What if men are so used to women lowering their standard just to have a man that when they come across a chick who knows who she is and isn’t willing to compromise they are left in awe?

That says so much to me that a man who considers himself a Christian is shocked that a woman who considers herself a Christian is actually holding up the standards Christ set for her.

What if men were not just in awe of women who held up a high standard? What if men were moved to maturity not by a woman compromising booing up with a dude hoping he will change, but a woman who will not entertain any further conversation until a change is made in the right direction. A real change.

We as women have so many complaints about men and a lot of them are warranted. From the Christian brother who acts like the world, women carrying both the weight of a man and a woman, men wanting only sex without the responsibility of commitment, and the controlling man who confuses controlling a woman with his manhood.

However, are we doing all that is in our power to influence them the right way? Not in a way that would compromise our well-being. Are we doing all that we can by teaching our daughters by example to stand so that they will not have to go through the things that some of us have?

Are we buying into the lies pushed on us by media that show a powerful woman as a woman who controls a man with her body or are we practicing self-control in respecting our bodies requiring the same respect from others?

What if God created men with a higher sex drive so they would be inspired to do right by women in order to get some in an appropriate manner meaning marriage?

What if they didn’t get what they want without giving us what we want a godly committed relationship where the man is the head and the woman assists him as a unit of one walking together under God (godly-marriage).

The title of this blog comes from a gentlemen that I talked to for five days and told him we could not talk anymore. He asked why and I shared my reasons which to him he interpreted as a high standard which it was, but I know I am worth it.

I know I am worth having peace of mind with the gentleman that I choose to spend my life with. Women risk a lot in relationships allowing our bodies to be changed to have a man’s babies, giving out emotionally, spiritually, and in other ways.

The least a woman should be able to have is to be able to feel secure. The woman who chooses to dedicate her world to a man should at least get the same respect in return. This security, respect, and peace should not just be communicated in words, but in actions. Until mature actions in men who pursue us are shown, we as women should hold fast to our standards and our standards will protect us if our standard comes from God.

We as women are beautiful and powerful influencers whether we know it or not. Behind many of the important decisions made is a woman influencing things to go either one way or the other. Eve influenced Adam to go against the commandment of God in the Garden of Eden and the world is still paying for that now.

Esther in the old testament influenced a king to spare a whole nation. Pilate’s wife who was warned in a dream by God, warned her husband not to have anything to do with the crucifixion of Jesus Christ; therefore, her husband washed his hands of the matter after seeking to offer the people another man to be crucified instead of Jesus (Matthew 27:19 and vs. 24).

Pilate was in a position where he was in authority, but did not quite know what to do. God had already given him a helper, his wife to provide what he lacked and to point him in the right direction. Unfortunately, all men aren’t in a position to hear God yet, or to even recognize his voice when he speaks. All men do not have the capacity to give us what we feel we earnestly need from them which is love because they have not yet learned those things for themselves yet.

Therefore, instead of compromising ourselves for the affection of the wrong men, how about looking to God as he teaches us how to influence this world for him until he sends the right man. Men will begin to see your light along the way that you may or may not even notice, and may began to change on their own because of your influence.

It is so encouraging that when you look at some of the biggest events that took place in the Bible there was a woman involved some way some how. For example, when God wanted to send a deliver to deliver his children out of Egypt he used Moses’ mother to make a basket and hide her son to preserve his life, when it was time for Solomon to become King God used a woman, Bathsheba to ensure that it happened, when God got ready to save the world he found a woman who was highly regarded by heaven Mary to give birth to the Son of God.

Women have so much power of influence, and it is important that we use that wisely allowing our influence to be yielded to God. If the devil can influence a woman, he can influence nations, leaders, children and many people as a whole. Don’t get caught holding up the wrong standard of influence. Hold up the standard that God has given to us to hold up. Don’t apologize to men who cannot meet that standard. That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. Don’t be afraid to be confident in who God has called you to be. If your confidence comes from God then you should be confident and bold in it. If your confidence comes from temporal things such as how you look alone, I’d suggest grabbing a Bible and getting a prayer closet to spend some time with God. The more time you spend with God, the more he will invest his desires in you and show you who you are in Christ.

If you have not made it to the point where you are confident in Christ’s standard for you, and who he has called you to be, then hang around some other mature, godly, and sound women because the more a person hangs around wise people, the wiser that person becomes (Proverbs 13:20).

Women need to began to hold up a standard and show that we have more to bring to the table than what is between our legs. We should expect more from the man who will hold our attention than pleasing words that only soothe for the moment and in the end hurt our souls. If we want to see positive change, then we have to be the seed that brings about that change.

