Last night, I stayed up until 1 o’clock in the morning watching a movie about Esther that I had not seen before. I noticed how in this particular movie she was single for a long period of time, and she even asked the question saying, “At my age doesn’t it seem like I should be married by now?” She went through the same struggles that women go through today.

However, I also noticed that she kept focused on being pure before God. She prayed to God on a regular basis was humble enough to listen to her teachers, and walk all the way into her destiny as the King’s wife fulfilling her purpose to save her people.

Before I got home yesterday, I had gone to the beauty school to get a pedicure, and the lady who serviced me was a born-again believer. She was slightly older than me, but she greatly encouraged me giving me sound advice.

She shared with me how she waited on the Lord until she was 32 when God gave her the husband that he had for her. She was not perfect during her wait nor did she always make the best decisions, but she was willing to share a few things with me such as:

She asked me the question have you been prophesied to about your husband or has God spoken to you about your husband? I shared with her yes, and the specific instances where God dealt with me directly, and also how he used others to encourage and prophesy to me concerning my husband.

• She said to stand on that word. She said not to listen to people who say that there has to be something wrong with you to have to wait on the Lord for so long. He does things in his own timing, and according to his will and his will is what you want.
  
• She said when men come along that God shows you are not the one then leave them alone.

What she shared may not seem like that much to some, but it was enough to encourage me to continue on trusting in the Lord and to know that he is faithful to bring his promises to pass because he bought it to pass in her life.

So many times the devil would tempt single Christians to think that there is no one out there for them unless they lower their standards. That is why it is so important to see examples of women who have waited on God and have been blessed.

When Job was under attack by Satan, he was tempted to believe that it is a vain thing to live for God because here Job was living for God, and his family dies, he loses his riches, his body is full of boils and illness. His friends are prophesying to him that he must have done something wrong or sinned against God in some way. Job is tempted to question God, but yet he has no right to question God who is much greater than him, who formed the earth and so forth.

The sum of the matter was that God had bragged on Job knowing that he had given Job all that he needed to overcome any situation. He also knew that Job was a faithful man who truly loved him and whether Job had a lot or a little bit he would still give God all the praise and glory. Even through all of the heartache that Job went through he was still able to be content in that situation.

One night a couple years ago, I was laying in the bed at night and I asked God why did you do this to me? Meaning, why did you call me to be single for so long? God responded back to me because he could trust me with it. During that time, God had put on my heart to read Job and I did.

Just as Job was a man of God who was faithful, yet had other believers, who we’re his friends telling him he did something wrong to be in the condition he was; Similarly, there are other ignorant brothers and sisters in Christ discouraging singles telling them they must have did something wrong such as worshiping the  idea of marriage instead of God, but with many that is not the case at all. God knew that he could trust certain singles to be single for long periods of time to concentrate wholeheartedly on his will and his work and like Job came out double-blessed so will we.

As single Christian women, it is important who we listen to. Are we going to listen to what God is saying about our situation or other people who don’t really understand. It is so very important to have examples of women who have gone before, who have waited on the Lord, been strengthened by God, and overcame all the way to their promise of the godly spouse that God has for them.

If more women we’re transparent, their would be less gullible women believing the lies that ungodly men tell them in order to use and abuse them. They would not believe the lie that says that it is impossible to wait on the Lord and to have a godly relationship. They would not believe the lie of the enemy that says following the standards of God’s word is too high, and in order to get a spouse a woman would have to compromise. Women believe these things because these are the only things they see, and know.

There has to be older women to show them different, women who are not afraid to be transparent. Even if an older woman feels that her contribution is small. That small contribution may be the very thing that saves a young woman’s life.

Recently, I was excited to hear that an older woman who has been an example in my life, after waiting years for a godly husband, and spending her time doing the work of the ministry, has been blessed with a godly gentlemen to whom she has become engaged. I am talking about Pastor Kimberly Ray.

She recently wrote a book called Spiritual intervention, and she has a whole chapter dedicated to singles. She shares important points saying:

“Proverbs 31:25 – Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come. Those are the very attributes the enemy wants to steal from single women.”

I thought about it and said she’s right. Those things that keep us strong are the very things that the enemy wants to steal from us. He wants us to faint in well doing, so that in due season we will not reap because we fainted.

Pastor Kim also shared in her book saying, “For those who desire to marry and are wondering when God will bring them a mate, please know this: God loves you, and He made a man of God for you who will not play games with your emotions. He will honor, love, and respect you. Don’t Settle.”

I am very encouraged by her example and God’s faithfulness in her life. If you would like a copy of her book please visit the following link: http://www.pastorkimberlyray.com/

Last but not least, I came across an article written by Essence magazine regarding a 32 year old woman who waited on the Lord for a spouse, and according to the article, God shared with her that she would meet her husband last year. She met him at a Christian function they talked and emailed for a while then they began to date. After approximately 6 months they we’re engaged. To read the full story visit the following link: http://www.essence.com/2014/04/23/just-engaged-have-faith-love

The examples of the four ladies in this blog: Esther, the woman at the beauty school, Pastor Kimberly Ray, and the couple in Essence magazine are all there by God to build our faith.

I pray that all who read this blog are encouraged, and that God would place godly examples before you to build your faith so that you can walk confidently into his will and plan for your life.

Part II

Continuing from our last blog regarding vices and intimacy with God:

5.) Make up your mind to suffer with God’s people. The Bible says that God will not allow us to be tempted above what we are able to bear, but will with the temptation make a way to escape, but we have to make a choice to do some suffering that may be required. As much as we hate to hear as believers, we are still called to deny ourselves, place our flesh under subjection, to suffer with Christ in order to reign with Christ, and yes suffering is a fruit of the spirit that is necessary because of this unsaved flesh that we walk in everyday.

One evening after a rough night of suffering with this flesh, God reminded me of Hebrews 11:25-27 where it says that Moses, by faith chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.

Thayer’s Greek Lexicon dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to be ill treated in company with or to share persecutions or come into a fellowship of ills.

Strong’s Greek Dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to endure persecution together.

Why is this important? It’s important because when people suffer or deny themselves together, they draw strength from one another until deliverance comes. We have the promise of deliverance from God as believers because his word says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth us out of them all (Psalms 34:19). While we are waiting on deliverance, we can grow strong together. Even though we face temptations and urges we gain strength when we see our brother or our sister standing.

A vice has the ability to cause a person to believe they are something that they are not.

Moses for a long time believed he was an Egyptian, which he was not. When Moses realized that being an Egyptian had been able to meet his needs for a season, but it wasn’t who he was nor what God had for him, he had a choice to make. Would he give in to the temptations of Egypt and allow Egypt to become a vice for him meeting his needs temporarily, yet not being what God has for him or would he walk by faith and see what God had purposed for him since the beginning. We see that Moses made the right choice.

One day he found out that he had been set apart for the Lord at birth with a purpose by God to be used as a deliverer to his people, and he made up in his mind to suffer.

He made up in his mind to suffer with the children of God until deliverance came, and deliverance came in a big and sure way.

