Due to the lack of maturity and seriousness when it comes to covering our brother or sister’s heart, many have been left wounded, bitter, and angry with their opinion of a gender defined by the many negative experiences that have occurred.

Hence, the sayings: All men are dogs, and other unflattering references to women. King Solomon, in the Bible had a similar generalization:

His words regarding women:

“I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare (Ecclesiastics 7:26).”

King Solomon appears to be bitter and imbalanced in his statement above like many women and men who have been hurt by failed relationships. You remember how you felt when that man or woman dogged you out and then you got on the phone with a sister/brother who went through the same thing. You had your amen corner while you became eaten up with anger, bitterness, and distrust.

You allowed that situation or those situations to shape your outlook of men/women and instead of you healing, the anger began to grow. The good news is a person in that situation does not have to stay there. King Solomon did not stay there. He began to examine himself and realize that women are not all bad. It is just the choice of women that he had chosen to entertain.

King Solomon had 1,000 wives. Of course, he is going to have some grievances with women. Solomon went against the commandment of God and took wives who worshiped other gods. Therefore, what was important to Solomon was not important to them because they had their own gods to please. He had set himself up.

The prevalent selfishness, instant gratification, and unwillingness to work at a healthy relationship nowadays has caused many to set themselves up in relationships that are destined to fell in the beginning and causes a cycle of constant hurt over and over again just with different people. People allow this cycle to take place in their lives over and again simply for the sake of being in a relationship. A period of healing is not an opportunity to get caught up again. It’s an opportunity to reflect and make a better choice next time.

We have to learn to get past the hurt, the bitterness, and negative. God has healing for us and when we are healed we are in a place to receive God’s best. Solomon had gotten to the point where he said out of a thousand women he could not find one upright woman, but out of a thousand men he could at least find one upright man (Ecclesiastics 7:27-28). Again, the imbalance is eluded to because of his situation. He believes there aren’t any upright women, but then one day he comes to the conclusion of what God says and he states that God has made both man and woman upright, but they have sought out their own inventions (Ecclesiastics 7:29).

In other words, God has made both men and women with the capacity to make the right decisions, but they have chosen to search out their own way, and that is why we see the chaos between men and women that we see today.

God wants to heal that anger, bitterness and pain. He wants to give us the hope that is found only in him. What we see today is a direct result of the neglect of God’s way of doing things. It is all too prevalent throughout the scriptures that when God’s people did things God’s way, the results were surpassing in greatness, but when they rebelled and went their own way, chaos and all types of bondage ensued.

The whole conclusion of the matter is this to Fear God and to keep his commandments (Ecclesiastics 12:1). When we put God first in our dealings with the opposite sex and every other area of our life, we cannot help but to prosper. We have to work on getting our minds renewed according to God’s word.

God’s word says that we would prosper and be in health as our soul prospers1. Our soul is our mind, will, emotions, and intellect. As we align those areas of our lives with God’s word, our world will begin to change, and our perception like King Solomon will begin to change as healing and preparation for God’s best ensues.

1Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

I was emailed an article by one of my close friends. My friend’s message read, “This article makes me so mad.” I knew I was in for something then. I read the article at the following link: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge?utm_source=yourtango&utm_medium=mainlink&utm_medium=syndication

The next day,  I noticed the same article in my Facebook news feed on a blog that I enjoy following.  That is when I knew I had to write a response to the article.

The first thing that I noticed wrong with the article is that the author is allowing other people to think for her instead of thinking for herself. It’s OK when you are a child to be controlled in a sense to be guided by the hand into a certain direction. However, when a person grows into maturity that person needs to become solid in his own belief system for himself. That is a part of maturity. If at ten years old, a girl is taught that only girls should save sex for marriage and not boys she isn’t expected to question it, but as an older adult, that same girl should pick up the Bible and read for herself what it says about being sexually pure until marriage. If she would have done that she would have found that the Bible is not bias toward women only teaching for women to be abstinent until marriage, but it also teaches the same for men.

The Bible clearly says:

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2, NIV).

I first found out about waiting until marriage to have sex at approximately 5 years of age myself. I remember my parents had a black board writing down the various things that we should stay away from i.e. oudji boards, pre-marital sex, necromancy and such of which I knew nothing about. At the time my demeanor was whatever I want to go to sleep Lol.

When I became older I opened up the Bible for myself and found that waiting until marriage to have sex wasn’t just something that the preacher said. It was something that God wanted us to do (1 Thessalonians 4:3[i], 1 Corinthians 6:18[ii]).

What the writer is leaving out is the fact that she waited until marriage and was spared from some of the heartache that she could have experienced from giving her body completely away to someone who may not have had good intentions toward her.

Now she is in a safe and secure marriage commitment where her husband honors her, nourishes her, cares for her and seeks for her safety. That is clear from the blog that she wrote. Many people wish they had that, but many are not able to attain that because our culture today has become more sex crazed than love and commitment crazed and that is a great benefit that she has gotten through waiting until marriage.

The reality is when a person chooses to obey God or to fear God, whether they understand why or not that person will be preserved from certain things, and that person will reap certain benefits.

On the contrary, when a person chooses to knowingly disobey God and not to fear God, which means to place what he says above all else that person will have to endure some hard things and the sad thing is sometimes people never escape from those hard things (Isaiah 1:19-20[iii]).

