I have a friend who is in his late 80s. He is an African-American man. He is old enough to have grown up through the Jim Crow laws and the “separate, but equal days.” He made a statement regarding my best friend and I. My best friend is light-skinned and I am darker skinned. He compared the two stating that one was better than the other.

He shared how he used to feel bad about his complexion. He is brown skinned. He asked the question if we could be White, my friend and I, would we. We both told him no. We felt bad for him because he had been indoctrinated with the ideal that he was less than because of the texture of his hair, skin color, and size of his lips and nose.

I shared how I loved my skin, and how at one point in my life as a child I wanted to be darker. It was when I was really young. I remembered watching a Ms. Universe pageant where they had a really beautiful girl who was very dark-skinned much darker than me. She was so beautiful to me that I wanted to look like her.

At that point, I shared how the self-hate that my friend had adopted is a learned behavior to compare one color to the next and put one or the other down. That isn’t the way it is unless we believe it. When we believe it we add power to it. He sort of paused at that and took it in.

It was fascinating to him the unity that I and my best friend had before him. This is a common strand of self hate and inferiority that has been through out African American culture for decades and sadly still causes shame and hurt among many who are ignorant of their own worth as well as the worth of their brothers and sisters.

It is a person who is amazingly insecure who can ascribe her own worth off of being light skinned and a person who is insecure who can ascribe her lack of worth off of being dark skinned alone. Surely we have more to offer as a people besides our skin tone which is beautiful I must say. The dark, the light, the brown, and all of the in betweens.

I am a little partial as I should be in the vein of loving myself toward my color of skin seeing how dark is the skin that I am in. I love my skin. I love how it changes colors in different light. It looks amazing to me, but I also can appreciate the beauty in all colors. I love the richness of the darkest darks, and the beautiful tents of lighter also. We as a people are a rainbow of beauty who’s culture is emulated by many.

What do you love about our culture?

There is a type of love that goes far beyond what we may be used to. This type of love simply loves for no reason.  I came across a prayer in the journal that I keep to pray for my husband and various love interests. In the journal, I had prayed that my husband and I’s hearts would be knit together like Jonathan and David’s.
And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1 (KJV)
I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. 2 Samuel 1:26 (NIV)This love was a God ordained love. It met the specific need for the specific time and season David was in for his life. It was a godly soul-tie or union between two individuals.

David was in a new place that was unfamiliar.  He had been living in the King’s house as one of his sons.   However the King quickly became an enemy becoming jealous of David and seeking to kill him. I am quite sure that made David uncomfortable, but David had gained a brother and friendly companion in Jonathan. The friendship of Jonathan assisted in saving David’s life. Without that God ordained soul-tie. David may have died early never experiencing his full potential.

This type of love and connection comes only from God. I believe that the only reason why David and Jonathan’s love was more wonderful than that of the love of women is because God put them together. Other than God putting them together, what explanation could be given for two brothers immediately having a connection as though they were raised in the same house? There was no reason to justify such loyalty out of the blue.

If God could provide what David needed in the form of a non-romantic friendly relationship; how much more could God do the same for those who desire a romantic relationship? Often when we seek out a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, it isn’t because God has orchestrated it.

The romantic relationship is often the one that we leave God out of as if we don’t trust him with this part of us. It’s as if we think that God could not meet the need properly in this area. However, when we give up our way, to trust in God; we will find that what God provides is far better than what we are used to or even expected.

Let’s take note what God appointed relationships look like again through Jonathan and David’s friendship. God’s love comes at just the right time when we need it most. God’s love loves us for no reason at all or just because. Meaning, we don’t have to work for it. It is loyal, dedicated, and committed even beyond what may appear normal. For example, Jonathan loved David so that, it appeared as though he betrayed his father for helping David. He was loyal beyond what appeared normal.

God’s love is a healthy soul tie or bond that will bring encouragement and joy instead of pain, grief, and heartache. We all have had that friend like Jonathan and David that showed up at just the right time like a brother or a sister. If God can provide for us in the area of godly friendships than; Let’s trust God to also provide for us godly spouses.

If you are like me, maybe you remember your parents watching Charleton Heston in the original depiction of Ben Hur, and perhaps you did not understand what it was. I remember during the 80s watching Ben Hur with the parents not having any idea. It was written off in my mind as just another Jesus film. That’s what we called the religious pictures that depicted the life of Jesus. Of course, now that I am older, I realize that Ben Hur is so much more.