Being an influence can be as simple as when a man shows you he isn’t right for you in the beginning to let him go instead of waiting down the line for hearts to be broken knowing all along that he isn’t the one God that God has approved for you.

The gentleman that I talked to for five days and then gently cut off has something to now think about before he pursues the next girl. Maybe he will use our experience to work on himself which would be great. Or maybe he will continue to mess around until he is older, but at least I did what I was supposed to do and I did not have to go through a lot of drama in the process.

A  good leader knows that whatever office or task that God has called him to, God will anoint him for. In other words, God gives us the ability to do what he has called us to do. This morning I was listening to my Bible over my cell phone and it read saying:

And one of them, named Caiaphas, being the high priest that same year, said unto them, Ye know nothing at all, Nor consider that it is expedient for us, that one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not. And this spake he not of himself; but being high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus should die for that nation; And not for that nation only, but that also he should gather together in one the children of God that were scattered abroad. John 11:49-52

A little background on the above scriptures. Basically, the religious authorities in that day were in an upheaval over Jesus. Some of the religious leaders felt that Jesus was a blasphemous crazy person who was demon possessed going around telling people that God was his father and such.

However, because the high priest Caiaphas sat in the office of the priest, he had been anointed to speak what the Lord was saying. It wasn’t that he had some special knowledge that no one else knew of, it was just that he was in a position of authority where God could use him and God did use him.

Therefore, when God is calling us to lead we don’t have to be afraid of the what and how we are going to lead. We can trust that God has already put in us everything that we need to do the job and if we are in a place of faith trusting in God, he will use us and it will flow in an easy manner.

Moses is one of our first examples in the Bible of this fact. Moses was a man who God had set apart to be a leader before Moses even had a clue as to what was going on.

Once Moses had his experience with God learning who he was and what he was to do, he began to doubt. He made excuses telling God what he could not do. Of course, God got upset at that because God is God he can make us do anything.

What we may naturally feel that we cannot do, God can give us the grace and ability to show us that we actually can do those things with faith in him.

Of course, Moses did not have God’s word like we did, he was one of the guinea pigs while the book was being written, so in that case God gave Moses his brother Aaron to assist him in speaking.

It’s my own personal thought that if Moses had the faith to trust in God to show him how to speak, he really would have been able to speak for himself without the help of his brother Aaron, but without God’s word like we have it how could he have had the faith.

Moses had some fear in the area of speaking instead of faith. Fear has the ability to cripple a person causing them to ignore or not even try to do the things that God has destined for them to do. I’m sure as Moses’ life and ministry went on with the Lord that his faith grew stronger as he learned that God had him all along.

God’s anointing was with Moses because Moses was the man God set in that office for the job. Again when God calls us for a job, he equips us to handle it so there is no need to fear, but there is much need for faith.

Another great characteristic of a good leader is humility. A humble person is in a place where he or she can hear, be corrected, and speak graciously yet with authority maintaining respect and consistent growth.

A perfect example of this is a leader among the Jews called Nicodemus. He was a Pharisee, yet humble enough to hear Jesus. When he came to Jesus by night, Jesus corrected him making this statement, “Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things? (John 3:10, KJV)

Jesus was explaining to him that he had to be born again and how he would go about becoming born again. He basically said to him, dude, you are a leader in Israel, and you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Because Nicodemus was humble enough to listen, Jesus went on to share some other things with him stating how he had to die because he loved the world so much. After Jesus’ death I’m sure everything became crystal clear for Nicodemus and he grew in faith toward Christ just like Moses.

Later we see that Nicodemus became a follower of Jesus Christ and that he bought Myrrh and spices to anoint Jesus’ body after his death (John 19:39).

In contrast to other leaders in Israel at that time, many of them were not able to hear nor receive revelation of Jesus because of their pride. They were fixed in their own way of thinking and that wrong thinking caused them to seek to kill Jesus and silence his voice.

It is a stunting thing as a leader to be caught up in a spirit of pride. It can stunt growth and cause others not to want to be around. Therefore, the leader is stuck doing everything on his or her own.

What are some of the characteristics you have noticed in good leaders?

And he said, The things which are impossiblewithmen are possible with God. Luke 18:27

Recently, I read two scriptures that greatly encouraged me. The first one comes from Ecclesiastics that says God makes all things beautiful in it’s time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Have you ever been waiting for something to happen and became a bit impatient or even wavered a bit in faith wondering if you heard God correctly on what he promised you?