I want to encourage everyone dealing with a vice to make up in your mind not to define yourself by that vice. That vice is not you. You are not a glutton, alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict, pre-marital sex or adultery addict. You are called by God with a purpose from birth so others can be delivered and set free. So, make up in your mind to suffer with other believers in Christ until deliverance comes.

Everyone has their own cross to bear. When you find out what your cross is, you have to pick that cross up and start bearing it. It’s not going to be easy, and that’s OK. When it gets hard we have to look at Jesus Christ and how he beared his cross to the point of blood (Hebrews 12:2). I’m sure it was hard for Jesus to be beat, spit on, talked about, and have his flesh ripped through, but no matter what happened he went right back to that cross because he had his mind made up to suffer for our freedom.

6.) Trust in the Lord as you let go of the vice. I would imagine that Moses had to trust God in that choice. At least as an Egyptian, he knew where his needs would come from. He knew he had a roof over his head, the finest clothes, plenty of food, and his choice of nearly any woman as a son of the Pharoah, but he gave it all up. That takes trust and faith to give up what you can see for what you cannot see. When he trusted God, it all turned out well for him. He found a wife, had children, had food raiment, and a new family to enjoy. He completed his purpose in God and was a great example to many generations. All that he knew all of his life as an Egyptian, and thought he needed all of his life, he did not really need at all. When he let go of his vice he found a much more fulfilling life. Don’t be afraid to let go of anything or any relationship that God is telling you to let go of. You can trust God to take care of you and all that you need. He is trustworthy. We can put our trust in God and know that He’s got us.

7.) Lastly, Strengthen your intimacy with God. What did Moses do when he found out that he was not an Egyptian? He strengthened his intimacy with God. Often times, intimacy or close fellowship with God is emphasized more so among women, but Moses was a man who began to have an intimate relationship with God. If you read back in the old testament, it shows how Moses met with God on a regular basis on that mountain. He talked with God all the time, and asked to see more of God. He was a person who had close fellowship with God. (Hint to the brothers. It’s ok to go crazy over God as a man. It’s not feminine nor does it take away from your masculinity, but it is necessary.)

People who do not maintain a close relationship with God get caught up in sin and vices more often than those who do maintain a close relationship with God. That’s why when Moses was up on the mountain after the children of Israel had come out of Egypt into the wilderness the people began to sin and worship idols partaking in all sorts of displeasing things because they should have been up on that mountain worshiping and getting to know God also, but they left it up to the pastor or leader. It’s not just for pastors and leaders to have an intimate relationship with God. It’s for everyone to have an intimate relationship with God.

We have to be careful that we don’t get so busy or so distracted that we prioritize everything else over our intimate relationship with God because it opens the door to so many things that can be avoided. Let’s not ignore the vices that have come into our lives, but deal with them starting with drawing closer to God.

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Part I

Vices are temporary pleasures that people hold on to in order to fill a void. Normally, vices lead to bondage or cause individuals to form unhealthy habits or addictions.

Examples of vices include:

• Gluttony
• Pornography
• Alcoholism
• Unhealthy Relationships
• Drugs
• Masturbation

As Christians we are not exempt from dealing with vices. Often vices are based around legitimate needs that are being fulfilled in an illegitimate manner if we look at our vices through the lens of God’s Word.

For example: It’s OK to eat food because you are hungry and need food to live, but to abuse your body and gorge on food because food has become a vice in your life is not good.

The question is how does a person who realizes that he has become addicted to a vice become free, and stay free?

I will share a few things that I have learned as it relates to dealing with vices.

1.) Deliverance from a vice may happen right away for some people, and it may be a process for others. Whatever the case may be to get free from the vice, you have to be determined to stick it out doing whatever is necessary to be delivered. Until a person gets to the point of being willing to do whatever it takes to be free, they will not be free. It isn’t going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

2.) Depending on how drastic the vice is, it may require drastic measures to be free from it such as fasting and prayer. (Matthew 17:21i) There is a spirit attached to every vice, and sometimes God will lead you to go on a specific fast in order for you to be in a place of preparation for God to come in and break the yoke. (Isaiah 58:6ii)

When you fast you are denying yourself and putting your body back under subjection where it belongs (1 Corinthians 9:27iii). You are also growing your desire for intimacy toward God placing yourself in a position to receive from him. God promises through his word that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled. You have to prepare yourself to desire God and his way of doing things, it doesn’t come naturally to our flesh because our flesh is against God (Romans 8). God will then come in and give you strength. You may need to complete several fasts before you get free. The flesh is a beast, and it doesn’t do you any good to get instantly free from your vice when you haven’t prepared yourself to want to stay free. You have to want closeness with God more than you want that vice, and often fasting and consistent prayer is how you get that.

3.) Feed your Hunger for God: You have already begun feeding your hunger for God through fasting and prayer. As previously stated, the Bible says that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled. (Matthew 5:6) You want to be filled with good things. Things that please God. It is essential to replace negative habits with good habits. There are specific passages of scripture that address what happens to a person who has been delivered from demonic oppression. The sum of the scriptures basically states that when an unclean spirit leaves a man, it goes through dry places seeking rest and finds none. So, it comes back to the same person finding that person void, or empty. It then brings seven more spirits worse than itself and the last state of that man is worse than the first. (Luke 11:24-26)

There are spirits attached to every vice that make it harder for a person to become free from a particular vice. Once a person seeks to become free from a vice, he has to fill himself up on the things of God. Things that build his faith in God and not toward the vice for example, the Word of God, Prayer, Sound teaching, and worship. If a person walks around empty as if they don’t need to get into the Word of God, fellowship with other believers, or prayer, it will be easy for that person to become overtaken with the vice again in a much worse way.

When I am tempted to give into a vice. I remind myself that the reward for walking in holiness and obedience is intimacy or close fellowship with God.

Psalms 15 talks about who gets the privilege of hanging out with the Lord by saying:

“Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart…”(Psalms 15:1-2).

In sum the scripture goes on to say that those who practice walking in holiness and righteousness are those that get to hang out with God. They are the ones that get to see God at work operating and actually notice it because they have learned to be sensitive to the Spirit of God and not to grieve the Spirit of God. Psalms 24:3-5 continues in the same vein:

“Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” Psalms 24:3-5

Finally, Isaiah talks about how sin separates us from God.  But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. (Isaiah 59:2)

4.) Realize that God’s desire is to help you to remain free, but you have to exercise your will toward integrity:

There is a story in Genesis 20 that tells how Abraham lied to a king named Ambimelech about Sarah, his wife, saying that she was his sister. The Bible says that he did so because he was afraid that King Ambimelech would kill him and take his wife as his own due to her being so beautiful.

King Ambimelech, then took Sarah into his house as to make her a concubine, but before Ambimelech could touch Sarah, God gave him a dream. In the dream, God warned King Ambimelech that if he touched Sarah he would be a dead man as well as others connected to him because Sarah is a married woman.

Ambimelech’s response to God in the dream was, “would you slay a righteous nation?” He went on to say how he was deceived by Abraham and Sarah and how he bought Sarah into his home based on the “integrity of his heart and the innocency of his hands.”