The newest release of Ben Hur came out in theaters on Friday, August 19th. The film is an adaptation of a book written by a man named Lewis Wallace. Sources state that Wallace began to study about Christ with an indifferent attitude toward the understanding of Christ’s divinity. In an attempt to disprove Christ, Wallace studied about him, and became more and more convinced that Christ was and is who he says he is.

He was stirred to write the story Ben Hur. Ben Hur was later produced into a major motion picture starring Charlton Heston in 1959. Today, the movie makes a comeback with a very powerful message that tells the story of two brothers. One of the brothers is a Jew, and the other a Roman soldier. Both brothers struggle to a degree to find their places in the Roman empire. One of the brothers is falsely accused and taken to be a slave. He wonders what has become of his wife, sister, and mother that were left behind.

Without giving the whole movie away. The movie covers themes in the Christian life such as suffering even while having done nothing wrong, the power of forgiveness and reconciliation. The movie is set during the time of Christ. Thus, pictures of the suffering of Christ are shown in the film paralleling just how needful the work of Christ is in our own personal walks with the Lord. There is even a love story interwoven between the film. The film offers so much that it is too much to tell. It would be better to just watch the film. When this film comes out on video, I will definitely be purchasing it. It is not your average religious film. You will have to just see it for yourself!

Sound means the proper, appropriate, whole, right, and  correct way of thinking. To have a sound mind, means to have the proper dissemination of information which results in a right perspective. We know that the Word of God is sound and anything that does not fall in line with that is unsound point blank period. Satan loves to attack our sound mind with a spirit of fear painting pictures that appear true, but aren’t. This is why exercising our God-given sound mind is so important.

God promises us three things that he has given us to combat the spirit of fear. These three things are power, love, and asound mind. God has given us the power and the will to make the right decisions, to love, and have a sound mind. Yet, many of us do not maintain soundness of mind in our daily walks, but we allow our imagination to run to and fro flirting with whatever ideas we feel represent the moment that we are in.

If we are discouraged we disseminate the message of defeat to ourselves. If we are upbeat, we disseminate the message of victory to ourselves. If we are angry, we disseminate the message of revenge, bitterness, or hate.
Tweet: Our soundness of mind should not hinge upon how we feel in the moment.Our soundness of mind should not hinge upon the negative experience that disappointed us. Our soundness of mind should hinge upon us disciplining ourselves to lay hold of God’s promise that a sound mind is ours for the taking, and we should take full advantage of it.

Ways to take full advantage of a sound mind:
We take full advantage of a sound mind by meditating on God’s word so that we can discern between what is sound and what is unsound. Once, we begin to learn the word of God we will have a foundation enough to be able to recognize unsound thoughts.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5

Ever been in an argument with yourself?
In your mind after a break up or a drought of interaction with a godly person of the opposite sex, you may think negative thoughts about yourself.

• You may tell yourself you aren’t good enough.
• You are too much no one will want you.
• You will never reach what God has for you.

These are all unsound arguments that produce an unsound mind which is contrary to what God has given us. So, why live beneath your means?

Unsound thoughts will need to be countered with the Word of God. For every lie that comes to your mind, you will have to meditate on and speak out of your mouth what God’s word says about who you are.
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. Revelations 12:11 (KJV)It is so important to allow our tongues to line up with the Word of God. This is how we overcome enemy through the blood of Jesus and our words that we speak out of our mouths.

Let’s try it:
I am not good enough becomes: I am more than good enough because I don’t depend on my own ability, but on Christ, and he says I have more than what it takes to make it. I am more than a conqueror though Christ Jesus who loves me. I am a king or a queen because the Bible says that I am royal, and that my lineage is that of a royal lineage (2 Peter 2:9). Furthermore, I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength so yes I am good enough. I am going to cast every care on the Lord because he cares for me. He wants me to have to right outlook of myself, so that I can be bold in what he has called me to do.

Even if you don’t feel like it is true for the moment that you are in, speak it anyway. Declare it over your life anyway. Think upon God’s word anyway, and your faith will be built up to believe what God says about you.

Let’s not live beneath our means speaking, or meditating on things that show us as below what God’s word says we are. We have to intentionally lay hold to the promise of God’s word in every area of our lives especially our minds. A sound mind is necessary and needful to do all that God has called us to do, and thus we have to claim it and walk in it through God’s word.