When I first made the choice to wait until marriage to have sex. I did not have a big support system behind me. As a matter of fact, when I was older my dad had my brothers and I watch a special that promoted using a condom if sex was a choice before marriage, and my mom did not know what to tell me. My dad did eventually bring up what he called the 3F club meaning to Find her, Freak her, and to Forget her. At that time, my self-esteem was so low, I did not care about a 3F club. I was more concerned with being wanted by a guy. I wasn’t going to church because I wasn’t raised in the church. What I did have was the fear of the Lord and a personal relationship with God himself. I looked into God’s word for myself and found out what his will was even though I did not understand why, I chose to be obedient.

It wasn’t until I was older, that I noticed the benefits of my decision. I am one of the most focused people that I know. I have learned to find my identity for myself and not based on how guys see me or if they want sex from me. I don’t have to worry about any STDs because I ain’t giving it up, nor do I have to focus on being a single mother because I haven’t made any babies.

The bible tells us that when we allow ourselves to play with sexual immorality that we are doing ourselves a disservice. It clearly states when you practice sexually immorality you sin against yourself. Hence, intense and unnecessary heartbreak, and STDs among other things.

Through depending on other people and their opinions of what God’s word teaches us about sex, the author has left the facts out about what God’s word teaches as it relates to sex and she has done the very same thing that she accuses church people of and that is to teach personal opinion as the Word of God.

God’s word teaches that sex is a good thing. It was actually created by God who created our bodies in such a detailed and thoughtful manner. It is the Bible that says that a man should allow his wife’s breast to satisfy him and to rejoice with the wife of his youth.

“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love..” (Proverbs 5:19, NIV)

It is the Bible that encourages sex to overflow only between the husband and wife not to be shared with anyone else. In other words, sex between a married couple should be like a well that never ends and always satisfies. It should not be shared with anyone else.

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:15-18, NIV)

The bible doesn’t only teach that a woman should get with her husband, but it also teaches that a man should get down with his wife. The both of them should be satisfied in God’s eyes. (1 Corinthians 7:3[iv])

It is ignorant people who make married people feel ashamed to have sex, not God nor the church as a whole. God’s word says that there is nothing dirty or unclean about the marriage bed. (Hebrews 13:4[v]) The author should have been having sex to enjoy her husband all along.

The woman who wrote this article sounds very imbalanced and somewhat bitter toward those who probably had her best interest at heart. So what! They may not have communicated it in the best way. That is why as an adult you study God’s word for yourself. I’m sure the woman who authored this article isn’t perfect either.

Instead of being bitter and angry toward those who attempted to teach her she, should be thankful that an interest was taken in her and that she has a healthy marriage at this point. The dissatisfaction and confusion the author experienced cannot be blamed on the fact that she waited to have sex, but the confusion and lack of understanding that she endured.

Another important point about the article is when the author makes a statement diminishing the judgment of God toward the sins of pre-marital sex and adultery implying that one cannot go to hell for such things. The author has no authority to speak on whether a person will go to hell for such things or not because she is not God and doesn’t have the authority to judge.

God has the authority to judge and his judgments are clearly written in his word. I would not dare take a chance on what she says versus what God says.

On the questions for how far is too far to go while dating, when a person develops a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit will lead and guide us into all truth. A believer does not have to ask when she is dating if a man should touch her breast among other things. She would have a relationship with the Spirit of the Lord who will lead her.

Other people should not be blamed for a failed responsibility to learn and grow in God for one’s-self. The flesh is written all over this article and it can be taken as very offensive. My last thoughts for anyone facing a similar situation is to learn, grow, and to mature in Christ.

The one thing that I can agree with the author on is that it is a personal decision whether to obey God’s word in waiting until marriage or not, and God even though he is God, does not force us to obey him. He gives us a choice, but with that choice comes either benefits or consequences, and whatever choice we make we have to be willing to live with them.

[i] It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; (1 Thessalonians 4:3, KJV)

[ii] Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)

[iii] If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land: 20 but if you resist and rebel,
   you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. ( Isaiah 1:19-20, NIV)

[iv]  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3, NIV)

[v] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, KJV)

Fasting and prayer is one of the most important parts of a believer’s life, but it often is not talked about or emphasized. There are so many benefits that come with fasting and prayer that are both natural and spiritual (see 5 reasons to fast and pray). Some of those benefits include clearer skin, cleansing of the body from toxins and unnecessary waste, healing, a clarity of thought, weight-loss, and a closer walk with the Lord. Although I am not an expert, I will share some tips that I have learned during the course of fasting through the years.

Don’t try to fast like someone else.
Fast like God gives you the grace to fast. The Bible talks about how every man has been given a level of grace (Romans 12:6). Many people want a pattern when they fast and therefore they look up Daniel’s fast or they try to fast like the Pastor when that may not be your calling. Fasting is personal between you and God. It’s not to impress other people, and other people should not lord over you their ability to fast forcing you to fast like them.

As long as you walk in the Spirit acknowledging God about your fast there is no condemnation to you (Romans 8:1.) You should never feel condemned for not being able to fast like someone else.

It is common to become under spiritual attack when you decide to fast. Jesus was attacked by Satan on his fast being led into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil (Matthew 4:1-11).