God responded to Ambimelech saying, “Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her. (Genesis 20:6, KJV)

As we can see from the above story, God says specifically that he kept the king from sinning. The king’s heart was already toward the Lord to do right. The king did right all he knew, and God made up for what he did not know.

God is always looking out to help us to obey him. He is a good God who understands that we are just men and women (Psalms 103:14iv). God delivered King Ambimelech out of a temptation that he did not even realize he was in. God promises to make a way for us out of temptation. He is on our side and committed to our success to be free from anything that would attempt to interrupt our relationship with him.

There are 3 more important points to share on the topic of vices coming up in part II of this very same blog. Stay tuned for part II very soon!

i But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting. Matthew 17:21 (NIV)

ii Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6 (KJV)

iii But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV)

iv For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalms 103:14 (KJV)

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How do you respond to God’s call to a higher standard and how does that call affect the mate that you choose to have? Can you tell the difference between a good man/woman and a godly man/woman?

The Bible says that many are called, but those that are chosen are few. One of my teachers once said that everyone is called of God, but everyone is not chosen of God because everyone does not answer that call. How do you respond to God’s call to a higher standard and how does that call affect the mate that you choose to have?

It’s crazy the time that we are living in where people treat God’s standards as if they are a thing of the past even some Christians. People see it as more important to fit in and be like everyone else instead of responding properly to the call of God on their lives.

I’ve heard Christians say such things as it relates to being holy and pure in their singleness: Some people just have that gift to live for God in their singleness. However, the person who viewed living in obedient life to God as a single as a gift alone was off in his understanding.

Living obedient to God in singleness or marriage is a choice. It is a choice that starts with denying one’s-self. An appropriate response to God’s command to maintain holiness and purity in singleness as the Word of God admonishes is Romans 12:1:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”Romans 12:1-2 (KJV)

As believer’s our job is not to live for ourselves or to fit in with the world or even other believers who practice disobedience to God. Our job is to respond to the call of God properly on our lives with obedience.

Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. 1 Corinthians 7:23-24

God’s standard and way of doing things is higher than ours. Honestly, I’m so glad that I’ve learned to do things according to God’s standard because things are easier this way. That doesn’t mean it will always be easy obeying God, but it will be easier than going through unnecessary changes to get back to that duh moment of I should have done things God’s way to begin with.

The Bible says that as believers we are a peculiar people, a holy nation set apart to show forth the praises of God who has called us out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9 (KJV).

Don’t be afraid to be peculiar, not to fit in all the time, not to be popular with the people. It is more important to please God and to be popular in the eyes of God than man. I did something that was peculiar for my 28th birthday. First, I met Mary Mary for the first time and told them how much I loved them, I went to a nice restaurant and got my free dinner, but what was peculiar was I went to the Sybaris all by myself.

The Sybaris is normally a romantic getaway for couples. I had gone to a dinner in relation to my job and won a gift certificate to the Sybaris. Originally, I thought to myself should I give this away to a couple or believe God for a husband before this expires, or lastly should I take my single butt and go by myself anyway. I was really stressed at work at the time working 2-3 different positions. I was living with my family and needed some time away from everything just to have some peace and some quiet time with the Lord.

Sidenote: Don’t be afraid as a single to do things on your own or with a person who isn’t a significant other such as a friend or cousin. You don’t know when God will send the right one and you don’t want to set yourself up to be anxious if the wrong one comes along. So, purpose to enjoy your life where you are at now as a single person. I had people to tell me I was awkward and weird for going to the Sybaris without a man, but I went anyway.

I bought my Bible with me, swim-suit, and some relaxing jazz music. There was a bottle of sparkling apple cider waiting on me in the room, a jacuzzi, sauna, electronic massage chair, and a pretty fireplace.

I got there and took lots of pictures, played my jazz music, got a massage, read a book in the jacuzzi, and had some quiet time with the Lord. During my quiet time, God took me to the story of Saul, who was a King in the Bible (1 Samuel 15).

Saul was called to be King of Israel, but Saul was a king who displeased God because Saul’s response to the call of God that was on his life was to be disobedient to God. The Bible says that Saul made the choice to disobey God because he wanted to please the people. He wanted to fit in with the people that God had called him to serve.

God ended up saying that he wish he had never made Saul King. God removed him as king and replaced him with a man who was after his own heart. Saul went from being chosen to being called but not responding properly to the call of God that was on his life.

We have to be careful as believers what people we choose to listen to because if we listen to the wrong ones, we could end up all the way out of our position and calling that God has designated for our lives just like Saul. Saul should have listened to the prophet Samuel, who was ordained to be a voice of wisdom from God in his life. Too often we as humans we go with our nature and popular thinking and refuse the wisdom of God that has been placed in our lives.

How many leaders are out there reading this blog,  who despise what God has called them to in order to fit in? How many people have changed who God called them to be in order to be in a relationship?

How does our response to God’s calling to a higher standard affect the spouse that we decide to choose for ourselves? Can we as believers discern between a good man/woman vs. a godly man/woman? If the relationship that you are pursuing forces you to be something other than what God has called you to be then the relationship is not for you, and if you choose the relationship it will hinder where you are supposed to go.

I recently went out with a good man according to the standards of the world. He told me he was in the process of getting himself together, which is respectable and I applaud that 110%, but I was still able to realize that even though the brother is a good man, he isn’t a man who is ready for a woman like me yet. In the future, possibly he will be ready but that is between him and God. I have made my resolve a long time ago that I cannot change a man, neither will I try.

So, the gentlemen and I we’re out at dinner talking, and the brother said:

“I am looking for a wife who can get with me on not just a physical level, but a mental level. Now, I may get her pregnant before we get married, but my intentions are to marry her. Also, I know about God, I know about Jesus, but that is not my thing. I try to stay away from that because of an experience I had in the past. I’ll go to church though.”

Was the brother a good brother? Yes, he was. He worked a job responsibly. He was a gentlemen who opened doors, walked me to the car afterward, paid for the meal, and did not disrespect me. He was a good dude, but was he a godly dude? I would have to say not yet.

I talked to another gentlemen who grew up in the church. His parents are ministers, but the brother likes to play around pursuing several different women at one time and seeing how far he can go sexually with them. Is he a good dude? Yes, he works a job responsibly, has an education, says a few scriptures here and there, even prays, takes care of his body, opens doors, initiates pursuing a woman, handy around the house and with vehicles and such. Is he a godly dude? Not yet.

The last gentleman even though well entrenched in things pertaining to God has not made the choice nor learned the value in denying himself out of obedience to Christ which is only reasonable. If I chose either gentlemen based on the standard of the world for good men. I would be placing myself in a situation of conflict. There would always be an un-meeting of the minds until finally one party gives in and changes their stance by either lowering my standard or one of the gentlemen coming up to my standard. However, it’s always easier to lower your standard than to come up to someone else’s standard.

If I chose the second gentlemen, I would always be fighting for purity or exclusivity in our marriage. The Bible says the marriage bed is holy and undefiled. That is something that must be guarded. To be pure or undefiled means just that pure, exclusive, one flowing stream of love between the husband and wife who are one. Not multiple streams of love between several different people in a marriage.