A prayer for my younger brothers and sisters in Christ is that they would not be afraid to walk through certain things—things such as trials, temptations, and tribulations that are uncomfortable and we don’t know how things will turn out. Why? Because these things make us. They make us into who we ought to be. I feel like sometimes the spirit of fear can disguise itself in over preparation as if the over preparation will cause one to avoid going through anything at all, but Biblically, it is good for us to go through certain things.

 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:3-4

Going through certain things is how we become made.

We have to know that although we may have to walk through some very low valleys that the Lord is with us and that his rod and staff of provision, direction, and protection will comfort us. We have to know that in the face of attack from our enemies that God will prepare a table for us to be satisfied, whole, and complete. Why? Because God is enough.

Apostle Paul asked the Ephesian church to pray for him that he would be bold in preaching the gospel. In order for Paul to be bold in preaching the gospel, he had to go through some things, which he indeed did. It is through the practice of putting on the whole armour of God in Ephesians 6 that he was able to stand through out the things that he went through. That is what made him into such a bold and passionate preacher and Apostle of God’s word. He had been tested and tried and came out as pure gold or better. (Job 23:10)

We will like Apostle Paul come out better, firm, and assured also when we learn how to go through depending on God and the weaponry that he has given us to fight with. When you miss your bible reading time, pull up the Bible app and plug it into your car to listen while driving to work or school. You will need to get the word of God in you anyway that you can in order to be comforted as you overcome through Jesus Christ.

While there are some things that we can avoid going through because of our obedience to God; There are also some things that God will require us to go through to make us into who he has called us to be. Even Jesus was led of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.

Surely, we the servants of Christ are not greater than our Lord in this.Recommended for you

Have You Ever Been Invited to a Meeting With The Lord?
Maybe a more familiar way to put this would be a visitation with the Lord. That’s what I believe the old school called it. This is when God pricks your heart to let you know that he wants to meet with you for whatever reason is on his heart.

Jacob is one of the first examples that comes to mind when I think about meeting with the Lord. God met with Jacob giving him a dream showing him what he was to do with him, and that he was to be with him in the process (Read Genesis 28:10-20.)

Jacob made a memorial to the Lord, and his confidence in God was strengthened. Often God uses a dream at night to speak with or visit his people when we are really busy, and unbeknownst to his voice.
Indeed God speaks once,
         Or twice, yet no one notices it. “In a dream, a vision of the night,
         When sound sleep falls on men,
         While they slumber in their beds,

Then He opens the ears of men,
         And seals their instruction,
That He may turn man aside from his conduct,
         And keep man from pride; Job 33:14
There are other times where God will speak with us while we are wide awake. There are many in the Bible who met with the Lord: Moses, David, Esther, and Abraham. Seeking the Lord and walking with the Lord seemed to be something that was passed down throughout the generations. It is also something that needs to continually be passed down throughout the body of Christ.

It is not hard, but a matter of cultivating a heart toward the Lord. The more time that we spend around the Lord intentionally seeking him, the more we will be able to recognize his voice, and patterns of doing things. Similar to the family and friends that we hang around the most, we learn to recognize their voices more and patterns for doing things.

Those that are used to walking close with the Lord may have recently noticed a shift. The shift feels like it is not as easy for the presence of the Lord and Spirit of God to take up in our prayers as we go before the Lord.

This is an indicator for us to set ourselves to seek the Lord. In seeking the Lord we will be prepared to go higher and deeper in him.
Our hunger and thirst for intimacy with God will not allow us to be satisfied with just checking off a box that says I prayed, and read my word today. We will only be satisfied when we encounter the Lord intimately.
Psalms 27:8-9 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
Being face to face with a person is significant of intimacy with that person. Normally, we aren’t staring into the eyes of a stranger, but someone that we know intimately. David in the above chapter took God’s hiding of his face as an invitation to set himself to seek the Lord, and as believers we should do the same. It was also David’s heart to seek the Lord as exclaimed in verse 4:
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple. Psalms 27:4

How does one set themselves to seek the Lord?
The best way that I can describe it is a clearing of the table. Meaning the first and highest priority is the Lord. Therefore we clear our schedules. We clear our heart of clutter asking God to cleanse our heart and direct it toward him. We Pray in the Spirit. Those that pray in an unknown tongue pray unto God (1 Corinthians 14:2). Be ready to memorialize what God shows us like Jacob did. Jacob built an altar. As believers we write things down to remember it. Get your journal out and write what God gives you.