Daniel was attacked on his fast with not getting an answer right away (Daniel 10:11-13), and we will be attacked as well. Some of the strangest thoughts come to my mind during a fast, but you have to press pass the attack and continue to set yourself apart to seek the Lord and deny your flesh.

Ask God for wisdom on how to fast.
It is amazing how much easier everything in life becomes when we acknowledge God concerning those things. Proverbs 3:5-6 says for us not to lean to our own understanding, but it tells us to acknowledge God in all of our ways and he will direct our path. It is not uncommon for people to only acknowledge God in certain segments of their lives while leaving many important segments up to their own discretion.

The danger in not humbling yourself enough to seek God in certain areas is leaving those areas to be handled on our own accord in our own strength without God’s grace. The Bible clearly says that he resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1Peter 5:5). It is a proud thing not to acknowledge God. It is equivalent to saying I got this Lord, I don’t need you for this.

That is why many people fell in not only fasting, but in various areas of their lives. Finally, I want to share Jeremiah 33:3 which says “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

We should have an expectation when we approach God and ask him for wisdom knowing that he will answer us. Also read James 1:5[i].

Ask other trusted people who have successfully fasted for tips.
Other people can be a wealth of information and aid in helping you during your fast. This is a good way for new people to get started as well as children under the supervision of an older trusted adult.

Don’t fast like the hypocrites.
“Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward (Matthew 6:16).” Fasting to show off or to appear deep is just like the equivalent of not fasting at all. God is not pleased with that neither will he honor that sort of fast.

Fast with someone.
A person can go on a corporate fast fasting with churches or friends. This is a way to make it fun and to provide some support for strength as you complete your fast.

Make a list or journal what you are fasting for or what your prayer focus will be. Also ask God for the spirit of consecration which means to set yourself apart for him.

Below are some general types of fasts:

3-Day liquid fast: A person normally drinks water, or some sort of juice that will not bloat them. I had to learn that I could not drink a lot of apple juice on a fast because my stomach at one time had become so bloated, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Fresh tea can be brewed as a liquid and fresh fruit can be juiced instead of store bought juice to eliminate unnecessary sugars while fasting. A friend of mine gave me the tip about brewing my own tea, and juicing my own fruit because I would buy bottled green tea, vitamin water, or V8 juice and drink those along with water.

7 – Day Liquid Fast: See Above

Fruit, Veggies, and whole grain for 21- days: This is one of my favorites. The last time I did this fast I found a recipe for avocado salad and had that with beans, and cornbread. That’s what I mean by prepare a meal. I have several ideas for meals for this type of fast. pre-planning what you will eat and or drink keeps you faithful to your fast.

1 – Day liquid fast: See Above.

Really a person can do various variations of fasts. At my old church when a fruit and veggie fast was done fish would be eaten on the weekend. Just stick with whatever the plan was in the beginning. A person should know their own bodies and what they can handle. It may be necessary for some people on certain medications to check with their doctors regarding fasting.

Pray, pray, and then pray some more. Listen to the word of God or godly preaching in your car on the way to work. Read your Bible. Limit or eliminate watching television, social media, talking on the phone in order to focus in on God.

I hope these tips helped anyone wanting to learn a little more about fasting. What are some of your tips for fasting and prayer? Do you have any meal plans or suggestions for fasting? What has been your experience in attempting to fast and pray?

[i] If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

For discipline:
Discipline is extremely important in the life of believers. Sometimes the value of discipline can be lost because many Christians focus on the fact that Jesus Christ brings liberty to believers not to be under laws and rules that bring about no profit. However, just because we are not in bondage to certain laws does not mean that we should forsake all discipline and boundaries that keep us from flirting with sin. Some boundaries are necessary in order for us not to be mastered or overcome by sin or any unhealthy habit through taking our freedom in Christ for granted.

Apostle Paul makes this statement in 1 Corinthians 6:12 which I will include several versions for emphasis on what he is saying:

“I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything, but I will not be mastered by anything.” (NIV)

I am allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for me. And even though , I am allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything. (NLT)

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything.” (ESV)

Apostle Paul understood that even though we are free in Christ from various laws, discipline and the practice of obedience is still necessary. He mentions this in a similar passage found in Romans 6:12

“Let not Sin therefore reign as king in your mortal bodies, causing you to be in subjection to their cravings.” (New Testament in Modern Speech, Weymouth)

In short, the practice of discipline, prevents us from being in bondage to things. Some of those things may even be good things that can turn into bad things for us if we allow ourselves to be controlled by it.

For Balance :
Balance is similar to discipline. Balance becomes the result of practicing discipline. It’s so easy to get off in our balance concerning several areas of our lives including eating the wrong foods, not exercising our bodies, not reading our bibles, becoming too busy to pray as we should, or wrong-thinking. These types of imbalances can cause serious harm to our lives spiritually, physically, and emotionally in the future.

Imbalance doesn’t always seem dangerous immediately. It is often pleasurable to eat anything you want, not work out when you don’t want to, watch TV or go hang out instead of read your Bible and pray, but that is a very unhealthy way to live all of the time, and it’s often a sign that fasting and prayer is necessary.