A person needs to get that strait before marriage. A person needs to guard his purity between himself and God before marriage, and he will be more likely to attempt to guard the purity between himself and his wife after marriage. Just a good man is not good enough for me. I have to have a godly man. I don’t just want someone who will attend a church, I want someone who is the church. Someone who responds to the standard that God has on his life in an appropriate manner. That is the man who will be chosen for me.

I encourage you to examine yourself and ask yourself, “Are you responding to God’s call on your life properly through obedience and humility allowing God to grow you and mature you in him, or are you hiding who you are as a believer in the efforts of fitting in with the world and those around you?

The sum of the question is that we all have a choice as believers to obey or to disobey? Even if a person who is called runs from his calling he may still be used of God one way or the other. The question is how will he decide to be used of God in a way that honors himself and God or in a way that dishonors himself, yet honors God. God can use our mistakes and hard-headed disobedience to teach others that his way is better. However, this is not the best way to be used of God because it will be harder than standing for God’s way that he called us to in the first place.

20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honor, and some to dishonor. 2 Timothy 2:20

Saul was still used of God but not in the way that God had originally planned. His decisions of self-will and disobedience got him rejected as king, yet those of us who read about him take a lesson from his story and thus God is glorified even in that. However, if Saul had it to do all over again he may have made a different choice.

What choices are you making as a person who has been called of God? Are you making choices based off of God’s word or the opinions of others?

We know that All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16. Also, we know that as believers we are washed and cleansed through the Word of God. (Ephesians 5:26) Lastly, we make our way prosperous and are guaranteed to have good success even in the keeping of the commandments of the Lord through his word. (Joshua 1:8)

So here are some additional scriptures to meditate on: 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Proverbs 5:15-20

I hope the below song encourages you to be provoked to give God your all:

Why women will never get what they want if they follow Beyonce’s example in Partition:

The last blog, I wrote about called, “To Be a Whore or To Be Alone?”, addressed the struggle between single men and women where women feel like they have no other choice but to be a whore or to be alone. The pressure for singles is real and many women struggle with that because they do not want to be alone, while the quality of men that approach them is to disrobe, dishonor, and use them and toss them to the side. The final result of that blog was to trust in the Lord who covers us, and not to compromise our worth as women in order to have a man.

Beyonce’s message in partition is OK for married women adapting to the needs and wants of her spouse within the boundary of marriage. The bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4i), which means that it is holy, and appropriate to let loose within the covenant of marriage, but all the single ladies who interpret the song’s lyrics, “I just want to be the girl you like, the kind of girl you like is right here with me”, as appropriate for them in their singleness are setting themselves up for a high-risk relationship that may not last.

The video of Partition starts out at a table where a man is reading a newspaper ignoring Beyonce’, while she ponders how to get his attention. She begins to disrobe, and the scene is set for her compromise. The man doesn’t pay her attention until she disrobes and becomes what he wants.

What if the many single women and young girls who look up to Beyonce’ took her song and video Partition as a clue to compromise their own worth in order to get a man.

What if women said to themselves: I cannot get a man the right way through waiting on the Lord for someone who is worthy of me. Someone who respects, loves, and wants all of me, and not just my body. So, therefore, I am going to change who I am as a woman of honor, class, and integrity, and lower my standards to just have a man.

There are so many young women out there who interpret their worth to a man based solely on their bodies and that’s it. As women we bring much more to the table than our bodies. Our bodies are the icing on the cake the extra. We should bank on bringing more to the table to form a healthy relationship with a man than just our bodies.

What if women interpreted the partition to be the boundaries that are set in place to protect women: The word of God, accountability, not placing one’s-self in compromising situations as to give way to sin.

There is a scripture that says remove not the old landmark, and enter not into the fields of the fatherless (Proverbs 23:10). A landmark is a boundary or a dividing line. The purpose of the landmark is to protect the ownership of property.

Fathers represent protection, structure, purpose, security, and order which when in proper place, they bring about safety, security, and peace in a home. In other words this scripture is saying not to remove those boundaries that we’re set up of old to protect the structure of the family or whatever needs to be protected. Without the proper boundaries, the result will be chaos, lack of order, and the complete opposite of what fathers are supposed to bring.

This is what we currently see as it pertains to relationships and the structure of the home.

There is chaos in not being able to form healthy relationships with one another, but only relationships where women are being used. Men trained to be sex animals, but not to be men and to take on the responsibility of manhood protecting, covering, godly leaders, and providers.

The chaos doesn’t stop at not being able to form healthy relationships with men. It continues into the rest of the home with disorder, lack of fear for authority, violence, young men growing up wild not knowing how to harness their emotions. Young girls growing up seeking for what she should have gotten in her father in men who use her.

Lastly, instead of children coming into the world with a jump on things financially and stability-wise, they are forced to grow up in homes where poverty is a common theme.

Contrary to popular culture that always seeks to push or remove the boundaries set up to protect us. Boundaries are very important because they show us that there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things and the results will be more favorable when we hold up the boundaries that God has set in place for us. If anyone knows how to protect us it’s God who made us and who knows all things.

What if women began to remove those boundaries and let the men in who are so easily available. Would she be happy in the end? The man would get what he wants, but what about the woman? The woman would in turn become what the man wants and lose her own-self in return. I don’t think that is a fair exchange.

We would do better just simply waiting for someone who is willing to step up to the plate and work together with us to protect us, to hold up the boundaries we’ve set in place, and in turn when the time is right after a foundation has been built on real love, commitment, selflessness, and God’s covenant of marriage can the partition go up and the cabaret show can then begin.

As women, our responsibility is to help the men (Genesis 2:18). Women help men when women hold up a standard to these men. When a woman holds up a standard it forces men to have to make a decision. Either he will fall-off from pursuing her out of respect because he sees her intentions don’t match his or he will become challenged by her standard and come up to her standard. Either way she will have been respected and remains in position to receive God’s best for her.

Men cannot help the fact that they are visually stimulated, but women can help men in dealing with that by carrying ourselves in an attractive, yet appropriate manner not un-classy, and not sexually stimulating unless it is in the privacy of marriage between a husband and wife.

Women have to be careful not to become confused as to what the image of a powerful woman looks like. In the world, when women do not get their way, they find ways to manipulate men mainly with their bodies. However, our power does not come from us being able to control or manipulate men with our bodies. Real-men are attracted to more than a woman’s body.

Real-men are attracted to her mind, her sass or wit, self-respect, confidence, fear for God, willingness to learn, skills, gifts, ability to nurture, and more. If your body is the best asset that you have to offer a man, than don’t be surprised if a man treats you in that manner.

Women in the kingdom of God, when they don’t get their way continue to play the position that God has given them to play. She knows her role well. She knows that her role is to help the man, to be a builder, to build up with her tongue, holding her tongue when she is tempted to speak out of bitterness, or rage.

Instead of holding bitterness in her heart towards men putting them down, she guards her heart and prays for the men that she sees out of position. She doesn’t encourage ungodly behavior in men, but carries herself to demand respect and accepts nothing less. She embraces her sexuality with wisdom and the fear of the Lord holding out until the appropriate time. She knows her purpose and focuses on that instead of wasting time with riotous activity.