In those moments, we sometimes just need the reassurance of God’s word again to remind us that he has not forgotten about us. Ecclesiastes 3 talks about how there are specific times to each season in our lives. I’m sure we’ve all heard the scriptures before. There is a time for everything:

“a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. ” Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

The references to timing and seasons are concluded in the verse below:

“What do workers gain from their toil. I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He makes all things beautiful in it’s time (Ecclesiastics 3:9-11). “

Maybe, I am wrong, but I can only glean from this that no matter how much we try to work for some things and assure that they will come to pass on our own accord, sometimes we just have to let go and trust God’s timing to bring everything together in a beautiful manner in the season that he has ordained for us. After all that is how we want things to happen in our season done God’s way. That is the only way that we know things will be blessed. Finally, the other scripture that I read tonight comes from Psalms 125:1 that reads Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. Our faith and trust ought to be so strong and solid in the Lord that just like a mountain cannot be moved, we are not shaken in our faith and trust in God. We should not be shaken by what we see nor what we don’t see. I pray that our faith rests in the Lord and we are encouraged as we trust in him for everything. Everyone doesn’t understand the process that it takes for a flower to shoot up from the ground in it’s season, but no one can deny the beauty of it once it’s season comes. What if that flower represented everything that we believed God for in our lives. Keep on trusting in the Lord.

When we find ourselves in dishonor, we can be assured that the next step is losing that very thing that we dishonored unless we re-evaluate ourselves and get ourselves in order. We see people losing things through dishonor all the time.

Marriages dissolve because either one party or both parties decide to dishonor their covenant. The dishonor and devaluing of women by men that bring the worth of the woman down to only physical, makes it hard to acquire healthy relationships outside of just the physical alone. The dishonoring of men as the head of the household in a marriage causes a lack of stability and often results in loss of some kind. The dishonoring of paying a car note leads to losing the car and so on.

There is a story found in Matthew 25:14-19 that tells the story of three men who were given talents. The first two men who were given talents honored the fact that they had received the talents and faithfully used them to the point of gaining other talents. However, one of the gentlemen hid his talent dishonoring his Lord who had given it to him and he hid it as he forgot about it altogether. When the time to reckon came, those who we’re faithful in honoring the talents they had, received additional talents. While the one who dishonored his Lord had his one talent taken away and he was judged for dishonoring his Lord.

When someone dishonors something they used something for a purpose other than what it was intended to be used for and they bring that person or thing that they are using down to a value that it was not intended.

For example, someone who misuses God’s grace. When we dishonor God through practicing sin we separate ourselves from God (Isaiah 59:2ii). It causes us to lose a level of fellowship with him. It’s like if somebody who curses you out calling you all types of the B-word and such. Naturally, you are not going to be best friends with that person who talks to you in such a demeaning way until some type of reconciliation takes place. If there is no place for reconciliation then a severing will take place.

As a woman of God, I should honor myself as such. When a man pursues me and isn’t honoring me and has no intentions to do so, then he has to be cut short. I met a young man who I recently started to get to know. I saw several red-flags of dishonor in him. Although he was full of God’s word, he did not honor God nor his laws. He repeated how God’s laws are written on our hearts, but his heart ignored that fact as he said that God turned a blind eye toward sin and no longer judged it.

He did not fear, respect, nor honor God, and therefore I knew that he would not honor me. Not only did he not honor God, but he did not honor himself. He said he’d jump to the opportunity of a woman who would be willing to have sex with him despite the lack of the marriage commitment.

So now, we have the dishonoring of God, God’s grace, and commandments, his own body, which is to be used to worship Christ pointing people to God instead of to fornicate, and women in general as opportunities to get some.

God’s word teaches that people who willfully walk in dishonor to his laws will not inherit the things that should come naturally to those in the kingdom of God.

“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)”

God goes on to say elsewhere in his word that those who are lukewarm instead of either hot or cold he will spew out of his mouth, and finally his word says a double-minded man (someone who is trying to worship God and their flesh), will not receive anything from God.

If God does not tolerate a certain level of dishonor, why should we as his kids tolerate it. Therefore, my only resolve was to cut the ties with the gentlemen. After three days of talking, I was invited to take a trip to Vegas or California with the gentlemen, which I refused, and after 5 days I was invited twice to meet up and cuddle with the gentlemen, whom I was only trying to get to know we weren’t in a relationship stage yet at all, and the way that things were going we were not going to be.

I genteelly let the brother know that we cannot talk anymore. That I did not want to compromise my position of who God called me to be. He told me that my standard was too high as I thought to myself, his standard was too low for a man of God. If he had of been in the world however, he would have hit the mark just fine.

The whole point is as men and women of God we need to honor ourselves as men and women of God. When we honor ourselves, we will not allow someone else to come and dishonor who God has called us to be. I honor the fact that I am consecrated to the Lord and that all of my decisions revolve around him because he has set me apart to give him glory.