When you fast and pray it forces you to have to make time to read your bible and to pray because you can’t do everything like you used to when you weren’t fasting because you are denying yourself to get close to the Lord. After the fast, you should have trained yourself to become more balanced as well as increased your desire to read the Word and pray, and finally have a healthier eating life which will benefit you in the present as well as in the future.

For Focus:
It is so easy to forget God especially in America where pleasures and instant gratification often takes priority in addition to the busyness of life such as working, volunteering, going to church paying bills, and socializing.

The Bible warns of a falling away in the last days (1 Timothy 4:1). It also says that in the last days people will be lovers of pleasure more than they are lovers of God. It goes on to talk about those having their conscience seared with a hot iron, which means to become callous to the point of just going through the motions until you do not care anymore.

These scriptures are directed at Christians or believers warning us not to fall away or to become hardened toward the things of God or the truth. We have to pray for God to give us a clean heart and to renew the right spirit in us. We have to cry out to God for humility causing us to seek him and to acknowledge and obey him in all of our ways.

One of the ways that we do not allow ourselves to be overcome with these types of distractions is to renew our minds according to God’s word. When we fast and pray we should be meditating on God’s word allowing ourselves to be cleansed by the word and re-directed from all of the distractions that come with life back to the heart and the mind of God.

Romans 8:7-8 talks about how the carnal mine is against God and those that walk according to the carnal mind cannot please God. We walk in the spirit through meditating upon God’s word. We are cleansed through God’s word (John 17:17). When we fast and pray and read God’s word, we shift our focus back unto the things of God instead of the normal circumstances of life.

We have to make a deliberate effort to remember the Lord and to focus in on him and what he did for us. Hence the need or the focus of taking communion to remember the Lord (1 Corithians 11:24.)

Because God Said So :
Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke (Isaiah 58:6)? God will call a fast forseeing things that we do not see as he did in the above scripture. I had this happen to me one time. I had planned to go out of town with my University when I was in college and a very attractive gentlemen would be sitting right next to me on the bus that we would leave on as well as rooming right new to me in the hotel. God already knowing my type, knew it would be a distraction so he prepared me by telling me to go on a fast. I did not know why I was fasting, but I just obeyed God. After everything took place on that trip and the temptation that ensued. I realized why God had put me on that fast. He wanted me to hear his voice clearly through the temptation in order to be strong enough to make the right decision.

To hear from God or Receive Instruction From God:
As shown in the previous example, fasting makes it easier to hear the voice of the Lord and/or to receive his check in your spirit. Fasting is very necessary to every believer today.

Stay Tuned for tips on fasting in my next blog.

An inheritance is a birthright, something promised to an individual for simply being born. Just like there is a natural inheritance through birth; there is also a spiritual inheritance through Christ communicated to us as believers through God’s word.

Jacob and Esau we’re sons of Abraham. Abraham was a man rich and favored of God because of his faith. Esau was the heir through birthright to inherit the blessings from his father as the first-born. However, because Esau became faint, he allowed himself to be deceived out of his birthright.

And the story goes as such:

“29And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:30 And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom. 31 And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. 32 And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? 33 And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright (Genesis 25:29-34, KJV).”

To be faint means to be exhausted or weary. Too many singles have become exhausted and weary in waiting on the Lord doing everything in their power to live a life pleasing and productive unto the Lord, yet have become weary for not having their inheritance or promises from God come to pass yet.

However, that place of fainting can be a very monumental place. It’s in those places of fainting, and discouragement that Satan comes to cause us to despise what we already have in Christ, to lose faith on what we will have in the right time and season, and to give up on our inheritance in Christ altogether like Esau.

The Bible says in Galatians 6:9 not to faint in well-doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. Esau had fainted to the point of saying to himself that he was at the point of death. He didn’t think to himself that he was the grandson of Abraham, the very rich man who had a covenant promise from God. The man to which when he died gave all that he had to his son of birthright Issac (Genesis 25:5). Esau was actually next in line to receive the blessing and the inheritance of the first-born.

In that moment of fainting or weariness, it seems like a legitimate thing to despise what he has already through birthright for what he felt he needed, but when you really look at it, it doesn’t add up. With his family being rich and by being connected to his father as a blood-heir he could have eaten anything he wanted. There is nothing that his father would have held back from him.

Similarly, there is nothing that God our heavenly father will hold back from those of us who live out our lives for him. The Bible says that those that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.i It says no good thing will I with-hold from those who walk upright before me. ii We are God’s children. God owns everything and has the power to do anything, but it will happen in his time and season.

If we like Esau walk in our flesh and begin to despise what we have in Christ and began to sow to the flesh, then we will like Esau reap fleshly things frustration, regret, having to deal with the consequences of our decision.

“For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.” Hebrews 12:17

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:7-9

If we decide to place our value on the things that God values like Jacob, and sow to the things of the Spirit, then we will reap spiritual things all the way to our inheritance in Christ whatever our inheritance in Christ may be.

iThe lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. Psalms 34:10 (NIV)

iiFor the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. Psalms 84:11 (KJV)

God is very well able to exceed our expectations. His word says he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). When we doubt God; we insult God and his ability to go beyond what we could ever want or need in our lives. God is not a genie, but he is the God who is able to exceed our expectations and he is faithful to his word.

I recently learned a thing or two about God. I had a situation where I needed a really good dependable car. I went from dealership to dealership looking for something cute and good-running, but did not really know what I wanted nor what I needed.