We bring our mind and focus completely into Christ allowing God to place whatever he wants on the table whether passion for a new thing, wisdom and direction concerning something on his heart that he wants us to carry out. Whatever it is, we have to clear our table to eat, drink, and fellowship with the Lord.

Fasting is a part of clearing the table to meet with the Lord. Don’t be surprised when God calls you to meet with him, and all of a sudden, you are contacted by several others inviting you into other meetings and events. We should recognize the other invitations as distractions, and deal with them accordingly so that we can get all that Christ has for us.

Recently, I had felt the tug to set myself aside to meet with the Lord. I did not know what it was about, but I had a one track mind that a particular couple of days of last week were to be set aside to meet with the Lord. I re-arranged my schedule so that my blogging stuff was done, and my morning, lunch, and evening time was spent in prayer. I prayed in the Spirit, and got quiet as God began to deal with me about some things concerning my heart. I wrote them down and pondered everything. The point is God still has a desire to meet with us his people, and if we will willingly cultivate our hearts toward the Lord as we walk with him; we will be able to recognize it and meet with the Lord.

Shifting Our Perspectives

Below are some additional things that will assist in shifting our perspective when situations occur that tempt us to compare ourselves to our sisters and brothers who become blessed before us, and they previously lived a ratchet life.

Have a realistic evaluation of your own righteousness – Our righteousness comes from God.
Just because we may have practiced abstinence for a long time or gone without romantic love for a long time to continue in our pursuit of Christ above being in a relationship doesn’t mean that we are entitled to control when, or how God decides to bless us. It also does not place us above our neighbors. If we have a realistic evaluation of our own righteousness, we will be humble enough to know that it has been the grace of God that has produced the righteousness that we walk in—in our lives. Thus, it should produce a spirit of thankfulness within us instead of anger, and bitterness. This will enable us to receive what God has for us when he is ready to reward us for our obedience.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6
Don’t allow the enemy to deceive you out of your inheritance by being lifted up in pride and raising yourself above someone else that you’ve compared yourself to. Don’t fall into the trap. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted. Keep your mind set on God’s perspective.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Thus, having a reasonable evaluation of myself and my own righteousness, I do not expect God’s promise to me to be based off of my own righteousness because my righteousness alone is not enough. I expect God’s promise to me to be based off of God’s character in keeping his word.

Place yourself in the other person’s position, and thank God for them coming to the realization of who God is.
The prodigal son story starts out speaking of how the younger brother is the one who took his inheritance prematurely, which means that he was not yet mature. He was lacking in some way. Often, when a person is immature and refuses to humble themselves and listen to the correct way of doing things, that person has to go through some changes. That person often has to hit rock bottom in order to come to a realization of who God is. If you were at rock bottom, would you want someone to pick you up and offer you a chance at life? Yes, I think so. We ought to do the same for our brothers and sisters. We ought to place ourselves in their position to have compassion as the father did. God’s got us. If we truly believe that God is faithful as he is, we ought to be able to take the attention off of ourselves enough to celebrate and love our brothers and sisters.

Finally, if God has entrusted you to be mature, and to be an example among your peers and others; it is an honor for you. It means that God thinks highly of you in that he trusts you to do so. Man your station in which God has given you in life.Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 2 Corinthians 7:20
There are those who have been called to endure certain situations simply so that God would get the glory not because they have done something wrong.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:1-3
So, no. You don’t have to follow in the prodigals footsteps to be blessed. Abide in your calling, and allow God to use you to display what he can do. The blind man was blind from birth. That was all that he was known as which was a blind man for years, but God in an instant changed his situation for his glory. That is what God will do for those of us who remain faithful to God and steadfast not allowing bitterness, anger, or competition to rob us of what God has for us.

Beware of unnecessary distractions as the Lord promotes. I have to remind myself as I have just recently released a book not to take my focus off of God’s assignment for me. Over-busy schedules, and unfounded judgments from others are two of the major things that Satan uses to distract us from what we are to focus on as God promotes us.

I learned from an older woman early on not to just take on every engagement offered to me, but to let a person know that I will get back to them and let them know after I have prayed and thought about it. Why? Because every engagement may not be conducive for what God is doing in that moment of my life. This does not mean that God will give me a yay and nay for every engagement. It just means that I will consider some things first.