I honor the Lord. I don’t feel like the gentlemen that God has for me will cause me to compromise, but he will honor his position as a man and protect me instead of putting me in harms way. In addition, he will honor his position as a man of God and lead us closer to God instead of further away from God.

It was right for the gentlemen that I spoke with to lose a chance with me because he did not honor me. As a woman, God would not have me to dishonor myself allowing anyone access to my cookie-jar. I am precious to God, and he has reserved a man of honor for me. Therefore, the cookie-jar remains locked on clank clank mode until that man of honor is revealed.

The best part about honor is it’s a two-way street. When you honor others you receive honor yourself, and when you honor God he will honor you. God’s word says in Psalms 18:25 to the faithful, God will show himself faithful (NIV). In other words, when you choose honor you put yourself in a win win situation.

Sometimes, the devil will try to make it seem as if those who have been taking a stand for God honoring him in their decisions have been doing so in vain, but that is a lie. God will show himself faithful to those who show themselves faithful to him. Honor is a key in life that will take you places that you otherwise would not have been able to go.

In sum, what we honor we retain and grow in those areas, but what we dishonor we lose. If we do not want to lose ourselves we need to honor ourselves, if we do not want to lose close fellowship with God we need to honor our fellowship with God by being obedient to him and we will inherit his promises, if we do not want to lose a chance with a man or woman of interest we ought to honor that man or woman of interest.

For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.

Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money.

After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.

His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.

His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:

And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.

Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. Matthew 25:14-29 (KJV)

But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. Isaiah 59:2

Recently, I went on a trip to Las Vegas and some tried to discourage me from going alluding to the idea that Vegas was not a place for me. It was a place only for those who wanted to get drunk, high, and screw. My response was that it depends on the person.

The Bible makes it clear that when men are tempted, they are drawn away by their own lust and enticement (James 1:14). In short, a person cannot be drawn into temptation by something that they do not want. If I don’t want to get drunk, get high, and screw men who aren’t my husband, then I don’t have to worry about being drawn into that temptation. The desires that are in you determine your temptation and what you will respond to.

With that understanding, we have to examine ourselves under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the word of God. The word of God is our standard for our lives. We have to ask ourselves are we walking in the spirit or in our flesh. The Bible talks about those who walk in the spirit will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. It also says they that belong to Christ have crucified the flesh and the lust thereof (Galatians 5:24).

If currently as a believer, you know that you have not crucified your flesh and the lust that comes naturally to your flesh, then wisdom would say to delay the trip until your flesh is fully submitted to Christ to the point where you don’t desire sin or you may simply decide at that point not to go at all in order to prevent a door from being opened that would cause you to walk in the flesh.

The life of a true believer is not to be in bondage to several different rules or laws needing to be told what to do and not to do, but to get to a place of maturity in Christ where through the word of God, fellowship of the Holy Spirit, and the five-fold ministry, (Apostles, prophets, Pastors, teachers, evangelists, Ephesians 4:11-13[i]), a person would be honest with him or herself to make an appropriate decision where God will be glorified and the flesh will remain in submission to the Word of God.

The conclusion of this blog post is for each person to make an individual and honest examination of where he or she is as it relates to his or her own flesh, to practice wisdom and discernment once that conclusion is drawn, and lastly seek the Lord concerning every decision.

The word of God teaches us to acknowledge God in all of our ways and he will direct our path. When we seek God in prayer about where we go and what we plan to do he will either give us peace or let us know to take another route.

There may be times where God will warn you by placing an unrest in your spirit regarding going somewhere or doing something. Just seek God, and be honest and real regarding all you do. Everything goes back to the foundation of believers which is developing your own personal walk and relationship with Christ through his word, prayer, and the community of sound and mature believers.

What are your desires or the things that grab your attention and draw you in? How is God leading you to deal with those areas?

But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death (James 1:14-15).

[i] “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-13).”

For One, just because you grew up in a rough or unfair situation doesn’t mean you have to make poor choices for yourself and then blame others.
Each person is responsible for his or her own actions. Before I became a Christian, I had in my mind to do something completely different with my life that was contrary to the Word of God and the way of the Lord. What I was going to do with my life was also contrary to my well being and self respect. I remember as a kid blaming the circumstances around me and such, but the truth is we all go through negative and unfair circumstances. We all have imperfect parents and lack certain things that we need and desire, but everyone doesn’t make the same choice. Some people make healthy choices while others make detrimental choices. The reality is the choice is yours. If God gave you enough grace to get through a situation then he must want you to live through it and on past it. The situation was not allowed to destroy you or to take you out, but to make you strong, to show you what you can overcome and help someone else to overcome. So, don’t be selfish and destroy yourself somebody needs you.