I was pressured by salesmen to settle for an expensive car that I wasn’t sure I wanted. If I would have purchased,  I would have been taking a chance on a car that may or may not last with a note that I would be enslaved to with a price far above my price range, and possibly end up in the same position again of needing a car.

So, I decided to wait. I decided to get my transmission fixed on my old car and make other necessary repairs until I found something that fit what I wanted. What I thought I wanted was a newer Chevy Malibu so I would always search online for those cars in my local area.

I had found a Chevy Malibu with a moon-roof and automatic windows  online several months later. I felt it was OK so I did not pursue it heavily. I went to that same dealership with the Malibu. The car of my dreams was waiting on me when I got there. The car that I purchased was a spitting image of the Chevy Cruze, which is a car that I really love how it looks but was outside of the budget that I wanted to spend.

God in his providence and exceeding favor knew that I liked that style of car. He had the dealer purchase a similar looking car from up north and drive it into the dealership the day that I had planned to be there. The car was so new it had not been entered into the internet database yet so other car shoppers could not view it. Why? Because that is the car that God had set aside for me. The price of the car was unbelievable. It actually fit my budget giving me the wiggle room to pay extra on it each month to pay the car off early.

That whole situation ministered to me greatly. It ministered the point that not only is God able to meet our needs, but he is able to exceed just meeting our needs. I wanted a good-running dependable car with a sun-roof and automatic windows. I got a good-running, dependable, great looking car that I really love with my sun-roof and automatic windows. The car is so me. It fits me very well. People always tell me it looks newer than it actually is which it does.

What did I learn from this whole experience? I learned to know what you want, and for the stuff you don’t know trust God and he will give you that and more.

I learned not to settle for the first deal that comes along because the first deal that comes along may not be what God has for me. I learned to wait for the right deal, and that the right deal will certainly be worth the wait like the scripture says, “the blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow with it. (Proverbs 10:22)”

Finally, I learned that the right deal which is the one that God has to offer will exceed my expectations. So, be encouraged in this single journey and know that God already has what’s for you ordered up with extra trimmings it’s only a matter of time. He is the God who exceeds our expectations.

Just like God blessed me with the car that mirrors the Chevy Cruze without the Chevy Cruze price. I know that he is able to bless me with my husband in the same way greatly exceeding my expectations showing me that I should never entertain settling.

I Got Rid of My Vices Now What?

Hebrews 13:5 simply says let your conversation be without covetousness and be content with such things as ye have for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.

God wants us to know that he is enough. I’ve been meditating on the above scripture re-acclimating myself with what it means to be content. To be content in the Thayer Definition dictionary means:

1. A perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed.

2. Sufficiency of the necessities of life.

3. A mind contented with it’s lot.

4. To be possessed of unfailing strength.

5. To be strong, to suffice, to be enough.

6. To Defend or ward off.

7. To be satisfied or to be contented.

Do we see ourselves as possessing all of those things that contentment makes up? Most of those who read this blog are in their 20s and 30s; therefore, we all have heard a thing or two about contentment. However, because of the pressures placed on us from expectations of others, we at times have gotten out of our place of contentment and tried to meet those expectations for ourselves; instead of waiting on the promises of God.

But God wants us to get back into that place of contentment looking to him because he is enough. Normally, when we give up a vice, there is a void left. There is an in contentment, a feeling of what do I do now?

Some of us attempt to seek God, and if there is no answer right away we like the fool return to our vomit.

“As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (Proverbs 26:11)”

Everyone at some point in their lives has played the fool, so don’t feel bad if this is you. Just don’t continue to play the fool. Know your worth. Know that you are worthy of more than vomit and mess.

One night after I had given up a vice, I had those feelings of what next, emptiness, and needing to be replenished. For clarity I will share my vice. My vice was talking to a gentlemen who was not good, nor right for me and I knew it all along, but held on because he met a few emotional needs. Even though my vice was not what most would consider sin, it could have easily led to sin.

I could not wait to seek the Lord the next day after work. I prayed to the Lord and God was silent. I believe in keeping it very real, so I told the Lord this is not the time to be hiding yourself with intentions on upping my Jesus-stalking tendencies LOL.

I had an expectation of the Lord. I had made a choice to be obedient and give up what did not please God for his presence knowing that God is a watcher of his word to perform it, and that his word says that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek after him, and that if I drew near to him that he would draw near to me (Hebrews 11:6, James 4:8).

When it came time to go to bed, God begin to minister to me. He told me that he was enough as I began to weep in his presence. He bought up Moses again reminding me that he was up on that mountain alone w/the exception of Joshua in the distance, and how sometimes when we are in that place of intimacy with God people don’t understand it, and it can sometimes be a lonely place, but in that place that can sometimes be lonely God is there, and he is enough. He is enough to fulfill us, to make us whole, and complete to the point where we are lacking nothing.

We have to remember that God is on our side. He has given us the Holy Spirit to comfort us. One morning, I woke up and I heard the Lord speaking into my spirit clearly saying that you are whole and complete in Christ. God wants to remind us that we lack nothing in him. Single, married, divorced, or whatever the case may be we have more than we will ever need through Christ. If we could only see the way that God sees (Meditate on that).