If she is married to a husband she doesn’t withhold sex, she continues to submit to her husband which is another discussion. She continues to respect him, not talking down to him in any way. After a while, the man will notice these things and began to change or fall off.

The bible says that a woman who continues to honor her husband has a greater chance at winning her husband over (1 Peter 3:1ii). Basically, this scripture expresses the power of a woman’s influence when she plays the position that God has given her to play.

Single women can take a lesson from 1 Peter 3:1 and continue to maintain the position God has given us by continuing to honor and respect ourselves. When women are in their appropriate position, it forces men to take notice, and either to line up or ship out, and that is what we need as virtuous women of God who are waiting on God.

We need to know who we are and to continue to play our role holding up a standard to help men to hold up their standard of man-hood, to encourage men in that, to crown the one’s who walk out that standard of a man well with honor and respect, and then in God’s plan and order we will get what we want as women.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. – 1 Peter 3:1 (KJV)

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)

Disclaimer: You may want to watch the Partition video by Beyonce’ in order to fully understand the blog, but please be warned it is explicit. If you are a male you will not have your mind on Jesus once the video is over. Watch at your own risk or not.

People always try to encourage me about being single, but I don’t have a problem with being single. I have a problem with the quality of men that have been in my path to choose from. Men who aren’t willing to take on the responsibility of how a real man is to deal with a woman. When a woman is in a position where she is only around men who aren’t willing to take on their responsibility as a man; she is almost always tempted to step outside of her bounds as a lady into something that she is not such as a whore.

Men set the tone for a relationship. Rather it will take place or not, if so, how will the relationship go because men are the head, the leaders.

There are women out there who ask themselves the question should I be a whore or continue to be alone? That is an unspoken pressure that many women do not talk about, but often face. Sadly, it’s easy to find a man who is willing to use and take from a woman, than a man who is willing to cover and go the distance with a woman.

I think about  the story of Tamar and Judah. Tamar was a woman in the Bible under the law that had become a widow at a young age, and her dead husband had not given her any children to be raised up in his name.

Under that law, the brother of the dead husband was to take on that wife to raise up seed in her dead husband’s name. Instead of raising up seed in his dead brother’s name, he had sex with Tamar simply for the pleasure of it only using her. Instead of him taking on his responsibility to raise up seed in his dead brother’s name according to the law back then, he spilled the seed after the sex. God saw it and judged him by killing him (Genesis 38).

Tamar continued on her quest to get what was promised to her as a wife under the law who had loss her husband and asked her father-in-law Judah if he had any additional sons. Judah said yes he had another son, who was too young for a woman, but as soon as he comes to full age, he would give him to her to raise up seed in the name of her dead husband. Tamar waited patiently, and when that son was of full age, he still was not given to her. Judah did not keep his word according to the law.

When Tamar realized that no one would take on the responsibility of a man according to the law, she took it upon herself to disguise herself as a whore. She lowered her worth and became something that she wasn’t in order to get what was rightfully promised her because the men in position were not living up to the then expectation of a man in that culture.

At the end of the story, Judah confessed that Tamar was more righteous than he, and that he should have lived up to what was expected of him.

In that situation, Tamar was up against a wall to get what was rightfully hers. She had waited and waited patiently respecting herself, and did not get what was rightfully hers. She gave into the temptation to become something that she was not. Even though she got what she wanted, which were son’s to continue the name and heritage of her dead husband. She had to face unnecessary scrutiny which almost led to her death. If you read the full story under the old testament she was taken to be burned to death, but her life was spared due to having proof that the one who was about to stone her was the one who had gotten her pregnant.

Thankfully, Tamar’s story turned out in a positive way, but when we play with sin and compromise our worth as women, there is no telling how our end will turn out. There are many women who face the question should I become a whore, or should I continue to wait and remain alone for a long period of time?  The truth is it’s better to wait and allow God to reward us than to take things into our own hands becoming something that we are not because we still will not be happy in the end.

If you remember even with Tamar, God looked out for her and defended her by killing the brother who had only taken advantage of the occasion of his brother passing for sex, and not to raise up seed to that brother as he should have done.

Just like God was there for Tamar and defended Tamar, he will be there for us. He may not kill a dude LOL, but he will definitely take men through certain situations to grow them up and to show them how to treat a woman before he gives him to us.

So, don’t be discouraged and feel like you have to lower your standard from a woman of God to a whore just because you are single, waiting patiently, getting older and only see men who are not willing to take their position of responsibility as the spiritual leader, protector, and covering of us as his wife.

In the show being Maryjane, Maryjane has made a similar decision to lower her standards because the men who have pursued her haven’t been together, but she still isn’t happy. If we lower our God-given standards as women we will not be happy either.

God did not die for us to live a compromised life below his standard for us, but to live a life of more abundance (John 10:10 [i]).  Therefore, we should not take on any position that is below the  royal women that God has made us to be. No matter how hard it gets being a whore, side-chick, Jezebel, or anything similar should not ever be an option.

Despite the temptations that women face, God is able to make a way of escape out of them all,[ii] and he is faithful to blow our minds if we let him.[iii] We are not alone in the struggle to maintain our purity and self-respect while waiting on what we rightfully deserve.

I’ve included some tips below for the single women waiting on the Lord and facing the challenges of being alone or being a whore in order to have someone rather than no one at all:

1. Keep your relationship with God tight. This is number one because it is impossible to live a victorious life without being connected to God. His word says that we live not by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. I’ve been in the crazy places where I honestly felt like I could not go on to live another day, but God spoke a word to me that gave me life, rejuvenation, hope, and courage. If I had not been connected to him. I don’t know how I would have make it this far. So guard your prayer-life. Keep consistency in praying to God, and reading his word. Ask God in prayer what you are to read in his word because his word is deep and it’s life to us. We need it, but we don’t always know how to handle it at least I don’t.
2. Love, Respect, and value yourself. Use your single time to discover and celebrate your gifts, your personality. The things you like, and maybe the things you’ve despised. You have to learn how to love respect, and accept yourself completely. All of you.
3. Treat yourself. Don’t wait around for a man to take you out. Take yourself out. Buy your own box of chocolate or several like I do LOL.
4. Hang out with like-minded girls who have also made a decision to follow Christ. When a guy calls off a date because he has found out that you believe in abstinence until marriage, then your girls should be there to still go out with you and have a good time.  You all will strengthen one another, and plus you all identify with and understand one another because you face the same issues. Learn from one another, sharpen and encourage one another.
5. Keep a godly example of a real-man in your view. This man could be married or single, a relative, friend, or associate. It doesn’t matter. Single women just need to be reminded that godly men do exist in the world. Satan loves to throw out the lie that if a woman is waiting on a godly man she will be waiting forever because godly men do not exist, but that is a lie from the pit of hell. Pray that God would open up your eyes to see the godly men around you to give you hope and boost your confidence in what God has for you.
6. Remain in a circle of godly counsel. The bible says in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14[iv]). I was in a situation where I liked this guy, who did not seem to like me back, and I was a little down about it.  I then called up one of my sisters in Christ and began to tell her how I thought about just getting with the mail-man who I knew was interested in me even though I wasn’t interested in him.  She began to encourage me and give me sound wisdom, and toward the end of the conversation she said she wished she had been so open before she made certain choices, and that would have prevented her from going through certain things.   The point is through wisdom and godly counsel, we are able to make sound, well thought out, and better decisions. Rather just acting and re-acting off of how we feel in the moment. So, don’t ever be afraid to ask counsel of someone who has been successful or has some level of maturity. By being made aware of their wisdom along with what we know we have a better chance at being successful ourselves.
7. Guard your spirit from any distractions: anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, unnecessary noise, burdens, worries, and trust in the Lord.