Two, never judge God based on how people who say they know him treat you. Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people who don’t always know how to act. We tend to learn about God from other people before we establish our own relationship with God. Sometimes that results in truth and other times it results in questions and skewed perceptions of what is acceptable or unacceptable to God. However, rather than be confused, why not open up your own Bible and seek God in prayer for yourself. In sum, if you want to know about ,God go to the source. At the end of the day we are all imperfect people in need of God’s grace. Try not to put people on a pedal stool but allow them grace and room to make mistakes as you would yourself.

Three, I had to learn to love myself and to realize that I cannot allow a person too much power over me.
I remember as a very young woman having a dialogue with someone I thought I loved, who insulted me because of who I was and how I carried myself. They said things like you are too opinionated, you have too much Jesus in you and insult after insult came diminishing who I was to the point where I began to believe it. I planned on getting some sleeping peels and taking them all, but the Holy Spirit led me to calm down and call one of my friends and I cried on the phone as I told her how tired I was of myself. I just wanted to die. My friend encouraged me and prayed and that’s when the lesson of loving myself before others first stood out to me. I was so busy trying to love someone else and find acceptance among that person, but I had not really learned to love and accept myself which caused me to give him too much power over me to the point of rejecting myself.

What are some of the lessons you have learned in life?

Are Christians erasing the line in the sand that separates the broad path from the strait and narrow path?

Those who read the Bible are familiar with the scripture that says broad is the way that leads to destruction and many there be that travel that path, but strait and narrow is the way that leads to eternal life and few take that path. (Matthew 7:14)

It is not hard to notice that the world has been borrowing religious terminology and using it in their songs. I don’t even have to name names. There are several prominent rappers who have songs referring to church, the devil being a liar, Amen, Jesus piece, and more recently a rap song called Holy Ghost by Young Jeezy and Kendrick Lamar. I believe that to someone who does not read their Bible nor have a solid relationship with God already, it would be hard to tell what is right from what is wrong or what is God from what is simply a religious appearance.

The song, “Holy Ghost”, intros with a sound bite from one of T.D. Jakes’ sermons without his permission. I believe that having T.D. Jakes on the song adds creditability to what the rappers are saying whether it is wrong or right.

That is why I am so proud of T.D. Jakes for taking a stand sharing on his social media sites that he has not given permission for the use of his sermon on the song and he is also taking legal action to remedy the situation. Many Christians would say that he should not sue or that he is only suing for the attention or the money, but I would argue that he is suing to maintain that he is not in agreement with taking the Holy Ghost, who is the third person of the God-head, in vain as something common when the Holy Ghost is God himself.

It is a scary and fearful thing to take the Holy Spirit for granted and to take God’s name in vain. The Bible shares that those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, so it is very important to hold him in high regard (Mark 5:29).

Pastor Jakes had a choice to make. He could have just accepted the notoriety that came along from being on a prominent song, but he chose different. He chose to draw the line.

The question of whether Christians are erasing the line in the sand between what is God’s way or the broad way can also be asked of some of the participants on the popular television show, “Preachers of L.A.” The alluding to or lack of clarity thereof when it comes to sex outside of marriage seems to be a big question-mark on the show.

For example, the defensiveness that came about regarding Bishop Gibson’s questioning Bishop Jones and Loretta’s relationship, and the drama that surrounded the question of shacking up and pregnancy before marriage.

Where there is lack of clarity when dealing with sin, there is always room for compromise. The Bible teaches us to avoid the very appearance of evil. If the number one thing for a minister to do is to please God, then I do not believe their should be room for question when it comes to dealing with sin because someone is going to be misled.

Keeping the lines drawn as believers does not call for perfection. It calls for realness, sincerity, and honesty between one-self’s and God. No one is out to condemn. The Bible already doesn’t condemn us, but gives us an advocate through Christ that we can cover ourselves in. This blog-post is not to condemn, but to bring attention to our intentions and how they are being used to either help someone come closer to God or end up further away from God.

Let’s not take for granted that we are already saved and forget about everyone else. We are called to be living sacrifices. That means that sometimes we have to deny ourselves, what we want, and how we will be benefited for the cause of Christ.

There was a person in the Bible who was pursued for his influence of God’s people. His name was Balaam. The king of Moab named Balak wanted to defeat God’s people Israel.

After seeking God about how to proceed, Balaam still pondered in his heart the compensation that he would receive if he only entertained Balak’s agenda instead of God’s agenda.