God is bursting at the seems to surpass our needs and the things that we ask of him, but our faith has to be there. God patiently waits for us to come up to where he sees us reaching and when we get there it’s like yes their ready for what I have had for them all along. So, don’t be distracted by the things that you think you need right now. Entrust everything that you feel you need to Christ as he leads you to grow in trust and faith towards him even more. He wants to provide for you manna from heaven in your wilderness seasons to reveal to you who he is. God is a real God of intimacy with his people and that is what he desires with us. That is what I believe is part of the reason why God instructed Moses, when he rained manna down from heaven, for the people not to gather too much. God warned that the people who gathered too much manna would have rotten manna the next day, but the people who gathered just enough manna would have more than enough (Exodus 16:4, 16:17-18).

The people who gathered just enough manna we’re the people who trusted God to show up every day meeting their consistent need because God was enough.

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Last night, I stayed up until 1 o’clock in the morning watching a movie about Esther that I had not seen before. I noticed how in this particular movie she was single for a long period of time, and she even asked the question saying, “At my age doesn’t it seem like I should be married by now?” She went through the same struggles that women go through today.

However, I also noticed that she kept focused on being pure before God. She prayed to God on a regular basis was humble enough to listen to her teachers, and walk all the way into her destiny as the King’s wife fulfilling her purpose to save her people.

Before I got home yesterday, I had gone to the beauty school to get a pedicure, and the lady who serviced me was a born-again believer. She was slightly older than me, but she greatly encouraged me giving me sound advice.

She shared with me how she waited on the Lord until she was 32 when God gave her the husband that he had for her. She was not perfect during her wait nor did she always make the best decisions, but she was willing to share a few things with me such as:

She asked me the question have you been prophesied to about your husband or has God spoken to you about your husband? I shared with her yes, and the specific instances where God dealt with me directly, and also how he used others to encourage and prophesy to me concerning my husband.

• She said to stand on that word. She said not to listen to people who say that there has to be something wrong with you to have to wait on the Lord for so long. He does things in his own timing, and according to his will and his will is what you want.
  
• She said when men come along that God shows you are not the one then leave them alone.

What she shared may not seem like that much to some, but it was enough to encourage me to continue on trusting in the Lord and to know that he is faithful to bring his promises to pass because he bought it to pass in her life.

So many times the devil would tempt single Christians to think that there is no one out there for them unless they lower their standards. That is why it is so important to see examples of women who have waited on God and have been blessed.

When Job was under attack by Satan, he was tempted to believe that it is a vain thing to live for God because here Job was living for God, and his family dies, he loses his riches, his body is full of boils and illness. His friends are prophesying to him that he must have done something wrong or sinned against God in some way. Job is tempted to question God, but yet he has no right to question God who is much greater than him, who formed the earth and so forth.

The sum of the matter was that God had bragged on Job knowing that he had given Job all that he needed to overcome any situation. He also knew that Job was a faithful man who truly loved him and whether Job had a lot or a little bit he would still give God all the praise and glory. Even through all of the heartache that Job went through he was still able to be content in that situation.

One night a couple years ago, I was laying in the bed at night and I asked God why did you do this to me? Meaning, why did you call me to be single for so long? God responded back to me because he could trust me with it. During that time, God had put on my heart to read Job and I did.

Just as Job was a man of God who was faithful, yet had other believers, who we’re his friends telling him he did something wrong to be in the condition he was; Similarly, there are other ignorant brothers and sisters in Christ discouraging singles telling them they must have did something wrong such as worshiping the  idea of marriage instead of God, but with many that is not the case at all. God knew that he could trust certain singles to be single for long periods of time to concentrate wholeheartedly on his will and his work and like Job came out double-blessed so will we.

As single Christian women, it is important who we listen to. Are we going to listen to what God is saying about our situation or other people who don’t really understand. It is so very important to have examples of women who have gone before, who have waited on the Lord, been strengthened by God, and overcame all the way to their promise of the godly spouse that God has for them.

If more women we’re transparent, their would be less gullible women believing the lies that ungodly men tell them in order to use and abuse them. They would not believe the lie that says that it is impossible to wait on the Lord and to have a godly relationship. They would not believe the lie of the enemy that says following the standards of God’s word is too high, and in order to get a spouse a woman would have to compromise. Women believe these things because these are the only things they see, and know.

There has to be older women to show them different, women who are not afraid to be transparent. Even if an older woman feels that her contribution is small. That small contribution may be the very thing that saves a young woman’s life.

Recently, I was excited to hear that an older woman who has been an example in my life, after waiting years for a godly husband, and spending her time doing the work of the ministry, has been blessed with a godly gentlemen to whom she has become engaged. I am talking about Pastor Kimberly Ray.

She recently wrote a book called Spiritual intervention, and she has a whole chapter dedicated to singles. She shares important points saying:

“Proverbs 31:25 – Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come. Those are the very attributes the enemy wants to steal from single women.”

I thought about it and said she’s right. Those things that keep us strong are the very things that the enemy wants to steal from us. He wants us to faint in well doing, so that in due season we will not reap because we fainted.

Pastor Kim also shared in her book saying, “For those who desire to marry and are wondering when God will bring them a mate, please know this: God loves you, and He made a man of God for you who will not play games with your emotions. He will honor, love, and respect you. Don’t Settle.”