For example, Is my schedule already flowing at a healthy pace where I have ample time to seek the Lord, remain faithful to my assignments, and still get enough rest to maintain who I am. If that is a no, then I know not to take on anymore engagements until the priority of my personal health and wholeness in Christ and my own personal life is secure.

God is not calling us to over do it, but to remain balanced in him as we go up higher. It is easy for people being promoted into their destinies to become overwhelmed seeking the favor of people instead of counting up the cost, and seeking to remain in tune with God’s specific assignment over their lives.

The more that we are promoted, the more responsibility that we have to give an account for, and it would be wise to count the cost in order to complete the assignment that God has given us. Sometimes, that will mean saying no to the agendas of others around us, and that is okay.

28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

Another way that Satan distracts our focus from Christ is to place our focus on people in a manner where we feel as though we have to defend ourselves. The reality is that some people will always have something negative to say. Everything great will have opposition, we have to simply realize that and keep our focus set.

We have to be mature enough in those situations to continue to walk in love and be led by the Spirit. The below scriptures are helpful in situations where we may be tempted to defend ourselves:

A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:24 (NLT)”

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? 14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, 15 but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. 1 Peter 3:8-17 (ESV)”

Recently, I watched the taping of the interview that Devon Franklin and his wife Meagan Good did with Toure’ Roberts for Valentine ’s Day. During the interview, there was a question and answer session. A woman skated around the issue of when Meagan Good had worn a dress to the Soul Train Awards show that revealed large parts of her breast.
Finally, the woman spoke with such condescending judgement and strife that even if what she was trying to say was right, it would not be well received. Her words went something like this: I was in the store and I saw a magazine cover where your breast were out, and I just think that what we say should match up with what we do, and therefore, “You are going to cover up next time right?”

The audience became upset and Devon quickly came to his wife’s defense saying, “That she is going to wear whatever she wants to wear.” Meagan was clearly hurt, and shed a few tears, but the conversation eventually moved on.

Three things:
There is a way to communicate our convictions in a non-condescending and a non-judgmental way. It should always be done in love.

We are at different levels of maturity and grace in God, which means where one person is in their convictions it may be totally different than another person’s and that person still deserves mutual grace, love, and respect even if we disagree.

Thirdly, we are not to take the place of the Holy-Spirit, who convicts men of sin and wrong doing. God doesn’t even force men to obey him. He places on our hearts his word and gives us a choice to obey or disobey. If God does not seek to control us then we ought not seek to control one another, but to submit those things to God in prayer that we are tempted to control another on.

The above can be a hard lesson which takes discipline, but it can be done.

See the video below:

Last week we talked about an older man in his 80s who struggled with self-hate for years growing up under segregation, and how he carried the ideas of self-hate even after integration began to take place. I asked an older woman who is 75 years old for her response to the older gentleman, and how the ideas of self-hate and racism affected her as a woman growing up.

She recalled the familiar poem that kids would chant about the skin tone that went something like if you are “light you are alright, brown stay around, and black get to the back.” She shared that for some time she did not notice a difference in color, but the older Afro-Americans did. According to my friend, the older adults had the ideal of inferiority ingrained into them. Once, her generation came up, she described that the way that she saw herself was contingent upon the support system that she had.

Her surrounding community was protective of how she saw herself. She told a brief story of how as a child she was coloring in a coloring book and decided to color a Black woman’s hair blonde. Her dad quickly corrected her sharing that blonde was not a natural hair color for an African-American woman, and that she needed to color the woman’s hair something different. He wanted to protect her from the idea that what was White or light was better, and what was darker or closer to Black was bad.

He did a good job along with her mother. The woman grew up to marry a man who was a Black militant brother similar to the Black Panthers of the 1960s and 1970s. She has told me a few stories about her hubby and his passion to promote his people. Clearly, she became surrounded by African-Americans who took pride in who they were and in their culture. She also mentioned a positive teacher of hers who would ingrain an attitude of unity among Afro-Americans instead of division regarding shade of skin tone. The teacher would say that Afro-Americans were a rainbow of beauty over and over again reminding the students to appreciate their worth.

Thankfully, all of these positive affects helped my older woman friend to see herself in a manner that was healthy for both her and others around her. One thing that I have learned in my dealings with some older Afro-Americans who still carry an inferiority complex due to their skin-tone is they may just need a little help from the younger generation to cause them to accept themselves.