Later on in the Bible, it came out that Balaam had counseled Balak to entice Israel to commit fornication because it was only then that Israel could be defeated by other armies (Numbers 31:16). Later, we see the children of Israel committing sin and the judgment of God falling upon them (Numbers 25).

Let’s not be double-minded like Balaam causing a stumbling-block for others to sin through ungodly counsel, but let’s be like Bishop Jakes who has made it clear where he stands.

When I speak to a group of young people and share my testimony, I always incorporate Psalms 18:29-32. When I was 17-18 years old. I used to run a prayer group at the community college that I attended, and sometimes it would just be one, two, or three of us in their praying. Well, I remember one time I was in their praying, and God gave me Psalms 18:29 that says by my God have I run through a troop and by his strength have I leaped over walls. I looked it up and noticed what it meant.

Troops represent war and people or things positioned against you to defeat you, and walls represent obstacles. There are several obstacles set up against young people and people in general to take them away from God, destroy their witness, fellowship with the Lord, and peace of mind in general, but through God David said in Psalms 18 that he has overcome those things. Psalms 18 went on to say as for God his way is perfect. He is a shield and buckler for those that put their trust in him.

This scripture brings us to our first way to avoid pitfalls in our youth and that is through embracing the commandments of the Lord, and trusting in God’s way.
When we trust in God and his perfect way, our path is then made secure. We can hide in God and he will indeed cover us. There is no stumbling or falling at all in the way of the Lord because it is perfect, we only stumble and fall when we get in our flesh because of the weak nature of our flesh.

That is why God’s word tells us to walk in the Spirit and we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal 5:16). It also says for us to abide in Christ and we will bring forth good fruit. When we get into our flesh and start making various mistakes, we need to focus on taking hold of God’s hand of grace and his grace brings us back to that place in God where we need to be. We are secure doing things his way.

The second way to avoid pitfalls as a young person is to humble yourself.
The word of God is clear that pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). Don’t be so quick to think that you know better. Even in your adulthood, humility needs to be practiced. Don’t lean to your own understanding, experiences, and way of thinking.

Always consult God on every matter in prayer. Always be willing to ask an older/wiser person. God will give you discernment whether certain advice is appropriate or not. It’s better to learn certain things through listening and someone else’s example whether than repeating the same mistakes because of hardheadedness.

Make God more important then anything in life.
The Bible says that if you love me you will keep my commandments. When we love someone we consider them and what they mean to us before we make certain decisions. That love for God can keep us out of a lot of trouble. Focus on developing your relationship with God. Learn how to seek him diligently. Learn how to hear his voice and follow him.

Know who you are in Christ.
This is a learning process. You have to understand that you are not like everyone else. You have your own specific calling in life, and that is what you need to stick to. It doesn’t matter if people reject you, do not understand you, or attempt to pressure you into being something that you are not. If you know who you are in Christ, you will stick to that and it will take you places that other people cannot go.

You will be covered from certain things that you see your friends go through because it wasn’t meant for you. I think about the mother of King Lemuel in Proverbs 31. His mother told him not to give his youthful strength and vigor to women or to strong drink because those things destroy kings.

She instilled in him who he was saying that he was a king. He was called to a higher calling. She told him his task was not to drink and to forget the laws of God, but that he would be used to plead the law for the needy and those who are less fortunate than him. Finally, she went on to tell him the type of woman that he should choose which is a virtuous woman.

How do you not know that your calling in Christ will not help many people? How do you not know if someone is watching and waiting for you to embrace who you are so that they can be encouraged and delivered out of their dilemma? Stand firm in who Christ has called you to be.

Began to develop an ear for the truth. Learn how to love wisdom and instruction. Be attentive to it every time you hear it. The Bible talks about how wisdom will guide you and protect you and give you honor and grace through out your life with many days:

“6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. 7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. 9 She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.” 10 Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.” Proverbs 4:6-16 (NIV)

When I first got saved at the age of 12, I did not have anyone to pour directly into my life. My family was not as close together so I did not have a close relationship with grandparents, aunts, or uncles to pour into me. My parents did the best they could, but I learned a lot about the Lord through television and radio. We did not go to church consistently as a young person therefore media about God was my main outlet for learning until I began to read God’s word for myself. I began to develop an ear for the truth listening to the likes of Lisa Bevere, Out of Eden, John Echardt, Angie Ray, and so many others via media. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I started going to church consistently.

I will throw in an extra one in here and that is to keep in community of like-minded believers. When a person hangs around mature people they will become more mature, however the Bible says that the companion of fools will be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20, KJV) .

Due to the lack of maturity and seriousness when it comes to covering our brother or sister’s heart, many have been left wounded, bitter, and angry with their opinion of a gender defined by the many negative experiences that have occurred.