[i] The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (KJV)

[ii]  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (KJV)

[iii] Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20 (KJV)

[iv] Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)

Despite the fact that many young adults are getting married at older ages, and the benefits that come with that such as a higher level of maturity which would result in a stronger foundation for a healthy relationship. Not to mention, the fact that older adults may be more established financially, emotionally, and socially, and lastly have had some time to experience life and find themselves outside of a family which would bring more value and worth to a family when one is established. Many singles constantly feel the need to defend themselves against the labels placed on them or the categories they are forced into as if their has to be something wrong with them for choosing to be single while waiting on the person God has for them.

Some of the labels forced on singles include:

Desperate/Thirsty:

He or she has been single for a long time; therefore, by this time she must be desperate. The single who wears this label is expected to look at every new man who walks through the door of her church, place of business, family get together, or single’s group as a potential spouse. She is also labeled so desperate at times that married women and women in relationships feel the need to hide their men around her because she may be so thirsty, she’ll do anything including take your man.

An Idolized Image of Marriage and/or Relationships:

Many ask themselves what is the reason for someone else being single, and the conclusion is often drawn that she must be a person who idolizes marriage and relationships, and God is somehow punishing her by keeping her single until she stops idolizing marriage and relationships and starts to idolize God. Often, the spiritual make this assumption as if they can see into the heart of another man or woman.

Ugly

In the analysis of trying to pinpoint why one is single, whether a person is ugly or not tends to be the first one to be checked off of the list. Once, it’s established that the person is not physically ugly, the analysis goes on to the question of whether the individual is ugly in other ways. Does the single individual know how to treat people? Does the individual have an ugly attitude? An assumption could be made that the individual is just plain ugly and that is why he or she is single.

Unable to Cook:

This one is almost exclusively placed on the ladies. She must not be able to cook. If she was able to cook she would be able to get a man.

He/She doesn’t like sex:

She is one of those who practices abstinence, so she must not want to have sex when she gets married. Surely, she has an imbalanced view of sex and God’s purpose for sex.

An independent woman who doesn’t need a man:

She must be one of those independent women who feels she doesn’t need a man.

Not the Marrying Type:

She is probably loose or he must be a player. She doesn’t know how to submit to a man, and he doesn’t know how to be a husband. She must not want to be married. He just isn’t the marrying type.

She is just too deep:

It’s assumed that Ms’. Too Deep has something against dating because she rarely goes out. It isn’t considered that she hasn’t met anyone worthy of her to go out with or that God could be hiding her for his own purpose at this time, it’s just that she is too deep, and picky. She is waiting patiently for Mr. Perfect. She will be waiting forever. She needs to just settle for what she can get, and stop waiting on Mr. Perfect because Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist.

Singles have all of the time in the world:

If anyone can, a single person can. Because they aren’t bogged down with a spouse and kids surely they are available to serve on every auxiliary. It often isn’t considered that singles often do serve in several ministries, but while doing that singles need to also remember to strengthen the relationships God has already placed in their lives such as parents, friends, family, mentors, mentees, grand-parents, themselves, and their relationship with God. Also, married people can share the responsibilities of a household, but a single person carries all of those responsibilities on her own. She has to pay the bills, take the garbage out, clean the house, cook, and have time for other things.

My thoughts on the above labels:

While I would agree that there are singles out there who would fit into each and every label described. The labels above-mentioned do not necessarily fit every single individual. After a while, singles are almost forced to fit into a stereotype of someone else’s experience with a single whether than being respected for who they are individually. Singles should at least be given the respect to get to be known by someone before they are judged by someone to fit into one of the above categories.

Some of those labels are very harsh, inconsiderate, and should never be repeated.

If a single person is down or discouraged at the moment, and seeks out another brother or sister in the Lord for prayer or encouragement, that single individual doesn’t need a list of what’s wrong with them. Maybe, a list of what’s right with them would be better.

Unfortunately, labels placed on singles cause them to feel worse about themselves whether than to feel better resulting in confusion and in-contentment. In-contentment is one of Satan’s biggest weapons to get believers seeking for things that are outside of God’s will. In-contentment breeds distractions that keep believers walking around the wilderness for 40 years looking to get to a promise that they already have coming to them if they would just trust God.

This is why it’s so important as a single to know your own worth, and value. It’s important for you to write your own label, and wear it well because the label that you write should be authentically you with or without approval from others.

I encourage you as a single to write your own label. This is one of the greatest times in your life because as a single person, you’ve got the opportunity to get to know who you are for yourself. So many people find their identity in relationships with others and sometimes that can be good if the other person is trust-worthy and genuinely cares about you, but if the person isn’t you’ll be able to recognize what they are saying about you isn’t correct, which should make you act in an according manner.

The labels that we write should be based on what God says about us. Everyone doesn’t understand the sacrifice that’s related to those who are called to be single for a season. People tend to judge inaccurately what they do not understand. Don’t allow other people’s judgments of you as a single to shift your focus off of what God is calling you to right now.

The world views being single as a negative, but God views singleness as a positive. 1 Corinthians 7 says that being single is a gift that has a purpose. That purpose is to spend our time as singles focusing on the business of God without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:35). That is an honorable calling to focus on God’s business and plan for our lives without distraction. That is also a threat to Satan, and that is why he fights singles so hard.

It’s time to take off the labels placed on us by others, and believe, think, and speak what God says about us.

Below you will find the label that I have written for myself and am still currently writing:

I’m a bad chick in a good way. Any man who is blessed to have me as his wife is truly blessed. I embody the virtuous woman and then some. I am beautiful, appropriate, humble, compassionate, diligent, creative, loving, frugal, wise, respectful, funny, very focused and considerate.

I’m not desperate because I’m the daughter of the King, which means I’m royalty, not just anyone can have me. God’s invested too much in me since a young age for me to cast my pearls before swine. Therefore, I’m patient not anxious for a ring or a man. Instead, I find what’s good to do with my hands, and I do it well. I love to cook, read, dance, and enjoy this gift of life that God’s given me. So, don’t feel sorry for me being single because I’m rocking this label and I’m rocking it well until God decides to change it by blessing me with a man who compliments me.

If you we’re to write your own label what would it say? What are some of the labels you feel have been placed on you as a single?

Setting Boundaries in Dating to Honor God and Maintain Purity:

The first boundary that a person needs to have is to be honest with him or herself about whether it is even your time and/or season to date.
As believers our goal in dating is normally meeting a potential spouse that we can marry and share the rest of our lives with, but it honestly may not be your season for that, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you’re weird or there is something wrong with you. It just means that it isn’t time. The Bible says that there is a time and a season to every purpose under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

The flowers that normally come up in the spring aren’t complaining in the winter time about not being able to bloom during winter; They simply wait until it is their time and when their time comes everything happens just the way that it is supposed to. It will be the same way for the believer who is waiting on the appropriate time to date for marriage.

