostles, Paul in scripture shared the below scripture as a personal lesson he’d learned from the Lord:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 2:9
He learned to embrace humility through embracing his weakness in the sight of God’s power. This is extraordinarily important in the lives of believers. As salvation does not occur by man’s ability alone, but by God’s power. Humility is required to invite God’s power not only to secure salvation but to walk in security in every area of our lives.
Are you afraid you will not measure up to God’s standard for your gift? Or are you afraid you won’t measure up in representing God in other ways? Things like your ability to practice self-control, your dress, your marriage, parenting, or being parented? We can have weaknesses in any area and through humility and looking to God experience the success we are afraid we will not measure up to.
So many Christians neglect trusting God through humility and trust their works instead. Perfectionism becomes their God and when they are successful; they feel good about themselves. When they fall; however, they fall harder because they depended on their own strength in the first place to succeed.Perfectionism is a trap. Brene’ Brown shares that perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief. It is practiced to avoid shame and to gain the approval of others. Perfectionism keeps up the appearance of being perfect, but none of us are perfect. We are only human. Humans make mistakes. Humility allows us to be compassionate toward ourselves and to love ourselves through our imperfections.
I love the saying that says:
Work like it all depends on you, but also pray like it all depends on God.
-Anonymous
I’m not teaching imbalance here. I don’t want anyone to walk away and say to themselves. They’ll no longer put any effort into offering their best. That isn’t what I am saying at all. After all, scripture tells us faith without works is dead.
What I am saying is don’t be so hard on yourself and others that hardcore perfectionism is what you lean on to meet the status quo. The status quo isn’t always God’s status quo. Sometimes, it’s a group of people’s status quo for themselves that isn’t rooted in a balanced interpretation of scripture. In other cases, a person’s maturity level has not bought them to a place of fruit in Christ yet.
Whatever the case may be, being too hard on ourselves with perfectionism shows a dependence on ourselves. It’s another form of pride. Pride is often the precursor to a fall that takes place because someone relied on their own strength or ability too much.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18
Embracing humility, on the other hand, leans on God. Someone who embraces humility embraces the fact they are weak in various areas. The result is receiving God’s grace for their weakness. This is how we all make it in Christ. It isn’t because we’ve worked so hard and have never made any mistakes.
We all have sinned and fallen short of God’s standard for our lives. This is why we embrace Christ and what he did for us in paying the penalty for our shortcomings. We know we could not do this on our own. The Bible is clear. God gives his grace to the humble not the prideful:
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
James 4:6
A final reason it’s so important for believers to embrace humility as a way of life is because we are the examples God’s left in the world for men to begin to know Christ. If our example is perfectionism to the world, how will they know they can also be saved?
Perfectionism and religious pride are one way to stand in the way of sinners as God warns against in Psalms 1. Many sinners outside of Christ already feel alienated from God. Some struggle to believe that salvation in Christ could be a path for them as they do not feel they measure up.
Many feel as though they have to have a level of perfection before they come to Christ when all that’s required is genuine faith and humility toward God. God works with us where we are at. He allows us to become sanctified through a process of getting to know him. If we were more honest about our struggles and how we’ve overcome them; perhaps more would follow our example.
When we receive God’s grace we can better give ourselves grace embracing humility and avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism.
The Bible talks about the deceitfulness of riches and its ability to choke the Word of God out of us. At that point, the Word of God is no longer our focus, but other things that we deem more important.
But the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.
– Mark 4:19
What are riches?
Riches are defined as the total of one’s property, wealth, sustenance, and net worth. Riches are necessary to function in this world. With them, we buy goods, services, and other needs.
Is having wealth bad?
Riches in and of themselves aren’t bad. It’s how we view the riches that can make it bad. Riches can create an illusion that everything is accessible simply by riches and thus other things that riches cannot buy aren’t useful. Things like character, love, and humility. Riches can very easily make one feel as though he has it all together. It’s important to have monetary riches as it answers all things as the Bible says:
A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes merry, but money answers all things. – Ecclesiastes 10:19
Someone with money can hire the best doctors, nutritionists, personal trainers, chefs, and live a long time. Whereas a poorer man may fall victim to certain illnesses more common to the lifestyle of someone poor who cannot afford as much. Money and riches definitely make a huge difference, but there are some things financial riches will not be able to resolve.
These things require humility and trust outside of one’s wealth. The illusion created by money that makes it deceitful is believing that’s all there is. Having money and wealth is the height and there is no need for anything else.
If riches aren’t bad what makes it deceitful?