Hence, the sayings: All men are dogs, and other unflattering references to women. King Solomon, in the Bible had a similar generalization:

His words regarding women:

“I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare (Ecclesiastics 7:26).”

King Solomon appears to be bitter and imbalanced in his statement above like many women and men who have been hurt by failed relationships. You remember how you felt when that man or woman dogged you out and then you got on the phone with a sister/brother who went through the same thing. You had your amen corner while you became eaten up with anger, bitterness, and distrust.

You allowed that situation or those situations to shape your outlook of men/women and instead of you healing, the anger began to grow. The good news is a person in that situation does not have to stay there. King Solomon did not stay there. He began to examine himself and realize that women are not all bad. It is just the choice of women that he had chosen to entertain.

King Solomon had 1,000 wives. Of course, he is going to have some grievances with women. Solomon went against the commandment of God and took wives who worshiped other gods. Therefore, what was important to Solomon was not important to them because they had their own gods to please. He had set himself up.

The prevalent selfishness, instant gratification, and unwillingness to work at a healthy relationship nowadays has caused many to set themselves up in relationships that are destined to fell in the beginning and causes a cycle of constant hurt over and over again just with different people. People allow this cycle to take place in their lives over and again simply for the sake of being in a relationship. A period of healing is not an opportunity to get caught up again. It’s an opportunity to reflect and make a better choice next time.

We have to learn to get past the hurt, the bitterness, and negative. God has healing for us and when we are healed we are in a place to receive God’s best. Solomon had gotten to the point where he said out of a thousand women he could not find one upright woman, but out of a thousand men he could at least find one upright man (Ecclesiastics 7:27-28). Again, the imbalance is eluded to because of his situation. He believes there aren’t any upright women, but then one day he comes to the conclusion of what God says and he states that God has made both man and woman upright, but they have sought out their own inventions (Ecclesiastics 7:29).

In other words, God has made both men and women with the capacity to make the right decisions, but they have chosen to search out their own way, and that is why we see the chaos between men and women that we see today.

God wants to heal that anger, bitterness and pain. He wants to give us the hope that is found only in him. What we see today is a direct result of the neglect of God’s way of doing things. It is all too prevalent throughout the scriptures that when God’s people did things God’s way, the results were surpassing in greatness, but when they rebelled and went their own way, chaos and all types of bondage ensued.

The whole conclusion of the matter is this to Fear God and to keep his commandments (Ecclesiastics 12:1). When we put God first in our dealings with the opposite sex and every other area of our life, we cannot help but to prosper. We have to work on getting our minds renewed according to God’s word.

God’s word says that we would prosper and be in health as our soul prospers1. Our soul is our mind, will, emotions, and intellect. As we align those areas of our lives with God’s word, our world will begin to change, and our perception like King Solomon will begin to change as healing and preparation for God’s best ensues.

1Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

I was emailed an article by one of my close friends. My friend’s message read, “This article makes me so mad.” I knew I was in for something then. I read the article at the following link: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge?utm_source=yourtango&utm_medium=mainlink&utm_medium=syndication

The next day,  I noticed the same article in my Facebook news feed on a blog that I enjoy following.  That is when I knew I had to write a response to the article.

The first thing that I noticed wrong with the article is that the author is allowing other people to think for her instead of thinking for herself. It’s OK when you are a child to be controlled in a sense to be guided by the hand into a certain direction. However, when a person grows into maturity that person needs to become solid in his own belief system for himself. That is a part of maturity. If at ten years old, a girl is taught that only girls should save sex for marriage and not boys she isn’t expected to question it, but as an older adult, that same girl should pick up the Bible and read for herself what it says about being sexually pure until marriage. If she would have done that she would have found that the Bible is not bias toward women only teaching for women to be abstinent until marriage, but it also teaches the same for men.

The Bible clearly says:

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2, NIV).

I first found out about waiting until marriage to have sex at approximately 5 years of age myself. I remember my parents had a black board writing down the various things that we should stay away from i.e. oudji boards, pre-marital sex, necromancy and such of which I knew nothing about. At the time my demeanor was whatever I want to go to sleep Lol.

When I became older I opened up the Bible for myself and found that waiting until marriage to have sex wasn’t just something that the preacher said. It was something that God wanted us to do (1 Thessalonians 4:3[i], 1 Corinthians 6:18[ii]).

What the writer is leaving out is the fact that she waited until marriage and was spared from some of the heartache that she could have experienced from giving her body completely away to someone who may not have had good intentions toward her.