The bible says that the man who delights in God’s word and such will bring forth his fruit in his season (Psalms 1:1-3). That means that whatever is due to that individual will come to pass as long as he continues in God’s way.

One boundary that is good to have is realizing that if you are struggling with lust, masturbation, fantasy lust, and/or can’t sleep without fantasizing about having sex with someone then you are not in your season to date.
Being in a position where your flesh is clearly not under subjection puts you at risk for a relationship that is led by the physical in dating, and that is not how you get to know someone for the purpose of being a potential life partner.
God may need to put you on the shelf for a little while, get you polished up, and fully delivered before he allows possible potentials to come your way.

A second boundary once you meet someone who you’re interested in is to steer clear of conversation that leads one to think about sex:
I will use myself for an example. I met an interesting gentlemen and we exchanged numbers. We had been talking for maybe a week, and the conversation went from work to his penis to a dream that he had about me ripping his shirt off. There is only one place that type of conversation can go, and that is straight to the bedroom. Of course, that was my sign that I immediately needed to cut off the conversation with this gentlemen and set some clear boundaries with him, that if he is going to talk to me he is going to have to respect me by having only respectable conversation.

The same gentlemen also bought up rubbing my feet a couple of times. Remember, we had only been talking for a week. In a week’s time, I haven’t really had a chance to get to know him, and he’s already leaning toward the physical. That can only form a very strong emotional connection with the individual before I find out if he has the character and integrity to sustain our connection beyond the physical. If the character is lacking, but a physical and emotional connection is there it will only provide momentary gratification until the fizz of the relationship fades out because sex, and emotions can only take a relationship so far.

A third boundary is to eliminate or be very cautious of late night conversation:
The previous story took place at 2a.m. in the morning. I just happened to wake up in the middle of the night, and grab my phone and noticed a text message was recently sent, so I responded. However, that was too much of a temptation for the gentlemen that I was talking to. The mood was set. It was late at night. We we’re both probably texting from our beds all comfortable and what not. It is just an easy scenario for temptation.

As a matter of fact, a brother in the Lord had texted me late one night as I was about to go to bed about 12 a.m. I texted him back. He asked me to call him. I did. After talking in general for a while. He gave in to temptation discusses certain things that men should discuss with men, and finally asking if he could come over to my place the next day. I paused in shock because I viewed this dude as a brother in the Lord. I explained to him that I do not allow guys over to my house to be alone with me unless its a relative or something like that.

A forth boundary is to not allow yourself to be secluded with the person of interest:
This doesn’t mean that you and your love-interest can’t ever be alone. It just means that you will not allow yourself to be placed in compromising situations that would make it easy to have sex outside of marriage such as hanging out at each others homes and you all live alone, or checking into a hotel room together. If there is any other scenario that you feel may cause you to compromise then don’t allow it.

For example, When I was much younger and less wise, I used to work with a gentlemen that I dated at South Suburban College. He and I would close up the tutoring center together on Saturdays, and we’d be the only ones there after closing. Some Saturdays we’d stay late together by ourselves because we kind of liked each other. I remember one Saturday sitting in the dark close to each other listening to Jon B. play on the radio. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him to which I responded no because I wasn’t feeling him like that although he was cool. Had that been Taye Diggs or another gentlemen whom I was attracted to; that scenario could have gone a lot different.

A fifth boundary is to take it slow getting to know one another. If you have decided to initially be friends to get to know one another, then act like friends initially and not boyfriend and girlfriend until later on when an appropriate foundation has been established:
The way that friends react toward one another is a lot different than how boyfriends and girlfriends react toward one another. For example, normally a friend isn’t going to call or text every single day; while a boyfriend/girlfriend would. A friend is not going to offer to rub your feet, rip clothes off, or any of that physical stuff. 

Acting like a couple first before getting to know one another opens the door for an attachment to someone that you are not even sure if they can sustain a healthy relationship. If you find out they are lacking in character and what you need; it will be hard to break away from them, and your heart would endure more pain as a result. Not to mention if sin comes in because of this; your relationship with God will suffer.

Be clear what the motives are for the relationship and if the motive or goal of the relationship isn’t right for both parties then be ready to sever the tie. You don’t want to waste your time trying to make something into what it was never meant to be.

The most important boundary of all is to seek God regarding the individual that you are interested in:
My relationship with God in some ways remind me of a relationship of a husband and a wife. I always check with God through prayer about certain big decisions in my life even some small decisions, which is similar to how a wife may check with her hubby about certain decisions to make sure they agree,  and the cool thing is God usually answers me. I tell all church groups of young people that I speak with to seek God in prayer about an individual they may be interested in.

Recently, I sought the Lord concerning a gentlemen who was pursuing me hard to the point where I had to slow him down because I did not want to move very fast. I kept asking God why is this guy in my life? Expose anything to me that I need to see? Let me know if I would be wasting my time to talk to him?

I had a dream after praying for a couple of nights, and in the dream there was an animal in a dog house with danger signs around it. I came walking along focused and about my business the way I am in real-life, and the animal came out of the dog-house attempting to play with me. The animal was a baby cougar. The baby cougar used his paw to reach out to me playing, and my expression and thought in the dream was this type of animal is not something to play with. This is not appropriate.

In short, the interpretation of what God was showing me is the relationship with the gentlemen was not appropriate, but dangerous.  It is dangerous because the gentlemen is comfortable with being wild and playing with sin. When you get around someone who is OK with walking in lust and sin,  it becomes a risk that you may eventually partake in the same activities if you continue forming a strong fellowship with that individual (1Corithians 15:33). 

This is the same gentlemen that in the beginning continued to test me to see how far I was willing to go with him sexually by sharing with me a dream of me ripping his shirt off, and talking about his penis.

I used to think I was weird for having dreams about the guys that I am interested in until recently in the Single’s Ministry at my church the teacher of the class discussed how God always warned her in dreams about men in her life. She used the scriptures below to provide a biblical basis for God using dreams to communicate to us his people:

In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction. Job 33:15

And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way. Matthew 2:12

It’s important to note with boundaries–they are personal. This means everyone will not have the same boundaries. Also, you may learn further about yourself that you need to adjust your boundaries either increasing or decreasing. Boundaries help you to meet your end goal. Your end-goal is based on your values. Do you want to honor God? Set boundaries that would make it easier to do so.

Do you want to protect your peace? Add boundaries that make it easier to do so.

That’s all I have for now on boundaries. What are some of the boundaries that you set in your dating relationships? And if you are already married, what we’re some of the boundaries that you set when you we’re dating? Please, leave your comments below?

There is a place of intimacy and rest where single believers and all believers alike should get to with God.  That place of rest is a place of trusting in God, not worrying or caring about what other people think about you. For example, why you are single or why you don’t have a man or woman. When a person is at rest; they aren’t worried about what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, they simply rest in the one in whom their trust lies knowing that he will bring to pass everything that has been promised.