I am very encouraged by her example and God’s faithfulness in her life. If you would like a copy of her book please visit the following link: http://www.pastorkimberlyray.com/

Last but not least, I came across an article written by Essence magazine regarding a 32 year old woman who waited on the Lord for a spouse, and according to the article, God shared with her that she would meet her husband last year. She met him at a Christian function they talked and emailed for a while then they began to date. After approximately 6 months they we’re engaged. To read the full story visit the following link: http://www.essence.com/2014/04/23/just-engaged-have-faith-love

The examples of the four ladies in this blog: Esther, the woman at the beauty school, Pastor Kimberly Ray, and the couple in Essence magazine are all there by God to build our faith.

I pray that all who read this blog are encouraged, and that God would place godly examples before you to build your faith so that you can walk confidently into his will and plan for your life.

Part II

Continuing from our last blog regarding vices and intimacy with God:

5.) Make up your mind to suffer with God’s people. The Bible says that God will not allow us to be tempted above what we are able to bear, but will with the temptation make a way to escape, but we have to make a choice to do some suffering that may be required. As much as we hate to hear as believers, we are still called to deny ourselves, place our flesh under subjection, to suffer with Christ in order to reign with Christ, and yes suffering is a fruit of the spirit that is necessary because of this unsaved flesh that we walk in everyday.

One evening after a rough night of suffering with this flesh, God reminded me of Hebrews 11:25-27 where it says that Moses, by faith chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.

Thayer’s Greek Lexicon dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to be ill treated in company with or to share persecutions or come into a fellowship of ills.

Strong’s Greek Dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to endure persecution together.

Why is this important? It’s important because when people suffer or deny themselves together, they draw strength from one another until deliverance comes. We have the promise of deliverance from God as believers because his word says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth us out of them all (Psalms 34:19). While we are waiting on deliverance, we can grow strong together. Even though we face temptations and urges we gain strength when we see our brother or our sister standing.

A vice has the ability to cause a person to believe they are something that they are not.

Moses for a long time believed he was an Egyptian, which he was not. When Moses realized that being an Egyptian had been able to meet his needs for a season, but it wasn’t who he was nor what God had for him, he had a choice to make. Would he give in to the temptations of Egypt and allow Egypt to become a vice for him meeting his needs temporarily, yet not being what God has for him or would he walk by faith and see what God had purposed for him since the beginning. We see that Moses made the right choice.

One day he found out that he had been set apart for the Lord at birth with a purpose by God to be used as a deliverer to his people, and he made up in his mind to suffer.

He made up in his mind to suffer with the children of God until deliverance came, and deliverance came in a big and sure way.

I want to encourage everyone dealing with a vice to make up in your mind not to define yourself by that vice. That vice is not you. You are not a glutton, alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict, pre-marital sex or adultery addict. You are called by God with a purpose from birth so others can be delivered and set free. So, make up in your mind to suffer with other believers in Christ until deliverance comes.

Everyone has their own cross to bear. When you find out what your cross is, you have to pick that cross up and start bearing it. It’s not going to be easy, and that’s OK. When it gets hard we have to look at Jesus Christ and how he beared his cross to the point of blood (Hebrews 12:2). I’m sure it was hard for Jesus to be beat, spit on, talked about, and have his flesh ripped through, but no matter what happened he went right back to that cross because he had his mind made up to suffer for our freedom.

6.) Trust in the Lord as you let go of the vice. I would imagine that Moses had to trust God in that choice. At least as an Egyptian, he knew where his needs would come from. He knew he had a roof over his head, the finest clothes, plenty of food, and his choice of nearly any woman as a son of the Pharoah, but he gave it all up. That takes trust and faith to give up what you can see for what you cannot see. When he trusted God, it all turned out well for him. He found a wife, had children, had food raiment, and a new family to enjoy. He completed his purpose in God and was a great example to many generations. All that he knew all of his life as an Egyptian, and thought he needed all of his life, he did not really need at all. When he let go of his vice he found a much more fulfilling life. Don’t be afraid to let go of anything or any relationship that God is telling you to let go of. You can trust God to take care of you and all that you need. He is trustworthy. We can put our trust in God and know that He’s got us.

7.) Lastly, Strengthen your intimacy with God. What did Moses do when he found out that he was not an Egyptian? He strengthened his intimacy with God. Often times, intimacy or close fellowship with God is emphasized more so among women, but Moses was a man who began to have an intimate relationship with God. If you read back in the old testament, it shows how Moses met with God on a regular basis on that mountain. He talked with God all the time, and asked to see more of God. He was a person who had close fellowship with God. (Hint to the brothers. It’s ok to go crazy over God as a man. It’s not feminine nor does it take away from your masculinity, but it is necessary.)

People who do not maintain a close relationship with God get caught up in sin and vices more often than those who do maintain a close relationship with God. That’s why when Moses was up on the mountain after the children of Israel had come out of Egypt into the wilderness the people began to sin and worship idols partaking in all sorts of displeasing things because they should have been up on that mountain worshiping and getting to know God also, but they left it up to the pastor or leader. It’s not just for pastors and leaders to have an intimate relationship with God. It’s for everyone to have an intimate relationship with God.

We have to be careful that we don’t get so busy or so distracted that we prioritize everything else over our intimate relationship with God because it opens the door to so many things that can be avoided. Let’s not ignore the vices that have come into our lives, but deal with them starting with drawing closer to God.