Now she is in a safe and secure marriage commitment where her husband honors her, nourishes her, cares for her and seeks for her safety. That is clear from the blog that she wrote. Many people wish they had that, but many are not able to attain that because our culture today has become more sex crazed than love and commitment crazed and that is a great benefit that she has gotten through waiting until marriage.

The reality is when a person chooses to obey God or to fear God, whether they understand why or not that person will be preserved from certain things, and that person will reap certain benefits.

On the contrary, when a person chooses to knowingly disobey God and not to fear God, which means to place what he says above all else that person will have to endure some hard things and the sad thing is sometimes people never escape from those hard things (Isaiah 1:19-20[iii]).

When I first made the choice to wait until marriage to have sex. I did not have a big support system behind me. As a matter of fact, when I was older my dad had my brothers and I watch a special that promoted using a condom if sex was a choice before marriage, and my mom did not know what to tell me. My dad did eventually bring up what he called the 3F club meaning to Find her, Freak her, and to Forget her. At that time, my self-esteem was so low, I did not care about a 3F club. I was more concerned with being wanted by a guy. I wasn’t going to church because I wasn’t raised in the church. What I did have was the fear of the Lord and a personal relationship with God himself. I looked into God’s word for myself and found out what his will was even though I did not understand why, I chose to be obedient.

It wasn’t until I was older, that I noticed the benefits of my decision. I am one of the most focused people that I know. I have learned to find my identity for myself and not based on how guys see me or if they want sex from me. I don’t have to worry about any STDs because I ain’t giving it up, nor do I have to focus on being a single mother because I haven’t made any babies.

The bible tells us that when we allow ourselves to play with sexual immorality that we are doing ourselves a disservice. It clearly states when you practice sexually immorality you sin against yourself. Hence, intense and unnecessary heartbreak, and STDs among other things.

Through depending on other people and their opinions of what God’s word teaches us about sex, the author has left the facts out about what God’s word teaches as it relates to sex and she has done the very same thing that she accuses church people of and that is to teach personal opinion as the Word of God.

God’s word teaches that sex is a good thing. It was actually created by God who created our bodies in such a detailed and thoughtful manner. It is the Bible that says that a man should allow his wife’s breast to satisfy him and to rejoice with the wife of his youth.

“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love..” (Proverbs 5:19, NIV)

It is the Bible that encourages sex to overflow only between the husband and wife not to be shared with anyone else. In other words, sex between a married couple should be like a well that never ends and always satisfies. It should not be shared with anyone else.

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:15-18, NIV)

The bible doesn’t only teach that a woman should get with her husband, but it also teaches that a man should get down with his wife. The both of them should be satisfied in God’s eyes. (1 Corinthians 7:3[iv])

It is ignorant people who make married people feel ashamed to have sex, not God nor the church as a whole. God’s word says that there is nothing dirty or unclean about the marriage bed. (Hebrews 13:4[v]) The author should have been having sex to enjoy her husband all along.

The woman who wrote this article sounds very imbalanced and somewhat bitter toward those who probably had her best interest at heart. So what! They may not have communicated it in the best way. That is why as an adult you study God’s word for yourself. I’m sure the woman who authored this article isn’t perfect either.

Instead of being bitter and angry toward those who attempted to teach her she, should be thankful that an interest was taken in her and that she has a healthy marriage at this point. The dissatisfaction and confusion the author experienced cannot be blamed on the fact that she waited to have sex, but the confusion and lack of understanding that she endured.

Another important point about the article is when the author makes a statement diminishing the judgment of God toward the sins of pre-marital sex and adultery implying that one cannot go to hell for such things. The author has no authority to speak on whether a person will go to hell for such things or not because she is not God and doesn’t have the authority to judge.

God has the authority to judge and his judgments are clearly written in his word. I would not dare take a chance on what she says versus what God says.

On the questions for how far is too far to go while dating, when a person develops a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit will lead and guide us into all truth. A believer does not have to ask when she is dating if a man should touch her breast among other things. She would have a relationship with the Spirit of the Lord who will lead her.

Other people should not be blamed for a failed responsibility to learn and grow in God for one’s-self. The flesh is written all over this article and it can be taken as very offensive. My last thoughts for anyone facing a similar situation is to learn, grow, and to mature in Christ.

The one thing that I can agree with the author on is that it is a personal decision whether to obey God’s word in waiting until marriage or not, and God even though he is God, does not force us to obey him. He gives us a choice, but with that choice comes either benefits or consequences, and whatever choice we make we have to be willing to live with them.

[i] It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; (1 Thessalonians 4:3, KJV)

[ii] Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)

[iii] If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land: 20 but if you resist and rebel,
   you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. ( Isaiah 1:19-20, NIV)

[iv]  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3, NIV)

[v] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, KJV)