Similar to  the child in the picture who rests in her dad’s arms knowing that he’s got her and whatever she isn’t able to do for herself her father is able to go above and beyond. Just like that father has his daughter; God has us singles as well, and we should utilize our time as singles to bond with God resting in him and establishing a close and intimate relationship with him.

Recently, I’ve been meditating on Genesis Chapters 1 and 2 where it talks about how God had a purpose for Adam as he created him. Genesis 2:5 talks about how God created several plants, and vegetation and fountains of water to come up from the ground to water the plants, because there was not yet a man created to do so.

Man, was God’s prize creation, God had created him in his image and his likeness. God had planned out what he was to do before he was created, and Adam was the creature of choice for God to fellowship with. We see Adam and God becoming close as God created man in vs. 7 and 8 and placed man right in the middle of his purpose to take care of the ground.

God was all Adam knew. Adam was God’s creator. Adam did not buck against God and argue with God about what he wanted or what he lacked. To Adam his relationship with God was enough. Fulfilling his purpose in God’s plan was enough. There is a place where we can get to in God where being in fellowship with him is enough and we don’t even realize what we are lacking because it isn’t our season for those specific things that we may lack just yet.

The Bible doesn’t show how much time went between God and Adam before God presented Adam’s wife Eve to him, but it was in God’s plan, and when the appropriate time came that is when God presented Eve to Adam.

During that time we see God begin to prepare Adam. He says it is not good for man to be alone I will make him a helpmeet for him.  (Genesis2:18).

Next, the scripture goes to the below verse:

“And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:19-20)”

I used to wonder why would the Bible say it’s not good for man to be alone; I’ll create a helpmeet for him, and then shift to talking about creating animals, but now that I am older, I believe that was to show Adam what he was preparing to do for him.

The animals when they were bought to Adam to be named; I would imagine we’re in pairs of male and female, so that the animals could be fruitful and multiply after their own kind like God had commanded them to do.

This had to bring up a question in Adam’s mind. Why do all of these animals have a male and female pair someone who looks like them and they can identify with, feel understand, and have companionship, but I don’t have a male and female pair.  At that time it was still just Adam.

However, after God used that experience to show Adam what he was going to do he caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep where he took out the rib and created the compliment to Adam, which was Eve. Adam, then responded with gladness, “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from the man.” Adam had finally gotten his compliment in which it had always been God’s will for him to have, but he had to continue to walk in trust and intimacy with God as God worked on his behalf to bring it to pass. He had to rest in the fact that what God promised he would surely bring to pass.

Adam and Eve continued to have close fellowship with God. Chapter two closes out stating that both Adam and Eve we’re naked, yet they we’re unashamed. I remember a few years back. God dealt with me concerning this scripture that says and they we’re both naked and unashamed.

Naked means uncovered or lacking a covering or something that is needed. Even though they did not have any clothes on; they did not feel any shame because God was covering them. God’s perfection, fullness, and completeness being I am that I am, all that we need causes us to lack nothing in his presence.

The bible also says that in God’s presence is the fullness of joy and at his right hand are treasures forever more. In other words, God has the authority to give you everything that you need and in fact its in his plan, but we have to learn to walk with God to the point where he is enough. Where the things that we lack aren’t even on notice because what we have in our relationship with God is so much more.

God’s word says that he that seeks the Lord shall not want any good thing, and that God knows the plans that he has for us plans to give us a hope and a future. Oftentimes, when it concerns the blessing of a spouse, there are so many voices giving us advice telling us to be open, you may have missed out on your spouse because you don’t talk to just anybody, your standards are too high, you’re not approachable, you are too deep and the list goes on. However, when we rest in that secret place of close intimacy with the Lord like Adam he will begin to prepare us for our spouses by showing us the need that we have for them like he did with Adam. Finally, he will present our spouses to us, and we will not miss a beat.

It’s important that as a single individual that you guard that place of intimacy between you and God. Because it’s in that place of intimacy with God that your faith and trust in God grows for what God has already planned for you in your life. It’s important that you don’t allow other people’s opinion of you, even if the opinion is coming from another believer, to cause you to make decisions outside of God’s will for your life and alter your destiny altogether.

Ultimately, it is unbelief that Satan uses to try to get you out of that place of intimacy with God. That place of intimacy is a place of rest, and a place of trust. It’s a place of assurance and confidence that what God said he will bring to pass. Hebrews 3:18-19 makes it clear that unbelief prevented the children of Israel, who we’re God’s people in the old testament from entering into the land of promise and also into God’s rest. The old testament is our example as new testament believers. Therefore, we see that it is unbelief that keeps us from entering into God’s rest. We also see that their is a rest to the people of God through having faith in God, and that faith is nurtured in a close or intimate relationship with God.

Hopefully, this blog has encouraged someone to grow closer to God, and to put their trust in him who never disappoints.

We have to be careful not to fall into the same trap of unbelief as we wait for the promise of our mate. We have to realize that the closer we get to our mate, the harder it will become for us to believe God for them because Satan will throw everything at us that he has. We will need to continue to hold on to our confidence in the Lord for that season.

Happy New Year’s.  A new year brings new hope along with the feelings of a fresh start, a clean slate. Hopefully, everyone has patched up some things in 2013, so that we all can move forward to what God has for us in 2014. I am overjoyed at how God, the very one who created the world honors my prayers. At the end of 2013, I prayed to God about something that had bothered me that year saying that I did not want to take it into 2014. The very first day of 2014, I was bothered by that thing again, and I guess that was God’s way of letting me know that he was getting ready to deal with it for me at the beginning of the year.

Anywho, an opportunity soon came up for me to share with someone how they we’re offensive to me, and the person responded very well, and I was able to drop that completely right at the beginning of 2014.

What are your focuses for the new year? How can you stay focused? Do you have accountability partners for sins that you struggled with in 2013 that you do not want to struggle with in 2014?

Have you dealt with anger, offenses, bad habits, and lack of discipline in various areas of your life in 2013 that you do not plan to deal with in 2014?

My focus for 2014 came down to three things:

1.) Seeking to please God above myself. Not being selfish, and remembering the dreaded fruit of the spirit long-suffering.  Sometimes, when things get uncomfortable for me as a believer I can become selfish and want relief for myself; instead of seeing what God is trying to do in the situation and if he is trying to use the uncomfortable situation to help me or someone else. I have to be reminded that God said that those that follow after him will have to bare their cross. (Matthew 16:24)

2.) Seeking God’s wisdom first in my dealings with guys: This is pretty easy for me. I’ve always sought God about guys. I think this should maybe be to follow God’s wisdom, and receive what he shows me about the men in my life a lot sooner to avoid emotional damage and being distracted by what isn’t for me.

3.) Matthew 11:12 – And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force. This one is basically doing whatever it takes to maintain my deliverance or freedom in certain areas that I’ve struggled with in 2013. Just because we minister the gospel and receive revelation from God doesn’t mean that we are perfect and automatically walk in deliverance over sin. We have to make a conscious effort to obey God in the mist of the pressures of life, the flesh, and temptation.