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Part I

Vices are temporary pleasures that people hold on to in order to fill a void. Normally, vices lead to bondage or cause individuals to form unhealthy habits or addictions.

Examples of vices include:

• Gluttony
• Pornography
• Alcoholism
• Unhealthy Relationships
• Drugs
• Masturbation

As Christians we are not exempt from dealing with vices. Often vices are based around legitimate needs that are being fulfilled in an illegitimate manner if we look at our vices through the lens of God’s Word.

For example: It’s OK to eat food because you are hungry and need food to live, but to abuse your body and gorge on food because food has become a vice in your life is not good.

The question is how does a person who realizes that he has become addicted to a vice become free, and stay free?

I will share a few things that I have learned as it relates to dealing with vices.

1.) Deliverance from a vice may happen right away for some people, and it may be a process for others. Whatever the case may be to get free from the vice, you have to be determined to stick it out doing whatever is necessary to be delivered. Until a person gets to the point of being willing to do whatever it takes to be free, they will not be free. It isn’t going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

2.) Depending on how drastic the vice is, it may require drastic measures to be free from it such as fasting and prayer. (Matthew 17:21i) There is a spirit attached to every vice, and sometimes God will lead you to go on a specific fast in order for you to be in a place of preparation for God to come in and break the yoke. (Isaiah 58:6ii)

When you fast you are denying yourself and putting your body back under subjection where it belongs (1 Corinthians 9:27iii). You are also growing your desire for intimacy toward God placing yourself in a position to receive from him. God promises through his word that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled. You have to prepare yourself to desire God and his way of doing things, it doesn’t come naturally to our flesh because our flesh is against God (Romans 8). God will then come in and give you strength. You may need to complete several fasts before you get free. The flesh is a beast, and it doesn’t do you any good to get instantly free from your vice when you haven’t prepared yourself to want to stay free. You have to want closeness with God more than you want that vice, and often fasting and consistent prayer is how you get that.

3.) Feed your Hunger for God: You have already begun feeding your hunger for God through fasting and prayer. As previously stated, the Bible says that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled. (Matthew 5:6) You want to be filled with good things. Things that please God. It is essential to replace negative habits with good habits. There are specific passages of scripture that address what happens to a person who has been delivered from demonic oppression. The sum of the scriptures basically states that when an unclean spirit leaves a man, it goes through dry places seeking rest and finds none. So, it comes back to the same person finding that person void, or empty. It then brings seven more spirits worse than itself and the last state of that man is worse than the first. (Luke 11:24-26)

There are spirits attached to every vice that make it harder for a person to become free from a particular vice. Once a person seeks to become free from a vice, he has to fill himself up on the things of God. Things that build his faith in God and not toward the vice for example, the Word of God, Prayer, Sound teaching, and worship. If a person walks around empty as if they don’t need to get into the Word of God, fellowship with other believers, or prayer, it will be easy for that person to become overtaken with the vice again in a much worse way.

When I am tempted to give into a vice. I remind myself that the reward for walking in holiness and obedience is intimacy or close fellowship with God.

Psalms 15 talks about who gets the privilege of hanging out with the Lord by saying:

“Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart…”(Psalms 15:1-2).

In sum the scripture goes on to say that those who practice walking in holiness and righteousness are those that get to hang out with God. They are the ones that get to see God at work operating and actually notice it because they have learned to be sensitive to the Spirit of God and not to grieve the Spirit of God. Psalms 24:3-5 continues in the same vein:

“Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” Psalms 24:3-5

Finally, Isaiah talks about how sin separates us from God.  But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. (Isaiah 59:2)

4.) Realize that God’s desire is to help you to remain free, but you have to exercise your will toward integrity:

There is a story in Genesis 20 that tells how Abraham lied to a king named Ambimelech about Sarah, his wife, saying that she was his sister. The Bible says that he did so because he was afraid that King Ambimelech would kill him and take his wife as his own due to her being so beautiful.

King Ambimelech, then took Sarah into his house as to make her a concubine, but before Ambimelech could touch Sarah, God gave him a dream. In the dream, God warned King Ambimelech that if he touched Sarah he would be a dead man as well as others connected to him because Sarah is a married woman.

Ambimelech’s response to God in the dream was, “would you slay a righteous nation?” He went on to say how he was deceived by Abraham and Sarah and how he bought Sarah into his home based on the “integrity of his heart and the innocency of his hands.”

God responded to Ambimelech saying, “Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her. (Genesis 20:6, KJV)

As we can see from the above story, God says specifically that he kept the king from sinning. The king’s heart was already toward the Lord to do right. The king did right all he knew, and God made up for what he did not know.

God is always looking out to help us to obey him. He is a good God who understands that we are just men and women (Psalms 103:14iv). God delivered King Ambimelech out of a temptation that he did not even realize he was in. God promises to make a way for us out of temptation. He is on our side and committed to our success to be free from anything that would attempt to interrupt our relationship with him.

There are 3 more important points to share on the topic of vices coming up in part II of this very same blog. Stay tuned for part II very soon!

i But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting. Matthew 17:21 (NIV)

ii Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6 (KJV)

iii But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV)

iv For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalms 103:14 (KJV)

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