People who are deceived by riches place their trust in their money and not in God. Mark 4 lets us know the seed of the Word of God gets planted into a man’s heart and there are different soils of our heart that the Word of God can either grow on producing fruit. Or, the Word of God can be choked or stunted not producing fruit in one’s life.
This is the illusion of the deceitfulness of riches. Deceit means a lie. More specifically, it means, “the act of causing someone to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid (Merriam Webster.”) Someone deceived by riches believes they no longer need the Word of God. They forget the path of humility and God’s hand of goodness promoting them to such a point of wealth.
This is why the Bible says it is difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven. A person deceived by riches is often prideful and doesn’t see the need to humble themselves to access various things in the kingdom of God that are only accessed through humility.
What can someone who has been deceived by riches do?
The great thing is God is good! He allows various seasons to come into our lives that humble us bringing us back to our need for him. There is a story in the Old Testament about a King named Asa. He was a righteous king who sought the Lord. As Asa grew in riches, favor, and notoriety with his neighboring kings; he began to withdraw his trust from the Lord.
The Lord sent a prophet to king Asa to correct him. A judgment from God was pronounced on Asa saying from now on Asa will be at war because he felled to seek the Lord. Later, Asa fell victim to a foot disease, and even with the disease, he did not seek the Lord. He only sought help from what his riches could bring him calling for physicians.
We see one of the gravest mistakes in trusting in riches is seeking what it can do for you above what the Lord can do for us. The Bible says it’s God’s good pleasure to give us the kingdom. God has things for us that money cannot buy.
God is so good that he allows different seasons in our lives that allow us to go up and down with the pains and joys of life. The hope is that we would remember to seek and acknowledge the Lord in all seasons of our lives. It seems obvious to seek the Lord when we are down and out with no other options. However, when we are rich in the enjoyment of life we sometimes forget like King Asa.
The humble reminders work as a tool to bring us back to ourselves. Ourselves, simply put, are people in need of God. If no other season is so obvious as a need to seek the Lord it’s when we are down.
Perhaps the even-flow of things going so well during our richest seasons has convinced some of us that we no longer need God like Asa. Let’s examine our hearts when things are going well. Let’s ensure that we humble ourselves always keeping before us our need for God.
Being thankful and Remembering to Seek the Lord in all of Our Ways will Protect Us from the Deceitfulness of Riches
The following suggestions will help in avoiding the deceitfulness of riches: maintaining a posture of thankfulness and gratefulness, being open to correction, fasting and prayer, and keeping a consistent routine of seeking the Lord in all of our ways. We can help others achieve success who aren’t on our level yet but are willing to do the work to be someday as another way to remain grateful. If we continue in these things we will continue to bring forth fruit in our lives that riches cannot produce.
Looking to Jesus the author and Finisher of our faith!
Like many, I just got the news that Meagan Good Husband, Devon Franklin filed for divorce from Meagan Good. Of course, I am shocked as many of us single folk in the body of Christ looked up to Meagan and Meagan Good Husband, Devon. They were a primary example of hope for Black Love when seeking to honor God.
Here are a few things to remember as it relates to marriage, relationships, and divorce that can help us to stay in a place of hope without placing a false burden on Meagan Good Husband, Devon, and Meagan to be our gods of singleness who alone bare the burden of hope for a healthy marriage.
Just because we marry in Christ doesn’t mean we will be exempt from Divorce
Marriage is difficult in of itself and marriage in the entertainment industry has its own set of challenges. These things aren’t an excuse to give up, but in the end, sometimes marriage doesn’t work out for a couple. The Bible sites a primary reason marriage results in divorce. Due to the hardness of a man’s heart, many marriages result in divorce.
Most people choose the latter because it’s easier. I cannot judge anyone who makes either choice as I’ve never been in that situation myself, but I have watched the example of others in like situations. I’ve seen both sides where some have endured and others have divorced. I do believe God’s grace is sufficient for either situation.
We need to process our feelings about this divorce and remember that Meagan Good husband, Devon, and Meagan are human beings in the process. Although, God used them to encourage many single believers toward abstinence until marriage and other helpful tools; they need encouragement and prayers too. Whatever the reason was for the divorce filing; let’s keep the both of them in prayer.
Let’s also pray for those who were encouraged by them as we all process this together. Our best bet is to continue in what we know–which is to depend on Christ in every area of our lives including our romantic lives. God still has marriages that stick together. God still has marriages that will stand the test of time. It takes two people going in the same direction sacrificing their lives to some degree for the greater good of the commitment of marriage which is still to be held in high regard.
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